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MammaMia 27-11-2008 02:31 AM

*clings*

It's 2.30am, I plan to wake up at 8am.

Not in uni today, but have to go in for a meeting -.-

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 04:49 AM

*leaves hugs for all*

My head hurts. I think I need to put it to bed ... but it's only almost 1500 hours. Way too early to go to bed and if I did get some sleep then it would take away my ability to sleep tonight. Meh.

fallenshadows 27-11-2008 05:35 AM

Nothing like breaking up the night before thanksgiving...
When it comes to finding love/companionship Id have a better chance at winning the lottery.

...

Auburn Shadow 27-11-2008 05:53 AM

*hugs everyone*

Hells, sorry I didn't get your text earlier. You know where I am if you want to talk about it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Wish I knew what was going on with my dad. I mean, I know I go around telling everyone I don't much like him because of what he did to me and that, but I do still care for him. They operated the other day apparently, but I don't know what happened after that, and I don't know whether it was successful and will keep him here or not.
My mum emailed me to invite me to a friends 18th, and yet she didn't think to tell me what was going on with him. She didn't think that it would be necessary to tell me about them operating. If I want to know anything, then I have to phone up and ask. Even if they promise to phone me if anything happens, I can't trust that they will. It just... well, it annoys me more than anything, and then I just start getting angry at her. I mean, I realise that she's got a lot on her plate, but I hate not knowing anything, and I hate having to constantly make the effort to phone and ask. *sigh* sorry, it wasn't supposed to be quite this long.

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 07:13 AM

I feel like running away or crying. If I ran away it would be so much better on everyone else.

I just want all the crud to end.

*leaves cuddles for everyone*

zowie 27-11-2008 12:14 PM

Going back to college today. I'm so behind and nervous.
Just want to sleeeeeeeeeeep x

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 12:17 PM

*hugs Zowie*

I wish you all the best. I sincerely hope that things go well for you.

Mary Anne 27-11-2008 01:38 PM

*huge big giant hugs for everyone*

Helen, don't have any words the others have said but my thoughts are with you. Take it easy sweetie.

Had to stay off work today, I actually got there but was in a complete state but it did force me to go to the doctor which I should have done weeks ago, back on the meds, the joy, feeling sick for a week whilst they enter my system. Off tomorrow too.

*curls up and hopes it will all go away*

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Anne (Post 1246808)
Had to stay off work today, I actually got there but was in a complete state but it did force me to go to the doctor which I should have done weeks ago, back on the meds, the joy, feeling sick for a week whilst they enter my system. Off tomorrow too.

*curls up and hopes it will all go away*

I know all about the sickness and so forth in the weeks where your levels of the meds get back to where they should be. *offers you hugs and support*

MammaMia 27-11-2008 02:26 PM

*curls up and wants it to go away and for her to come back*

mouse in darkness 27-11-2008 03:33 PM

Am still feeling hurt by my mum. Can't wait to see her I think I feel like that its so hard to tell tonight

zowie 27-11-2008 04:16 PM

Thank you Kahlia :)
Went in, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I wasn't so behind that I didn't understand anything they were talking about. But I didn't have the stuff for the second part of the lesson so I left halfway through.

Don't want to go in tomorrow. It's media, and I have barely done any of the coursework :S

Helen, I just read about your friend. I'm really sorry and here if you want to talk.

xxx

MammaMia 27-11-2008 04:37 PM

Glad you went in today Zowie *cuddles*

What can I say that I haven't already?
What can anyone say?
I honestly don't know.
It's just getting harder and harder.
Each hour passes, is another hour without her living.
I need her >.<
I don't know how to deal with this.
It's not real.

youngatheart 27-11-2008 05:09 PM

sending hugs to everyone.
Missing my finace so much I cant stand it. I wont see him maybe until after xmas, I know its not a big problem but I cant stop crying.

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1246865)
*curls up and wants it to go away and for her to come back*

Helen, I just want to hold you close in a tight hug - if that's okay. I know that it is hard and that you are struggling to get by. *enfolds Helen in a hug*

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1247034)
Thank you Kahlia :)
Went in, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I wasn't so behind that I didn't understand anything they were talking about. But I didn't have the stuff for the second part of the lesson so I left halfway through.

You are most welcome Zowie. At least you made it out there and it is good that you were still able to understand at least the first part. I know you are dreading going out for the media elements, but at least give it a try. You might surprise yourself.

*leaves cuddles for everyone*

MammaMia 27-11-2008 09:05 PM

Hug me as tight as you want- it's much appericated. I just don't know what to do :/

Some good news though, my cousin finally gave birth to Grace today =)

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 09:44 PM

Helen - that is really good news!! *enfolds you in a tight, warm hug*

*leaves hugs for everyone*

MammaMia 27-11-2008 09:52 PM

I know, but all I can think about is Stef. Selfish perhaps. =|

*rocks back and forth*

Kahlia1981 27-11-2008 10:01 PM

I don't think it's selfish. I can understand where you are coming from. I wish I had words to make you feel better - because, when you are feeling better you will think about baby Grace. Try not to beat yourself up over it sweetness and delight.

*sits next to Helen for as long as required*

rach3121 27-11-2008 10:18 PM

*hugz for everyone*

*looks around nervously then curls up under big purple fluffy blanket and cries*

MammaMia 27-11-2008 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1247911)
I don't think it's selfish. I can understand where you are coming from. I wish I had words to make you feel better - because, when you are feeling better you will think about baby Grace. Try not to beat yourself up over it sweetness and delight.

*sits next to Helen for as long as required*

Thank you sweetie. I don't think anyone has the words to make me feel better. But people's words & support is helping somehow. *cuddles* I am thinking about baby Grace lots already.

*curls up ino*

Her note makes me cry. :-( (I just got it now)

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 12:51 AM

*offers silent support to Helen*

I feel like I should be studying but my brain just won't let me. First semester here doesn't even begin until March, which I guess is good because it means that I'll be already through one textbook, plus the seminal work on C++ programming and hopefully even the whole way through the textbook I need for the semester. It's really weird. A little part of me is telliing me that I'm being lazy by not having finished the book (approximately 22 chapters) within a couple of days. Meh.

*cuddles everyone*

MammaMia 28-11-2008 09:00 AM

*cuddles back*

Oh I sooooooo want to have a go at someone in my thread, but I know I'll regret it, upset Stef and everyone else and land in trouble.

Grrrrrr >.<

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 09:25 AM

*continues cuddling Helen*

Maybe you could write the stuff you want to aim at that person down the old fashioned way (on paper) or in a file on your computer. That way you have gotten it out of your system but it's in a way that doesn't involve anyone else and therefore keeps you out of trouble. Just a suggestion, feel free to take it on board or not as you see fit.

*brings blankets & doonas for everyone*

MammaMia 28-11-2008 01:06 PM

I think I will and then I will delete it :p

Ooooh blankets!!!! It's FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZINNNNNNNNG here!!! I went out shopping with my mum & sister. Which I refused to do anyway and eventually dragged my sorry arse out of bed and went. BUT I gots a new dress!!!!!!!!!! =D

Mary Anne 28-11-2008 01:54 PM

New dresses are always fun :)

Feeling better for a couple of days off work, had a record breaking 11 hours sleep last night, have been living on about 5 hours for weeks now.
Still feel crap about life but at least the pressure of work has been removed for a bit.
Going to a graduation ball tonight (not mine) promised my friend I would go as her boyf dumped her and he was supposed to go. Should help me forget about things for a bit.

*cuddles and electric blankets for the cold* (it is absolutely freezing up here in bonnie Scotland)

MammaMia 28-11-2008 02:03 PM

Indeed they are Mary Anne. Glad you had lots of sleep and I hope you enjoy tonight. *sends some warmth* It's cold in England too =[

MammaMia 28-11-2008 02:11 PM

I hated it today, we were so ****ing high up in the carpark. Just made me think of it. Damm you. >.<

1ofmany 28-11-2008 02:38 PM

Life sucks.

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 04:20 PM

I went to bed about 2130 hours (9:30 pm) last night and woke up around about 0200 (2:00 am). Now I know with me that I won't be able to get back off to sleep so I've come onto the forum that keeps me alive.

What I'm finding weird is that here in Australia it's pretty close to summer and the days are scorching hot, yet I'm still freezing in the early hours of the morning and remember that most of you are heading into winter and therefore offer blankets.

Moving day today. That should be fun. I just hope that things go well. Fingers crossed that the new living arrangements work out for everyone involved.

*leaves blankets for those heading into winter, and cool drinks for those heading into summer*

zowie 28-11-2008 04:23 PM

Media wasn't too hard today. My teacher gave me a handout about the cw and I have a week to do the first part. I think I'm gonna be okay with college.

My teacher said that my care co ordinator phoned the college (she had to to vouch for me that I'm not going to hurt any other student) and apparently told them that I'm not as ill as I want to believe I am.
It's because of this stupid personality disorder they've diagnosed me with, isn't it?? They think that because I haven't responded to three different APs (except put on a ****load of weight) that maybe I'm lying about the voices.
I'm not ****ing lying! Is that what they think?

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1248841)
I think I will and then I will delete it :p

Ooooh blankets!!!! It's FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZINNNNNNNNG here!!! I went out shopping with my mum & sister. Which I refused to do anyway and eventually dragged my sorry arse out of bed and went. BUT I gots a new dress!!!!!!!!!! =D

I hope that typing it all out helped Helen. I like getting new clothes .... I just wish I was a bit thinner so that dresses and the like looked good on me.
:crying:

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1249079)
Media wasn't too hard today. My teacher gave me a handout about the cw and I have a week to do the first part. I think I'm gonna be okay with college.

My teacher said that my care co ordinator phoned the college (she had to to vouch for me that I'm not going to hurt any other student) and apparently told them that I'm not as ill as I want to believe I am.
It's because of this stupid personality disorder they've diagnosed me with, isn't it?? They think that because I haven't responded to three different APs (except put on a ****load of weight) that maybe I'm lying about the voices.
I'm not ****ing lying! Is that what they think?

Zowie they tend to use personality disorders as a catch all. Here in Australia - well Townsville anyway - they label people PD (usually borderline) no matter what the symptoms are.

You might not have responded to AP drugs because of the type of drug they are. Can I ask which one's you have been on ? The reason I ask is that some people respond better to different types. Take me ... I respond to olanzapine (which so far has made me lose weight - a good thing because risperdal made me gain heaps) and quetiapine, both of which are atypical anti-psychotics. Now I've through almost every drug on the block and these two (with the quetiapine as a PRN) actually work for me in making it so I can manage the hallucinations.

They may be thinking that you're lying, but if you are consistent with your symptoms they will eventually realise you aren't. As you might be able to tell, I don't think you are lying.

I hope you can work something out.

MammaMia 28-11-2008 04:34 PM

1ofmany,
life sure does suck.

So do rushing thoughts and you can't tell whether you're suicidial or not because everything is confusing you and hurts.

MammaMia 28-11-2008 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1249084)
I hope that typing it all out helped Helen. I like getting new clothes .... I just wish I was a bit thinner so that dresses and the like looked good on me.
:crying:

I haven't typed it out yet. I'm sure you look perfectly fine in dresses *cuddles* I hope moving day goes well sweetheart, sending you lots of strength & luck.

MammaMia 28-11-2008 04:37 PM

I think I'm going to cry in a minute.
Please let me cry body.
Please.
This hurts too much.

Kahlia1981 28-11-2008 04:57 PM

Thankyou Helen. Maybe it's just me looking at myself. I'm terribly self-conscious and have almost no self-esteem whatsoever.

Thankyou also for your wishes regarding moving day. Which is here, but also not here as it's only nearly 3:00 am. So most people aren't up and about yet.

I hope you manage to cry Helen. *cuddles*

MammaMia 28-11-2008 05:02 PM

Ahh I see. *cuddles* Well I hope it goes well when it's like here if you get me :p

Still no tears. *shrugs*

Pomegranate 29-11-2008 01:28 AM

I am sorry they are being so silly Zowie but well done on going into college today *squishes*

Kahalia- hope it goes alright today hun, thinking of you.

*hugs 1ofmany and Mary Anne* how are you both doing now?

Hope you sleep well Hells x

--------------

I am so sore, another a+e trip, I just can't control it at the moment. 7 sets in under two weeks and I am really struggling not to do it again. They only let me go home today because I promised to call the crisis team over the weekend, especially if I wanted to SI or anything and I have to call my CPN monday. If I SI I can't go get it checked out in case they won't let me home. I just feel so out of control. Cut deeper and worse than ever before. Even getting up, showering etc seems a big deal. Drunk almost every night for the last two weeks. I just can't cope much longer...

Accidentally Abstract 29-11-2008 03:10 AM

I don't know what to say.
S.O.S.?

Mary Anne 29-11-2008 10:54 AM

Managed most of last night before getting too tired (and refrained from crying for the whole night - a major plus for me). We did a stage left when the slow dances came on.

I covered my arms but I was with good friends who know and although both confess they cannot comprehend doing it themselves I get no kick back from them.

Feeling extremely fat, jeans too tight, bleugh (most likely cause I have not been doing any excericse at all)

Back to dull horrible life, at least it is Saturday.

Tis very very cold, brrrr

*big hugs*

MammaMia 29-11-2008 01:15 PM

*leaves gentle cuddles for everyone*

I think it's finally sunk in.

mouse in darkness 29-11-2008 01:50 PM

Today has been very eventful I had my two best friends move in and spoke to my favourite uncle who I haven't seen or heard from in over 12 years. I also lost apart of myself just speaking to him. He offered for me to stay with him for 4 week when I'm ready. I missed him dearly and wish I had the money to fly accros the country to do so.

Kahlia1981 29-11-2008 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 1250150)
Kahlia- hope it goes alright today hun, thinking of you.

------------

I am so sore, another a+e trip, I just can't control it at the moment. 7 sets in under two weeks and I am really struggling not to do it again. They only let me go home today because I promised to call the crisis team over the weekend, especially if I wanted to SI or anything and I have to call my CPN monday. If I SI I can't go get it checked out in case they won't let me home. I just feel so out of control. Cut deeper and worse than ever before. Even getting up, showering etc seems a big deal. Drunk almost every night for the last two weeks. I just can't cope much longer...

Firstly today went well. Except when we were taking the trailer back to mum and dad's place it popped off the towball and the only thing holding it on was the chain. We were very lucky (basically because my flatmate is good at driving and so forth) as the trailer went wild but we a) didn't send it crashing into the car behind us and b) didn't send it smashing into the back of our car. The fault actually lay with my father ... but other than that things went pretty well.

Emma - I don't have any words that will make these urges go away or anything like that. If I did I would definitely pass them on to you. I'm worried about you. *cuddles Emma*

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1250548)
*leaves gentle cuddles for everyone*

I think it's finally sunk in.

*cuddles Helen right back*
I just want to leave you some extra special hugs right now Helen.

Nicole - yay!! I hope everything continues to go fairly well.

*cuddles everyone then runs to corner and tries to hide*

mouse in darkness 29-11-2008 02:02 PM

I would like to thank Kahlia and Voice of Reason for the support they have givin me over the last week.

Kahlia1981 29-11-2008 02:10 PM

It's okay Nicole .... it's what we are here for. Well part of what I'm here for LOL. *cuddles Nicole*

MammaMia 29-11-2008 07:03 PM

OMG

I've just seen Grace

She is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute

Louise 29-11-2008 07:08 PM

sends hugs to everyone

Kahlia1981 29-11-2008 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1251093)
OMG

I've just seen Grace

She is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute

Babies tend to be very cute. I hope you get in lots of cuddles with Grace. :wow: Also, if you are able, take plenty of photographs because she will grow up so fast!!

---
I'm having a bad night. Well technically it's morning now. 0533 hours. If I slept it was like 10 minutes and now I'm shaking from head to toe. Blech. Hope everyone else is doing better.

*leaves cuddles for everyone*

BoundNoMore 29-11-2008 07:38 PM

*curls up in a corner holding head and cries*
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww I hate migraines!!!!


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