*hugs everyone*

Hey guys.

*hugs claire* Hi! how r u?

I'm not doing too well right now, but I'll be okay. How are you?

I'm sorry you are feeling great.. You want to talk about anything?

I'm um.. well.. I'm not sure.. distracted at the moment with some uni work so okay, but it seems like every time I have a moment to myself things get pretty bad. Oh well i suppose, just trying to stay busy-ish.

It's just general crap really, nothing in particular. Just feeling really low.

It's good that you are staying distracted. I always find trying to keep busy can help.

*Hugs Claire* I'm sorry you are low :S Did you change your avartar? , I like it Pingu , Meep meep!

*Hugs Laura*Here if you need to talk , either of you :)

Yeah I did change it. I have a cuddly Pingu (exactly like the picture) who sits on my chair. Pingu is great.

*hugs claire* i like the new avatar too!

*hugs mark* thanks... I want to talk... i just, dont want to trigger anyone..
How are you doing?

Quite a lot since I was last on. Not a hench amount, but too much to catch up on since I'm half asleep at my laptop. I would like to say a couple of things though.

Mark, I know how that feels to be so worried about a much loved friend's state of mind, and I know how much it can take out of you, so I do hope she and you are both alright. *Hugs*

Also, I do hope your niece is OK RYUU. Do tell us if you hear anything. Only if you feel comfortable doing so though.

Hello, Matthew I think it is. I'm Lia :)

*Hugs everyone else* Sorry that's it, it's not that I hate the rest of you or anything, it's just been a long day (in a good way) and I'm pretty sleepy. Night all.

Oh, and Mark, it was nice to read you consider me a friend, I consider everyone here friends, but I didn't know how you all felt about me, whether I was really 'one of you' or not. :)

*offers hugs to everyone*

The stuff for my computer arrived on Friday ... the company overnight expressed it to us and my housemate did the work on Friday afternoon. We switched it on about 11am AEST. The CPU is now running about 31C - a couple of degrees cooler than the motherboard!! Okay I'll stop with the tech stuff, just really relieved that my baby (the computer) is okay.

Thanks to all of you who wished me well with the medical stuff. I get the results back this week. I have to make an appointment but the doc was sort of saying it could take a week for everything to be done. In the meantime I have to always have a jumper and a blanket ready - in the middle of spring/summer in north queensland Australia. I had a blanket over me yesterday and my housemate told me to take it off because I was boiling on my back so I carefully pulled in back from my legs and put his hand there and he immediately covered them back up. He just stared at me and told me my extremeties were freezing! Really hoping this is something "simple".

Pain management basically told me to f$ck off the other day telling me the pain in my shoulder caused by subluxing it was all in my head because I have a mental illness. I'm considering suing them to be honest. The guy was forcing my arm through positions that hurt and I was telling him that it hurt and he just kept telling me that it didn't and it was all in my head. Every time I stopped I couldn't even feel my fingers so he told me I was being stupid. I'm pretty sure that if I did to him what he was doing to me he'd be crying like a baby. F$cking prick.

Anyway, sorry about that. Hopefully my baby will continue to play nicely and I'll be about a bit more often. Sorry I've been a) self-centered and b) absent.

*shrinks and hides under a duvet before sneaking into the corner and hiding in a box*

*Hugs Kat* Hey how are you ? I've missed you :)

*Hugs Kahlia* That guy sounds horrible hurting your arm like that :( I will cross my fingers that you are okay and that you are not seriously sick *Crosses Fingers* YEY! that your "baby" is fixed :)

*Hugs Lia* You ARE my friend :)

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Claire*

I'm back at my flat from my parents , triggered a bit , A bit lonely in here , it's been so quiet in here this weekend , which is good if people are happy and feeling good :) I hope people are okay

*Hugs Mark* You can feel a little less lonely now :)

Hey Lia :) How are you? *Hugs*

I'm alright, kinda happy right now because I hardly have any lessons this week and I'm all done with my English essay and I'm listening to Christmas music :) How are you? Are the urges still there?

The urges are there just below the surface , I took a bath and am a bit relaxed though I can't beleive it's still early I want to go to bed , all I'm thinking is "Is my friend Hannah alright?" and " you're almost 30" and I cannot beleive it , I'm really low about my birthday :(

Christmas music Lia! It's not the season yet is it ? Ho Ho Ho :)

Of course it is! It's only month after next. I'm one of THOSE people who just gets really obsessive over Christmas.

*Hugs* I hope your friend is OK. Why not text her or something, just to check she's feeling alright? Turning 30 isn't that bad, it could be worse, it could be 60. I know you were hoping to have stopped SI by the time you were 30, but you're not doing it every day, I don't know if that's an improvment or not, but I'm certainly proud of you for it :)

Oh Lia , Thankyou for being proud of me , My Self Injury is definatley increased in the last few months but I am trying SO very hard to stop , I'e started going to the Duel Diagnosis group , I'm meeting Becky the befriending woman weekly but haven't bought it up yet with her , It's hard to start talking about it , Imeet My nurse and volunteer lady and they both know , I haven't met my social worker in over 2 months as he got hurt but a woman came a few weeks ago to check his case load , I talked about it with my P Doc , AND I started volunteering with the view to boost my self esteem and confidence .. HHmmmm wow I'm doing a lot..... It's still hard....

You should be proud that you're even trying so hard, I don't even do that half the time. I don't like myself enough to try and resist the urges, so you should be so pleased with yourself that you're simply trying. It is hard, like drugs or alcohol, this is an addiction and no one's just going to 'get over it'.

One the topic, not to sound heartless or anything, and I'm scared this is going to come out in the wrong way, but does anyone else feel that SI has became 'glamourised'? Like you have teenagers and stuff doing it over everything, like just a couple of times, almost as if it's the cool thing to do. Those people don't seem to understand the true addiction, the desperation of those who are hooked on harming themselves. I'm not saying they have no right to it, it's just those people who tell like, everyone who so much as brushes on the subject, when in reality it's a shameful secret that you only tell a select few you trust, of anyone at all. I don't know if that came out right at all, and I'm not saying certain people have the right and some don't, not at all. I'm just saying not everyone who's SI'd really truly understands.