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Kahlia1981 23-05-2010 08:38 AM

*sneaks a coffee and runs out to the smoking shelter to hug Hayley* I hope things aren't that bad hun. Fingers are crossed for you. And if the **** does hit the fan, we're here for ya.

Heather: Parents can be like that. I get a lot of anti-smoking BS from my brother - he's an ICU nurse - so I hear you on that one. Not sure if we've really been formally introduced. I'm Kahlia, in case I hadn't said. It's been kind of busy in here, and I've forgotten a lot that's been happening. Many apologies. Do you accept hugs?

It's almost "medication time". I'm getting so sick of hearing that phrase. Thankfully my psychiatrist has lowered the number of tablets but it can still be quite a struggle. Especially when I really ain't feeling too good.

Very down at the moment. Down with strong helpings of SI and suicidal urges. Why? I don't know. What am I going to do about it? I also don't know. I really just wish it all would stop.

So.damn.over.it

*leaves warm wishes and packets of support in whatever form you can accept for everyone*

CrazyHayley 23-05-2010 08:48 AM

Hello Heather - I'm thinking coffee and a fag at 3.30am probably isn't a good idea! Kahlia - I hope yours was decaff!!

I was quite anti-smoking right up until I tried my first cigerrete aged 25! But I smoked for all the reasons they tell you not to smoke...now, well sometimes yeah I smoke for the bad reasons, but mostly now its cos I've gone and got myself addicted and I've tried giving up a few times, even managed 8months once, but then something happens and I start again for the wrong reasons and then get addicted again. I thought about giving up now that I'm back on the injection as I should be able to deal with things better, but then straight away family dramas happen. Thinking about it, I'd only give up for a few months and then I'd be likely to do what I did last time Eoghan was deployed to Afghanistan. Wave goodbye to him and then walk in tears to buy a packet of fags, so I don't see the point in trying. Is that really naughty of me?! In the grand scheme of things, it probably doesn't even deserve a second thought.

Can you tell from the waffling I've had a coffee, lol!

I need to get my brain in gear as I need to get back all my phone numbers of people. My mobile phone broke completely on me yesterday all of a sudden, so I bought a new handset (girlie moment....A purple sparkly one!!) and put my sim into it, only to discover that my numbers had been stored on my handset and not on my sim. not good!! oh well, at least I've got the same number, so hopefully any numbers that I can't track down, in time people will get in contact with me!

risenfromperdition 23-05-2010 08:50 AM

yus i like hugs =]
and yeaah i'll admit thats basically why i started too [all the reasons they say not to... mostly cuz couldnt do anything ELSE self destructive *rolls eyes at self*]

*yawn*
should prolly attempt to sleep. byes =]

risenfromperdition 23-05-2010 08:52 AM

good luck with the phone haha
ive had that happen before

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 09:10 AM

*curls up*

CrazyHayley 23-05-2010 09:18 AM

*toddles over to where Julie is curled up* How's you then me lovely? I should be getting my arse in gear for the day, but I'm dreading it so thinking of going back to bed. My partner is sleeping off his hangover, so its not like I'm being lazy or anything. Anyhoo, my coffee is wearing off now....

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 09:30 AM

i'm....
*shrugs*

CrazyHayley 23-05-2010 09:46 AM

oh Julie...at least you didn't say the F word! We're all here to listen if you want to talk. But if not, I'll just sit with you and keep you company. Though I may fall back to sleep, so I'm not sure how much company I'll be!

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 09:47 AM

i nearly said the F word

Pnuemonia[Blue] 23-05-2010 10:08 AM

Morning
How is everyone?

wildly insane 23-05-2010 10:33 AM

aww Julie I know exactly what it's like to just want a real life hug from somebody who really cares, is there a friend you can maybe go and see today, take your mind off things and give you a hug?

*hugs hayley* we've missed you :) hope today isn't as bad as you're thinking.

*hugs Heather* ooh I hate that with parents. A vital piece of clothing for the beach is a sarong - take 2 if you have them, one as a skirt and one round your shoulders, If you want to keep a shirt on or something just say you don't want to get burnt. I know too many good looking uber slim people at the beach - ugh. I love the beach, especially in winter when it's empty and the waves are crashing, try and ignore the people and enjoy the beauty. Don't know what to say about your parents though, they sound highly insensitive, my mum tells me to watch my weight, luckily I have a brother who tells me not to listen to her. Losing weight healthily is very difficult and also takes time, 2 pounds a week is ridiculous, please don't. If YOU really want to and I mean YOU it may be worth going to a nutritionist or dietician and getting a plan, which makes it easier to keep to and keeps it healthy as these things get so easily out of control and we don't want that at all.

*hugs Kahlia* love the soap box :) don't feel guilty about the monitor, honest, if you had the money you'd tell her not to worry about it, but you don't and it's not your fault

*hugs Laura* sorry to hear being back in your hometown isn't much fun, sleep was okay(ish) rather nervous that I'm not going to get everything done that I want to do today, want to spend it outside but too many other things to do

hello JK I'm Hannah how are you?

*cuddles April* hope WOW distracted you and things are feeling more manageable today

*hugs Helen* so sorry I wasn't around last night. How are you feeling today? Have you heard from your friend?

*hugs Emma* nervous but okay, how are you?

I really wish there were more hours in the day I have a list as long as my arm to get through today, but then if I didn't have stuff to do I'd just get bored - doh - i just want to be outside enjoying the weather, I will make sure I spend sometime outside I will

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 10:43 AM

*waves to blue*

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 10:51 AM

*waves to hannah*
hannah it's night time here and any real time live far away

jonikd 23-05-2010 11:15 AM

*cuddles Kahlia and Laura tight and gives them a large frilly box filled with strength & support*

Hey Hannah, I'm JK, nice to meet you.

*Waves at Heather, Emma and Blue*

*sits next to Julie and hugs her gently til she's comfortable to talk to us*

*hugs Hayley tight* sorry to hear you're struggling too hun,I've missed you while I was away ;)

Kahlia, I love it when you're on your "soapbox" you are a smart, passionate woman who makes a difference here *hugs again*

I am not great, but off to sleep now. Just back from 5 days away and my reality has hit hard today. Have managed to get through the day pretty much unscathed and will see what tomorrow brings.

Hugs to you all

*wonders how Crimson, Mark, Oliver, Lindsay and Nicole are doing*

xx

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 11:20 AM

*cuddles into jk* i wish u didnt have to sleep
*tells self to stop being totally selfish*

wildly insane 23-05-2010 11:26 AM

sorry Julie, I keep forgetting there are time zones involved in this world *cuddles gently*

Doikers 23-05-2010 11:33 AM

OOP , I'm not keeping up with the goings on on the ward this weekend ,Sorry

*Hugs all who can accept them*
*Plonks a big bowl of Apples , Pears and Bananas on the table*

Take care everyone ,I'll check back soon I hope , I've comandeered the laptop :D

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 11:35 AM

*curls up in a little ball* i dont no y i'm crying i really dont...:crying: but it hurts everytime i try and stop
but i cant let anyone see me like this

Doikers 23-05-2010 11:44 AM

*hugs Julie if Ok*

wildly insane 23-05-2010 11:47 AM

Hey there Mark, hope you are having a good weekend *hugs*

*cuddles Julie (if okay)* it's okay to cry

sleep well JK

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 11:52 AM

*nods*hugs r very welcome and hannah i love the pc is ur sig

wildly insane 23-05-2010 12:06 PM

Thanks :) it's very me, I love hugs

one_step_closer 23-05-2010 12:25 PM

*hugs everyone*

I've gone one day without self harming, hopefully I can keep it up.

wildly insane 23-05-2010 12:35 PM

Yay Lindsay that's awesome *big hugs*

Doikers 23-05-2010 12:39 PM

HEEEE Lindsay thats great news ! Go you ! *Hugs*

Louise 23-05-2010 12:42 PM

Well done Lindsay, so proud of you.

xxjuliexx 23-05-2010 12:45 PM

-sits rubbing eyes crying-

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 12:58 PM

*tackle hugs JK, Mark, and Laura* :D

Good to see you around again, JK, we missed you!! I'm sorry that reality is hitting hard again; anything you care to talk about about that? *cuddles*

Mark, how's your weekend going? *cuddles* Hopefully well... :) And yey for comandeering the laptop!! lol. :D

Laura, I'm sorry that being in your hometown again is rough... :( Why did your dad want you home sooner than planned? (sorry if that's too nosy) *squishes*

Hannah, I wish the weather here were nice... it was yesterday, but it rained overnight and is now all wet out. Grrrr. :( WoW did take my mind off things, pretty well, although I am sick and feeling it... ugh. (I'm sorry if I complain too much about being ill, it's just that I HATE it... lol.) Hopefully you get a lot done today. :) *huggles*

Kahlia, love your soapboxes as well!! :) *cuddles* So don't feel bad. At all. :)

*waves at Owen, cuddles everyone else that I've missed*

Kahlia1981 23-05-2010 01:30 PM

*hugs Lindsay* Well done. Really proud of you on your achievement. I hope that you are proud of yourself. Remember, every time that you say "no" to SI is an achievement, a "win". I hope you can keep going, but even if you slip, you know that you can make one day again, because you have managed it before. *hugs you again*

Sorry for my lack of individual replies. I'm a bit scatty at the moment and really only able to retain bits and pieces of information. I'm trying to respond where I can, but I just can't make things make sense, so I'm only responding when I can get what I want to say to come across so that it makes sense. I really don't mean any offence by it.

I'll cover this more in my own thread, but my friend - the one whose daughter destroyed my monitor - has been pretty much rendered homeless. We offered for her to stay here tonight, but she managed to make arrangements with her estranged husband which she thought would be better as the kids would have their own beds. It's going to make for a crowded day tomorrow. Especially as my housemate and I have a meeting with an Advocate to try and get some Legal help in regards to my medical situation.

My "head" situation is not good. Mood is severely low. Strong urges towards both SI and suicide. I don't know if it is reactive/environmental or psychiatric. My sense this time is that it is environmental. There has just been so much happening since it started to develop and then worsen.

I don't know. Maybe sometimes things have to be tested to the point of destruction. *sigh*

*offers hugs/safe gifts of support/care to all, then disappears into a dark corner under a huge pile of duvets*

MammaMia 23-05-2010 02:06 PM

*hugs everyone lots & lots*

*jumps on JK* I've missed you so much. Hope you're sleeping well & it totally suck when reality hits you hard again :(

*jumps on Hayley aswell* I know you were in yesterday but I don't think I managed to say anything to anyone individually really. Hope today's going better than you expected. I didn't sleep too well last night either so can sympathise.

*hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you're feeling so bad sweetheart, it really sucks I know :(

*hugs Julie* I'm sorry you're not doing too great either. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

*hugs Hannah* Hope you're getting out in the sunshine whilst doing you to do list :P

*hugs Lindsay* Yay on the one day of no self harm, try keep it up :D

*hugs Laura* Sorry being at home isn't making you very happy :(

*hugs Heather* Your parents suck, please be careful if you're wanting to lose weight. Do it healthily :(

*hugs April lots*

Right...think that's everyone covered, wow haven't done an individual replies like that in forever.

Pnuemonia[Blue] 23-05-2010 05:03 PM

is anyone around?
*sits in the corner*

MammaMia 23-05-2010 05:42 PM

I'm around Emma if you're still here :)

katnovia 23-05-2010 05:45 PM

*looks sulky* can't do individual replies right now. want to, but i havn't the time, or a helpful husband.

katnovia 23-05-2010 05:51 PM

^^^ meh, i should control my temper, whoops. sorry all.

katnovia 23-05-2010 05:57 PM

*huggles everyone in the ward who wants huggles, and leaves pressies for those who don't, then curls up in a corner and hides in shame*

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 06:30 PM

*cuddles Kat* What's up, love?

And I spy a Laura!! *cuddles*

SoMuchMore 23-05-2010 06:38 PM

*cuddles JK* aw im sorry that reality is hitting hard again... I wish that it wasn't. Hope that you are managing to stay safe though.

*hugs kat* you don't need to be sorry hun. How r u doing?

*hugs lindsay* well done!

*hugs helen* How's it going today?

*hugs mark* How is the weekend going?

*hugs april* My dad wanted me to come home sooner than planned b/c he didnt like that i was only coming home for a week. I guess he missed me or something, which is nice.. i just hate being here.. It sends me backwards, makes me feel like i did back a few years ago. Anyway.. How r u doing today hun?

OH AND I SPY YOU! :-)

*hugs kahlia* It sounds like things are really stressful for you right now. I hope that you manage to stay safe from those urges. Oh and Thanks about my signature! I think its very appropriate to where i am at the moment, always hanging on for people.

*hugs emma* Hope that you are okay. Feel free to talk in here if you need to.

*hugs hannah* glad that you slept okay. Hope that you are able to get things done today!

*hugs heather* you are not a fail at life hun. Im sorry that your parents are giving you a hard time about things, that's awful. I hate it when they do that. That was a good tip about the beach that hannah gave tho, about the sarongs. I love the beach, but i get really self conscious there too.

*hugs julie* Are you feeling any better? I hope so.
*waves to owen*

*hugs hayley* sorry to hear about your phone. Hope that your day is going okay/good/fantastic lol.

Sorry if i missed anyone.. *sets out a basket of cuddles - just in case*

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 07:31 PM

updated r/v... am not doing well. at all.

pathetic.

i don't know why the hell i've been SO angry lately!!! :crying:

Doikers 23-05-2010 07:40 PM

*Hugs fellow wardmates*
It gone quite well this weekend at my parents , I haven't cut all weekend and I DID bring a tool so go me!

I'm going back to my flat when my Dad goes to work tomorrow morning, he works in the town I live so , convineient (spelling?)
I've been a bit frustrated , lack of privacy issues , even if I shut myself away in my room people come :S so I'm sat on the laptop at the table in the living/dining area with everyone around the T.V. and baby and eating . Hidong in plain sight sort of , I'd be mortified if they all knew I was on a S.I. website talking about S.I...... hmm

Louise 23-05-2010 07:49 PM

Hi everyone

SoMuchMore 23-05-2010 07:53 PM

*crosses arms at April* NOT pathetic! *cuddles gently*

*hugs mark* YAY! great job on not SI-ing all weekend! *high fives*
Lack of privacy issues are so frustrating. Hope that you are able to get some (But not too much) alone time soon!

*hugs louise - if its okay* Hi! how r u doing today?

Louise 23-05-2010 07:57 PM

*hugs Laura* Yes I like hugs, I am so so feeling low. How are you?

*hugs mark* well done on not self harming all weekend.

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 07:59 PM

*hugs Mark and Laura* Good job on you, Mark, for not SI'ing over the weekend!! Am proud of you too. :)

Laura, I feel pathetic. I really do. My r/v explains all and I know that you read it... thanks... but... I don't know. I really don't. I don't even know what to say. :'(

*hugs Louise* Aw, I'm sorry that you're feeling low. Anything we can do to help??

I just want to curl up into a ball in a dark hole and NEVER come out. :'(

Doikers 23-05-2010 08:01 PM

*Hugs Laura and Louise*
Well as for the privacy , when I'm back at my flat tomorrow I'll be alone (I live alone) but I have a couple of appointments one I go too (Volunteering buero , 2nd appointment ,I'm anxious) and in the afternoon my SW is coming.

Doikers 23-05-2010 08:02 PM

*HUGS APRIL*

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 08:03 PM

*curls up next to Mark & cries, since she can't cry IRL*

:'(

Louise 23-05-2010 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2312804)
*hugs Louise* Aw, I'm sorry that you're feeling low. Anything we can do to help??

I just want to curl up into a ball in a dark hole and NEVER come out. :'(

I replyed the same time as you :) Not coping well with flashback

*hugs april*

SoMuchMore 23-05-2010 08:20 PM

*hugs april* I sent you a PM. I wont be redundant repeating everything here but you are an amazing person!

*hugs mark* sounds like you have at least a few plans. Hopefully you wont get too anxious about them.

*hugs louise* flashbacks are awful :-( I'm sorry you are feeling so low.

I am feeling a lot of things right now, so i dont know how i am really. Depends on the moment i guess. I need to start my graduate exam prep course but im not feeling it. I hate standardized tests.

Scarletdreamer 23-05-2010 09:14 PM

updated r/v again... :'(

did a few surveys - entered them into survey monkey, i mean - and am extra tired right now. really don't want to go to work tomorrow. :'(

my birthday's coming up. i don't want it to come. i don't know why. i just don't. i'm so sick of myself.

:crying:

katnovia 23-05-2010 09:27 PM

*cuddles april* I got into trouble with the police yesterday, and i can't believe I let it get that far. My anger got the better of me, and I ended up recieving a police caution for domestic assault :( :S.
I'm so sorry you're having a tough time of things. I wish I could say something magical. *cuddles* I'm gonna read your RV in a bit. *cuddles more*

*hugs laura* I think I do need to be sorry, I did a pretty stupid thing, so now I'm not doing great. Feeling very guilty and ashamed, and kinda silly. Still, I managed not to cut..which was impressive given that hubby called out his collegues because I had a kitchen knife and had threatened to slash the care tyres..

Congrats on a good SI-free weekend mark *celebratory cuddle* thats really good! well done.

Hi louise, not sure we've met properly, I'm Kat *safe huggles* flashbacks absolutely suck, and i'm sorry you're struggling with 'em at the moment.

EDIT: I Spy A Julie


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