thanks... and i don't think it sounds all that silly. I pray for little things like that all the time. But mostly I find myself praying for patience and strength :) ... And I will definently enjoy my book... I have one laying down watching tv and the other fighting nap all together (ty - 3) lol... hopefully he'll lose soon ;)

*Hugs Elaine and Kelly* How are you both?

*Hugs everyone*
I still have a headache mark, but otherwise ok :) it serves me right for drinking so much.

*Hugs Nicole* Glad you managed to have an alright Christmas :)

*Hugs lia* thanks hun :) how was your day? Did you get anything nice?

It was good. I got a new TV and an E-book. Only the E book is doing my head in trying to download things and the TV doesn't work. I was meant to be going to my auntie's for dinner tonight, but she's ill. All in all, a classic fail of a Christmas :)

Lol lia. I got an ipod and a new phone. Was supposed to be going to my aunties house too but my step brother is going and we dont get on so i am home alone :)

Hey Lia, You asked how I'm doing? I'm trying! Thanks for askin! I got one a those e readers lately. It frustrated me too! Hope you're able to enjoy it. I sent mine back.

*seeks out a dark corner to hide in* dammit i screwed up! I so don't wanna hear it from hubby when he finds out :( ... I told him to remind me to help him put in his jobs and put in his unemployment claim for last week, but he didn't and I forgot so now we will go a week w/out his check and we are already behind on bills *tears*

The kids are fighting nap... shocker! NOT! and I just cut despite the fact that I've been fighting the urge for days now. It did make me feel better, but now I'm drained and feeling like crap again :(

yet another mark to hide *sigh*

Have a nice night in then :) I love nights in. I sit with Nessa (my netbook) hang out here, write and think about doing work. I would watch my nice new TV, but no, it's being a prick. Ah well, what can you do? Well, actually, I can take it back to the shop, which is happening tomorrow. But there's nothing I can do right now.

Trying's good Elaine, I've been doing that over most of the festive season, but you can have a good rant to us if you feel the need to :)

*Hugs Kelly* It's not your fault. He could have remembered too, you can't be responsible for everything. Does your husband know about your cutting at all? I'm sorry you couldn't fight the urge anymore, but it's still great that you managed to for a few days. It's a start, and a step away from giving in without a fight.

lo lia. same here! I am sat on here and texting my friends on my new phone and listening to my Ipod (which my mum put a load of crap music on, so i need to sort it out XD)

my hubby knew about it 6 yrs ago... but he doesn't know about it now. He doesn't handle my emotions very well... lately he just brushes me off when i try to talk to him about how i feel... so i've kinda given up... (for full story feel free to read my last journal entry... it's kinda a long story to put on here)

I'm kinda responsible for all the financial jazz and the appt making and anything to do with the kids health/school/activities... in fact the only thing I don't do is hold down a job outside the home... he does that... and assists with the house and taking care of kids... to an extent... still mostly me :/

No one's texting me :( I think the entire of my phonebook has died. ...Oh, reason for that discovered (at least for one person I am trying to talk to) I forgot to actually press send on the text. I do find that often helps. Did you get the Ipod for Christmas as well then? My mum wouldn't even try to put music on mine, she'd blow it up for a start.

I know how it feels when people brush you off Kelly, it's part of the reason I no longer talk to people IRL because it just hurts to be rejected time and time again. So I hardened my heart and stopped displaying any emotion other than happiness to the outside world. I wouldn't recommend that's the way to go though. It can be awful lonely. We're always here to listen though :)

Still, you have a lot on board and can't be expected to remember everything. Everyone forgets and makes mistakes, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself for it. *Hugs*

lol lia. yeah i did get the ipod for christmas.
And you can have some of the people i am texting if you want? im texting 6 people and i cant keep up XD

thanks... i do have one person aside from RYL to talk too... the prolem is that she also used to SI and I worry about setting her back. she's my bff and has been since we were in 4th grade... she's been struggling with her depression lately too so I don't want to lay too much on her... I don't hold back emotions from everyone... but i hold back all but happy and angry from hubby... i just can't stand being brushed off and it hurts :(

*sigh and deep breath* i think i just need to get away for a while, but there is no way to do that... not right now at least :(

I know it does, Kelly. There's nothing worse than someone who struggles to open up finally doing so only to basically be told their feelings don't matter. It makes me feel like no one's ever going to hear me and I'm not worth listening to, so there's no point. It does nothing to increase my feelings of self worth.

It's good that you do have someone else to talk to, but I get that you don't want to burden people. Another of my reasons for keeping to myself. But a chat now and again could be good for the both of you.


I hate it when I am trying to talk to too many people at once Nicole. Last night, I was texting two, had two on fb chat, two on fb messaging and the same two on someone's status. I was also trying to watch Harry Potter and write. Fail.

thanks... it's nice to know someone else feels the same way... though i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

I know lia, i always seem to be trying to do too many things at once! sillyme.
OMG. I just turned the music channels on and the go compare man has a version of santa clause is coming to town. :O