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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 13-12-2010 08:01 PM

*Squishes Felicia* Tea is nice :) I'm sorry you're triggered hun:S

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 08:06 PM

awwwwww *hugs Felicia* studying sucks so much. I personally can't wait until I am finished with school so I don't have to worry about it anymore, either.

nicole94 13-12-2010 08:07 PM

*hugs felecia*
Exactly mark, my family are all having a go at me cause i'm not enthusiastic, I just wanna get this christmas over with. Also after school holidays, i go back to college and go into a really deep depression every time, and I am scared.

Louise 13-12-2010 08:11 PM

hugs everyone

Doikers 13-12-2010 08:12 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Well maybe you won't next year, As My Nurse says you shoulden't be fortune telling , You don't know You'll get a depression next year , try and aproach it with an open mind and just see what happens . It might work out well , You can only deal with today so only concern yourself with the here and now , sorry I'm trying to be positive :)

Doikers 13-12-2010 08:12 PM

*Hugs Louise* How are you Louise?

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 08:19 PM

-hugs mark- I'm alive. My back is killing me and my eyes are twitching due to lack of sleep. I kinda messed up last night before I ended up passing out...don't really remember it though, meh. How are you?

Doikers 13-12-2010 08:29 PM

*Hugs Kitty* I'm ..........well if only I knew the end to that sentance , I'm Up , I'm Down , I've been tired and now I'm alert but I hope to sleep okay tonight . I'm going to miss my nurse , Like I said to Lindsay she's been like my level headed , encourageing, Listening , Advice giving , caring , Big Sister and I have one more meeting with her and she's off on Maturnity leave for a year . Kat is taking me on , I like Kat so I hope that works out.

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 08:35 PM

Yeah, I was reading about that. Sorry to hear it. I kinda know how you feel somewhat. I go to counseling through the school which is good and bad at the same time - good in the sense that I don't have to pay extra for it, but bad in the sense that they are on the same schedule as students. This means I have one more appointment with her this week, then I don't have counseling for 3 weeks. But I don't have anyone else I can talk to about stuff because nobody really understands. I talked to my biological gma on the phone yesterday. I had sent her a letter telling her my entire story, admitting that I self harm, and have attempted taking my life, what I've been diagnosed with, etc. She said I could call her anytime I would like but I really can't because I don't have any privacy at home and well she isn't awake in the wee hours of the morning like I am. So, ya. *hugs again* I know how ya feel.

Louise 13-12-2010 08:39 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2607617)
*Hugs Louise* How are you Louise?

*hugs mark* Things are not great for me right now.

Doikers 13-12-2010 08:46 PM

*Hugs Kitty* Hmm it sucks . *Thinks "Roll with the punches""

*Hugs Louise* Whats up hun?

I'm going to bed at 9pm , I hope to sleep okay and not have any graphic/triggering dreams that have started recently Or just ones where I wake and think " thats was REALLY weird" but don't recall it :S

misskitty112 13-12-2010 08:55 PM

*hugs Mark* I hope you sleep okay
*Hugs Kitty* I used to do counseling through uni. It was hell during holidays.

I... harmed. I hate this, cause part of me is really upset about it, and another part is "ooohhh, pretty" I hate myself so much.
Oh, and my friends are all trying to make plans for my birthday, and all I can think is "my date I set is right after my birthday..." I don't want to celebrate. I don't want to break people's hearts. Can't I just cease to exist without hurting anyone?

Doikers 13-12-2010 09:01 PM

*Hugs Felicia* Don't hate yourself hun, I would hatehatehate for anything to happen to you , My date too was 2 days after my birthday , But I got through and so will you :) I still get suicidal thoughts but not every single day like I was .<3 ya Tons *Squishes* PM box is always open to you :)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 09:11 PM

Mark, I think we are related. I do the same things when I'm sleeping. Lately the only sleep I have been getting, though, is knocked out sleep. Meaning, I can't sleep, so then my body eventually just passes out, and when I "wake up", I feel like I didn't sleep at all. It sucks because I feel like I'm dying.

Felicia...*hugs again*...I know I don't know you that well, but I would be upset if I heard you weren't around. You seem like such a nice and caring person from the posts I have read of yours. I harmed as well, and thought the same exact thing. However, I don't remember half of the time when I do harm because I dissociate. I've told my counselor, and she just wants to throw me in the hospital. But yeah. I know how you feel hun.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 10:07 PM

Nicole; well done on 9 months. So mega proud!!!

To those who asked, I'm finally getting better :D But I'm feeling low meh :/

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 10:12 PM

-hugs mammamia, if ok- hey...what's going on? I'm Kitty by the way.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 10:13 PM

Thanks for the hug Kitty :) Just feeling low again, have big time recently :/

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 10:16 PM

Awww, anything I could maybe help you with?

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 10:20 PM

I'm glad you're getting better Helen, but sorry you're low :( *hugs*

*Hugs Nicole* 9 months is brilliant :) And I happen to be very glad you couldn't kill yourself *squishes*

*Hugs Sarah* families really suck sometimes. I realised I'd be mostly happy with my life if it weren't for my family and home. And grief. And things in my mind that just won't go away. But mainly fam. Is there anyone else you can talk to IRL who isn't your fiance? I worry slightly about that, he doesn't sound very supportive :/

*Hugs Kitty* My sleeping isn't that bad, but I had trouble last night and now I am tired. Have you tried getting sleeping tablets?

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you're at least sort of alright for the moment. I hope you stay that way :)

*Hugs Felicia* Sorry you harmed :/ But like Mark said, I would hate for anything to happen to you. Mark managed to get a lot of support around the time of his date and you can too. Just please don't do anything you can't take back.

*HUgs Lindsey* Keep holding onto that thought, of your brother and how he's your reason to live. If you go back to church, you may find another reason. My faith is a reason for me, not only is it a sin to commit suicide, although I believe you will be forgiven, but I don't want to take away this life I have been given because I believe everything does happen for a reson, and God has a plan for you just like he does with everyone else and as long as you trust him and keep on going, you'll be alright in the end. I know it's not that simple, but sometimes holding onto your faith is all you can do.

*Hugs Louise* I'm glad you're OK right now :) But you can talk to us if that changes :)

I'm alright ATM, just had Pizza Hut with the Order of the Phoenix (my rangers group) and Kirstin tried to rain on our parade by telling us we are 'Raving Rangers' not the Order, but we all told her to be quiet (Kirstin is our leader).

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 10:27 PM

Just nipped to a supermarket with my fiance and it turned into a huge row. I just want to give up now. Its been like this for months. Help!

Edit: Oh Lia, this is all I have other than that, I never let my friends get this close to me, they leave when they can't take any more. They all do. Everyone does.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 10:34 PM

*hugs Lia*

I get a lie in tomorrow ^_^ Plus we have no lessons because we're off to the Christmas market or something. But 18+ can do what they want, so I intend to finish my Christmas shopping, bar one present =)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 10:35 PM

-hugs Lia back- glad to hear you are alright at the moment. :)

I can't afford sleeping tablets. I am going to talk to my doctor on Wednesday and hopefully get him to prescribe me some. I really dislike my doctor he argues with me about everything. I argues with him over the phone for like 10 minutes about getting on some anti-anxiety medication, but he kept wanting to prescribe me anti-depressants instead. But I don't know, I hope he will prescribe me some meds because it's getting ridiculous.

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 10:42 PM

I was about to suggest that, getting them on the NHS. I hope it goes alright for you :)

Sarah, I don't really know what to say, I don't even know if talking to your fiance about this is a good idea as it might turn into another fight. You could always use the calm approach and not get mad so he sees a row isn't what you want and hopefully responds to that. I know how you feel about being scared to get close to people. The only friend I will allow myself to be close to lives 150 miles away.

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 10:43 PM

I just want to escape everything, run away, curl up and cry. Hard.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 10:56 PM

Sometimes I wish I had more patience :S

My anaemia has been playing up today, epic fail. Really hoping it's not another bad phase of it....

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 10:57 PM

Why is it that the best of friends live on the opposite side of the country, or even the world? It's not fair. I have a few of friends and they are ones that I trust and am close with but 2 live in NY (I'm in washington state) and one is in Australia. It sucks. I fear that I will never be able to meet them in person and I don't want to have my only friends be so far away. I wish I could make new friends but I seem to make friends with crappy people and the good ones always leave. :( :'((

SoMuchMore 13-12-2010 10:57 PM

*spies helen, kitty, lia, and sarah and hugs tight*

So um... 15 hours of stressful meetings, witnessing people shouting loudly and getting in each others faces, 4 jokes about SI, 2 about how suicide is a cop out, work, and finals stress later... I am still SI free for about 7 weeks... Don't ask me how i am doing this b/c i have no idea. I never wanted to walk out of a room so badly.

MammaMia 13-12-2010 10:58 PM


Originally Posted by PsychoKitty2010 (Post 2607894)
Why is it that the best of friends live on the opposite side of the country, or even the world? It's not fair. I have a few of friends and they are ones that I trust and am close with but 2 live in NY (I'm in washington state) and one is in Australia. It sucks. I fear that I will never be able to meet them in person and I don't want to have my only friends be so far away. I wish I could make new friends but I seem to make friends with crappy people and the good ones always leave. :( :'((

I can relate so badly with majority of this. *hugs tightly* My best friend lives just over 3 hours away from me. However I am thankful it's still the same country. I've only seen her once this year as plans fell through & stuff. Sorry I realise this is probably totally useless.

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 10:59 PM

*cuddles all* You guys are amazing

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:00 PM


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2607896)
*spies helen, kitty, lia, and sarah and hugs tight*

So um... 15 hours of stressful meetings, witnessing people shouting loudly and getting in each others faces, 4 jokes about SI, 2 about how suicide is a cop out, work, and finals stress later... I am still SI free for about 7 weeks... Don't ask me how i am doing this b/c i have no idea. I never wanted to walk out of a room so badly.

That really sucks Laura &cuddles tightly* BUT massive congratulations on being 7 weeks free or so :)

Suicide may seem a cop out, but it really isn't :S Just a very bad feeling & sad decision =[

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 11:07 PM

*Hugs all, especially Laura since I haven't already*

So are you Sarah :)

I know about friends living so far :( One of my best friends is called Jody, but she's the one who lives 150 miles away. I love her though.

SoMuchMore 13-12-2010 11:07 PM

thanks helen *cuddles* and yea i agree with you on the cop out thing... i wasn't going to argue though because there were already tons of people yelling and I don't handle that well anyway.

I'm sorry your anemia is bad today. Is your cold getting better? sounds like you've been feeling very poorly lately :-(

*hugs sarah* you are amazing too hun!

*hugs kitty* I feel that way about some people in my life too. Its sad when you can't see them, but at least they are there for you.

*massive hugs for lia too* how have you been?

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:12 PM

-hugs Laura, Helen, and Sarah-

Laura, I'm so sorry to hear what you have had to deal with. I know how it feels I have experienced stuff like that and I know how much it hurts. Congrats on being 7 weeks free, though! That's amazing! I could never make it that long :( *hugs again*

Thanks Helen for trying to help. I don't really think there is anything that can help me which is discouraging, but I appreciate the fact that people try. *hugs tight*

Sarah, I'm sorry about what you are going through. I have read your posts and it's not that I am ignoring you, I just don't know what to say that will help, so I just...don't say anything. I'm sorry. Just know that I am not ignoring you. I hope you are doing ok. *hugs again*

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:12 PM

*hugs everyone lots just because I can*

Laura, my cold is MUCH better. Almost all gone. I got some tissue before starting work as always and didn't finish it. Last Wednesday, that amount would have lasted me....5 minutes? :p I have been quite poorly it seems recently. Just praying my anaemia is just having a bad day & will then go away. But I'm doubting it sadly. Had to fill in paperwork with my manger today to make sure I was well enough to return to work really. Was good chat. Feel like telling her stuff but I feel like I can't with her being my manger (we already knew each other before but hadn't chatted in so long). It's not important anyway.

SparkleKitten 13-12-2010 11:14 PM

Thanks guys. Trying to talk to my Fiance now, he wants to talk about how I've been feeling, is going okay actually. Perhaps I'm bottling up too much and not telling him enough for him to be able to understand what I feel. Is worth a shot

Edit - Thanks Kitty *snuggles*

Also many thanks to Lia, Helen, Mark, Laura and everyone else in the ward <3

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:14 PM

-curls back up in the corner and hides-

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:16 PM

*cuddles Sarah & Kitty* Sorry it's not more, but I am reading & hearing you guys xx

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:20 PM

It's ok Helen. I'm sorry I can't help more, either. :(

MammaMia 13-12-2010 11:23 PM

It's okay Kitty :)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:26 PM

-cuddles with Helen and Sarah and Lia and anyone else who would like to join in on the cuddling session-

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 11:30 PM

*Hugs Kitty and co* What's the matter?

I'm glad it's going alright Sarah :) I hope it continues to.

*Hugs Helen* I don't have a lot to say, I just didn't want you to feel ignored.

I'm alright still, but my best friend is driving my stir crazy, shes's always on my back for not talking to her and being so closed off, saying that it's hurtful and all this other stuff and I don't think she means to but she's making me hate myself even more. But I don't know what to say 'I'm sorry I'm useless'? 'Sorry I'm so hard faced'? She just makes me feel as if I am doing something wrong, like I'm not good enough and just like a total cow :(


Still, it'll soon be Christmas :)

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:49 PM

-hugs Lia back and blinks her stinging eyes- Glad you are doing arlight still. Sorry to hear you are having problems with your friend. I hope things go better soon.

-snuggles up in the corner with blankets and pillows and rocks herself back and forth and just stares-

FlyingNy 13-12-2010 11:53 PM

*Snuggles up beside Kitty so she's not all alone and finds a blanket and pillow to settle down to sleep.*

PsychoKitty2010 13-12-2010 11:57 PM

-watches Lia as she snuggles up to sleep and continues rocking back and forth-

risenfromperdition 14-12-2010 12:21 AM

Finished paper on time :) lol. Feliciaa sowwy your exams all is on friday o.O sucky.

risenfromperdition 14-12-2010 12:28 AM

Laura- go you :) sorry for the stupid comments. That said, accorfing to father my friends send me blades in the mail (errr?) because i wouldnt tell him where i bought them... And my 'not making myself look presentable is 'an excuse to make ppl not want to hang out with me & i am depressed ABOUT something' o.O wthhh haha

PsychoKitty2010 14-12-2010 02:58 AM

Thats why I hide my blades and only pull them out when I'm alone.

-continues rocking in the corner-

risenfromperdition 14-12-2010 03:16 AM

I was alone- long story short.. Tried on shirt at mall, mum saw arms, dad came home and got talked at for about an hour.. Awkward

risenfromperdition 14-12-2010 03:17 AM

*sits with and offers teddy*

PsychoKitty2010 14-12-2010 03:38 AM

Awwww I'm sorry. Sounds awkward. My mom saw my scars on my legs once and asked me about them. I said it was the cat. I knew she didn't believe me, but I still to this day convince myself that she did so it's not as awkward. Now that I'm married, I spend the majority of my time trying to hide the scars from my husband. He gets all freaked out when he sees new ones and well I dissociate and when I do I harm and don't remember it and most of the time it's late at night when he is sleeping but I cannot sleep. And he is not wake able when he's sleeping. So that's awkward, too. Sorry, rambling, and not being very helpful.

Thanks for the teddy. -accepts the teddy and squeezes it and rocks with it- My eyes sting so bad. They want to cry. They want to cry... -rocks faster-

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