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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

FranticMind 04-11-2013 09:35 PM

*offers boxed hugs around the ward* im so sorry to her that Kahlia, that must be awful for you.

Kahlia1981 05-11-2013 08:01 AM

Kathrine: Thanks for your understanding and support. I'm here if you need to talk, get virtual hugs or just need to feel safe.

Sometimes it feels like we just can't fight any more, that we can no longer take what life is throwing up at us. At times like this the most important thing that anyone can do is to try. It sounds stupid but we have no chance to get through anything if we can't look at what situation we are in and discover what (and where) we would like to be. I'm not trying to belittle anyone else's problems but I want you to know that there is hope.

*hugs all who want/need them and leaves blankets and boxes of tissues around the ward*

Kahlia1981 06-11-2013 06:41 AM

Missing grandpa very badly today :crying:

*disappears into a corner with a teddy bear and a blanket*

m0nk 17-11-2013 10:45 AM

6+ months not drinking and cutting. can feel insomnia right next door.

LizzieRose 23-11-2013 02:00 AM

I don't want to be alone tonight...

YodaBearInterrupted 24-11-2013 10:59 PM

Yeah, I shouldn't have written that part of the story... now that scene triggered me and I have to deal with not doing well after being fine all day. This sucks :(

Kahlia1981 26-11-2013 07:01 PM

Sitting alone and crying before five in the morning. Another night of little sleep and I'm already over the day. I'm just going to hide in a corner with a pillow for the next six months

m0nk 08-12-2013 06:30 PM

sorry i crashed into this stopping all everyting and causing chaos cause u dont know me. im not like that. and instead of joining a cult or sekt i was heling people out of **** back in alt.suicide.bus.stop.

where i am living now they dont even support me enough to give me a job its just deserted in a blink. i am well enough from another persons mouth i can drive a car. i am fully capable of working. i used to drive grass harvesters and big trailers fuill of grass. helping around the farm. (too bad this isnt a farm *paints a green tractor on the left invisible wall besides the entrance*) i have not been helped in any way. and i just found out that everyone that lives in the same place where i do with them. is a anstalt for the psychically ill. and not a finger is lifted to help us. they just let us rot. i cant really talk this way about medicine cause the pills make me angry and in result does more harm than help me in that way. they change the times they come to give me meds. like i wanted the meds an hour inbetween the different pills. and they decided they wanted to give me them at the same time making me throw up and dizzy and noxius(naceous) ill. its currently snowing now in norway. "the fjords are cold and the fjells are white, come take a trip into the wild viking reign."

Kahlia1981 09-12-2013 09:44 AM

m0nk: unfortunately this situation is all to common. *safe hugs*

YodaBearInterrupted 10-12-2013 11:06 PM

*hides in the corner*

Really not doing very well right now, trying to focus on writing instead of doing bad things but even that is not going very well :(

Kahlia1981 11-12-2013 04:04 AM

*offers safe hugs to Matt*

Matt: It's good that you are aware you aren't doing crash hot and have been able to try and distract yourself. I hope things get better but please keep talking to us here.

LizzieRose 11-12-2013 12:21 PM

I'm scared of what I might do to myself...

YodaBearInterrupted 15-12-2013 07:22 PM

Thanks Kahlia. *hugs* I have a bad habit of turning in on myself when I get upset or start getting deeply depressed/psychotic... so sometimes it is hard for me to allow people in and to tell them what is going on with me.

*hugs Alexia* whats wrong hun?

I am not doing so well either... trying to write it out in my journal but its not helping very much right now at all

YodaBearInterrupted 16-12-2013 01:18 AM

I feel like I am being watched. Like they are waiting for me to slip up to take me away. I texted a friend some hours ago that I wasn't doing well and he hasn't texted me back yet. I texted him again a few minutes ago telling him he may have to call if it continues to get worse. He took my phone and wrote down the numbers (my old psych and the hospital numbers) last time I was in crisis so he could call them if needed. I hate myself for letting him get those numbers. I am a bad person... always helping others and getting nothing back in return. I want so badly to give up right now

Kahlia1981 17-12-2013 10:18 AM

Matt: *hugs* I think we all turn on ourselves, to varying degrees, when life gets tough or we become extremely unwell. Are you able to write down what is happening when you are not doing so crash hot? I'm wondering if it would be easier to give something written to people during times like that so you don't have to actually speak. I know the feeling of being watched and of people waiting for us to slip up. The good thing is that you have managed to text your friend. I can understand you not being happy with your friend having those numbers but you appear to have at least a little faith in him, that he will only act if you are truly in a crisis. *hugs*

Really not coping now. It's getting worse the closer we are getting to christmas. Never a good time of year *sigh*

YodaBearInterrupted 19-12-2013 10:35 PM

Thanks Kahlia *hugs* yeah, I write quite a lot... sometimes it ends up being like 10 pages in my journal. I do usually include what is going on and how I am feeling as well. I am scared to give them anything cause I do not know what they will do with it since it would kinda discuss about how I have been kinda suicidal at times... and last time the wanted for me to go and get a psych assessment or drive me to Woodburn. Woodburn is a short-term psych hospital. So I really feel caught between a rck and a hard place right now. I dunno what my friend would do either if I were to text him and say that I was kinda sorta suicidal. A few other friends know as well, but they have been pushing hard for me to either go back to seeing a new psych and get back on meds or go to Woodburn and take a "break". They know though, that I would rather attempt suicide first than be hospitalized.

By the way, what happens if you call a crisis center but then get too scared to say anything and hang up? Do they call you back or something?

Kahlia1981 20-12-2013 12:19 PM

Matt: I understand regarding preferring to attempt suicide than be hospitalised. In a lot of respects I am the same. Just a thought but could you re-write some of your journal to remove the parts you really don't want other people to see - maybe write that you have had suicidal thoughts instead of that you have been suicidal - and that may give you something you feel able to pass on. *huggles*

With regards to a crisis center, I can't answer for all of them obviously. The ones I have experience with here in Australia will often hang up after waiting for you to speak and then ring back if the number shows. Others will just expect you to call them back. Most try to get you to say something... anything on the phone, but it can depend on the person on the other end of the phone.

YodaBearInterrupted 22-12-2013 12:00 AM

Thanks Kahlia for answering my question and responding back to me *hugs* I hope you are doing okay as I crash and burn. I might end up calling tonight since its going poorly and I really don't care what I do right now and am kinda unsafe

*hides under a blanket on the couch*

Kahlia1981 23-12-2013 12:48 AM

Matt: *huggles* This time of year I find extremely difficult. Please try and keep yourself safe. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things improve.

YodaBearInterrupted 28-12-2013 03:28 AM

*hugs Kahlia* Hope that you are doing well and this month isn't too bad for you. I am doing okies, not great though.

*puts down smores and cookies on the counter and some milk and water*

Kahlia1981 29-12-2013 04:08 AM

Matt: *hugs*

YodaBearInterrupted 04-01-2014 07:27 AM

*hides in the corner till its safe again*

Kahlia1981 05-01-2014 02:33 AM

*offers blankets to Matt* *huggles*

YodaBearInterrupted 05-01-2014 03:54 AM

Thanks Kahlia, its cold here for the next few nights. I am just tiptoeing the edge of a cliff right now... one slip and its over :(

m0nk 05-01-2014 03:43 PM

im so nervous about this. im about to take the theory test to begin taking driver licence. i cant concentrate almost. i need to read part 4 and 5 in the book "road to driver licence". then any day during next week i might go down to MOT to drop in for a theory test. i dont know where to stand cause im so nervous. if i fail i get suspended for 2 weeks until i can retake the test to pass it. if i dont get it right during before the end or march i have to wait til next october before i can complete the licence 100% cause i need night driving wich i can only take from october to march. wish all of you best of luck in finding focus, concentration and hope you remember and can find yourself to relax inbetween stressing times. remember to breathe if in disarray, it helps. :D

m0nk 05-01-2014 04:42 PM

/me manages to get out of the ward and steals with me a bit of cash to go to the town mall to shop horrendously many different things only your imaginations could explain if you relly needed them at the time you were in desperate need of something and redecorates the ward with shiny walls of hope and glittering furniture that spark a bright day and puts food in the cooler candy on the table aswell as non candy food like fruit on the living room table and removes any trace of sharp items for needed reasons cleans the rooms so that they smell fresh and clean so the air is suitable for a breathable atmosphere. lays card games on the tables, hangs posters on the wall, video games in front of the tv's, tells everyone to get showers and rest, organizes new clothes on the clothes rack, indoor shoes and hats, phluffy stuffed pets for whomever that needs them, and a new attic appears at the end of a 20 stair staircase with lots of warm blankets and a heater in the middle of the room in case people needs to relax, there is now a door bell incase "the wardens" would mind coming visist us for treated medical care everything from right hand lotion to scratches the cat that came with the furniture was misbehaving(naughty carol and clark(yes he's called by supermans human name since he likes to climb lamp poles and jumps from them)), new lamppoles everywhere so that it gets visible during night time so that fright is easily conquered, many mini stereo's so that people can listen to music if down and restless, several new laptops and a high speed internet subscription that the wardens agreed to when they found me strolling around town, magazines about all you can think of reading - atleast one for each and everyone, new time schedule to go walks with the wardens when you feel you want fresh air, new separate time schedule to talk with wardens if you feel you have a heavy heart - non commitable, new arconditioner units in the house - ward - separate rooms, trips in the new minibuss every tuesday and thursday for those who wanna get out and see the hills and the trees on the other side of the mountains, activities ward for those who wanna be handy - everything from small boxes to handmade rugs, saturday is pizza night - stay out or order takeaway or take in\home, theater studio in a separate big room - movie night out monday wednesday or friday at your own choice, shopping service so that if we run out of food items we can call shopping service to shop for us if we are lazy and wanna stay inside the ward, big kitchen if we wanna make our own food - no more warden food, excersize evenings sunday so that we actually sleep to monday instead of stressing about the beginning of a new week so we can sleep cause of tired, new cellphones for everyone just to keep in touch if we get lost or wanna hide from beeing found if in need of hugz or support or care.

YodaBearInterrupted 08-01-2014 08:06 AM

I was bad tonight :(

*goes to the corner and stares at the wall with a blanket*

shadow13 08-01-2014 03:45 PM

I see a lot of new faces. Some of you may remember me from 2010/2011. It's been 3 years, 3 months, 16 days since I've done anything to myself. I'm here today because for the past few weeks I've been thinking about hurting myself again. Or just disappearing altogether.

I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I barely eat and I feel sick all the time. No one knows it's gone this far. So today, I'm back home, here with all of you.

Kahlia1981 10-01-2014 12:00 AM

Shadow13: I'm an old-timer on vets, particularly the virtual psych ward (VPW) and have seen many people come and go over time. Whilst I'm sorry that you need us again, I'm glad that you're able to use this forum to reach out. You've made quite an achievement being SI free as long as you have and I'm very encouraged to see you've reached out for help prior to doing anything harmful to yourself. That alone tells me that you are very self aware. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with thoughts of self harm. Is there a reason you can think of that has rekindled these thoughts? I can understand wanting to disappear altogether. Having trouble sleeping, concentrating, eating and constantly feeling sick may be caused by anxiety and/or depression but it might be worth getting checked by a doctor (GP) just in case something physical isn't quite right. I hope you get what you need here. *safe hugs*

Matt: Firstly *hugs* I realise you did something you have been working to avoid doing but remember that doing so doesn't define who you are. You've been struggling very hard recently and it definitely hasn't been an easy path you've been walking. Still, you are bigger than this event and through it you will learn more about yourself and your own internal strength than you would have otherwise. You are a good person, even if it's hard to see that right now. *walks over and offers blankets and just sits with you*

M0nk: I hope that you are managing to concentrate a bit better on the required theory for your drivers licence test. Good luck if you haven't already taken the test, and if you have then I hope it went well. I'm not sure what else to say but I hope you are doing okay. *safe hugs*

As for me, things aren't going so well. My husband found out that I was intending to completely dump my pdoc and kill myself. He's asked me to see my pdoc one more time and to discuss my reasons for walking away, such as he doesn't listen, dismisses important things, discounts my psychotic episodes as dissociation, believes my nonexistent anxiety is the cause of the psychotic symptoms he acknowledges and doesn't have my best interest at heart. I can't see this as helping in any way but I'll give it a try. It's going to be a massive waste of my time but oh well ... You get that.

*finds a spot under a freezing cold airconditioner and makes a blanket fort for me and my teddy bear*

m0nk 10-01-2014 10:15 AM

airconditioner's not supposed to be cold. hum?!? why are you in the food storage cooler room? its cold there. come sit in the sofa so we can talk with you.

m0nk 10-01-2014 10:16 AM

i had 9 out of 7 possible errors. 2 errors too much. but everyone says its not that bad. ;)

Kahlia1981 10-01-2014 01:51 PM

M0nk: We are in the middle of summer heat right now (37 degrees C, 98% humidity) so being somewhere cold would be lovely. Thankfully it's cooling down now as it's almost midnight. The heat makes it almost impossible to do anything.

*curls back into her blanket fort to try and get some sleep before the heat kicks in again*

shadow13 10-01-2014 03:47 PM

I'm on antidepressants as of today~ I was too young to be on them in the past, but now I'm 18, and my gp can see how badly I'm being affected, she didn't seem to mind putting me on a two week trial run. I'm on Fluoxetine 20mg. I'm going back in two weeks to get some more, but I'm just gonna see what happens.

I'm in my first year of University, in student accommodation, and one of the residents (who I knew prior to moving in), is a complete .... and often brings up the fact I talk to myself. The house I live in has a lot of maintenance problems, the people don't know how to cook or clean properly and the stress just got to be too much.

I feel a lot better today, but that's probably because I cried so much yesterday between my counseling appointment and my gp appointment... My counselor is going to try and get me on the University's DSA and get me some more help with my course too.

YodaBearInterrupted 14-01-2014 10:45 PM

So tired of all of this... I just I could make it all go away...

*restocks the table with foodage and drinks*

*takes a brownie and cupcake, then retreats to the corner with a blanket*

Blanket forts sound fun Kahlia

shadow13 15-01-2014 03:52 AM

*sets up a soft pillow fort for us all* *takes a brownie and climbs inside with fluffy blankets*

I know what you mean, YodaBear, just remember that not every day is bad and that you can get through the ones that are. Don't give up, we're all here.

Kahlia1981 16-01-2014 10:52 AM

Matt: No words at the moment sorry but *safe hugs*

shadow13: Thanks for the pillow fort.

Not coping so well at the moment but at least managed to start patching up our relationships with our pdoc. Still just want to cry or disappear...

Doikers 21-01-2014 04:16 PM

*Glomps Kahlia*

havealittlefaith 21-01-2014 09:16 PM

And I find myself in here again as my real feelings are all messed up and I'm utterly sad and the drink doesn't make it stop only hurt more but it does for a while and I narrowly avoided section and how id love illegal substances so I'm in here looking for some reassurance and non judgement and trying not to hurt ....

YodaBearInterrupted 23-01-2014 02:55 AM

I am going to hide in here again... I had a good 5 days but now I am crashing again...

Kahlia1981 23-01-2014 04:47 AM

Mark: Thanks for the glomps *glomps back*

Matt: At least you did have 5 good days. *offers blankets and pillows*

bpd_crayon: It sounds like things have been intense. Feel free to let your hair down and your emotions show. I hope you'll find this a safe place without judgement.

m0nk 24-01-2014 08:38 PM

i've occationally stopped eating. i think these meds do me too good.
i had a blood sample test and if its comes out good the doctor might take me down 5Mg.
and he said that im doing so well on them that he almost dont dares to reduce them.
its going better but still there's something that lingers. i've been over all that about self harming and worse but i didnt think much of it. other than that i might use it later as a last option. although my head is strongly rotating from it. i dont drink i dont hit myself i bore the crap out of me sometimes. although still no friends.

Frodre 25-01-2014 02:27 AM

Pardon me, I just need to have a minor explosion in the corner and then leave...

I am so damn happy. I'm tired and looking forward to sleep but I can't because I want to run around outside pretending to be some sort of superhero instead, and it's really difficult to stop myself. Eight hours ago I wanted to curl up and die, four hours ago I was pacing around talking with voices telling me things and seeing non-existent blood on my floor, and now I'm just about ready to take on the universe and am almost convinced that if I open my door I'll be emperor of the world in two days flat. I'm desperate to calm dwn and go to bed just because if I go anywhere I risk trying to shag the first person I meet just because I feel like I can, and that'll be frightening for both of us because that is not like me at all. I'm not sure if it was better yesterday when I felt so down that I curled up still and didn't so much as twitch for about two hours. At least self harm or miserableness or whatever is something I know how to deal with. I feel like my chest is going to explode with excitement at nothing at all. I have to tell someone how good I am. But I don't want to because then they'll think I'm a fruitcake. Right I'd better go and lie down and force myself not to move even if it makes my eyes water. Thanks.

YodaBearInterrupted 28-01-2014 05:15 PM

Having a rough morning after an unsafe overnight :(

*hides in the corner*

Serialangel 03-02-2014 01:35 AM

I need somewhere quiet to sleep for a bit. *grabs some duvets and pillows, falls to sleep* thank you

YodaBearInterrupted 03-02-2014 07:15 AM

*hides under the blanket*

Unsafe so I did bad things... sigh... this isn't a good week for me either coming up

m0nk 03-02-2014 03:22 PM

trouble with financial. payment demand notice of debt collection. just cause they post people didnt manage to deliver in time.
i always take good care of my bills. 1 time i had someone cleaning and they got thrown away by mistake cause the envelopes looked empty since i just open them without any letter opener.
2 big days coming up. 2 year aniversary with gf and valentines day. so tired cant sleep during nights.
i just "haaaave to" sit with the computer. even if it staring into the screen or just fidling around with solitaire. getting fiber soon 50\50 mbit
listening to enigma atm. it calms me down...

LizzieRose 04-02-2014 12:55 PM

*locks self away* Nopenopenopenopenope.

m0nk 04-02-2014 05:24 PM

*hugs alexia*

YodaBearInterrupted 05-02-2014 05:22 PM

I am going to hide in here before it gets even worse. I am tired of the betrayals, the lies. They were right once again. Sigh... I just want to go someplace and disappear forever so I don't have to hurt myself over and over

Frodre 06-02-2014 12:19 AM

Inarticulably miserable. I feel like I'm going away.


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