Heya guys :) Im sorry you feel that way Mark, dont give up, your an awesome guy! I'v got some news i went to the hospital Wednesday for a review of when i was

I sorry Monsoon I dont remember your name...I just...I cant remember...I sorry...

Good results. Good. Let us know for sure. I hope its good. Ya. Good. Sorry. I'm having trouble expressing what I am meaning to say in words. I hope everything is good. -nods-

-starts rocking back and forth on the couch, shoveling popcorn in her mouth, staring off into space- Good...good..

*hugs Ian*That's great news Ian!

*cuddles Kitty*
I have to head home...

*huggles and care packages left on the table for everyone*

cant do this...cant watch...watch out erryone.. -gets up and throws things at the tv and unhooks the dvd player and throws it across the ward, then falls to the floor screaming and covering her ears with her eyes squeezed shut and rocks back and forth-

I sorry so sorry I think I scare people away...

*hugs kitty* you don't scare people away. lots of people from the UK are asleep, plus its friday night so some people might not be around. I'll be around for a little bit if you need to talk.

*hugs ian* i am so glad that the news is good!

*hugs crimson* you alright hun?

*hugs laura :)* how is you <3

hi heather! *hugs* i am extremely sick actually.. which sucks as i kind of wanted to celebrate the end of finals.. but i have a fever of 102... oh i almost forgot to say, good luck with your final on monday!! i hope it goes well. how r u tonight?

I okish. And thanks. Sorry youre ill :( feel better

I spies a felicia :)

I'm sorry...got really triggered by the movie A Beautiful Mind. I suggested my husband and I watch it together but I didn't think it was going to be that triggering. And by the time I realized it my husband was so into it that I couldn't turn it off and it triggered me even more.

-hugs laura and heather, if ok- sorry to hear that you are sick, laura, is there anything you can take? Non-asprin usually helps with my fevers when I get them.

sorry you got triggered =[

*hugs heather* glad that you are alright right now. I'm around if you need to talk.. on fb too.

*hugs kitty* i'm sorry the movie was triggering. Can you do anything for distraction, like watch a funny movie or something light? funny youtube videos? lol. or maybe just something relaxing?

It's not your fault...I get triggered fairly easily. I saw many symptoms of my biological mom in that movie even though I havent met her but from what I have heard about her and the way she reacted when I was a baby. And I know I have the illness as well and I want kids so bad but I don't know.

It frustrates me to no end. I can't control myself anymore. The girl has gotten stronger. But I can't go talk to my doctor until January 3rd because he is through the school as well and I can't afford to go to a doctor elsewhere I don't have health insurance. So I have to wait. I don't even know if I will be able to continue school or even work a job. I have mentioned it to my counselor but she won't give me an answer...she just says "Well I'm glad you didn't just give up right away". WTF. Why can't I get results? WHY?!? Its driving me insane!

Laura: I wish stuff like that would help me. I don't know. I don't get it. When I get triggered, it's REALLY hard for me to distract myself. I can't focus on anything long enough to get distracted. I lose sense of time and everything. Then the girl gets stronger and pulls me into dissociation. I can't even hear what my husband is saying when it happens I get that bad. I need help, I know. But it's infuriating because I can't just go to the hospital. I hate the united states so much because their prices for health care are ridiculous. And Obama's "solution" by making health insurance mandatory for everyone won't do any good - he didn't force companies to lower the prices to make it affordable to everyone. The reason people don't have health insurance in the first place is because they can't afford it, HELLO!

*huggles* im sorry you have to wait to talk to a doctor. You can get back into control. I really believe that, but it takes time and patience and a lot of work. Please keep talking to your counselor, if it is really affecting you, keep bringing it up, eventually she will have to address it. I know its a ways away, but please hang in there to talk to your doctor on Jan 3. Keep talking here too if it will help. I'm always around to listen :-)

Im here too :) for both of you :)

Ty. I just feel horrible because I feel I always bitch and complain but I can't help it. Then I don't know what to say to people to be helpful when others need help because I don't want to make myself into a hypocrite or anything. I don't know...I've been told that maybe I should apply for social security disability but I just don't know if I should, because I don't know if I can continue school while on disability and stuff. I hope I can last until the 3rd, I don't plan on dying but hell I don't plan on cutting, either, but still wake up in the mornings with new cuts. Least while I am dissociated I can still bandage them. But it kind of worries me because...what happens when I run out of bandages, and can't afford to go buy more? :S

And, I am always here to listen. To you guys, and to anyone. If all I can do is listen, I will. So if you ever need to talk, I don't care how I am doing, you can talk to me. xx

hmm.. yea i dont know about disability and school... you'd have to do some research i think. your not a hypocrite though. I mean we all struggle and know that some of our behaviors are bad, but talk against them anyway because we don't want others to hurt. I'm sorry that you SI while dissociated so much. I'd imagine that would be very frustrating. I'm sorry, i wish i had better advice right now :-/