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Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:41 PM

Just finished up my Powerpoint for senior sem, for my final presentation. Urgh. Am so nervous about that!! but my mum says I always come across as extremely confident and fine when I'm up in front of people talking about, well, anything. :-/ I don't FEEL confident, in fact all I want to do is run away. So yeah. Am NOT looking forward to giving that talk... :(

Wanted to get together with my bestie today but she hasn't responded to my texts... AGAIN. :crying: I hate that, not being able to get in touch with her. And now it's getting late, and all I want to do is have time with her, but she's probably not going to come over and I don't want to go over there because I HATE leaving the apartment. :crying:

Deidre (? DeathDancer), sorry no one responded to your post. How are you doing today?? *hugs*

*cuddles Hels* Today's almost over, keep going, hon.

*cuddles Mark* Awesome that you're not going to SI, and anyway, if you did, then it's still just a slipup... you're doing awesomely. :) Each and every minute without SI is a victory. :)

*hides*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:51 PM

Updated my dear ol' r/v thread... if anyone wants to read it, that is. Please tell me if you don't want me letting you all know when I update it... :(

MammaMia 11-04-2010 09:52 PM

I'll read it soon darling <3

*cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 09:56 PM

Thanks, sweetie. *cuddles back* How you doing? hanging in there? ♥

nicole94 11-04-2010 09:58 PM

*cuddles oliver* thanks :D
*cuddles JK* thankyou so much. that really made my day, i sometimes feel like everyone on here hates me and is talking about me behind my back (thats probably just me being paranoid :/)

*hugs helen and april*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 10:07 PM

Trying April.
Really trying.

*hugs you and Nicole*

Was supposed to die two years ago tonight. Am so thankful I failed =D Sometimes I'm not, but tonight I am.

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 10:20 PM

Awh Nicole, I don't think that anyone here hates you. You're a lovely person... and yes, I agree, your positivity is awesome. :) May you very frequently be this positive... *hugs*

Helen, yes, I am SO GLAD that you failed too!!! I remember the days that I tried to kill myself too, 28 November (2005) and 20 January (2006), if I remember correctly... but I didn't succeed either (although the first one landed me in hospital for several days). Am not really glad about that most of the time, but oh well... at least I've gotten a year and a half (as of today!!) with my Jarrod. :) Well, married a year and a half. Been together for about 6 years.

*sighs*

I see my SW tomorrow morning early... not looking forward to that. I don't know, I'm just a failure at therapy, relationships, and LIFE. :(

nicole94 11-04-2010 10:27 PM

*hugs helen* i'm glad you're not dead hun. xx
*hugs april* thanks, it makes me feel better to know my positivity is helping other people too. im also glad you're not dead xx

i was supposed to die nearly 3 months ago now, i'm also glad im not dead, although that did land me in hospital for a week.

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 10:42 PM

*hugs nicole, helen and april* I'm very very glad that none of you died, there are lots of dates I remember when I was meant to die and also many dates I dont remember, too many to count.

congratulations on your year and a half and 6 years with jarrod April.

Nicole no one hates you on here and positivity is always good.

nicole94 11-04-2010 10:45 PM

*hugs oliver* i know deep down that people dont hate me, but most of the time i feel like everyone hates me. positivity IS good. and it's nice to be feeling positive for a change lol

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 10:56 PM

*hugs Nicole* yeah I know what you mean, I sometimes feel paranoid that people hate me on here, even though deep down I know they probably don't.

*cuddles everyone lots* my internet is about to go so hope you all have a good day/night.

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:00 PM

aah. glad to know im not the only one :D thanks lol, same to you

MammaMia 11-04-2010 11:29 PM

*curls up*

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:31 PM

*hugs helen* you ok hun? dont worry, todays nearly over xx

MammaMia 11-04-2010 11:34 PM

No. :'(

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:38 PM

*squishes* you wanna talk? feel free to PM me x

MammaMia 11-04-2010 11:53 PM

*squishes*

Today may be nearly over. But still won't change anything? Still another day without her :'(

nicole94 11-04-2010 11:56 PM

i know darling *hugs* wish i could make it all go away for you, but i cant. do you have anything there to distract you from missing her, a pet or anything??

MammaMia 12-04-2010 12:06 AM

No. I have Charlie, but he's my sister's dog. He's here 3 days & 2 nights a week usually. Just not quite the same. But he's not here right now. Losing her & all the feelings with that has made me want another child so much much more. I know it'd never replace Katie & I wouldn't want to. She'll always be my first child to me & my beautiful angel. Just want to cry tons & I can't :'( Really hurts. Made it through yesterday though.

Sorry :'( *hugs tight*

Scarletdreamer 12-04-2010 12:32 AM

Hels, you made it through!! That's summat to be proud of, whether you feel like it is or not. *holds you & rocks gently* I hope that you're staying safe... and I can't say that I understand exactly how you feel, since I have never had the exact problems that you have and am not you (obviously, heh), but sending lots of cuddles and calorie-free chocolate to you... ♥

I'm really not doing well. I have so much heavy on my heart, but I don't know if I can talk about any of it with my SW tomorrow... I don't know... I'm such an epic failure... I'm so scared that I won't ever make it out of this cyclical mudpit that I'm in. :crying: Honestly, it is making me so tired... tired of living, mostly, still want to die so much.

I'm also an epic fail at being a wife.

And I'm envious of my bestie, who just got engaged and has the whole marriage thing ahead of her, new and sparkly just like her ring. The novelty of being married has worn off for me; it feels like I've been married for 10+ years instead of one and a half. I don't know... does that make any sense?

:crying:

*hides in a corner where no nightmares can get her* :(


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