I just went the WHOLE FREAKING DAY without cutting :) *Little high fives my wardies*
22-12-2010 09:14 PM
-hugs and snuggles felicia- We all love you my dear. I know I haven't really known you for that long, but I think you are awesome and amazing. I lubs yew -hugs and squishes more-
22-12-2010 09:14 PM
my parents dont really want me either they'd much rather have my sister then me but they have me *sigh* *offers hugs*
22-12-2010 09:16 PM
*glomps mark* mark that is amazing marky
22-12-2010 09:19 PM
Heeee Thanks Julie *Glomps back* I had slipped back into daily cutting but I just didn't today , I didn't say , "Mark NOT today" it just happened :)
22-12-2010 09:22 PM
*claps happily then dances with mark* now i must go wash my car wish me luck i really hate going out side
i'm so proud of u mark
22-12-2010 09:22 PM
Way to go, Mark *high five* You rock, you know that?
*cuddles Kitty and Julie*
22-12-2010 09:23 PM
I'm pretty tired so off to bed I go
*Plods to bed and gets in*
*Night Night My wardies* I don't know what I'd do withouty you guys :)
22-12-2010 09:24 PM
-hugs mark- yay for making it through a day without cutting! I'm happy for you. :)
-curls up on the bathroom floor again- ugh I can't eat or drink anything without feeling like I am going to be sick. Not even water. :(
Edit: night night mark
22-12-2010 09:30 PM
Night Mark, and well done :D
*snuggles Kitty* sorry that you're poorly :(
Hey Julie - hope the car cleaning goes well *hugs*
My parents would rather have my sister than me. They even said they wished they'd only had her.
22-12-2010 09:37 PM
-hugs sarah- thanks...I just think I am prego and dealing with horrible morning sickness. won't know for sure until the beginningish of january though. but it's very unusual for me to feel this sick. taking my meds is the hardest part of it it makes me just want to be sick. It's horrid.
My parents wouldn't want me if I was on disability. they would disown me. They are constantly mad at my sister but I don't blame them. I just can't stand my mom for different reasons. I'm cool with my dad though. It's just he doesn't stand up for me to my mom because he knows that if he does he will be in trouble and well he has to live with her. but I'm sorry about your guys's families. That is so not cool to say to anybody. -hugs and snuggles and squishes-
22-12-2010 09:37 PM
22-12-2010 09:45 PM
-hugs nicole- how you be nicole?
22-12-2010 09:52 PM
*Hugs Kitty* I'm ok thanks, Bit triggerd, but finally got into the christmas spirit :) You?
22-12-2010 09:55 PM
*Snuggles Nicole* Glad you're okay :)
*huggles Kitty tightly* oh dear, that sounds sucky :( I hate feeling sick :( you going to be okay?
22-12-2010 09:57 PM
Thank you for the hugs Mark :) they are quite welcomed indeed. How's your night been thus far? A pleasant good evening to everyone :) Tea?
22-12-2010 10:02 PM
I'm sorry you are a bit triggered. I have gone numb.. :s
22-12-2010 10:06 PM
Hugs :) care for a mug of tea and a blanket dear? I am sorry you feel that way I ve been there many times.
22-12-2010 10:16 PM
:D I love work christmas parties...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : ramblings... how is it my holidays with work are better than at home?
I always get something good at them. in 08 I got this, in 09 I got a bag of stuff (bath pillow, hot chocolate with peppermint, etc), this year I got a bag (with a mug, 3 flavors of coffee and a set of 3 chocolates). This year there was only one thing I liked more but it got swapped so much I couldn't pick it... it was a bottle of wine and these super awesome glasses... but I know where to get the glasses so I'm okay with that!
As to where with any other party or anyone else giving gifts, even when I specifically ask for something I am usually disappointed. For example, last year I received from family: 4-5 bath sets (not even in scents I would choose), a pair of socks and a fairy statue (the most appealing item). All in all the one of those I liked is a dust collector. *sigh* This year with the family I made a list (got complaints and insults for my effort followed by them all leaving it on the floor or throwing it away) and more than likely got only one thing from the list... and, of all people, G got me that and let me pick out what I wanted from the website she chose.
22-12-2010 10:18 PM
Aaw :( Sorry about that. Do you know whats making you feel numb?
22-12-2010 10:18 PM
-hugs back- thanks. I have unlimited pillows and fuzzy blankies and I'm not a fan of tea. thanks for the offer, though. -smiles-
What people don't realize is that when I go numb it's bad. It means I have completely given up and can't handle the emotions anymore. My past few suicide attempts have been while I was numb. If I still feel anything, whether it be anger or depression or panic, at least I am still feeling. But when I go numb... -sighs- it's hard to explain. Sorry.
22-12-2010 10:25 PM
Nicole: Everything has just bottled up so long that I can't handle it anymore. My brother's death this past month threw me in a whirlwind of hurt. It totally ****ed up my sleeping. Amara started getting stronger after his death. Then I found out that my sister is back to her drinking again. I have so many bad memories of her and drinking. I can't handle it anymore. She won't be around much longer, we all know that. The problem is, she's killing herself by drinking and she refuses to stop. I can't handle losing another loved one. I really can't. The only sibling I will have left is an asshole. My sister is hosting christmas this year which is even worse because she is going to ruin it by being drunk. She was even drunk for my wedding! I just can't handle it anymore. So I went numb. -shrugs-
22-12-2010 10:26 PM
*Hugs Kitty* Sorry, right now, I am useless.
*Hugs Nicole* Glad you found the Christmas spirit.
*Hugs Aoife* I'm Lia.
Sorry I don't have many words. Everything just keeps crumbling. I find new strength then something knocks it down. Is there even a point?
22-12-2010 10:27 PM
*Hugs kitty* I'm so sorry hun...I dont know what to say. :/ But i am thinking of you.x
*Hugs lia* Yes there is a point Hun. I dont know what it is yet, but there is one. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk. That goes for all of you.
22-12-2010 10:29 PM
-hugs and snuggles and squishes lia- hi lia. I lubbles you. -squishes more- I knows how you feel. I sorry you feel this way. wouldn't wish the feeling on anyone, not even my worst enemy. -offers pillows and fuzzy blankies-
Edit: We posted at like the same time, sorry Nicole. -hugs back- thanks. -smile-
22-12-2010 10:34 PM
I gots to go for now. Trip to the laundromat, tons of fun. I'll be back later. -hugs ward- I lubs you all
22-12-2010 10:35 PM
*Hugs Kitty and curls under blankets*
Courage. Just need a little courage.
Bye for now Kitty. Lubs you too.
22-12-2010 10:48 PM
*peers at lia*
Do you want a hug?
22-12-2010 10:48 PM
Loving the decorations, could have sworn I decorated but perhaps not =P
22-12-2010 10:56 PM
May have Hels... I did skip some weekend pages Monday morning lol but with cheery decor more's the better :) *resumes hiding*
22-12-2010 10:59 PM
I quite agree =]
22-12-2010 11:05 PM
My Gallbladder is playing up, I'm trying so hard not to be sick or pass out from pain. It'll pass in 2-8h but if not I need to go hospital. This is all I need at Christmas :(
22-12-2010 11:06 PM
Yes please Nicole.
*Hugs all* Sorry.
22-12-2010 11:11 PM
*Holds lia* Do you wanna talk?
22-12-2010 11:23 PM
*Leans into Nicole* I don't know what I want. I just can't do it. She was happy, she had finally found something with him but now she's left him because she thinks she's not good enough and it's back to me again to pick up the pieces. Two friends, two people relying on me to keep them off the edge of suicide, another relying on me to get her through her sister's depression. Three people who all need me and I just can't do it. It's too much. One of them will cave someday and it will be all my fault. I can't do anything, I can't be enough and I'm so scared what I am isn't going to be the right thing.
22-12-2010 11:29 PM
Thats a hard one. I am in exactly the same situation right now, and i'm afraid the best i've come up with is that all we can do is try. In the end, it's up to the individual to get better. We can't help unless they are willing to be helped, and I know it's hard, but you have to put yourself before them, you are an amazing person and I know you are doing your best to help your friends. *Hugs*
22-12-2010 11:30 PM
Hey everyone :) hows everyone doing?
22-12-2010 11:43 PM
*Hugs Ian* How are you?
*Hugs Nicole* But they will always come first. Everyone will always come before me. I only say nothing here when I literally can't come up with anything at all. I try and try but there's nothing I can do, I can't help and I'm not enough. I don't want to give up though. I can't give up.
22-12-2010 11:50 PM
*Hugs lia* Sweetie. You are one of the most amazing people ever, along with everyone else in the ward. You are kind, and caring, and I know you always put other people before yourself. And you can only do what your doing now, which is to be there for them.
23-12-2010 12:03 AM
Hey Lia :) im ok thanks. How are you?
23-12-2010 12:08 AM
I be back errybody.
-squishes lia- I sorry to hear about your friends, Lia. I can totally relate. I am the same way when it comes to others...others always come first and I come last. That's just the way it is with me. So I know where you are at on that one. I can't say I totally relate with the friends relying on you thing, but I can imagine how difficult that must be. I sorry. But like nicole said, all you can do is try. If something happens, it won't be your fault. Least you can say you tried. I sorry if I not helping. -hugs and squishes-
23-12-2010 12:11 AM
Hugs Kitty, how are you doing? Numb can be bad, if you need anything leave a message I'll be sure to respond ( so would all the lovely people here).
Hello Lia, hugs back :) I'm new here, a pleasure to meet you.
23-12-2010 12:15 AM
I get quite lonely sometimes, but there you go. Thanks for the hugs Lia and Kitty.
23-12-2010 12:18 AM
*Hugs Kitty, Aoife, Nicole and Ian*
I know you're right. I can't do anymore than I can do (that makes sense in my head). I'm trying and seeing as they both live at least 3 hours away, there's nothing more I can do. Thanks guys. I do feel better now.
23-12-2010 12:26 AM
Hugs everyone :) how are you tonight Icequeen?
23-12-2010 12:31 AM
Call me Lia. Please. That name makes me wince. I'm slightly better now. How are you doing?
23-12-2010 12:37 AM
Sorry for the delay in response, erryone. Had to get my grub on (eat). -hugs everybody-
Lia, I'm glad you are feeling better. -snuggles and purrs- :)
Edit: Random question...how do you get words to show up under your name? Like Lia's says "This Star Won't Go Out".
23-12-2010 12:42 AM
Kitty go to Control Panel, then edit profile, then enter it in custom user title