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nicole94 15-09-2010 10:08 PM

*hugs* thankyou misskitty (sorry, i've forgotten your name! :/)
right, so i started college this week, i'm enjoying it although i'm finding it really hard and am finding my moods are really low at the moment (self harming a lot and stuff) but my question is-should i keep on pushing myself? i mean i know i need to push myself a little bit or i'm never gonna get better, but how much is too much? we are doing activities at the moment that are compulsory (unless you have a really good reason) but not important to the course, but i'm not sure wether i should take part when i know its gonna make me worse emotionally?

i'm sorry if that doesnt make sense, it might just be me rambling :/ if you have an answer i would be very grateful.

one_step_closer 15-09-2010 10:10 PM

Does anyone at college know how you are feeling? There might be support that can be put in place to make things easier for you.

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:12 PM

*hugs lindsay* they know i used to self harm and i still do occasionally, but no they dont know how much i'm struggling at the moment, everything is just a mad rush at the moment where it's the first week....

one_step_closer 15-09-2010 10:14 PM

Maybe you could talk to someone about it, do they have a disability service? Hopefully things will settle down with time.

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:17 PM

well our course is foundation and it's basically for people with MH issues/learning difficulties/disabilitys so there is always someone i can talk to, for me it's just getting a chance to talk to someone and having the guts to do it cause it makes me really nervous.

one_step_closer 15-09-2010 10:19 PM

What about talking to someone makes you nervous?

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:26 PM

just the way they're gonna react and stuff (and sorry but before anyone suggests writing a note, i can't do that, in case the wrong person gets hold of it. (and also, its evidence, if i just tell them they cant prove it)
at the moment i just really wanna know what to do tomorrow, on one hand i think i should get on with it and do all the activities because it will help me get to know everyone on my course, but on the other hand i'm thinking that i can feel its not gonna help me and is gonna make me worse and i dont wanna risk that.

MammaMia 15-09-2010 10:31 PM

I really would suggest writing it down if you can't tell them in person. You're allowed to let them keep it or have it back I'm sure *cuddles tight* I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Please try talk to someone Nicole.

Mark, you're not useless or anything you said :( Be kind to yourself.

*hugs everyone else*

one_step_closer 15-09-2010 10:32 PM

Why do you think that doing the activities will make you feel worse?

Helen, how are you?

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:35 PM

*hugs helen* yeah i suppose, i just still dont really like the idea.
lindsay-because 1)they're big group activities and they are MAJORLY anxiety provoking for me, and 2)its not just that, everything about college is making me worse because i'm pushing myself to do things i know are making me ill. but this is the only thing that it would be ok to not do.

MammaMia 15-09-2010 10:41 PM

Please talk to someone, whether it's person or written down babe & they can help you?

Lindsay, how you doing? I'm okay, just tired.

one_step_closer 15-09-2010 10:42 PM

I'm not so good.

MammaMia 15-09-2010 10:44 PM

We're here for you

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:45 PM

helen. i suppose i will, it's just trying to find the right time. and it has to be tomorrow. ugh, i want to quit college already. :(

MammaMia 15-09-2010 10:48 PM

I wouldn't quit yet babe, give it some more time? Please? It takes time to settle in. Going from school to college is a MASSIVE change for anyone. Let if you self harm or anything. Maybe you could wait after classes or something?

nicole94 15-09-2010 10:51 PM

i suppose, i just dont like me when i'm like this, i just go mental at the slightest thing.
i suppose i could wait after a lesson, it just depends on like the timing and stuff.

PoisonedApple 15-09-2010 11:16 PM

I agree with Lindsay and Helen, Nicole.
*hugs everyone*
Is it possible to sneeze so hard so many times that you give yourself a concussion? I F'ing Hate Dust!

Kahlia1981 16-09-2010 02:39 AM

*huggles all*
*waves to Owen if he's around*

It's been a weird day already. Got up several times during the night. Waiting for the bus to take me to the doctor because my antibiotic runs out tomorrow and the cough is still there. I feel better (physically) though. And we were having internet problems because they didn't tell us our bill was due so there was no money in the account so they blocked it!! Didn't give us any warning or tell us how much it would be or anything. Meh. AND I ran out of tobacco and don't get pain until tomorrow ....

Just a bit stressed . . .

RYUU 16-09-2010 03:03 AM

I cant sleep The devil is telling me to OD the pills are ready avaliable
i dont feel very safe

misskitty112 16-09-2010 04:38 AM

*hugs Ryuu* please try to stay safe
*spots Heather* *hugs* how are you?

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 04:44 AM

im... yeah.

hows you

misskitty112 16-09-2010 05:04 AM

I've seen better times. Right now, I'm just completely exhausted.

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 05:26 AM

*hug*
<3

hah... so guess i wont be wearing any sleeveless shirts/dresses for awhile... >.< hopefully parents wont see =\ but still wanna do worser =[

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 05:39 AM

Kahlia, I hope your day gets better.

RYUU, how are you now?

Felicia, I hope you managed to get some rest (if it's physical exhaustion you're talking about.)

Heather, please try not to self harm any more. It's not worth it.

I overdosed last night. Went to hospital though. I've been discharged but i'm feeling really unwell. I was find in the hospital but when it was time for me to go I got dizzy, and since i've been home i've felt sick, shaky, sweaty, and my pupils are like saucers.

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 05:41 AM

^go back lindsey? <3
*hug*

hmm... i try not to but blah.

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 05:44 AM

I don't think I should go back, they're already annoyed with me because i'm there so ofter with SI or ODs. I don't even want to phone the Scottish health helpline because I phoned them twice yesterday.

Is there anything that is triggering the urges, Heather?

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 05:50 AM

dont think so... which tbh is the most frustrating part =\

hmm but your health is more important than them being annoyed with you or not, and if they're annoyed then its wicked unprofessional of them <3

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 05:54 AM

I understand. Urges can be so strange sometimes.

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 06:39 AM

*curls up and yawns*
im just gonna sleep as long as humanly possible tomorrow.

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 06:40 AM

if asleep, cant be bad >.<

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 06:41 AM

I agree there.

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 07:11 AM


:)

Kahlia1981 16-09-2010 07:16 AM

^^ Nice picture Heather

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 07:36 AM

=] ^.^

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 07:37 AM

hows you dear?

xxjuliexx 16-09-2010 07:39 AM

:notsure: hello everyone

risenfromperdition 16-09-2010 07:49 AM

hey amy :)
how're you?

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 08:08 AM

Hello everyone, how are you all today?

Doikers 16-09-2010 09:54 AM

*Safe Hugs to the Ward*

*Waves to Owen*

Sorry I don't have many words this morning .

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 10:18 AM

*hugs Mark* How are you doing?

Doikers 16-09-2010 10:33 AM

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm feeling okay , getting frustrated with my computer as it just completely froze on me :S I ended up harming last night :( It will leave a obvious scar *sigh* Just one more for the collection :( I'm just , I don't know how to describe it , frustrated/upset/numb . sorry.
How are you now Lindsay? have the OD effects worn off at all?

MammaMia 16-09-2010 10:34 AM

I'm sorry you overdosed last night Lindsay and not feeling well & that you cut Mark *major hugs to both*

*hugs ward*

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 10:42 AM

Mark, i'm sorry that you self harmed. Those are some awful feelings to be having. Please be gentle with yourself and let yourself experience them safely.

Helen, how are you?

I'm feeling a bit better but not entirely well yet. But, I am going to try and make a promise to myself that I will never self harm or overdose again. I don't need this.

Doikers 16-09-2010 10:53 AM

Quote:

I am going to try and make a promise to myself that I will never self harm or overdose again. I don't need this.
Thats a REALLY positve thing to do Lindsay!! Good Luck :)

one_step_closer 16-09-2010 10:55 AM

Thank you. I'm just tired of all of these scars and the trips to hospital. I don't know what i'm going to replace the behaviours with but i'll try to work on that with my psychologist. I'll probably need to rant to the ward a lot more!

Doikers 16-09-2010 11:01 AM

Theres nothing wrong with ranting here , WE all do it heh , we are totally here for you :)

Kahlia1981 16-09-2010 11:18 AM

*huggles those who can accept them && waves at Owen*

Lindsay: Your promise to yourself is really positive, but please remember if you make a slip it doesn't have to mean the end of everything because slips happen. *offers positive vibe hugs*

*glomps Mark*: Sorry to hear you are having computer troubles and that you are having those feelings. I echo Lindsay and ask you to be gentle with yourself.

Helen: *cuddles*: How is college going? Any sign of that bus pass yet?

*waves at Amy*: How are you going?

*glomps Heather*: How are you doing sweetpea?

I'm still alive and kicking despite not wanting to be. Oh well. c'est la vie. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

shadowedsoul 16-09-2010 11:36 AM

Cuddles all. Nevermind it doesn't matter,all is fine

MammaMia 16-09-2010 11:36 AM

Kahlia, glad you're still alive & kicking sweetheart. Really am. No sign of bus pass, going to phone them once I've been to the oh-so-thrilling (not) jobcentre =/ College is going well thank you =)

Lindsay, I'm okay I think despite a little pain. Had a really awesome night's sleep as I didn't have to be up at 7am!!

Doikers 16-09-2010 12:25 PM

A woman from the local cmht just popped in , the first time anyone from there has been in touch since my SW was at my Psych meeting on August the 29th , then he badly hurt his leg , I was talking about suicide and my Lithium was increased by 200mg nd aside from weekly lithium blood tests I've had no support at all. She asked if everything is okay and I said Yes , I didn't want to mention My Self Injury to a complete stranger and it's true that my mood is less suicidal but I still get suicidal thoughts from time to time which I said to her . It was a bit out of the blue , she didn't phone me or write to say she was coming hmmm still at least it shows the cmht care a little I guess


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