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Automatik Teknicolour 20-05-2008 10:02 PM

Without wishing to sound stupid, what have tried Bound by Thoughts, to fall asleep or to calm down?

BoundNoMore 20-05-2008 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Automatik Teknicolour (Post 777994)
Without wishing to sound stupid, what have tried Bound by Thoughts, to fall asleep or to calm down?

everything I can think of... warm bubble bath, soft music, reading, warm milk...

Automatik Teknicolour 20-05-2008 10:08 PM

Have you tried going for a walk?

BoundNoMore 20-05-2008 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Automatik Teknicolour (Post 778029)
Have you tried going for a walk?

yes... and sit-ups and push-ups

~*forever_broken*~ 20-05-2008 10:23 PM

*hugs Amanda*
I wish I could help you hun. You should probably talk to a doc about it though, this isn't good.*snuggles*
----------------------
I've got a therapy appointment for this Friday. It's not next week but that's better than having to wait for two weeks... Now it's just a little over one. But now I don't want to go... I don't want to talk about yesterdays session or the stuff we talked about... I don't want to talk about being 'done'... Or the fact that I really thought about slitting my wrists yesterday afternoon... last night... this morning... Actually a few places I could cut and bleed out... One had been out of the question but now even that one doesn't make me blanch when I think about it... That killing myself is rather appealing... Because then not only would I be 'done' I'd be DONE :crying: f**k me :crying:

irkeninvader 20-05-2008 10:31 PM

*hugs forever lost* If you talk about it, your therapist might be able to help hun. You've got yourself an appointment so somewhere inside you really do want to be helped. I know it's hard. Sorry I don't have more words

Detour. Derail 20-05-2008 10:41 PM

Hey Bound By Thoughts. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!
I get this quite often and I know how awful it is.
The only thing I can suggest is either going to see your doctor or getting some Nytol/Kalms (a herbal alternative) although if you're on other medication...I'd ask a doctor or pharmacist for advice

Ally sweetheart...I'm really sorry you feel this way :-(
I wish I could give you something...but I really dont n=know what to say.
Please...stay strong. It'll be ok hun *hugs you tightly*
Love you
xxx

BoundNoMore 20-05-2008 10:55 PM

(((hugs))) Ally

MammaMia 20-05-2008 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Automatik Teknicolour (Post 777866)
Do you wanna talk about it Helen?

I don't really know what's wrong :crying: Well I think I do. It's all very confusing :sad:

BoundNoMore 20-05-2008 11:03 PM

*cuddles Helen and rub her head*
You can PM me if you need to.

Automatik Teknicolour 20-05-2008 11:14 PM

Ditto, any one ever wants to talk, I make a good listener :-)

Detour. Derail 20-05-2008 11:17 PM

^she is! shes had lots of practice ^_^

And you know you're gonna get my opinion anyway :P

MammaMia 20-05-2008 11:21 PM

Thanks Amanda :)

I don't know. I've been really happy today for several reasons. Like, I had a bit of a health scare this weekend- but it's okay, it was just a hormonal thing. Then Jane made me smile cus she said if Pud does wriggle when I'm with her, I can feel it, I felt really werid when she said that =\ But s/he doesn't really wriggle around until 7-11pm, but the bubs is doing it more frequently. Hehe. Also my eld sister texted me earlier mentioning this BBQ she's having as her housewarming party and bless her she said if I came it'd mean so much to her. Then she also told me she might invite my mum and one of our sisters, which if she does I'll be so proud. Because a huge family row happened last August (I have no idea about what tbh) and like nobody is talking to her, even I wasnt at one point, except me :( It really deeply affected me actually...

I miss my dad so ****ing much. All this goodbye crap is hitting it home eally hard atm =[ Every ****ing mention of goodbye or something similar does...and like I keep thinking about lots of goodbyes where I've cried :S

Katch 20-05-2008 11:44 PM

Evening all - I've missed you.
Hells - it's not surprising that all these goodbyes are bringing up these feelings - but try and remember your dad is still there for you - you had a lovely day with him the other day playing all those games and you can do that again - I know it's so hard that he is not there on a daily basis and that is sad and hard for you - but in time you will build up a routine where you see him regularly and you won't have the doubt all the time of when and if you are going to see him - Hugs xxx I hope the BBQ goes well, sounds like it could be good.

Amanda, I am sorry you are so restless - the other night I suggested to someone they wrote me a story to try and relax them - I got a great stroy to read (still waiting for chapter two!!) and they went to sleep - you never know if might be worth a try. xxx

Alexx, thought I'd say hi - and give you some hugs, how's your day been xxx

Forever lost - my lovely RYL niece, I hope you want to go by Friday - it is a good idea, please try and tell them what you can - the more knowledge they have the more they can help - we hide all thse things then we wonder why we don't feel better - give it a go - we will be here for you when you get back xxx

Automatik teknicolour little sis, you are a good listener - how you doing??xxx

And everyone else sorry if I have missed you - it's taken me ages to read all the posts and then I write forever - hugs to you all - xxxxx

MammaMia 20-05-2008 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katch (Post 778347)
Hells - it's not surprising that all these goodbyes are bringing up these feelings - but try and remember your dad is still there for you - you had a lovely day with him the other day playing all those games and you can do that again - I know it's so hard that he is not there on a daily basis and that is sad and hard for you - but in time you will build up a routine where you see him regularly and you won't have the doubt all the time of when and if you are going to see him - Hugs xxx I hope the BBQ goes well, sounds like it could be good.

Yeah I know my dad is still here for me :) I sure did have a lovely day with him at the weekend and can do that again. It is hard not having him on a daily basis, but if he was here, I wouldn't pay his attention as much I don't think :blink: I do have a routinue with him tbh, been seeing him every thursday and sunday (whether we're working or not)....most of the time since October :shocked: Huggles. Thanks for the huggles :) I hope the BBQ goes well too.

Katch 21-05-2008 12:02 AM

Hugs to Emma - I missed you in my last post -sorry - how are you this evening?

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:04 AM

You only appreciate something fully once it's not there as much...whch is a shame...but at least you still see him :)
*hugs you tight*
And....When I got your text before...
I was grinning like an idiot :D
Such good news <3 ^_^
xxxxxxxxxx

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:05 AM

:O Bound By Thoughts! You're Katch's Daughter too...
Makes us RYL sisters by association ^_^

Automatik Teknicolour 21-05-2008 12:08 AM

Katch - I'm ok thanks :-) How about you?
You feeling better today I hope? :-) xxx

Katch 21-05-2008 12:11 AM

Sort of - and I am sure I will feel even better tomorrow (Positive thinking!!! - gonna give it a try) I went to the gym again today so that was good. But I told my friend (I only have one where I live - how sad) that I had been on the cross-dresser, whoops I meant to say the cross trainer - funny though.

blondiebear 21-05-2008 12:12 AM

Dear daughter Ally, make a list of things you don't want to talk about but know you should and email it to your counselor. It worked before.

My husband tells me that I had nightmares last night, that I've been having them every night. They are disturbing him more than they are me.

Visit with the nutritionist went well enough.

I feel like a moron cause I can't do any better than this at taking care of everyone;
*gives hugs to everyone including extras*
*wanders off, diet pepsi in hand*

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:12 AM

hehe I'm sure she saw the funny side of it :p
I do stuff like that all the time ^_^
Did you feel better after you'd been to the gym?

Pomegranate 21-05-2008 12:13 AM

Emma's disastrous, time consuming and pointless trip to a+e which almost resulted in her sectioning.

- I went to a+e for stitching, got sorted fine, so I ask if I can go home and get told no. With minimal complaining, like a good girl I agree to stay and wait to be assessed by someone. One hour passes, then two and I am sat in this room by myself. I get the idea pop into my head that I could and should quite easily electrocute myself- there is everything I need, metal, water and a plug socket. This idea becomes very tempting but even I realise it is a bad one and to be honest I am slightly scared by it.

So, to distract myself I look to see if I have a blade to s/h with. It turns out I do, for once I actually had one on my person....still not sure how it got there but hey ho. I close the door, roll up sleeve etc and then as I pick up blade, nurse walks in. ****. She stares at me and asks for the blade. I comply and she then informs me she has to tell someone. Understandable. So she does and this Sister (who was very nice up until this point) comes and has a go at me about not being fair to the staff and how upset and guilty she and Linda (other nurse who I actually know quite well now) would feel if I had SI'd in hospital.

I apologised before saying I really did not want to go to the observation ward because I would end up staying for hours and hours to then spend 5 minutes with a psych who would release me. At this point she went a bit mental. Here is our conversation after I said I wasn't going to the obs ward:
Nurse: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You have been deemed a risk to yourself by the doctor.
Me: Yes, fine, but I do not need to see anybody, it is a waste of time and I am not going to kill myself in the immediate future anyway.
Nurse: I'm warning you, you are staying to be assessed one way or another. You can either agree to what we are telling you to do or I can have security sit with you and baby sit you and get a doctor to come and section you with us. What is it going to be?
Me: Section me? For What?
Nurse: Serious and repetitive self harm, you just tried to self harm on the ward so you are obviously not stable enough to be trusted by yourself. You are a risk to yourself.

At this point I looked at Linda, who turned away upset and wouldn't look at me. I start to worry.

Nurse: And if you try to leave the hospital either security or police will bring you back and you will be sectioned if you haven't been already.

At this point I agreed to stay just in case she wasn't bluffing. *Fast forward an hour* I am currently being supervised by Linda (the other Nurse) and get transferred to the observation ward where I get placed in the bed bit right opposite the nurses station so that I can't 'run off'.

Three more hours pass and a psych turns up. Spend less than 5 minutes with said psych who decides I am safe to go home and discharges me there and then. Helllooo....I predicted that so why the **** threaten me with sectioning????

How can medical staff threaten to section me and see me as this huge risk to myself and psych people be fine with me??? It makes NO sense whatsoever.

Rant over.

Pomegranate 21-05-2008 12:15 AM

Thanks Katch *hugs* Just posted with a big long rant lol. How are you doing?

*offers hugs for everyone who needs them and special hugs and smarties for Helen, Ally and Alexx*

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:20 AM

:D Thankies for the smarties m'dear ^_^
I'm sorry your visit to A&E sucked :/
that nurse sounds like a bitch!!
Bloody stupid people.
But at least you're here now :]
We aren't gonna force you to do anything...
If you wanna chat...you have my mobile number :]
love you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:21 AM

I had to change my avatar...because it made me feel angry :/
Bloody PINGU....made me feel angry....

WHATTHEHELL

Katch 21-05-2008 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate (Post 778417)
Emma's disastrous, time consuming and pointless trip to a+e which almost resulted in her sectioning.

Crazy stuff - how on earth can they think you feel better after all that - I really don't get it. When I was reading your post I thought I am glad they caught you doing it - they can see it's serious and they will help you - how wrong could I be - I'm really sorry you had to go through all that - you must be feeling really angry about it all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 778414)
Did you feel better after you'd been to the gym?

I felt hot a sweaty - yuk - but I actullay had a swim after as there was only one other person in there and all the lights were down low with just blue lights coming out from the water so it was good and no-one could really see me.


Quote:

Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 778412)
I feel like a moron cause I can't do any better than this at taking care of everyone;
*gives hugs to everyone including extras*
*wanders off, diet pepsi in hand*

Sorry to hear about the nightmares lad they are not disturbing you too much but I bet that your hubby is tires. Hugs help tons even when you can't say anything - hugs back to you

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:27 AM

That sounds great Katch ^_^
I used to love getting back from the gym and getting a shower or going for a swim straight after...
it made my week.

Maybe...when I get a job...and get rid of these scars on my legs :/....I'll start again :]

MammaMia 21-05-2008 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 778391)
You only appreciate something fully once it's not there as much...whch is a shame...but at least you still see him :)
*hugs you tight*
And....When I got your text before...
I was grinning like an idiot :D
Such good news <3 ^_^
xxxxxxxxxx

GOSH! I actually said a very similar thing to my counsellor last week. "You really don't know what you have til it's gone"
I'm glad I still see him =]
*hugs you tighter*
Awwwwww bless you chick.
I really smiled too, cus I knew how happy you'd be aswell.
Sure is AWESOME news :hop:

Emma, I replied to your thread about your crappy visit. Thanks for the hugs, I really wish they were in person :P Come & see me next week? HEHE! I don't like smarties and feel rhooode about that :hehe:

Katch 21-05-2008 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 778452)
Maybe...when I get a job...and get rid of these scars on my legs :/....I'll start again :]

I wear long trousers (not in the pool - but it was dark so no-one could see anything) and I am only going because they have a special offer on at the moment a trial membership for 5 consecutive days - so it doesn't cost (I've been lucky as the past 3 times when I have been back in UK they have had an offer on - so I never pay) I am thinking when these 5 days are up it will be weekend then on Monday I am going to try and get another 5 days by pretending to be someone else - hope it works.

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:41 AM

hahaha :P
I love that idea ^_^
You could pretend...to be me?:P

Katch 21-05-2008 12:43 AM

if i pretend to be you - will i still get the benefits of the hard work?

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:44 AM

oh yes ^_^

Katch 21-05-2008 12:53 AM

well thats sorted then - Reason to believe is off to the gym on Monday - see you there... (in the mirror)
I am busting for the loo (yep I really needed to share that didn't I) and then I need to take the dogs out and do my usual star gazing ritual - which reminds me last night I was standing there watching the stars when I was suddenly aware of something running past me and it wasn't my dogs - it was a fox and it was so close - no more than a foot away - my dogs went crazy - but I thought it was pretty cool coming so close.
I shall love you and leave you and look out for you all tomorrow. Take care till then - hugs you all and heads cross legged to the door. xxx

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 12:57 AM

hehe See ya Katch.
Take Careeeee
Alexx
xxxxx

Automatik Teknicolour 21-05-2008 01:04 AM

I'm heading off now too
Night all :-)
Stay safe, take care
xxxxx

MammaMia 21-05-2008 01:10 AM

Take care Katch & Jess.

We love you ladies <3

I am apprantly loved on here too ROFL :S

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 01:11 AM

yes ^_^
yes you are :-D

MammaMia 21-05-2008 01:14 AM

Yeaaaah.
I'm not even going to say what I was about to say.
Faaaaaaaaaar too bitchy.
Besides, I have to remember people DO HAVE LIVES.
Like I do >.<
**** me.

I really want to cut. :crying:

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 01:15 AM

what were you gonna say hun?
Please say strong
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Auburn Shadow 21-05-2008 01:19 AM

*curls up in a corner*

I wish it was over now. Uni, **** between my friends, all that.
:crying: :crying:

(Need to cut. But it's been so long)

*hugs everyone*

Detour. Derail 21-05-2008 01:29 AM

Hana I'm sorry you're finding it so hard right now :(
*hugs*

Auburn Shadow 21-05-2008 01:36 AM

Thanks hun. Not going to go into the details, but I'm beginning to wish I didn't care so much. It's all my fault there's all these bad nights recently though. And honestly? I don't see the point of turning up to the exam tomorrow morning. Not as if I'm going to pass it after the evening I've had.
*sigh*

MammaMia 21-05-2008 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 778551)
what were you gonna say hun?
Please say strong
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh, I was going to pass comment on how if anybody cares that's why they help as much as used to or that's how come people do reply in my thread...not. But it's too bitchy and going back to last Thursday. I have to remember, people cannot be there for me 24/7, just like I know I can't be when others are struggling. You know what really makes me sad? Is the fact soooo many people are struggling....:crying: I feel completly useless at times because I have no words/don't help properly.

I'm talking utter crap again. As well as being selfish. I should be happy with what I've got.

BoundNoMore 21-05-2008 02:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reason[TO]Believe (Post 778393)
:O Bound By Thoughts! You're Katch's Daughter too...
Makes us RYL sisters by association ^_^

:laugh: Cool

blondiebear 21-05-2008 03:24 AM

The stuff my husband endures is real love, much better than fairy tail stuff! I once heard that love is a decision. He decides every day!

Hugs all around. Sweet dreams all! Or no dreams at all.

BoundNoMore 21-05-2008 03:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 778748)
The stuff my husband endures is real love, much better than fairy tail stuff! I once heard that love is a decision. He decides every day!

Same here... I don't why my hubby decides to love me through all my mess, but he does. I am scared to death that one day he will wake up and realize that he deserves better though. :sad:

~*forever_broken*~ 21-05-2008 03:58 AM

Hana, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, you've made it such a long time without cutting, hang in there sweetie, it's such an accomplishment.

Helen, sweetie, it's ok to feel left out and all. It's easy, especially when you feel crap. *snuggles* I wish I could be there for you more, for everyone, but unfortunately I've got to try and finish uni.
_____________
Hum. I thought I had something to say... But I don't. I'm just... Done...:crying: G*d how I wish I really could be :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 21-05-2008 04:24 AM

Emma, luv, I am SO sorry you had such a lousy experience at A&E. I think medical professionals tend to over react because they don't understand SI and it scares them...*shrug* I don't know.*massive snuggles*

Katch, I'm gonna go Friday, always try to live up to my responsibilities/commitments. As for what I'll tell him... I don't know. I will have to write it down anyway or I won't remember it. But I don't want to tell him all this
Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*forever_lost*~ (Post 778079)
Or the fact that I really thought about slitting my wrists yesterday afternoon... last night... this morning... Actually a few places I could cut and bleed out... One had been out of the question but now even that one doesn't make me blanch when I think about it... That killing myself is rather appealing... Because then not only would I be 'done' I'd be DONE

I'm afraid if I do I'll get more trouble than it's worth... I don't want to go to hospital. I can't. I can't afford it, I'm trying to finish uni (and that won't happen if I'm in hospital... Though I suppose I could get my papers written), I need to find a job and an apartment. Not to mention if I'm in hospital my family will find out, my mom will come over (blech)... Nope, don't want it. I'm starting to wish I hadn't emailed him and asked... :crying:

BoundNoMore 21-05-2008 04:31 AM

*sits in corner and sobs* I am not ok right now, and no one even seems to give a rat's ass!!! (sorry about the language)


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