Sometimes I wish I had more patience :S

My anaemia has been playing up today, epic fail. Really hoping it's not another bad phase of it....

Why is it that the best of friends live on the opposite side of the country, or even the world? It's not fair. I have a few of friends and they are ones that I trust and am close with but 2 live in NY (I'm in washington state) and one is in Australia. It sucks. I fear that I will never be able to meet them in person and I don't want to have my only friends be so far away. I wish I could make new friends but I seem to make friends with crappy people and the good ones always leave. :( :'((

*spies helen, kitty, lia, and sarah and hugs tight*

So um... 15 hours of stressful meetings, witnessing people shouting loudly and getting in each others faces, 4 jokes about SI, 2 about how suicide is a cop out, work, and finals stress later... I am still SI free for about 7 weeks... Don't ask me how i am doing this b/c i have no idea. I never wanted to walk out of a room so badly.

I can relate so badly with majority of this. *hugs tightly* My best friend lives just over 3 hours away from me. However I am thankful it's still the same country. I've only seen her once this year as plans fell through & stuff. Sorry I realise this is probably totally useless.

*cuddles all* You guys are amazing

That really sucks Laura &cuddles tightly* BUT massive congratulations on being 7 weeks free or so :)

Suicide may seem a cop out, but it really isn't :S Just a very bad feeling & sad decision =[

*Hugs all, especially Laura since I haven't already*

So are you Sarah :)

I know about friends living so far :( One of my best friends is called Jody, but she's the one who lives 150 miles away. I love her though.

thanks helen *cuddles* and yea i agree with you on the cop out thing... i wasn't going to argue though because there were already tons of people yelling and I don't handle that well anyway.

I'm sorry your anemia is bad today. Is your cold getting better? sounds like you've been feeling very poorly lately :-(

*hugs sarah* you are amazing too hun!

*hugs kitty* I feel that way about some people in my life too. Its sad when you can't see them, but at least they are there for you.

*massive hugs for lia too* how have you been?

-hugs Laura, Helen, and Sarah-

Laura, I'm so sorry to hear what you have had to deal with. I know how it feels I have experienced stuff like that and I know how much it hurts. Congrats on being 7 weeks free, though! That's amazing! I could never make it that long :( *hugs again*

Thanks Helen for trying to help. I don't really think there is anything that can help me which is discouraging, but I appreciate the fact that people try. *hugs tight*

Sarah, I'm sorry about what you are going through. I have read your posts and it's not that I am ignoring you, I just don't know what to say that will help, so I just...don't say anything. I'm sorry. Just know that I am not ignoring you. I hope you are doing ok. *hugs again*

*hugs everyone lots just because I can*

Laura, my cold is MUCH better. Almost all gone. I got some tissue before starting work as always and didn't finish it. Last Wednesday, that amount would have lasted me....5 minutes? :p I have been quite poorly it seems recently. Just praying my anaemia is just having a bad day & will then go away. But I'm doubting it sadly. Had to fill in paperwork with my manger today to make sure I was well enough to return to work really. Was good chat. Feel like telling her stuff but I feel like I can't with her being my manger (we already knew each other before but hadn't chatted in so long). It's not important anyway.

Thanks guys. Trying to talk to my Fiance now, he wants to talk about how I've been feeling, is going okay actually. Perhaps I'm bottling up too much and not telling him enough for him to be able to understand what I feel. Is worth a shot

Edit - Thanks Kitty *snuggles*

Also many thanks to Lia, Helen, Mark, Laura and everyone else in the ward <3

-curls back up in the corner and hides-

*cuddles Sarah & Kitty* Sorry it's not more, but I am reading & hearing you guys xx

It's ok Helen. I'm sorry I can't help more, either. :(

It's okay Kitty :)

-cuddles with Helen and Sarah and Lia and anyone else who would like to join in on the cuddling session-

*Hugs Kitty and co* What's the matter?

I'm glad it's going alright Sarah :) I hope it continues to.

*Hugs Helen* I don't have a lot to say, I just didn't want you to feel ignored.

I'm alright still, but my best friend is driving my stir crazy, shes's always on my back for not talking to her and being so closed off, saying that it's hurtful and all this other stuff and I don't think she means to but she's making me hate myself even more. But I don't know what to say 'I'm sorry I'm useless'? 'Sorry I'm so hard faced'? She just makes me feel as if I am doing something wrong, like I'm not good enough and just like a total cow :(

/Rant.

Still, it'll soon be Christmas :)

-hugs Lia back and blinks her stinging eyes- Glad you are doing arlight still. Sorry to hear you are having problems with your friend. I hope things go better soon.

-snuggles up in the corner with blankets and pillows and rocks herself back and forth and just stares-

*Snuggles up beside Kitty so she's not all alone and finds a blanket and pillow to settle down to sleep.*

-watches Lia as she snuggles up to sleep and continues rocking back and forth-

Finished paper on time :) lol. Feliciaa sowwy your exams all is on friday o.O sucky.

Laura- go you :) sorry for the stupid comments. That said, accorfing to father my friends send me blades in the mail (errr?) because i wouldnt tell him where i bought them... And my 'not making myself look presentable is 'an excuse to make ppl not want to hang out with me & i am depressed ABOUT something' o.O wthhh haha

Thats why I hide my blades and only pull them out when I'm alone.

-continues rocking in the corner-

I was alone- long story short.. Tried on shirt at mall, mum saw arms, dad came home and got talked at for about an hour.. Awkward

*sits with and offers teddy*

Awwww I'm sorry. Sounds awkward. My mom saw my scars on my legs once and asked me about them. I said it was the cat. I knew she didn't believe me, but I still to this day convince myself that she did so it's not as awkward. Now that I'm married, I spend the majority of my time trying to hide the scars from my husband. He gets all freaked out when he sees new ones and well I dissociate and when I do I harm and don't remember it and most of the time it's late at night when he is sleeping but I cannot sleep. And he is not wake able when he's sleeping. So that's awkward, too. Sorry, rambling, and not being very helpful.

Thanks for the teddy. -accepts the teddy and squeezes it and rocks with it- My eyes sting so bad. They want to cry. They want to cry... -rocks faster-

Crying is ok sweetie <3

I know it's ok...but I physically can't cry. There is only one way to get my emotions out... -squeezes the teddy harder and rocks even faster-

*offers hug* try not to hun <3 and figured would emphasize it, cuz i know i slways feel like crying isnt kay and stuff so *shrug*

Sorry am useless atm. Sleep maybe.. Night xox

-hugs back- It's ok, I understand. Thanks for sitting with me. I can't sleep. -shrugs- If you are going to sleep, sleep well. xx

Night <3 hope you can sleep soon =[

Me too. Doubt it, but I can always hope. <3

Horrible flashbacks...he's coming... -throws a blanket over herself to hide and squeezes the teddy as hard as she can-

*hugs Kitty*

-hugs felicia back- thanks. how are you?

-scoots closer to Julie and offers one of her many pillows and fuzzy blankies- you okies?

*offers hugs to all*

I feel so ****ing sick :'( Supposed to be leaving soon to go college for our trip lol.

*Hugs Laura* 7 weeks !! Way to go you :-)

*Hugs Helen* Yey for beating your cold and I hope your anemia is just having a blip.

*Hugs Kitty*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Amy* What are you upset about Amy?

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs The rest of my Wardies* , I hope I didn't miss anyone , it was busy in here last night :P

Ack!! Accupuncture has been called off today , Amy who was going to do it has gotten sick:( It helps me sleep and relaxes me generally . Nevermind , at least they called me and let me know in time . I go pretty much every week it's on so they knew to call me.
*Sits in insence smell and listens to music*

Who called who nice Amy? I'm sorry you can't sleep:S

Yeah , I would not have been happy If I had gotten across town only to be turned away .
*Looks at Amy* Why can't you sleep Amy?

Oh I'm sorry Amy *Hugs if okay*

good night ward

Night Night Julie:)

*Spots and Squishes Kahlia* Hoooow are you Lil Sis?