Oh Hells,
i so wish it was a real cuddle.

So ****ing alone it's not even funny anymore.

What am i meant to tell my GP tomorrow?
I hate seeing him. Self conscious, awkward silences, thoughts racing, tears streaming.
Drives me up the bloody wall.
I just NEVER know what to say to him.

Another sleepless night then.

My head = a lovely pile of mush.
Fun to go on swings and roundabouts.
Just written a journal entry but none of it made sense.
My heads well and truely screwed.
Oh i wish ******** would hurry up and come.
I know it's only a matter of "weeks" away, but it's not much comfort to me right now is it?
*Le Sigh*

I wish our cuddles were real too.
Espically after those hurtful comments from them tonight.

*hugs Laura, Helen and Becca*

Sorry I'm not able to say much to anyone at the moment, and I'm useless at giving support. I'm not really having a good time of it myself but am struggling through.

One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time ... right ?

I've reached 60 days or 2 lunar months SI free. I feel kinda weird. I really want to SI, but I don't want to SI, but I feel I have to SI, but .... I don't know. Does everyone go through this or am I just really strange ??

*cuddles everyone*

How is everybody today/tonite?

I hope ur well guys xxx

*Snuggles Hells & Kahlia*
Don't apologise Kahlia for not "supporting" others, we all go through phases of just not feeling strong enough to support others around us. And anyway..the majority of the time i am MORE than happy with a hug :)
Keep your chin up sweetie. And no, you aren't the only one who goes through that strange SI stage - i was stuck in that loop just a matter of days ago.

--

Whoop, i woke up at 10.30am with a sharp pain in my jaw. I don't know if it's an ear infection or what, but i was nearly crying in agony. It's gone now.
I didn't get to sleep until 6am. Yay for sleep. NOT. >.<
I feel anxious/worked up/stressed/frustrated/tired.
I'm going to ask my GP for a bulldozer, so he can run me over several times to knock me out. *nod* I think that just might do the trick =]

Mmm. I feel some people are getting beyond there stations *nods*
I's recon some people need to slowly pull there head out there butts! Lol.
That's wishful thinking on my part!
Oh how i wish i dabbled in black magic. Voodoo dolls are all too tempting at times like this!
But it's comforting to know i'm not the only one that feels this way, from talking to people last night it seems we're all having problems with the same people!
*rolls eyes*

Right i must go.
Keep all your chins up
Hope you're well Jetforce :)
Laura xx

*hugs Laura* Hey thank you very much. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I think I might ask my pdoc for a bulldozer for the same reason LOL.

*hugs Helen and Becca* Hope you two are doing okay.

Hi Jetforce. I'm surviving. How are you doing ?? I hope that you are going alright.

*hugs everyone and offers chocolate from the secret stash*

*hugs Laura Helen and Kahlia* I'm just trying to find somewhere to live that'll take DSS *sighs*

*wanders in and leaves hugs for everyone*

Not having a good day. Don't really see the point in anything. Ah well.

*cuddles all*

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...67&entry=13402

Read at your own risk.
If i'm not around at any point atleast you know why.
Erk.

I cheered up earlier (feel crap now but thats not what this is about).

I was content(?) and working at uni. Getting stuff done and makeing some kind of progress. Why do I keep seeing horrible visions of things?



so having this and similar happen to me I now feel crap.

Sorry to all and you all have my hopes and dreams.

*hugs laura tight*

I'm sorry everyone around you has given up on you.
I havent <3

*captures Laura in a cuddle*

I wish there was more I could do for you. Like Helen I haven't given up on you. *big hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

It's stupid really. I was in a good mood this morning. Now, I... well, to say I wanna cut is a bit of an understatement. I don't understand why though. I'm on MSN to one of my best friends, and we're planning to meet up and have a proper catch up some time soon. Another friend got back from a year in Honduras tonight, and I've spoken to her, and another friend is back tomorrow.... yet, now I feel horrible.

*curls up in a corner*

*hugs Laura* i havent given up on you either!

*hugs Auburn Shadow* sometimes it just hits like that

I've given up on myself.
So you all may as well save you energy for someone who does have hope.


Yep.

*hugs everyone*

I've got a headache. :( Poot.

And besides the headache I just feel like sh*t. Meh. I'm over it.

I dreamt that I cut myself last night and woke up freaking out about it ... again. Mind you, it wouldn't have been the first time I had cut myself in my sleep. Things have certainly been stressful around here. I mean in my home town and head by the way not on this RYL forum.

*leaves big hugs for everyone*

*hugs everyone*

I can't wait to get out of this house again, and I've only been here since Wednesday evening. This was my escape from everything that was making me want to cut when I was in Wycombe, but now.... now I want to cut even worse than I did when I was up there.
My escape makes me feel worse... that's not how it's supposed to work. Can't tell it to anyone that I'd normally talk to though, because they want to section me if I cut again... and I'd have to admit to doing that so... no chance of that.
When did everything get so damned complicated??

*hugs Auburn Shadow* ~ no words of wisdom I'm afraid. All I can offer at the moment is some silent support.

My eldest sister is freaking me out. She wants to see me on my own? But was going to call me last night but didn't want to do it out of the blue or freak anyone out (she obviously realised my other sister is down at ours too). I'm really really really scared.

It's my Mum's birthday today- going to be such a fun today yay :D

*hugs Helen*

I had a sleep today and dreamt that I'd cut. I woke up and had a stanley knife in my hand. No harm done as far as I can tell but it's got me freaked out.

Sorry, I'll stop complaining now.

*hugs everyone*

*cuddles and squishes everybody*

I'm okies..just uni is getting to me a bit hmm

Oh well..i'll survive...and i hope u guys do the same too xxx

*hugs Helen, Kahlia and Jetforce* Kahlia your not complaining your venting your feelings and thats what we're here for!

Jetforce, i hope the uni stuff evens out for you

*hugs everyone*

Jem - you know where I am if you wanna talk about anything.
Kahlia - hugs help, more so perhaps, than words would right now. You're not complaining, just getting things out, and that's what this place is here for.

Anyways, my brother's not changed a bit since I've been away. Still as violent as ever. Though, and I think I need to discuss this with my therapist-type-person, I've been thinking a lot recently, and through talking to various people, mainly people who've had a similar background, I think violence is his way of dealing with the incident, whereas my way of dealing with said incident was to cut, and the depression, and Ruth's way of dealing with her version of the incident was bulimia... No-one can get near enough to him to help him though, and I really just don't know how to help... when he won't admit to it, perhaps because he doesn't realise the connection yet. Even so, the realisation doesn't make it any easier to deal with when he's in a rage. *sigh* we'll survive I guess. Somehow.

*Hugs Auburn Shadow* sounds like your ina tough place right now, have many *hugs* and know we're here listening

*cuddles all*

Stuipd peroid is here. Thank you very much not. It's even later than usual :S

*hugs Hells*

Don't normally get freaked out by fireworks being set off or anything, but tonight... they're scaring me, and I have no idea why... It just doesn't feel safe tonight...

*hugs Helen* stupid female reproductive system!

*cuddles Auburn Shadow* sometimes things are just scary

*cuddles Hana & Becca*

Damm female reproduction systems indeed!!! Awww I saw my pregnant cousin today, cute bump. Can't wait to see her baby :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

*cuddles Helen* are you broody luv?

*cuddles* I do get broody hehe :) I love babies!! I want to meet my other cousin's baby- Freya-Ellen, she's soooo gorgeous :D

hehe x

I give up.
:)

Don't?
Please?

Sorry I haven't been around much, I've actually had a social life recently.
Haven't SIed in a while. Almost did the other night, but managed not to. Haven't been counting how long it's been but judging from the healing I'd say about 2 weeks.
Not hoping to make it to a month this time, I'll probably hurt myself soon enough. Just can't be bothered at the moment to be honest :P
Love you all xx

*hugs zowie, laura and Helen*

Its ok to be broody sweetie as long as you dont fo anything stupid to get preggers!

*hugs Becca, Laura & Zowie*

Becca, do you honestly think I would do something stuipd to get pregnant? Can hardly look after myself let alone have a child completly depend on me :/ So yeah....I've always said the earliest I would allow it to happen is once I've graduated, got a job and a man haha :p

*hugs Helen*

I know your too sensible, plus you have a wifey :P

*hugs Becca*

I'm not always sensible but hey ho :whistling:

There is of course my wonderful wifey whom I love very much and will miss dearly :pinch:

Feeling down (ha whats new) and i think i have pulled somthing. Grr and have lots of work to do from books that don't seem to exist in any library.

I'm pissed off.
*sighs*
Sure I'll soon calm down about it :]

I'm not going to apologise about it Helen. I know you didn't want me to but I asked you to do it before and you said you would and didn't. I warned you sweetie and in the end it will be for your own good.

Where does it say in the above post that I'm asking you to apologise? I don't want an apology. Yes I hadn't done it yet, I was waiting for the right time because it's a hard thing to tell your family something like that. I thought you of all people would understand that? But then again maybe you don't? I know it'll be for my own good. But just now wasn't the right time when I'm actually doing a lot better. Yes I'm still having wobbling days and stuff but I'm reaching out more. But never mind. I don't want us to fall out/argue over this :wow:

Yes you are reaching out, but you have a family who will talk to you about this stuff, who know you self harm and have problems but love you all the same. There will never be the perfect time, you have been saying for weeks you would talk to them and I will not risk another episode like the one in April. It's not fair to you or to me. Reach out to your family too. I have told you why I messaged her and I don't feel here is the place to explain that further.

Have you remade that doctors appointment yet?

I know I have a family who will talk to me about this stuff. But most of the time they don't even understand anyway. Only a two or three of them know I self harm. Course they all know, kinda of, that I have problems. I know they love me all the same. I know it's not fair to either of us risking an episode like the one in April. But makes me wonder why you're so bothered now? Why not say anything then? or May? or even September..? But whatever. No I haven't re-made the appointment and have no intention to. He clearly isn't bothered. All those times he said "oh I'll be so worried if you don't turn up"...and he wasn't even bothered. I'm fine.

i am just gonna curl up over here in the corner. just please leave me here in my own little world. just try not to trip over me. i expect to be needing to be here for a few months at least....

*hugs psychomess* We're here if you need or want to talk. Feel free to PM anytime *passes you a blanket* xx

I used to come here a lot, I have not been here in ages but I wanted to let you know that I was suicidal the other night, came here and read some posts by you lovely vets and I thought better of it. I love you all.

Gosh I haven't been in here in a long time. I always remember it when I need it, so wrong of me. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with this thread...alas, here I am so...
Hello all.
I'm staying for a while.

hi Ileana x