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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

nicole94 26-08-2010 11:11 PM

*hugs lia* im doing health and social care hun, what subjects are you taking for sixth form?
at the moment no im not moving out, things are going ok with my family and i thought i might give it a try.
i know its so scary! i just dont know if its too much for me at the moment, i can feel myself getting worse again (mentally) and im worried its pushing it too far :(

risenfromperdition 26-08-2010 11:35 PM

*squishes everyone*
mark- you're NOT a failure
felicia- good luck with your creative writing assignment
hels- hope you have a better day tomorrow. sorry for the useless comment
laura- sorry you're still triggered :( wish had advice

*hugs to everyone else*

im stuck home with nothing to do all night... goody :/

FlyingNy 26-08-2010 11:39 PM

I'm doing English Literature, philosophy, psycology, theatre studies and sociology. I got decent marks in the onces I did for GCSE (English, drama and soc) so I should be OK.

You can always drop out and go back later in life if it gets too much and it might be a good distraction anyhow. I'm scared too.

Hey Heather. How are you?

xx

nicole94 26-08-2010 11:41 PM

ah cool, i took sociology as a GCSE, loved it. i suppose i could, idk, im just scared.
im so triggerd right now, lots of things going on in my mind and my mums not helping

time to change 26-08-2010 11:50 PM

wow, 5 pages!!! things are moving so quick!

hey to all the newbies, i'm steph :) !

well had my college interview today, was at 1 pm. i set my alarm for 9 am, so i would have enough time to do everything, but didnt manage to get out of bed til 11:30 am! i am now in love with who ever created dry shampoo!!! so i think i did alright on the written part, couldnt think of all the right words, but didmy best. i know i rushed the practical, which was demonstrating how to wash your hands properly. when it came to my 1:1 interview, the head of health and social was the one interviewing me, "because she knew me". i tried to explain to her all the differences between how my life is now and how it was in october, when i got kicked out for being off sick. i hope i convinced her.
she told me that they were going to start ringing people at 4pm. my support worker met me afterwards, and we went for a brew etc. and she stayed with me til 5pm, but by 6pm i still hadnt heard anything. i think it was unfair for them not to ring me, when they said they would, cant believe i have to wait til tomorrow morning. if i get in, i start on wednesday... thats 5 days away... crap!

sorry for lack of individuals, i am thinking of you all, and have read every post, just cant keep up with everything/everyone, and dont want to miss a lot of people out, or say the wrong thing to the wrong person.

*leaves safe care packages and snuggles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 12:17 AM

I know that this is unfair, and pissy, and everything... but... it really feels like no one cares about my news. :-/

Sorry. I know I don't deserve the attention or anything. This is April's bitchy side showing. I just hate feeling like I'm being ignored. :'( Too much like IRL...

FlyingNy 27-08-2010 12:21 AM

Sorry April :) Glad the interview went well and I really hope you get the job. You deserve a break. Don't feel bad, I feel like that sometimes too.

It's officially my nana's deathday. How joyful.

xx

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 12:22 AM

Aw Lia, thanks - and I'm sorry. *cuddles* How you doing other than that? Also, meant to say that your courses sound really intriguing. You'll have to let me/us know what you learn in your psych course. :)

time to change 27-08-2010 12:23 AM

april, sorry hun, i have read your posts. didnt mean to ignore you *big big hugs* glad the interview went well, and i really hope you get the job. i know what you mean, sometimes i feel ignored, but as we all say, the thread is moving so fast these days. i AM really pleased for you though xx

lia, im sorry that today is such a bad day, but please try and remember all the happy memories, and we are here to support you :) xx

reaper, please try your best not to cut, i know how hard it can be to resist the urges, but as ive already said, we are here for you, stay safe xx

RYUU 27-08-2010 12:23 AM

I couldn't sleep feeling so very numb i need to feel pain need to cut

FlyingNy 27-08-2010 12:25 AM

I'm kinda worried about psyc. The first thing we learn about is memory.

I'm alright thanks April. Not even really feeling that. Maybe the ice queen's not just an act anymore. It's becoming me.

x

FlyingNy 27-08-2010 12:25 AM

Reaper, are there any distractions you usually use? Please try to stay safe. x

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 12:36 AM

Reaper, please try to do something not to cut - like the 15 minute game, or something artsy, or even ripping up newspaper/old telephone directories, to get the energy out. You don't NEED to cut, love. You can get through this. :( And even if you do end up cutting, we're still here for you... just please, take care of the cut(s) if you do. Just try not to.

Lia, I can (try to) help with psych if you find you need help. I love it... :) It was an amazing major for me and not just because I learned about psych disorders (lol). I just liked the people, as well as the content that I learned. Although admittedly the "beginner stuff" is kinda out of my brain right now, sadly...

Steph, thanks. :) Sorry I've been neglecting individuals lately (apology to everyone)... I'm sorry that the college people haven't called you back yet, that's kind of ridiculous. :( Especially since they said that they would. Sending hugs your way!! Stay strong, sweetie.

I'm bummed right now because Jarrod refuses to read the parts of my LiveJournal that are about my ED, because he has tried to "help" (by "making" me eat X amount of calories by X time) which has only made me panicky and feel even less in control of my life. My NP talked with him about that last night so now he's not reading the parts of my LJ that deal with that. That hurts. Because he used to be my biggest supporter, the one I could go to to talk about anything. And now, just because I'm not eating "enough," he's not that person anymore?? :crying:

Sorry............. *hides in the warren and cries softly*

risenfromperdition 27-08-2010 12:36 AM

*squishes lia* message me if you want. same with april and steph and anyone else.

im... eh. i'll be fine. *nod*

risenfromperdition 27-08-2010 12:38 AM

april, maybe jarrod just doesnt want to say or do something wrong to make you feel worse so he's backing off a bit? i dunno sorry :(
*squishes tight*

time to change 27-08-2010 12:43 AM

hey april. its ok sweetie, we all neglect individuals at times, i know i have recently. yeah the college has pissed me off, but i have to show that i am getting better, so am trying my hardest not to do anything, just feel rejected (again).

*huge cuddles for everyone*

frenchhorn 27-08-2010 01:00 AM

Hi all, really sorry I havnt posted in a while, just havn't felt up to it and now I'm back and there are a ziollion of pages which I have skimmed through so I will try to do a few individual replies, but if I miss you out I really am sorry, its not cos I don't care just cos my brain is ****.

Hi new people, I'm Oliver *waves*
Also Reaper I'm also a FTM transsexual

April glad the interview went well, sorry I didn't get a chance to say good luck beforehand, *hugs* sorry Jorrad didn't want to read your stuff on live journal

*hugs Heather* whats up?

*hugs everyone* sorry i feel so crap missed so many peope out, sorry

my head is a mess, I've sunk into a bad depression again, really bad cutting, no motivation and lost all the little trust that I had began to build up in people, its just gone out of the window, cos of him. **** he text me the other day saying he missed me and was sorry and didn't want to say about the woman he was cheating with cos he didn't want tme to find out (sorry mean Alex btw) **** my head is a mess atm, my gp told me I had to give my spare meds into the recpetion and collect them weekly cos I said i would OD, but I havn't cos I need them near me to feel safe, how stupid and messed up is that

sorry

needhelp 27-08-2010 01:56 AM

Hey i never read this thread before and dont kno any of u on here but im feeling really unsafe at the moment and wondered mayb if i was allowed to check in here? x

frenchhorn 27-08-2010 02:04 AM

hi needhelp, course you can come in here. you want to talk about anything?

needhelp 27-08-2010 02:23 AM

im just so alone... its a bad time for me and my gf just left me and my flashback are getting worse and i just wanna do something bad... :(

Detour. Derail 27-08-2010 04:07 AM

I.Cannot.****ing.So.THIS.Anymore.

Detour. Derail 27-08-2010 05:00 AM

I guess no one is in

misskitty112 27-08-2010 06:20 AM

needhelp, *hugs* I'm sorry, you can PM me if you want to. I'm always up for listening :)

Lex, I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier. I hope you did find some support though, sweetie. If you ever need someone and no one's in here, you can email me (link's in my profile) and it'll get delivered to my phone and I'll read and reply ASAP. *hugs*

Doikers 27-08-2010 07:57 AM

*Hugs all* Too much to do individual replies this early , sorry
Just One

April , very well done on your interview !!:-)

Kahlia1981 27-08-2010 08:13 AM

*huggles all*

Just letting you all know we have the internet back again!!!

jonikd 27-08-2010 09:00 AM

hugs Mark and Kahlia and misses everyone here. I am so f'ed up at the moment I am no use to anyone, but miss you all terribly and think about you every single day.

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:01 AM

*Hugs JK* I miss you too :(

jonikd 27-08-2010 09:02 AM

fanks Mark, I still here, just not much use to anyone. But I still care about you all heaps x

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:05 AM

I care about you too , Remember that you have to look after yourself first and foremost okay .

jonikd 27-08-2010 09:08 AM

thanks hun, we all need to care about ourselves better hey ;)

SoMuchMore 27-08-2010 09:10 AM

*hugs mark* good morning.. although it is night for me lol.. its 3am here.

*hugs kahlia* glad you have the internet back*

*POUNCES EXCITEDLY ON JK* I'm sorry to hear you aren't doing well hun. Here if you need anything, but i am very excited to hear from you. *hugs extra*

*hugs everyone else*

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:12 AM

Yes , I know it's easier said than done though , but we have to keep on fighting .

jonikd 27-08-2010 09:13 AM

Thanks Laura, I'm OK, just a little disenfranchised and not particularly inspired. Will be OK longterm though I'm sure.

I do miss you lot, which is quite a nice feeling to be fair
x

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:14 AM

*Hugs Laura* 3 am!?! In the morning 3am?!? Crickey . are you having a tough time sleeping? *Hands over a lavender scented pillow if thats the case*

Kahlia1981 27-08-2010 09:15 AM

Why is it you can never scream or cry when you really want to? Or never stand up for yourself when you think you should?

Like today, I read 3 and 1/4 Chapters of my textbook, and these are not small chapters being easily 60 - 80 pages in each in an A4 style book but my housemate is mad at me because I "didn't leave the house". I know that I struggle to leave the house because of my Agoraphobia and that the "exposure therapy" in getting out is supposed to help, but I worked so hard at my readings, and I made sure that the house was clean and the dishes were done.

DOESN'T ANY OF THAT COUNT FOR ANYTHING?

I also noticed that our internet was off and changed the settings for our new provider so that it was all set up for him when he got hom. But nothing I do is worth anything to him. I may as well go and kill myself because he wouldn't even f*cking notice.

I'm so over this. I just don't want to go through this anymore.

I'm sorry. This just hurts so much.

SoMuchMore 27-08-2010 09:18 AM

*cuddles JK* I miss you too! I hope you will be okay in the longterm. Hang in there <3

Mark- haha yea, 3 in the morning. I dont know why im still awake, i should probably go lie down soon. Had a frustrating evening at work so now i've been chilling out for about 2 hours and cleaning... yes i know i'm weird.. cleaning my apartment around 2-3AM.

*takes the pillow and heads over to corner for sleeping*

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:19 AM

*Hugs Kahlia* You shoulden't kill yourself , I'd miss you tons and am sure the whole ward would too , Well done on all that reading AND cleaning AND internet stuff , it sounds to me like you had a productive day .I think your flatmate would miss you a LOT too.

SoMuchMore 27-08-2010 09:21 AM

*cuddles kahlia* taking care of the house really should count for something, im sorry that you are feeling unappreciated... that is really unfair. Please don't give up though, you are doing so amazing, fighting thru everything, especially lately. Hang in there hun.

MammaMia 27-08-2010 10:56 AM

*jumps on JK and then hugs everyone else*

Doikers 27-08-2010 12:37 PM

*Hugs Helen*

I just got back from having Lithium bloods taken.

Then I met with my Nurse and told her how my S.I. has spiraled into a daily occurance for me and that I've stopped my Antabuse and that I'm feeling low . She is going to research in-patient S.I. programmes in the UK for me . I didn't even know they existed . I'd give it a shot , I'd try almost anything ( Hence why I came off the Antabuse) , I'm really desperate .:(

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 12:57 PM

*tackles JK then cuddles everyone else*

JK, we've missed you!! (obviously!! ^_^) Sorry that you're not doing the best, but... well, it would be nice to have you about a bit more, although no condemnation or anything for you not being about as much as a lot of us are!! :)

Mark, well done on talking to your nurse about that. I hope that she finds an IP self injury program for you that you can go to for help. I will be praying about it (if that doesn't offend you). <3 you, big bro. How are you doing otherwise?? Played any WoW lately? *huggles*

Hels, how are you today, love? *huggles you too*

Laura, I hope you eventually got some sleep!! Cleaning your apartment at 2-3am-ish is rather odd, lol, but if it works... :P *huggles you as well!!* How are you today? how's uni so far?

Sorry not more individuals... am tired as I got up at 5:20am. >_< Again. Second day in a row, stupid me. I have no idea what woke me up this morning. I really hope that it's not becoming a habit... >:( I am going to punch my sleep cycle in the noggin if that becomes the case!!! (no idea how I'm gonna do that, but hey, sounds good, ey?) Hehe.

Uni starts for "everyone else" on Monday & my bestie may have moved by now... I miss her already. I have no idea how frequently I will see her and I haven't even gotten to say goodbye (OR gotten the music I loaned her back... >:(... not a happy April about that!!). Poop.

Stupid ED. It's 8am and I've been up for nearly 3 hours and haven't yet eaten anything (or taken my Abilify, whoopsies, haha - evil medication [for me] that it is!!). My tummy is growling but I don't want to eat anything. Stubborn me. But I'll have to if I want to have any concentration today... so I shall do that in a bit. :)

*cuddles everyone again, then goes off to hunt down some food* :P

Doikers 27-08-2010 01:07 PM

Prayers that I can get into an inpatient S.I. programme ( that lets me stay on my meds !) would really really be appreciated April , Thankyou :) *Hugs Ya* I looked online but coulden't find any programmes ,hmm my nurse has more resources I guess <3 you lil sis :)

The One Who 27-08-2010 01:24 PM

*leaves hugs in a pile for everyone*

Sorry, I tried to do individuals, but I'm tired and I think I'd miss too many people.

So yes, I am very tired having had very little sleep last night. I'm also feeling quite anxious and scared and just generally very down.

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 01:28 PM

*cuddles Mark* I will be praying then. :) And I'm sure that any IP program would understand the need for meds!! (I would hope so, anyway!!) How are you otherwise??

*cuddles Claire* Aw sweetie, I'm sorry that you didn't sleep well last night. :( I got up super early for me - 5:20am - but slept okay... wish I could give you some magical faerie dust that cures all problems!! How are you doing, other than very tired? (or does the tiredness overwhelm all other feelings? - because I've been there too!!)

Doikers 27-08-2010 01:38 PM

Thankyou April . I would have thought that a S.I. inpatient programme would understand the need for meds too but quite a while ago when I was in rehab for alcohol they took all my meds, anti-depressants, everything and wouldn't let me have them , needless to say I went and got VERY upset and angry and only lasted 3 days .

*Hugs Claire* I'm sorry you're feeling down and scared and those things :(

one_step_closer 27-08-2010 01:39 PM

*hugs everyone*

The One Who 27-08-2010 01:39 PM

I wish the tiredness did overwhelm everything else! I might post an actual thread later, try to straighten my head out a bit. I'm meant to be going out soon, should be okay. Maybe. How are you apart from tired?

Mark, I hope you find something. I think I heard of one place, but unfortunately it was for 'young people'. I also can't remember anything about it. I'm not much use!

Doikers 27-08-2010 01:45 PM

Yeah , young people aren't the only ones who struggle with it , I've posted a thread and hopefully someone on RYL will know of a place , and also my Nurse is in the healthcare field so should have some luck :) I'm just hopeful that something works out , I can't go on Harming , its been 15 years, more than half my life .

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 01:53 PM

Ugh I keep going on & depressing myself. :( I'm talking with a good friend on FB right now and she's trying to encourage me... but it's not really working. She's telling me that this is a fight worth fighting (ED) and I don't believe her... as much as I think it for other people, I am a hypocrite and don't believe it for myself. I just want to give up, curl up, cry, and slowly wither away. :( I don't know. Sorry for being so depressing. I'm just really struggling at the moment with my ED. I ate a XXkcal bit of food and it feels like a rock in my stomach... ugh. :(

I see my new nutritionist on Tuesday and as it gets closer, I get more scared. I don't really like her - or didn't in 2006 when I was admitted to their PHP there at the clinic. And my therapist said that she "can see why I think she [the nutritionist] is scary," and my NP said that "she [the nutritionist] doesn't sugarcoat ANYTHING and is not emotionally invested in her clients," which I think is a bad thing. The emotional investment bit, I mean. I might not need sugarcoating anymore. I don't know. I am just TERRIFIED. :'( I don't want to have to be admitted again either, especially with the chance of a job coming up... :(

Anyway. So that's how I'm doing. Kind of. I just am really low right now, and sore - my tummy and back both hurt - and exhausted too (but you already knew that, lol).

Sorry to ramble on so...

*cuddles Mark and Claire*

MammaMia 27-08-2010 02:47 PM

*cuddles everyone*

April, I'm really low today and very tired :S Well I know why I am, it's from not sleeping too well on Wednesday night. So I like went to sleep early last night, woke up properly whenever it was that Jade phoned me and fell back to sleep til about 10 minutes ago & it's nearly 3pm. I feel ashamed. I also feel poisoned but that's another matter in itself.


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