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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

The One Who 09-10-2010 09:35 PM

Yeah I did change it. I have a cuddly Pingu (exactly like the picture) who sits on my chair. Pingu is great.

SoMuchMore 09-10-2010 10:03 PM

*hugs claire* i like the new avatar too!

*hugs mark* thanks... I want to talk... i just, dont want to trigger anyone..
How are you doing?

FlyingNy 09-10-2010 11:35 PM

Quite a lot since I was last on. Not a hench amount, but too much to catch up on since I'm half asleep at my laptop. I would like to say a couple of things though.

Mark, I know how that feels to be so worried about a much loved friend's state of mind, and I know how much it can take out of you, so I do hope she and you are both alright. *Hugs*

Also, I do hope your niece is OK RYUU. Do tell us if you hear anything. Only if you feel comfortable doing so though.

Hello, Matthew I think it is. I'm Lia :)

*Hugs everyone else* Sorry that's it, it's not that I hate the rest of you or anything, it's just been a long day (in a good way) and I'm pretty sleepy. Night all.

Oh, and Mark, it was nice to read you consider me a friend, I consider everyone here friends, but I didn't know how you all felt about me, whether I was really 'one of you' or not. :)

Kahlia1981 10-10-2010 04:39 AM

*offers hugs to everyone*

The stuff for my computer arrived on Friday ... the company overnight expressed it to us and my housemate did the work on Friday afternoon. We switched it on about 11am AEST. The CPU is now running about 31C - a couple of degrees cooler than the motherboard!! Okay I'll stop with the tech stuff, just really relieved that my baby (the computer) is okay.

Thanks to all of you who wished me well with the medical stuff. I get the results back this week. I have to make an appointment but the doc was sort of saying it could take a week for everything to be done. In the meantime I have to always have a jumper and a blanket ready - in the middle of spring/summer in north queensland Australia. I had a blanket over me yesterday and my housemate told me to take it off because I was boiling on my back so I carefully pulled in back from my legs and put his hand there and he immediately covered them back up. He just stared at me and told me my extremeties were freezing! Really hoping this is something "simple".

Pain management basically told me to f$ck off the other day telling me the pain in my shoulder caused by subluxing it was all in my head because I have a mental illness. I'm considering suing them to be honest. The guy was forcing my arm through positions that hurt and I was telling him that it hurt and he just kept telling me that it didn't and it was all in my head. Every time I stopped I couldn't even feel my fingers so he told me I was being stupid. I'm pretty sure that if I did to him what he was doing to me he'd be crying like a baby. F$cking prick.

Anyway, sorry about that. Hopefully my baby will continue to play nicely and I'll be about a bit more often. Sorry I've been a) self-centered and b) absent.

katnovia 10-10-2010 09:51 AM

*shrinks and hides under a duvet before sneaking into the corner and hiding in a box*

Doikers 10-10-2010 09:57 AM

*Hugs Kat* Hey how are you ? I've missed you :)

*Hugs Kahlia* That guy sounds horrible hurting your arm like that :( I will cross my fingers that you are okay and that you are not seriously sick *Crosses Fingers* YEY! that your "baby" is fixed :)

*Hugs Lia* You ARE my friend :)

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Claire*

Doikers 10-10-2010 05:24 PM

I'm back at my flat from my parents , triggered a bit , A bit lonely in here , it's been so quiet in here this weekend , which is good if people are happy and feeling good :) I hope people are okay

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 06:00 PM

*Hugs Mark* You can feel a little less lonely now :)

Doikers 10-10-2010 06:37 PM

Hey Lia :) How are you? *Hugs*

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 07:15 PM

I'm alright, kinda happy right now because I hardly have any lessons this week and I'm all done with my English essay and I'm listening to Christmas music :) How are you? Are the urges still there?

Doikers 10-10-2010 07:21 PM

The urges are there just below the surface , I took a bath and am a bit relaxed though I can't beleive it's still early I want to go to bed , all I'm thinking is "Is my friend Hannah alright?" and " you're almost 30" and I cannot beleive it , I'm really low about my birthday :(

Christmas music Lia! It's not the season yet is it ? Ho Ho Ho :)

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 07:26 PM

Of course it is! It's only month after next. I'm one of THOSE people who just gets really obsessive over Christmas.

*Hugs* I hope your friend is OK. Why not text her or something, just to check she's feeling alright? Turning 30 isn't that bad, it could be worse, it could be 60. I know you were hoping to have stopped SI by the time you were 30, but you're not doing it every day, I don't know if that's an improvment or not, but I'm certainly proud of you for it :)

Doikers 10-10-2010 07:40 PM

Oh Lia , Thankyou for being proud of me , My Self Injury is definatley increased in the last few months but I am trying SO very hard to stop , I'e started going to the Duel Diagnosis group , I'm meeting Becky the befriending woman weekly but haven't bought it up yet with her , It's hard to start talking about it , Imeet My nurse and volunteer lady and they both know , I haven't met my social worker in over 2 months as he got hurt but a woman came a few weeks ago to check his case load , I talked about it with my P Doc , AND I started volunteering with the view to boost my self esteem and confidence .. HHmmmm wow I'm doing a lot..... It's still hard....

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 07:51 PM

You should be proud that you're even trying so hard, I don't even do that half the time. I don't like myself enough to try and resist the urges, so you should be so pleased with yourself that you're simply trying. It is hard, like drugs or alcohol, this is an addiction and no one's just going to 'get over it'.

One the topic, not to sound heartless or anything, and I'm scared this is going to come out in the wrong way, but does anyone else feel that SI has became 'glamourised'? Like you have teenagers and stuff doing it over everything, like just a couple of times, almost as if it's the cool thing to do. Those people don't seem to understand the true addiction, the desperation of those who are hooked on harming themselves. I'm not saying they have no right to it, it's just those people who tell like, everyone who so much as brushes on the subject, when in reality it's a shameful secret that you only tell a select few you trust, of anyone at all. I don't know if that came out right at all, and I'm not saying certain people have the right and some don't, not at all. I'm just saying not everyone who's SI'd really truly understands.

Doikers 10-10-2010 08:02 PM

Lia , No I don't think I will just "get over it" , that would be nice though hmm?

As for your other question , I really don't know , I didn't really go to "normal school" and I don't know anyone I know who S.I.'s , It would be sad if people S.I.'d because they think it's glamourous , It could so easily spiral from that to out of control .....

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 08:13 PM

It just seems to me like some people do. It kinda makes me angry in a way because they have no idea what it's really like. What you'd really have to be feeling to deliberatly inflict that upon yourself. I remember when I very first did it. I don't want to go into details because it might trigger, but I remember promising never to do it again. 3 years later and I've not managed to keep that promise.

Doikers 10-10-2010 08:20 PM

I can understand why it would make you angry Lia, It makes light of our pain somewhat I think.

*Hugs Lia* Thanks for talking with me ,I'm tired so am going to bed soon , I know it's early but I'll be safe in bed all wrapped up in my blanket :) Safe from S.I. and I may sleep away the urges , even though they are under the surface now.

FlyingNy 10-10-2010 08:35 PM

Ok Mark, like you said, what are friends for :)

Goodnight, sleep well. *Hugs*

SparkleKitten 10-10-2010 09:00 PM

I remember when I first did it, but thats one of my first memories, been doing it for many years and noone who I confide in believes how long I've done it for because when I started I was too young to have bad feelings... People mostly suck

Had a rough weekend, new medication kinda makes me hallucinate a bit, and I can't focus.

*cuddles Lia and Mark* I kinda feel like a giraffe this time. Last time I was a badger. Strange. :/

nicole94 10-10-2010 09:33 PM

*huggles everyone*

misskitty112 10-10-2010 09:59 PM

*hugs everyone*
Sorry for going missing for the weekend. I went to camp. haha. Sorry. I don't know if anyone noticed I was gone or not, but I'm back.

I will give a proper update later. Love you guys.

katnovia 10-10-2010 10:35 PM

*huggles mark* I'm...surviving *shrugs*

risenfromperdition 11-10-2010 03:09 AM

me had fun today... cept unno why normal people eat so much and dont even care >.< but got to drool over people and actually say 'damn shes hot' and have ppl agree with me :P

risenfromperdition 11-10-2010 03:10 AM

and laura- you can talk to me anytime. tbh i really only trigger myself >.< hope you're kay. loveyou

will reply to everyone else later, am falling asleeeep

SoMuchMore 11-10-2010 06:54 AM

*hugs felicia* hope you had fun camping! i missed you over the weekend, was starting to get worried... I said i wondered where u were a few pages back. How r u else wise?

*hugs heather* glad you had a good day today :-) and thanks, i might message you on fb soon... i am starting to really need to talk to someone...

*hugs sarah* im sorry that you are having issues with your meds, can you talk to your doctor about it?

*hugs kat* good to hear from you! it sounds like things are great right now... is there anything we can do to help?

*hugs nicole* I missed you over the weekend too! its been awhile since you've posted. How are you?

*hugs lia* I know what you mean about some people glamorizing SI. Its sucks that people do it... but I guess its just reality that sometimes people do things for "attention" (<-- not always bad, but if its really fake pain then its hard to imagine it being okay) or to fit into a group. On a happier note - yay christmas music! :-)

*hugs mark* i think I have seen a definite improvement with you since the time you have been posting in the ward. I mean, we all have our up and down moments, but I can notice a difference with you overall. I think that is making great strides before you are 30! You'll kick the SI in the butt eventually, I really believe that. and I am proud of you too!

*hugs kahlia* im sorry that pain managment dismissed your complaints.. that really sucks. sounds like that guy was a real a**hole. You should at least put in a complaint. Hope the results of your medical stuff turn out okay/easily fixed and that your computer continues to play nice.

Had a busy day which was good i suppose, but it was quite long.. went on a coffee shop writing workshop for the magazine i am web editor for and then had work at the newspaper. Stressed about graduate school applications again, working on essays right now. I know this seems like a crap update, but trying to keep things kind of light right now before bed.

~Kaytee~ 11-10-2010 08:08 AM

*runs into the ward and sends cuddles and care packages to everyone*

WasteOfSpace 11-10-2010 09:36 AM

I've never been in here but Im feeling really triggered and really alone... I'm losing and confused n have no one...

~Kaytee~ 11-10-2010 11:02 AM

Has anything made you feel triggered? *cuddles gently* You have all of us here in the Psych ward, so don't feel alone xx

Doikers 11-10-2010 11:28 AM

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Kat*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Waves to wasteofspace* Hello I'm Mark :)


EDIT:-
Well it took an effort and a half to pull myself out of bed in the morning today , Total lack of motivation , Feeling really low , 30th not helping I guess I'm going to whine about that a lot in the next few weeks so sorry in advance , I am a failure .

EDIT EDIT:- Oh and the 9th of November is the date I set myself when I was suicidal to kill myself , I was serious , But I've been adjusted meds wise and I am not as Suicidal but I still get thoughts of it, I just don't know how I'll cope with that day :S sorry

~Kaytee~ 11-10-2010 11:40 AM

*hugs Mark back* Lack of motivation aside and all, you've done well to get out of bed :) I hope you start to feel better though! And you are not a failure. Look after yourself today and keep hanging in there.

Doikers 11-10-2010 11:54 AM

Thanks Kaytee , Hopefully the cafffine will kick in soon heh . How are you doing?

xxjuliexx 11-10-2010 12:03 PM

*curls up in a little ball yawning*

Doikers 11-10-2010 12:28 PM

Hi Amy :) are you tired ?

Doikers 11-10-2010 12:57 PM

*Spots Kahlia and Hugs* How are you ? How's your arm? Did you have your tests? Sorry for all the questions :S

WasteOfSpace 11-10-2010 01:07 PM

Yeah my gf left me on Wednesday told me she doesn't love me I lost my job n I lost her family which were my family... N now I'm so alone 3 hrs together n now all of a sudden I mean nothing to her... It's killing me solo bad

Doikers 11-10-2010 01:20 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that Wasteofspace *Hugs if Okay*

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 01:32 PM

Ccuddles all, argh!!! Damn I'm so triggered and pissed off.

Doikers 11-10-2010 01:33 PM

Oh *Hugs Jill* Whats the matter?

one_step_closer 11-10-2010 01:33 PM

I don't want to do anything today. I'm sick of being alive.

Kahlia1981 11-10-2010 01:34 PM

*hugs everyone* *waves at WasteOfSpace and anyone else who is new*

Hey Mark! *gently glomps* I'm ... surviving. I've come down with a cold on top of everything else. Just a case of a) it never rains but it pours and b) Murphy's Law (everything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment) taking effect. My arm isn't much chop to be honest. It's really not good. My tests are all done. Now I just have to go and see the GP to get the results back. o_o Really not looking forward to that. How are you doing?

Doikers 11-10-2010 01:42 PM

I'm Feeling really low today Kahlia tbh , I hope you get good test results from your GP when you go , I know the feeling of not wanting to go to the Drs :S , Sorry about your arm *Hugs arm gently* *Offers a Lemsip for your cold*Darn Murphys Law!!

*Hugs Lindsay*I know the feeling , Not that that helps you but just know you're not alone :)

Has anyone heard from April the last few days? I've not had a reply from my e-mail ,No Livejournal updates and she's not been around here that I recall *Concerned*

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 03:04 PM

Argh!!!! Bollicks I sodding give up just want to do somthing dangerous. Screw everthing.

Doikers 11-10-2010 04:26 PM

Just had a meeting with my Nurse , Sharon, Who is wonderful , We talked about how I'm feeling low about turning 30 and How I'm having a bad day and I got all tearful slightly hmm , I told her that I was worried about the 9th of November , 2 days after my birthday as when I was suicidal that is the day I set for myself to commit suicide , in a very specific way and I am no longer pro-activly suicdal (Touch wood) but I still get the thoughts and I don't know how I'm going to cope with it all over the 7th , 8th ,9th November so she said she will meet me on the 8th and the 9th which is SO good of her .

Doikers 11-10-2010 04:34 PM

*Hugs Jill* Do you want to talk ?

FlyingNy 11-10-2010 05:09 PM

*Hugs Mark* I hope those days go OK for you, as well as Sharon, you also have us, don't forget that. And you're not a failure. No one's perfect, not even perfect people because they fail at failing :) Does that make sense?

*Hugs Jill* Don't give up please. Is there anything you want to talk about?

*Hugs wasteofspace* Is there anything you would rather be called? i know it's not up to me, but I don't feel eniterly comfortable calling you that because you're not a waste of space and I don't want to reinforce those feelings every time I speak to you. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I had my heart broken a few months ago, and it does get easier. It doesn't stop hurting, but the pain gets easier to deal and live with. Promise.

*Hugs Kahlia* Good luck with the results, I hope everything is OK.

*Hugs Laura* I love Christmas music :) And I'm glad someone knows where I'm coming from, I was starting to feel like a bit of a cow. I hope you're alright.

Hey Amy :) How are you?

*Hugs Lindsey* Are you feeling any better now? I do hope you're Ok. I know it doesn't always feel like it, but there are moments in life that make it worth living.

Update on moi, I am doing alright today. I am reading 'Wuthering Heights' for my English class, and I actually love it. Plus, I was off lessons all afternoon and used that time to do a whole load of English homework so now I have 'Wuthering Heights' on the brain, so sorry if I start talking like a **** at any point. This week should be a pretty good week, oh, and freaking out year 7s with 'rave dancing' is fun.

Two 'mature' year 12 students, waving their arms around and 'wooo'ing at some poor kids probably was pretty terrifying. Especially as one of them was Dan. Lol, good times.

^^
Woo, hench reply!

Doikers 11-10-2010 05:20 PM

Thankyou Lia , That was truly epic post , sorry I'm pretty drained at the moment from getting things out, Oh and you made sense yep :)

risenfromperdition 11-10-2010 05:35 PM

mark, you are NOT a failure, the fact that you're still fighting all this means you arent. along with you being awesoem :P <3

Doikers 11-10-2010 05:42 PM

*Hugs Heather* Thankyou, You're pretty awesome too :P

shadowedsoul 11-10-2010 06:49 PM

just feel so numb, and stressed out. really want to end it all struggling not to.its crazy tho its one bad habbit after another right now, its not helping that im so addicted to this habbit now. meh

Doikers 11-10-2010 06:56 PM

Please please try not to do anything bad Jill I'm here for a couple of hours if you need someone to talk to , What bad habit do you feel addicted to now Jill ?


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