Enjoy Canada Lia, not sure if you'll see this. Probably not.

*cuddles everyone else*

*cuddles all who have posted in the last hours*

Sorry, no individuals right now... am feeling very overwhelmed, very exhausted, and very pent up, and I don't even know why!! I hate feeling this way. Want to crawl out of my skin, had nightmares all night, and my friend is coming over in a little over 3 hours and the apartment is still not clean enough. Need to do at least a few dishes but I hate doing dishes, ughhh. :( I know, I'm a lazy fat-arse slob but oh well.

:crying:

*cuddles April lots* Hope you feel better soon sweetie :( Sorry I disappeared last night, I fell asleep and when I woke up, I came offline straightaway.

April I hope you have FUN with your friend !!:)

Thanks Hels, Mark. *cuddles* I'm sure I will have fun, she's a great person. :) I did manage to tidy up a bit more, so that's good... now all I want to do is either play WoW or play my cello, lol... I think I have everything set up for lunch... almost. :-/ Oh ugh, silly me, don't have vegetables... oh well. *sigh* And don't have much to offer to drink - Powerade Zero, or sugarfree water packets, or lower calorie orange juice + calcium & vitamin D, or milk. Well, I guess that's enough, haha... Oh dear, it's just been so freaking long since I've had guests here that I haven't known for my whole life (i.e., my bestie, who comes over a lot - kind of). ARGH...

Oh and Hels, it's okay. <3 I went AFK for a bit anyway, then saw you were AFK so went offline without saying g'night (sorry about that) and then went and took a shower and off to bed. :)

Ah yes, meant to mention this - finally got a grade for my internship, got a B+, so ended up with a graduating GPA of 3.71 (out of a possible 4.00). >_< Not half as good as I'd've liked, but oh well. :(

*hides in the warren*

*hides with April*

B+ is good April ! Way to go you ! .
What are sugar free water packets ? are they just what they sound like?

*cuddles Hels* How are you doing this morning, sweetie?

*cuddles Mark* Sugarfree water packets are packets of sugarfree flavoring that you can add to 16 oz. of water. They're really good and here you can buy them at Walmart for about $1.50 for 10 packets. I really like the Crystal Light pomegranate lemonade though... or else the wild strawberry. :) Yum. Hehe. How are you doing today, big bro??

*cuddles everyone else*

Am starting to get nervous even though said friend told me that she is "not coming to see my apartment, she's coming to see me." Hehe. True, but then when I rang up my parents this morning my mum stressed the importance of a clean bathroom & kitchen... and it just made me more stressed. :( :( :( Feel so bad now. Our kitchen is pretty clean, as is our bathroom... but... I don't know. I hate feeling like there's all this pressure on me to make the apartment look nice. :(

*hides in a hole and cries quietly*

It's quiet so far today...

...did a bit more cleaning, made sure that we have lunch supplies, damnit I hate feeling like I'm less than what I should be!! :'(

Waiting for my friend to get here... she should be here any minute now.

Played cello a bit... takes more muscles than I'm accustomed to!! lol. But it's all good. I'm up to playing "Ode to Joy" (most of it) as well as "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" (about half of it before my arm & brain get tired, lol)... we'll see how my stamina increases. :D I love my cellllllo. XD

*cuddles everyone, then curls up next to Mark, wherever he is, and cries some more* :(

*Cuddles April* I'm here , just got back from Accupuncture so sleep tonight (I hope) . I'm just feeling numb , absense of feeling , so I don't really know what to say , am still waiting on blood test results and my SW who was supposed to call me last Friday didn't and is off sick all this week so I don't think that my Lithium ( and Liver function ) results will be told to me .
When I do feel feelings it's low and/or anxiety :(

*hugs april* hope you lunch thing went okay.

*hugs mark* hope you find out about your blood test results soon. Sorry that you are feeling so numb.

*hugs helen* how are you?

*hugs lia, felicity, kahlia, luke, oliver, and everyone else*

Stuck in my hometown for a few weeks. Everything is just so frustrating here... and loud... and i don't know. Maybe i should have gone through with other plans I made last time I was home.. but i don't/won't because I never do.
*sits invisibly in the corner*

April, have fun with your friend! Also congrats on the 3.71, I wish I could get a GPA like that!

Mark, *hugs* I hope you can sleep tonight.


I had horrible dreams last night, made me wish I'd never forced myself to sleep. I woke up clawing at my arms with my fingernails... not gonna lie, it only triggered me more.
I know with this dream I had, there's huge things I need to bring up with my T, but I don't know if I'm ready to stop blocking out everything.

*Hugs Laura* Please don't go through with any bad Plans (If thats what you meant ,sorry) You are worth so much more than that , I'd miss you too.

*Hugs Felicia*I'm sorry you had triggering dreams , I hope you are feeling a bit better having been awake a while.

*cuddles all*

Don't go through your plans if they're bad ones Laura, we care for you so much.

I'm really low, exhausted and sore. Suicide thoughts keep going through my mind on/off. I also had nightmares during the night. Fun times.

*hugs felicia* I'm sorry that you had bad dreams... I hate nightmare type dreams... they always bother me. You probably should try to talk to your T. Maybe she can help you unblock things in a safer type of environment.

*hugs mark* don't worry, i won't go through with any bad plans. My head is just being dumb i guess. I wish i could believe that i was worth more than that... b/c honestly, i just don't... and its harder when my thoughts are just out of control and telling me that i want to disappear.

*hugs helen* oops i missed you while typing.
I'm sorry that you are sore and had nightmares. Try to ignore those suicide thoughts.. I know its hard though. :-/

*cuddles Laura* I'm trying..

*curls up*

*curls up with Nicole and spies April*

*cuddles all*

Laura & Hels, and Mark too, and anyone else who's struggling with suicidal ideation right now... you're all worth so much more than that. Try to believe that, okay? My friend & I talked about that today actually, about how it's a "permanent fix to a temporary problem" ... things WILL get better, you've just got to keep believing that. *cuddles tight*

The time with my friend went well, I played cello/viola/violin for her and it made my brain go all tired, lol, switching clefs like that. >_< But it was a fun time. She stayed from 10am until about 10 minutes ago (1:30pm) so it was awhile... kept me outta trouble though, heehee. XD But we had fun. And had pb&honey sandwiches for lunch... and I'm going to help her make a meal plan as she has to work on lowering fat intake etc. I feel accomplished, like my almost-nutrition-minor counts for something. Hehe. She also has had an ED and we spent almost an hour talking about food. :P I was surprised but it was enjoyable, as we can really relate to each other. :D

Anyway. Am feeling low right now & really full... hate feeling full. :(

*hides and journals for awhile*

*hugs helen and also spies april*