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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

risenfromperdition 11-07-2010 07:38 AM

*leaves hugs for julie if want <3*
if he hates you then hes silly cuz you're smart and sweet and caring and strong :)

wolfos3d 11-07-2010 09:23 AM

Ugh. I managed to make it till about 2PM before I fell asleep. I've now had three hours sleep, wasted my last afternoon off, and probably won't sleep again until late tonight if I do sleep. I'm so triggered now too. :( I really hate being me.

*hugs for everyone and extra hugs for Oliver* Flashbacks are in no way enjoyable. :( Hope you're okay.

shadowedsoul 11-07-2010 09:29 AM

Feal really crapy this morning, still have stuiped thoughts running through my head. Hmm the more I try not to think about these thoughts the more I want to act on them. Urgh today going to be a long day.

CrazyHayley 11-07-2010 09:52 AM

oh it looks like its been a really crummy night (well day time for some of you) since I was last on here. I'm doing a quick post before the tramadol kicks in properly and I go off to lala land again.

Not enough brain power to do individual replies, but I'm thinking that we should ban the words pathetic and useless like we have banned the word fine. Cos we all say them and I'm sure that as much as we may feel them at times, they are not true, so saying them and reading them only reaffirms our false beliefs. So if we are banned from using them in here then perhaps we'll start to feel a little better, that, or we'll be using a theasaurus (spelling?!) lost more! lol

Oh and Kahlia thanks for the warning on tramadol. I have depression, PMDD and PTSD, oh and an ED and OCD as my mental health problems but I wouldn't class them as a psychiatric illness, not like bipolar or something like that. So I should be fine. I hope so as I was on it for 5years before, though apparently you shouldn't be on it for longer than 6months at a time due to the damage it can cause your kidneys, but my old doctors were useless for things like that, my latest GP's seem more clued up, at least I hope so!

Right time for me to have a fag and coffee whilst I'm still able to figure out how to do it. Then let reggie out so he can cause havoc whilst I'm in lala land. hmmm.....

Thinking of you all and hoping we all have at least a few hours in our day where things improve for us.

wildly insane 11-07-2010 10:11 AM

*hugs April* thanks hun :) there isn't a reason really, it just builds up and gets more and more difficult to fight and I just hold off until I can't be bothered to fight it any more.

*hugs Laura* thanks sweetie, you hang in there too, your replies aren't ****, I really appreciate them

*hugs Julie* please don't let your dad get to you, you're worth so much more than that

*hugs Heather* hope you feel better today

*hugs Jess* hope the rest of your day went okay and you didn't have any trouble getting to sleep

*hugs Jill* those thoughts are horrible, please try and fight them

*hugs hayley* yay good to see you, have you posted photos of Reggie anywhere cos he sounds awesome. And yes we probably should ban useless and pathetic although sometimes it feels better just to be able to say that even though not true or productive, it is how we are feeling.

*hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now, hang in there, keep taking deep breathes, you can get through this, honest you can

*hugs Mark**hugs Oliver**hugs JK**hugs Luke**hugs Elizabeth**hugs Nicole**hugs Lia**hugs Crimson**hugs Helen**hugs Lindsay*

*hugs anyone else I've forgotten, so sorry if I have :( *

right I have to go take my dad shopping for some light summer trousers as mum is scared he wont be allowed anywhere in the evening if he walks around in shorts in Dubai. she really is rather melodramatic LOL

then flying, I'm sure I'll have a great time, just wont always be easy :) take care peeps and stay safe, leaves a big pot of tea and biccies

Doikers 11-07-2010 10:42 AM

Ohhh Many posts since last night , I also think we should ban the words "Pathetic" and "Useless" although I probably use them as much as anyone.
Sorry for lack of individual replies , I will try and reply to posts throughout the day. I Have Depression and OCD and do count them as Mental illnesses Hayley , moreso the Depression , it's called "Chronic Depression" and can get quite severe , sorry to waffle on .
*Go's off to read April R/V thread*

Kahlia1981 11-07-2010 12:09 PM

*huggles/waves at all wardmates*

Laura: *big hugs* Hope you are doing a bit better.

Julie: I have to agree with Hannah sweetheart. Please, please don't let your dad get to you. You're worth so much more than that and we love you here. *big but gentle hugs*

Heather: Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit icky. I hope that you start to feel better tomorrow/today (not sure of time zone). *offers hugs*

Jess: I'm sorry that you felt you had wasted your last afternoon off. I always felt the same way. An opportunity lost. . . But, as always, what's done is done. I hope that you managed to sleep the night through. *glomps*

Jill: Sorry to hear you were feeling crappy and having those thoughts. I hope that you managed to get through without acting on them. *cuddles you and holds you protectively in her thoughts*

Hayley: I'm glad you haven't had issues with the Tramadol. I had severe issue with it - as did my housemate. He has bipolar with psychotic features, and I have schizoaffective disorder (bipolar) and DID. I was on the Tramadol for a total of about eight weeks I think before my psychiatrist put his foot down. He had asked for me to make the switch before then but it was/is difficult because there is a limited number of analgesics I can be on. However, I was becoming dangerously psychotic. *shrugs* Such is life. Anyway, I hope that the Tramadol eases your pain somewhat and does not give you too many pains in a mental way. *offers you hugs*

Hannah: Firstly *big hugs* that was an epic reply you made just before. I hope that things are going well for you. Thanks very much for the tea you left in the ward by the way. Strangely enough something you said to me in the post is almost word for word what I say to myself when I leave the house: You can get through this.

Mark: You've actually touched on a trigger point for me with the mental illness Depression here but it's because of the way it's diagnosed and/or treated in Australia. I will talk about that at the end. I hope that you are doing okay. *big hugs*

Oliver: I'm so sorry about that flashback hun. Flashbacks can be the worst things sometimes. Your girlfriend does sound very supportive though. I'd like to *offer you some hugs* if that's okay?

Everyone: *big hugs* I'm sorry I've left you out of the individual replies. I just couldn't remember and didn't want to get things wrong. I hope that you are having a good day/night, and are feeling okay. If you aren't, please remember that it can't rain all the time. You are not going to be where you are now always.

I am semi-okay today. I had to leave the house to go to the shops about when the v8s finished. I got to the shops and threw up for ... quite a while. It took me a while at the shops because I couldn't find what I wanted and then I raced home and forced myself to immediately do the dishes before I, quite literally, collapsed.

My anxiety is definitely NOT settling down. I email my psychiatrist on Wednesday. What fun for him . . .

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Depression Rant
Technically Major/Clinical/Chronic Depression only require the appropriate number of behavioural changes for 2 weeks or more in the person. The person is then trialled on anti-depressant after anti-depressant. At no stage in this is counselling ever recommended. At least not in the cases I've ever been privy to. The majority of these cases that I've been privy to have occurred after a severe loss (death of a friend/family member/pet) or other traumatic event and the person was placed straight onto anti-depressants without the doctor asking any questions, even when the doctor was told about the event because they were forced to perform certain special medical procedures due to the nature of the trauma. Most conditions are mishandled. 9 out of 10 children are on Speed to treat ADHD. It's not necessary. And if that isn't enough, take a look at the Asthma statistics. A child even breathes slightly wheezy and they are on a puffer. If they need them it's fine ... but most of the time they don't.

Doikers 11-07-2010 12:30 PM

I relate to being trialed on anti-depressant after anti-depressant . "Wait and see if this one works" sort of thing. I see my Psych Dr every 2-3 months and a mental health social worker almost every week , I was meeting with a Psychcoholgist but had to leave her despite it being helpful because of her long waiting list . hmmm sorry.

MammaMia 11-07-2010 12:34 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Although I use them HEAVILY (particularly outside of RYL), I agree with Hayley's idea of banning pathetic/useless. It breaks my heart whenever it's said by one of you guys, it's so untrue. Although we sadly believe it about ourselves very very much....

That probably doesn't make sense.

Kahlia1981 11-07-2010 12:53 PM

Mark: ADs nearly killed me. I'm bipolar type so they made me suicidal. *shrugs* But often they aren't necessary - at least not in the doses they are used in. Counselling or psychological therapy should be used when reactive depression exists. When chemical depression exists the meds are definitely warranted. I'm really sorry though that you can relate. :-(

*squeals* HELEN!!!!! *glomps*

MammaMia 11-07-2010 01:08 PM

Wow someone seems happy to see me :D :D

*glomps Kahlia lots*

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 01:16 PM

Good morning everyone...

Kahlia, I'm bipolar as well (bipolar NOS or bipolar II, no one's quite sure I don't think...), and ADs nearly killed me too, because they also made me more suicidal. I was actually hospitalized a couple of times because of that - I think. I know I was suicidal and that's why I was hospitalized, but I can't remember the cause behind it other than that. I'm sorry that you've had similar experiences. :( *cuddles*

Hels, how are you doing? And what you said makes perfect sense - to me at least. I don't use "those words" so much IRL because the only person I'd say them to is Jarrod, and I know that it hurts him so much when I do... but I tell myself that a lot in my head, even if it's not those particular words. I don't know how well "banning" them would work though, because it's often how people feel... maybe as long as people say "I feelam pathetic/useless/etc." instead of "I am pathetic/useless/etc." ?? Would that be more feasible? because there is a key distinction there... (sorry, English freak coming out in me, hah...) Anyway, how are you doing?? *cuddles*

Mark, love, how are you today?? *cuddles* I'm sorry that you've been on AD after AD... :( That really sucks. And Kahlia, as you said, so does the lack of counseling - that's so stupid. :( I wish that I could fix the world's MH systems by snapping my fingers, SNAP, just like that... so easy. That would be TOO easy though... but it would be amazing!! :D

*cuddles Oliver, Hannah, Kat, JK, Heather, Laura, Jill, Lia, Julie, Jess, and Hayley* Sorry, I know that I didn't respond to all of the posts but my brain is muzzy right now, not working properly, can't even feel properly...

I keep on listening to "Hello" by Evanescence... one of my favorite of their songs... "Lithium" is another favorite... I don't know, it just seems to match the mood I'm in right now. I don't really feel like I'm here... just feels like I'm kind of off floating somewhere in space and someone else is doing the typing. Am having a hard time focusing, too... :( Hate feeling like this, don't even know why I am!! If I knew why, it'd be easier. :'(

*hides in the warren under the psych ward* :crying:

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 01:26 PM

oh, and i updated my r/v... :-S

MammaMia 11-07-2010 01:38 PM

You make a good point there sweetheart *cuddles* I'm low but hey. *hides with you*

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 01:53 PM

*cuddles Hels* Any idea why you're low?? :( I'm sorry that you're not feeling the best mentally - is there anything I can do?

I spy Jess!! *glomps* :D

Kahlia1981 11-07-2010 01:55 PM

April: The AD issue nearly killed my housemate. Like ICU-required nearly killed my housmate. I was close to that myself. I'm tech schizoaffective but really that's just splitting hairs. My psychotic symptoms can exist with or without my mood symptoms. Simple. Oh, and ADs and bipolar is a really common trap for doctors because the depressive episodes are usually a) the start and b) the first "odd" thing people notice.

Helen: Sorry, just got a little overenthusiastic like the carpet from Aladdin.

*huggles everybody*

I tried to go lay down for the night before but ended up getting up again (obviously). I think I might go try again. *sigh* I wish I knew what was going on. . .

wolfos3d 11-07-2010 02:21 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2396112)
I spy Jess!! *glomps* :D

*is glomped* *cuddles April*

I wish I had someone to run with again. :( I feel so frigging lonley all the time. Stupid housemate not liking dogs. "You can get one when you move out." Jerk. I'm done ranting now. Tiredness is making me all pissy and stuffs. *pout*

MammaMia 11-07-2010 02:35 PM

April, I don't know if there's anything you can do sweetheart. Just feeling low because I always do? :/

Kahlia, I wasn't complaining, was nice :D

nicole94 11-07-2010 03:04 PM

*sits and rocks*

MammaMia 11-07-2010 03:34 PM

*cuddles Nicole tight*

nicole94 11-07-2010 03:43 PM

*clings to helen* can you reply to my post in the serious advice boards please? i need help :(

MammaMia 11-07-2010 04:14 PM

I'll try darling.

I'm crying my eyes out :'( Just wanted to spend time with my best friend :'( :'( :'(

wolfos3d 11-07-2010 04:14 PM

I feel like I've been all selfish and stuffs recently. :( Sorry guys. *huggles for everyone*

I think I might finally be able to sleep for a while too. Night night.

*hugs helen* I know how you feel with that one. :( I wanted to spend time with mine too. *hands you some tissues*

MammaMia 11-07-2010 04:17 PM

*hugs Jess* Thanks sweetheart. Hope you sleep well. xxx

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 10:49 PM

I am so anxious it's ridiculous. It really is. :-S I tried playing WoW for a bit on my 61 hunter but it was too hard to focus and I kept getting scared of my character dying, even though it was highly doubtful that she would. Gahhh.

It's been pretty much decided, then, I suppose - we're going to go see the Air Force recruiter tomorrow - "we" so I can ask some questions and just basically learn about the Air Force and Jarrod so he can take a sample ASVAB and see where his abilities lie. I'm really nervous about this step - it's so freaking huge!! - but at the same time, excited. I don't know... basic training's gonna be tough because that'll mean 8 weeks apart - but at least it's not a year - and from what it SOUNDED like on their website, maybe I can live with him (on base) for advanced training? (Crimson, do you have any idea if that's true or not?... Sorry for keeping on bugging you about military stuff!!) I don't know. In any case, this is just to see... but it's our plan.

I'm also hoping that I can get better without res. I don't know though... but I'm doing a pretty good job so far. :) I haven't cut since I told myself I wouldn't and that's a pretty big deal, since I know I wouldn't have been able to do that years ago when I "first" tried stopping. :-X So you do get stronger as time goes on... that is a little bit of hope for me. :) And for all of us, I suppose.

I'm sorry I've rambled on so much about myself... :( That's typical I suppose. :-X

How is everyone else doing? *cuddles all who want them and waves at those who don't*

shadowedsoul 11-07-2010 10:50 PM

Hmm I'm still feeling like ****, people in real life are pushing me to my limit, want to walk out of the house and go somewhere idk not in the best place tonight . Sorry April will answer the pm but my head is a mess tonight.

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 11:05 PM

*cuddles Jill* I'm sorry that you're in a bad place tonight... don't worry about PMing me if you aren't up to it... just want to be able to support you when I can, is all.

Updated my r/v... again... sorry to be so damn self-absorbed. :-X

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 11:08 PM

*spies Tineke and glomps* How are you, sweetie? Have missed you!!

MammaMia 11-07-2010 11:09 PM

*hugs April & Jill*

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 11:18 PM

*cuddles Hels* How are you doing, sweetie? any better than earlier?

MammaMia 11-07-2010 11:21 PM

Well I'm not crying and the urges aren't as strong?? *cuddles April*

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 11:30 PM

That's always good to hear... *extra special cuddles* Why were you crying earlier, if you don't mind me asking? Stay strong and PM me if you need me. I should be about for awhile yet... and that wasn't intended to come across as me blowing you off, just in case it sounds/sounded a little abrupt. ♥

MammaMia 11-07-2010 11:38 PM

Thanks for the special hugs :D I was crying earlier because my best friend went offline, to give me 'peace' to watch TV (which I didn't want), because she was a mess, didn't want to drag me down further (she couldn't have) and how she'll make it up to me and stuff. We're both really struggling. I really needed her today. Still do. She came on this afternoon as she was supposed to be spending special time with her hubby ;) Just didn't want to be all alone for rest of the day aswell as the evening and stuff.

Meh, pathetic I know.

Scarletdreamer 11-07-2010 11:45 PM

Not really pathetic at all, hon. I'd be upset if my bestie left me - even online - if I needed her badly. If she needed me badly, too, it would be even worse. I'm sorry to hear that you're both struggling... wish there were something I could do to help. Hate feeling so damn helpless. :( Please keep hanging in there... you ARE worth fighting for. Try & believe that... and you are not pathetic, useless, or any of those lies you tell yourself. You're a lovely, sweet, kind, and beautiful person, inside & out. I know, hard to believe that... but it's true.

MammaMia 11-07-2010 11:48 PM

Thanks sweetheart. That helps a lot. I just wish I could believe all that stuff you know?

Scarletdreamer 12-07-2010 12:00 AM

I totally understand... *cuddles some more*

I spy Oliver!! *glomps* :D

MammaMia 12-07-2010 12:09 AM

*cuddles April* :(

I also see Lia, Jess & Oliver *glomps all*

Scarletdreamer 12-07-2010 12:13 AM

*spies Lia and glomps her too* Jess must be wearing her invisibility cloak... heehee... Hels, did you loan yours to her? ;)

I'mJustMe 12-07-2010 12:14 AM

Damn, I have been spotted! Was going to poke my head around the corner, but may as well stay and chat now. Composing individual replies as you read this!


wolfos3d 12-07-2010 12:15 AM

I'm here. I did manage to get to sleep which was beyond awesome. I've missed my first class now though. Oops.

*hugs for everyone*

MammaMia 12-07-2010 12:20 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2397317)
*spies Lia and glomps her too* Jess must be wearing her invisibility cloak... heehee... Hels, did you loan yours to her? ;)

Looks like it ;)


Originally Posted by I'mJustMe (Post 2397319)
Damn, I have been spotted! Was going to poke my head around the corner, but may as well stay and chat now. Composing individual replies as you read this!

Haha, sorry my dear, hope you're okay x


Originally Posted by wolfos3d (Post 2397322)
I'm here. I did manage to get to sleep which was beyond awesome. I've missed my first class now though. Oops.

*hugs for everyone*

*hugs Jess* Glad you got to sleep. Opps at missing class. Are you going to go in for your next one? :)

wolfos3d 12-07-2010 12:27 AM

Yeah, I'll be going in shortly for my next one. I'm gonna leave at 10 since it starts at 11. That'll give me plenty of time to get there. I've only missed English so no huge loss from not getting up in time.

I'mJustMe 12-07-2010 12:44 AM

Hugs Helen- Are you feeling any better sweeite? Sorry you felt so bad earlier and I wasn't here, instead lapping up sun on the beach/mocking 'Eclipse' in the cinema. Totally team Lupin. Anyway.

Hugs Julie Why do you say your dad hates you sweet? You certainly don't deserve anything he might have said, although living with my mum, I know how hard that is to believe. So much easier it is to trust the things you have been told all of your life. I can see in everyone else's cases that the things totally aren't true, just not in my own. So I'll tell you know, the thing aren't true. You are who you are and you shouldn't change that for anyone. Least of all someone who puts you down. Perhaps he was just angry? I don't even know what happened, but there's the chance he didn't really mean it and was lashing out. My mum does that. Every day. Perhaps she has issues.

Hey Heather, how are you? Hope things are OK for you at the moment. Anything you want to talk about? Hugs gently.

Jess- You're a strong and beautiful person and love being you for those reasons alone. I don't know how the triggering thoughts ended up as the post was a while ago. A later post may inform me and I will add if it does, but if you did fight continue to do so because you're strong and can do it. :) Anything in particular that brought on the triggering? We are all here to listen if you want us to.

Jill- Sorry you felt so bad this morning. How did the day go in the end? It's gone midnight now. Do you know what it was that made you feel so low, or was it a random mood? I hate those, they make you feel so pathetic because you can't even target what's wrong so there's very little you can do about it. I'm here if you want me to be though :) How has the night been so far? Are you coping?

Haley- I agree we should ban those words, and then I can come up with some more gangster alternatives such as 'I'm such a waste gash' and 'so pang'. How you feeling?

Kahlia- I'm sorry about your anxiety that it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Are you on any meds? If you are, maybe they could be increased. I hope you can get some extra help, don't take this in the wrong way because I know I would, but you clearly need it. I care about you and don't like to see you struggling so much. X

Crawls into warren with April (if she's still there)- Hey sweet. How are you now? You got into the warren a while ago, feel any better since? It's good that you see something exiting in the air force thing, it's always nice to summon some enthusiasm and try and look on the bright side in situations you hate. I am actually going to do a touch of opening up here, even if it is so you don't feel so alone. I know how you feel, I know what it's like to have the one you love torn away from you. The one person I love more than anyone else in the world, the one person who could make me feel better with just a simple smile, the only one I feel I could have talked to is moving to Dorset. I won't see her before she goes so I will see her once more in my life, and then never again. She's my everything and I don't know what I will do without her, we can't stay in touch. Long story. I'm going to stop talking about her now because it just hurts, but just so you know, I do know and I do understand.

Nicole- what's up honey? Anything we can help you with? I will have a look at that thread in a tick and try to help you best as I can. Hugs hard.

Mark- How are you today? Hugs if you want them. How come my replies always turn into some sort of mass ward hug?

Anyone else who wants to may as well join the pile :)

Being driven slightly insane. My best mate keeps telling me I have depression. She's not in my mind, she doesn't know anything, yet I'm scared she's right. She doesn't understand though, I don't want her to be there but I can't tell her that because it is personal and I don't want to upset her. Grr, I wish she would get off my case.


MammaMia 12-07-2010 12:46 AM

Lia, don't worry about not being here earlier sweet :) Glad you got out for a bit, that's good. I'm better in the sense I'm not crying (haven't for a few hours) and the urges have settled. Feeling really low still meh. Over it >_>

Scarletdreamer 12-07-2010 12:54 AM

Lia, love, that was an epic response!! *cuddles* And if your posts turn into a mass ward hug, mine turn into a mass ward cuddle, lol... Thanks for opening up a bit, I'm glad that you did. *extra special cuddles* Things will be okay... they will work out in the end. I won't say more because I don't want to upset you or anything but I'm sorry that your friend is annoying/upsetting you. :(

Hels, I'm sorry you're still feeling low... *extra special cuddles too* :)

Jess, sorry you missed your first class but hopefully it won't matter too much!! *cuddles gently* Did you sleep okay? i.e., did you get some sleep? I forget if you said anything, sorry, brain like a sieve. :-S

I'm so exhausted, and so low, and just want to cut. But I'm not going to. Guhhh. :'(

*hides in the warren again* :crying:

shadowedsoul 12-07-2010 01:21 AM

Hugs April I'm sorry i didn't mean for it to sound that I didn't want your support. Sorry hmm hope that made sence.

Hugs lia of course I want your support. Hmm the day went from bad to argh shoot me now. Lot of shot things happened that I wad warned what would happen if I did it again. It just couldn't be helped, urgh don't care my ass I going to get kicked again my own fault so I will take my punishment without complant. Tonights going hmm stuiped thoughts going around my head still somehow it's always bad at night when I'm alone and it's all quiet then I start thinking stuff. Meh

risenfromperdition 12-07-2010 04:12 AM


Kahlia1981 12-07-2010 06:52 AM

So.over.it.all . . . . . . .

SoMuchMore 12-07-2010 07:11 AM

*cuddles kahlia gently* you okay hun? Im around if you want/need to talk.

hope.is.overrated 12-07-2010 09:37 AM

I've been so low and feeling lonely the last few days
Everything is falling apart...I need a job desperately and it's very hard to get one and on top of that I miss having someone to talk to...my best friend left last year, she moved out to another state and we lost contact with each other and now I'm feeling I am about to loose another friend...I don't think I can't take this...

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