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MammaMia 02-09-2010 01:54 PM

*cuddles everyone* Starting to feel a little better :D

flutterby butterfly 02-09-2010 01:56 PM

Omg someone jumped off the 3rd floor balcony @ work. Triggered & unsafe :-(

~Kaytee~ 02-09-2010 02:09 PM

*cuddles Mara* thanks :) I agree with April, I was going to suggest writing a letter or writing stuff down. I've done that a few times when I've seen people as I can be like that as well. Give it a go and see if that helps?

Thank you Jem, how are you going?

Thank you April :) Thank you everyone <3 I'm sorry, i feel like i've kinda just barged into the ward and demanded attention lol. April, I'm supposed to be getting some CBT starting next week, i've had my doctor and a psych up here refer me to the ED services in the city and finallly I should be starting monday, but I gotta get the confirmation call tomorrow.. hopefully, fingers crossed, otherwise Ill have to call them :/ i think ive found a support group here as well but it means a fair bit of travelling, hopefully its worth it :/ and yes, it does make sense ^_^ thank you :) its just been an absolutely draining past week, its been very much a roller coaster

*cuddles* you are making sense, i'm sorry its such a battle atm. i'm yet to start on a meal plan and food diary, supposed to be going through that when i start therapy :/ and im sorry im not much help at the moment, but ill offer you plenty of hugs *hugs* :)

*cuddles Helen* I'm glad you're starting to feel better :D

~Kaytee~ 02-09-2010 02:10 PM

Oh goodness, sorry Mara *cuddles and keeps safe* is there anyone around you? thats horrible :(

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 02:25 PM

Hels, yey for feeling better!! ^_^ *cuddles*

Mara, hon, I'm so sorry. :( Is there anyone that you can talk with, whom you trust?? or just keep posting on here when you're able, someone's usually about. I wish I could help you more... :( That would trigger me too, I think, trigger most anyone with potential suicidal thoughts. Wish I could whisk you out of there and somewhere safer. *cuddles gently*

Kaytee, I'm glad that you're going to start CBT etc. Meal plans really aren't that bad as long as you're willing to follow someone else's "rules" ... which is really difficult for me as I'm quite stubborn and I really like feeling hungry, because for years and years I didn't - and I am being truthful. I didn't feel hungry for a long time, because my hungry/full "sensors" were off completely. :( Stupid life. Stupid me. I really need to just grow up... but doesn't "growing up" mean being independent?? which means I can do my own thing... But I guess if it means that "your own thing" comes in conflict with "your health" then it's best not to be independent, at least in that area of your life? Thing is, that's like... the only area of my life where I (feel like I) have any control whatsoever. It feels like Jarrod (husband) has control of nearly everything. :( Not true I know but still. ARGH.

Sorry to "sabotage" my reply to you with my own ramblings & ****. Ugh. I did write in my LiveJournal but that just made me angrier. I'm supposed to have XXXkcal so I'm having something else than what my meal plan suggests as I only have one out of the 3 ingredients for it (it's a protein shake - and we don't have a blender, ahahaha). Need to go grocery shopping I guess. Ugh. :( I really don't want to. *whinge whinge whinge*

Anyway. Ummm... oh, my mum and I are going spinning today. :) That should be fun, although I don't really want to see another human being today, since I don't feel human, for what sense that makes. I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense right now, I'm just trying to string my thoughts together and get them out and see if anyone has any feedback... sorry. :(

*hides in the warren and shreds up old newspapers* :crying:

risenfromperdition 02-09-2010 04:03 PM

*sits next to april* bet your mealplan isnt as much as you think it is, but i know its really really scary <3 message me if you wanna. *nod*

im tiiiired =[
and hoping can still add this class thats actually interesting and the professors tag-teaching it arent arguing amongst themselves [as its only one prof so... haha]

Doikers 02-09-2010 04:37 PM

*Hugs Mara* That does sound terribly triggering.

*Hugs April* You are making sense yes . You are in control of what you eat to a large extent , YOU buy and cook the meals yourself so you are very much in control .

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Kaytee*

My first 2 hours of volunteering is over . It was just sweeping and hoovering the floor for 10 minutes , surf the net for the rest of the time as only 2 peolppe came in wanting to learn the P.C.'s so I didn't really get any practice or learning done .Hmm . Everyone was nice , I still shook hmmm , Lithium plus nerves minus 10mg Diaz equals still shaking .

flutterby butterfly 02-09-2010 05:02 PM

Thanks guys
I'm with my partner now but scared to tell her how triggered I am :-(
Just gonna hang here for a bit

PoisonedApple 02-09-2010 05:41 PM

g'morning everyone.

Doikers 02-09-2010 05:49 PM

Morning Crimson , How are you ? *Hugs*

Hayley Texted me And says Hi to you all and has spent this afternoon on the phone to bt trying to get her internet working .She hopes to be online soon. Also she got the card today and and is really happy with it :) It's the first one she and Eoghan have gotten :)

SoMuchMore 02-09-2010 06:18 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Im glad that Hayley liked the card! :)

Sorry no time for individuals right now. Just wanted to say hi and wish everyone a good afternoon/evening.

Oh and say that tomorrow, i'm probably participating in breaking the world record for the most people doing the hokey pokey. Random I know.. sometimes i <3 my uni haha

nicole94 02-09-2010 06:19 PM

*hugs everyone.'
im such a screw up :(

Doikers 02-09-2010 06:25 PM

Go Laura ! Setting world records :) Good luck. *Hugs*

*Hugs Nicole* you're not a screw up , whats made you feel that?

nicole94 02-09-2010 06:34 PM

i am! first day of college and im self harming in the toilets :( i am an idiot.

taz35 02-09-2010 06:38 PM

*hugs everyone*

Back on the meds today, and remembering why I hate taking them... make me tired as hell. Oh well. Heading down to the amusement park tonight/tomorrow with my sister so I won't be around for a couple of days. Will be thinking of you all though <3

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 06:55 PM

Argh, ate my meal plan so far today and I hate it. I feel full to overflowing... feel so gross & nasty, and know that the scale is not going to be my friend tomorrow. I'm terrified. I don't want to gain weight. I've worked so ****ing hard to lose what I've lost... I'm at the lowest I've been in months. Don't want to lose it the progress I've made, really really don't.

:crying:

Sorry. ****ing fail right here.

Doikers 02-09-2010 06:57 PM

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry you cut :(

*Hugs April* It's good that you followed your meal plan .

nicole94 02-09-2010 07:06 PM

*hugs taz, april and mark*
taz-have fun at the amusment park
april-well done for sticking to your meal plan.
mark-how are you today

i just really have a bad feeling about college, it was my first day and i've already cut in the toilet, cried and walked out of class :(

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 07:14 PM

Nicole, hon, it's the first day. First days are always super stressful, just learning your way about etc. At least, that's how it is here. *hugs* Does college there have some sort of support you can get from counselors or something if you need?

I really think I'm an epic fail.

Updated r/v by the way...

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 07:18 PM

MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

:crying:

I hate my life. So much. This week has been more than I can/should be able to bear. It's so ****ing hard. I can't do it... can't... and have no one IRL to really talk to. I hate that. I hate so much about, well, so much. :'(

*hides where no one can find her after giving Laura a big hug*

nicole94 02-09-2010 07:25 PM

*finds helen and hugs her* there is counselling but i dont really want it, im hoping that the woman who interviewd me today will be my tutor because she was really nice and supportive, yeah, i suppose they are stresfful, but that doesn't make it ok that i cut, im supposed to be stronger than that now.

you are not an epic fail hun, i'm sorry your week has been so hard, is there anything you want to talk about?

taz35 02-09-2010 07:27 PM

*hugs April* I'm glad you followed your meal plan even though you didnt want to <3

*hugs Nicole* Sorry that you cut hun, but the first day is always the most stressful. You can expect a minor relapse... just start all over again, and you can make it longer this time :)

*hugs Mark*

Doikers 02-09-2010 07:32 PM

*Hugs Taz*

nicole94 02-09-2010 07:37 PM

*hugs taz* yeah i suppose...
i also had to put my sexuality on the form...that was scary, i didnt know if they were gonna judge me on it....

Doikers 02-09-2010 08:07 PM

Nicole , I'm sure they won't be judging you over your sexuality , I'm not sure it's really their business anyway:S

taz35 02-09-2010 08:29 PM

*hugs Mark*

*hugs Nicole* It would be rather stupid and immature of them to judge you based on your sexuality. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about there :)

MammaMia 02-09-2010 08:49 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Nicole, they tend to ask for data/date protection and stuff. So can't discriminate against you and stuff. Well I might be wrong, but sure it's something like that.

April, I'm sorry you're struggling but things won't always be this hard babe.

Doikers 02-09-2010 08:52 PM

*Hugs Helen* How are you tonight?

MammaMia 02-09-2010 08:57 PM

Slowly getting better I suppose. Full of cold mind you. Got my interview tomorrow...

Doikers 02-09-2010 09:00 PM

Still full of cold :( *Hands over a Lemsip* Good luck with your interview tomorrow , I hope you feel a bit better for it .

The One Who 02-09-2010 09:04 PM

Hey everyone. Hope we're all doing okay.

taz35 02-09-2010 09:21 PM

*hugs Hels* Hope you're back to normal soon :) Pesky colds always seem to take forever to go away...

*hugs Claire* How are you doing today?

frenchhorn 02-09-2010 09:26 PM

*hugs Nicole* they won't judge you over your sexuality, often places ask for sexuality to see if they are being fair and offering jobs to a wide range of people and to fit in with the equality act, I think its stupid to ask for your sexuality, but some places seem to want to ask anyway.

*hugs Helen* good luck for tomorrow and hope you feel better for the interview

*hugs April* its good you followed your meal plan, sorry your not doing good though *gives you extra special Oliver hugs*

*hugs Taz, Mark, JK, Lia, Luke, Laura, Claire(who I don't think I have said hi to before, so Hi!), Kahlia, Crimson, and all other wardies(sorry if I forgot you don't mean to)

Doikers 02-09-2010 09:30 PM

Hey Oliver *Hugs* How are you doing?

The One Who 02-09-2010 09:31 PM

I think I just need hugs :(

The sexuality thing is usually on a separate form with things like ethnicity, don't think you have to answer them though. It is separated and used for statistics, nothing else. At least that's my understanding of it.

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 09:40 PM

*cuddles all*

I... am epically exhausted. I don't know, I got up from a nap and now all I want to do is go to bed proper. :( Feel so lazy, since I've not done hardly anything today, except go spinning and then go grocery shopping. So I suppose I've been out & about a bit more than I'm used to... but still, ugh. :(

It's so warm here. Probably close to 85'F if not 90'F... very very warm. And humid. Too humid for September, that's what I say. Heh. Like what I say matters, at least to the weather. :P But I am uncomfortable, warm and sticky... yuck. :( Hate weather like this any time of year, but why can't fall/autumn be here already??

So.over.this.

Oh, and thank you for the support, everyone, about the meal plan + everything else. You're awesome people. :) *extra cuddles for all* <3

Sorry no individuals but I'll try and get 'round to them sometime. :-/

Doikers 02-09-2010 09:49 PM

*Hugs Claire* I spot you !:)

*Hugs April* I spot you too !:)

Bedtime at Marks heh , I tend to announce my bedtime here quite frequently don't I? Is it annoying ? I could stop if it is .

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 10:08 PM

I don't find it annoying, Mark, not at all. It's nice actually, to know when you're going offline because then I won't worry about you. :) As much, anyway. Heh. <3 Hopefully that made sense!! But no, definitely not annoying. *cuddles and tucks you in bed*

I wish it were bedtime here... hmmm, could I get teleported to the UK so I can officially go to bed now?? :P Hehehe...

I am also not looking forward to supper. Although, it's not going to be as bad as lunch was, because it is fewer scary things. :-/ If that makes sense. I feel like I'm not making any sense at all right now.

Also, for those of you who read my r/v, I really do apologize for all of the swearing in it. I don't talk like that, I promise. Haha.

*cuddles everyone some more* <3

MammaMia 02-09-2010 10:17 PM

*hugs everyone lots*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2472120)
Still full of cold :( *Hands over a Lemsip* Good luck with your interview tomorrow , I hope you feel a bit better for it .

Thanks Mark, hopefully I will, but we shall see :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by taz35 (Post 2472149)
*hugs Hels* Hope you're back to normal soon :) Pesky colds always seem to take forever to go away...

*hugs Taz* Should be back to normal tomorrow/Saturday, barring the cold anyway. So that will help :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2472156)
*hugs Helen* good luck for tomorrow and hope you feel better for the interview

*hugs Oliver* Thanks for the good luck etc :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by The One Who (Post 2472163)
I think I just need hugs :(

*hugs*

Scarletdreamer 02-09-2010 10:31 PM

*huggles Hels* I hope that you feel better by tomorrow. And yes, good luck!! (if you read my previous writing... I am a ditz, hah)

Ugh. Now I'm pissed off by a friend of mine who admits that she is a bitch and also doesn't really know how to put things in a very tactful way. I really like her as a friend, because I know I can expect honesty from her, but at the same time... can't imagine talking with her more often. It's like... I never can really be a good enough person for her. She always tells me that there's something I need to improve, something that I can do better, etc., etc. Anyway. Random pissed off moments. :-/

MammaMia 02-09-2010 10:35 PM

Why waste your time trying to be good enough if she's a bitch/can't be tactful kinda thing? :/

*hugs April* Thank you sweetie x

The One Who 02-09-2010 10:40 PM

Maybe she has her own insecurities and worries that she is projecting.

SoMuchMore 02-09-2010 10:40 PM

*hugs helen* hope that you feel better and that your interview goes well!

*Hugs april* I know people that sounds like your friend. They can be hard to deal with sometimes. I try to just remember that that is the way they are and sometimes just consider the source when they are talking... which sounds kind of mean of me as well... but it's really not.

*gives claire a box of hugs*

*hugs oliver* how r u?

*hugs mark* I dont think announcing when you are asleep is annoying at all. I think its funny too that many times by the time you get up I am just heading off to bed... i stay up so late lol.

*hugs nicole* like others have said, it was only the first day. You are def not a fail. Also, the sexuality thing was probably only for statistics, you shouldn't be judged on it at all.

*hugs taz* how r u this evening?

*hugs mara* o dear, i'm so sorry about the situation at work. I wish i knew what to say. *gives extra cuddles*

*cuddles kaytee, heather, and crimson* hope you all are alright.

As for me, well i have to work tonight. They just switched the system so now i am all anxious again. Just when i was starting to be able to be calm at work and feel like i had the job down. :-/ That's life though. I have to learn to roll with such things otherwise i'll never succeed in the workplace.

Tried to tell my friend T about some of the things going on right now with me... but it didn't really work b/c I had to leave for an appointment right afterwards so I couldn't afford to make myself any amount of upset. He probably thought talking was a waste of time. I hadn't seen him in like 2 months though so i guess its not bad that we were way off topic from what he came over for.

Anyway, rambling, ill stop now.

MammaMia 02-09-2010 10:46 PM

*hugs Laura* Thanks darling :) x

shadowedsoul 02-09-2010 11:08 PM

=) is kind off happy right now. Happy happy happy. Is so out off it right now

Kahlia1981 02-09-2010 11:21 PM

*huggles everyone*

So tired. Binged yesterday and feeling crap today because of it. Also can't stop coughing and it's really wearing me down. My housemate went to the hospital yesterday and waited for 5 hours without even being seen and these "indigenous Australians" who were much further down the triage queue started screaming about discrimination and got put in above everyone. Yeah, that's fair according to Triage protocol - the sickest get seen first . . .

FlyingNy 02-09-2010 11:52 PM

I'm sorry I can't do individuals right now but my friend's suicidal and my stress levels are through the roof and i've already cut and i took some pills but not enough, but it scares me how close i came and the urges aren't gone and i'm scared of what i might do and i know i can't do this. i can't be here anymore and i am panicking so much i just don't know what to do i want out and there's nothing i can do.

PoisonedApple 03-09-2010 12:05 AM

*cuddles lia and holds hand*

Scarletdreamer 03-09-2010 12:08 AM

Oh Lia, honey, I'm so sorry that you're so stressed, and also that your friend is suicidal. Are you going to be okay, though? because you won't be able to help him/her unless you yourself are doing okay. And you don't sound all that firm yourself, if that makes any sense... please don't take any more pills. You don't need to die, please, hang on to life and your dreams for what you want it to become... don't give up. I'm here if you need to talk, others are as well. And you can always ring up someone if you need to, right, like the Samaritans? (sorry, don't know diddly-squat about emergency helplines in the UK :-/ ...) Wish I could help more but please, love, keep hanging on. Fight for your life. It's worth saving. And so is your friend's. Try and stay as safe as you can for the rest of the night, and remember, God's with you. (Normally wouldn't say that here but I think I remember you saying you're a Christian too?) Will be thinking of/praying for you.

Sorry no other individuals at the moment. :(

FlyingNy 03-09-2010 12:19 AM

Thinking of God actually made me feel better.

i only got as far as about pill 3. But still, i've never done that before and it scares me. i think it's only going to get worse. i'm trying to be strong for her. i'm haven't told her how upset i am, just trying to talk some sense into her. I don't know what to do because i'm the only one who knows anything aout her and i can't do it alone anymore. I can't tell anyone though, she's begged me not to, but i feel i should...something she said earlier, about me. a theory she has. it has nothing to do with suicide, but it scared me too. Sorry. I can't tell you guys, but April,you might know what i'm on about. She thinks so too. What I pm'ed you about that time. i told her she was wrong and to back off, but now i just don't know...

I hope everyone else is OK...*hugs all*


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