RYL Forums

RYL Forums (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/index.php)
-   Veterans Board (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=34)
-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 25-06-2010 11:12 AM

Hugs mark and wildly insane, thanks guys but I begg to
Differ, I don't know after years of bulling and teasing over the years has resulted in a really bad opioin
Of myself isn't good,( shrugs I don't know)

Well done kahlia, that is fantasic hun.

damn it I really want to cut havnt yet as im heading away for 3 day and i couldnt deal with my mum dissiapointment and
It would spoil it for people. Hmm i think i can remember someone saying there is a tent in here, i take it there is a garden then,Could Really do with been in here the safety of this place but outside at the same time that makes sence. Need to distract myselfSo I got a tennis ball that I'm going to kick againt a wall to see if that will keep me from falling apart,and cutting if it's okay and Won't bother anybody? *goes off to find the Garden.*

Scarletdreamer 25-06-2010 11:31 AM

Proud of you, Kahlia!! *cuddles* That's amazing, almost 2 years... you are doing so, so well. *throws confetti and bakes no-cal cupcakes for everyone who wants them* :D

Mark, I'm sorry that that happened with your SW - same thing happened with my old therapist, which I wrote about on here... but at least he "remembered" you and got back to you, which my old therapist never did. (ARGH, still makes me angry!!) Anyway... keep us posted on how the appt goes? *cuddles*

Laura, sweet, what's going on? *cuddles gently* I'm here if you need to talk... shoot me a PM sometime if you want to. I'm worried about you though...

JK, I know I didn't respond to you when you posted, but WELCOME BACK and I missed you!! *glomps* Hehe... I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going too well but you can make it through... hopefully your internet connection works sometimes at least, stupid dodgy internets!! :P

Heather, nice pic. :D Is that near where you live? Also, you're NOT huge... and I hope that you didn't cut. :( *huggles*

Jill, yep, there's a garden outside, hope you get out some of that excess energy you have. That might help with the urges, I'm not sure. :) *huggles*

*hugs Julie* Sorry you feel full & yuck, sweetie. But being full is okay, and the feeling will pass. (That's what everyone tells me when I have trouble with being full, and it's true. Heh. May not seem like much consolation, though... sorry.)

*cuddles & hugs & glomps everyone else that she's missed*

I'm so exhausted. Got up before 6am AGAIN today, makes what, the fourth day in a row that I have? STUPID ME. I'm going to be so freaking exhausted by the time it's tomorrow night (the young adult worship at our church, 8-11pm, SO past my bedtime - which is usually around 9pm now)... and that makes me unhappy. :( I want to be awake enough to have a good time with friends & reconnecting with God & focusing on Him and NOT me for a change. But I'm worried that I'll be too tired. Guess tomorrow afternoon will be a good time for a nap, ey? :P Heh...

Yesterday my nelf hunter on WoW hit level 32. :D Jarrod ran her through Stock(ades), which was utterly awesome as I had 4 or 5 quests for it... the dungeon itself didn't give much in terms of experience points though, as I probably could've taken down one of the bosses myself!! (with my bear helping me, that is - hunters without pets are SQUISHY!! :P but with pets they are amazing... and fast levelers too) So I'm happy about that. Tried to get on to play this morning though, and just didn't feel like it. :( Hate that.

Gonna have to work from home today... still feel awfully STUPID about yesterday... but oh well. Dumb April. :'( But I'm (working on) considering it as a learning experience... :-/ Dunno if that'll work or not though.

Ughhh... *hides in the warren* :'(

Jetforce 25-06-2010 12:05 PM

*drops in and quickly leaves some fruit in the basket*

Hope ur all keeping well there :-)

Doikers 25-06-2010 01:46 PM

My SW sais That I willed myself out of Alcohol so I should be able to will myself out of cutting and feeling low . Thats not fair nor true , for the alcohol I had Antabuse , (Which I one HUGE incentive let me tell you) , thats like saying feel low or cut and you will feel ill , throw up and may even have a heart attack , there is no drug like Antabuse for feeling low or S.I. and I Wish there was , but I want to feel better and not cut , sometimes I do anyway.

I have eaten to much rasberrie liquorice today , I shouldn't buy it , now I feel ill , eating helps me not cut but makes me HATE myself.

Well I'mm off to the woods in my road I have not ever been to to get some exercise , .....I need it

shadowedsoul 25-06-2010 02:27 PM

*hides* and crys.

Doikers 25-06-2010 03:38 PM

*hands Jill a tissue and Hugs*

shadowedsoul 25-06-2010 06:01 PM

ugh!!!! Damn it I really want to cut, feeling very stressed.stuck in a bloody car for 3 and a
Half hours. Argh just shoot me now. Please

PoisonedApple 25-06-2010 06:41 PM

*updated r/v thread twice this morning... took forever because I was at the front desk for an hour so I forgot some of what I was going to say and had to try to finish it all when I got back... then added another too it. Might have all the info there now.
*hugs everyone and goes off to hide*

Doikers 25-06-2010 07:16 PM

I read your R/V Thread Crimson *Huggles*





EDIT , MY R/V thread , just repeating myself now . I think . it's not brilliant writing , sorry

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...80#post2335180

sdixon 25-06-2010 08:14 PM

Hi, can I come in, is there still room?

PoisonedApple 25-06-2010 08:44 PM

There's always room Shannon. But I warn you we're hug-happy people here so if you don't like hugs, speak now or forever hold your peace :D
I'd give a tour of our ward but I'm not up for it right now.
*hugs Mark and heads off to read his r/v*

sdixon 25-06-2010 08:59 PM

Thanks, I like hugs, Its okay, I will find my way around here.

SoMuchMore 25-06-2010 09:05 PM

Hi Shannon! I'm Laura *offers hugs* <-- Crimson warned you lol. Its okay if you don't like hugs, if not *waves*

*hugs Crimson* I read your r/v thread. I'm sorry that D was not very excited about the vacation, that can really put a damper on things. And those voices are a little concerning, but you aren't crazy. How are you feeling this afternoon?

*hugs mark* I'm sorry your SW "forgot" about you. Thats horrible. Glad that they remembered now though. I read your r/v thread too... And that sucks that he said that you should be able to will yourself out of SI. My ex used to say somewhat of the same thing to me, he would say "If my mom can get herself out of alcohol abuse then you can stop yourself from SI"... and it always made me mad b/c its really not the same thing.

*hugs jill* i'm sorry you are so triggered and stuck in a car. I wish i had some suggestions, but its hard to find distractions while in a car. Maybe try the 15 minute game?

*hugs april* Yes, naps are always a good idea, unless they turn into what i call "afternoon comas" lol. I'm sorry that you've been getting up so early lately. And don't feel stupid about things. You definitely can look at it as a learning experience, even though its hard to do that sometimes.

Oh and I might PM you later this afternoon or tomorrow. Things haven't been great with me, but I'm surviving i suppose. I just don't like to type it all out here sometimes b/c it feels selfish... and like many would think i am blowing my thoughts out of proportion or something... even though I know that you guys aren't like that in here. Stupid, i know.

*hugs jet* thanks for popping in to say hi!

*hugs julie, heather, oliver, and lia*

Supposed to have a movie night tonight with a couple of friends... Don't know if I really want to though, even though I HAVE to b/c people want to use my big TV. I feel weird with that group of people now though. There is so much dramatic history there now with my ex and other things getting blown out of proportion that.. oh i don't know... I guess i feel like i really need to watch what i say, so it makes me even more anxious as i go over every single detail in my head and how it could be construed as something "mean" or whatever.

sdixon 25-06-2010 09:10 PM

Hi Laura *accepts hug* I am sure tonight will be fine for you.

I am just going to curl up in a corner and cry for now, I will see you guys later.

Doikers 25-06-2010 09:15 PM

Quote:

My ex used to say somewhat of the same thing to me, he would say "If my mom can get herself out of alcohol abuse then you can stop yourself from SI"... and it always made me mad b/c its really not the same thing.
Thanx Laura , at least I'm not the only one thinking that way ,
Trying to distract myself with a movie.
I keep stop-starting.
I'm meeting my friend Shaun who I haven't heard of since Christmas day when he phoned, tommorow .
Well back to the movie , I will finish it tonight , 104 minutes of concentration broken into bitesize peices .

Oh and Welcome Shannon *Hugs*

PoisonedApple 25-06-2010 09:18 PM

Quote:

*hugs Crimson* I read your r/v thread. I'm sorry that D was not very excited about the vacation, that can really put a damper on things. And those voices are a little concerning, but you aren't crazy. How are you feeling this afternoon?
not very excited is putting it mildly. The voice thing only really bugs me or becomes noticeable if I'm upset or angry...
Today I just want to hide and get the day over with. But I'm not really upset about it anymore. I think eventually in the next 6 months I can get him to pick his own places and dress up for dinner (rather than complain that I'm supposed to be the pretty one since I'm the girl *rolls eyes*). I've started planning a trip to Japan for April of 2012. I figure if I find out how much it'd cost to go and how much passports are then find things I'd want to do (like eat fugu and walk through the gardens and visit a temple) maybe David will look up what he wants to do and we can actually go... maybe even with the kids (excepting the fugu part). Soooooooooo glad it's Friday.

Red Sky 25-06-2010 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2366151)
i can't cope, i can't handle this...

...i just want to curl up and die. i'm so ****ing sick of being triggered... can't cope with it all. need to cut, still, again, always. i want to be rid of it, but i can't... i just can't give it up... but i have to... :crying:

pitiful wreck.

and so fat, too. looking at my bestie... and her little sister... they are tiny and healthily so, too. blessedly skinny. i wish i could be small... :'(

so sick of this life.

Hey i'm kinda new here-ish, but I read your post and it just struck me that I feel exactly the same way. And it is awful...all of it...but if it helps in any way...I completely understand. x x x hugs PM me if you ever wanna talk

Doikers 25-06-2010 09:59 PM

Movie over,
I made it through without the frustration boiling over , just
I'm Shaking , but sometimes the meds make that happen.
But this isn't Lithium shakes.
anyhoo
I am going to try and sleep , I HOPE not to many problems there.

Night Night :)

Scarletdreamer 25-06-2010 10:03 PM

thanks for the support, everyone... and red sky, i'm sorry that you understand, but glad too... sometimes it feels like i am super alone here in this life. even though i'm married and all i still feel alone at times... :( no fault on jarrod's part, just me being stupid.

mark, how are you doing? what movie are you watching? *cuddles* oh and when i went to check your r/v thread the last time it didn't show that you'd updated it? so i'll check again.

*cuddles laura* i hope that your movie night goes okay and that you don't have the replaying going on too badly in your head. :( i hate it when that happens... a friend of mine called it something clever but sadly i forget what she called it. blah.

*hugs shannon if okay* welcome, welcome. :) i'm april. always glad to see new people about!!

*cuddles crimson* ooh a trip to japan, sounds lovely. oh, and i'll read your r/v too, in a bit... am not feeling the best at the moment so will try to do what i can...

*cuddles everyone else she's missed, sorry!!*

i'm so exhausted... and anxious... and i really, really want to cut.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : si trig
i just looked at the "hash" from yesterday's cutting session and that just makes me want to do more there. :'(


i feel like such a failure. :'(

don't care anymore. just want to give up. :'(

Scarletdreamer 25-06-2010 10:04 PM

g'night mark... *tucks you into your ward bed* :) <3 you, big bro. :)

*hides in a hole in the warren for awhile*

Red Sky 25-06-2010 10:07 PM

Scarlet-I know it feels like the right thing to give up...I'm really close myself but you can do this-Big hugs...PM if you wanna talk about it honey. Hope you feel much better soon. x x

Red Sky 25-06-2010 10:10 PM

P.s. It's not your fault you feel this way...you are not a failure at all...just like the rest of us in that you need a little support. x x

shadowedsoul 25-06-2010 10:48 PM

Okay finally got here, after 3 hours in a bloody car, still feeling triggered not much I can do about it, I
Have no means to selfharm at all this weekend
Which Is good, but possible bad, just going to
Have to put on my happy face and pretend everthings okay great.

xxjuliexx 25-06-2010 11:37 PM

3 Attachment(s)
cup cake anyone

PoisonedApple 25-06-2010 11:46 PM

Those are awesome Julie! I'll take a flower one please :)

Scarletdreamer 25-06-2010 11:59 PM

i can't do this anymore...

:crying:

SoMuchMore 26-06-2010 12:02 AM

*hugs julie* oo yay! cupcakes! Those look awesome.

*hugs crimson, jill and mark,

*hugs april* You can do this hun. I really believe that. Whats wrong?

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 12:08 AM

jarrod and i had an argument. it seems like we never do anything together anymore even though we're in the same apartment day in and day out. (kind of, anyway, when i'm home from my internship.) he refused to play with me on wow as a distraction from cutting and so i went to our bedroom and wrote in my journal and then cut. i feel so stupid. i can't keep going, can't keep living - like this anyway - but i have no one to talk with irl, no one who really understands that is there for me all the time and who won't be triggered. :'(

i give up.

SoMuchMore 26-06-2010 12:21 AM

Did he say why he refused to play? was it because it was a distraction from cutting or?

I'm sorry hun. We are here for you though if you need to talk. I know its not the same as IRL people, but we can try. *hugs*

wildly insane 26-06-2010 12:30 AM

Yay cup cakes, thanks Julie

*hugs to all*

Don't give up April, I know what it's like to have no-one irl and how alone it can make you feel, and I know it's not the same but we are here for you.

Sorry guys I don't think I can do individual replies but I can offer hugs a plenty and to say please keep fighting.

My urges are getting worse and more frequent again and I can't be bothered to fight them. My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand that SI is a problem now and not just in the past. It's been three months, but I don't think he knows about that time. I also can't because I have my brother's wedding in the Emirates in about 2 weeks - 10 days with the family in 40-50 degree heat, it's hard enough keeping old scars hidden never mind new ones, but it makes me want to cut more.

bleh should really just go to bed

congratulations again Kahlia very very awesome

stay safe people, sleep well to all sleeping and hope those daytimers are doing okay

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 12:40 AM

laura, it was because he didn't want to play on the toons on which i wanted to play, and i didn't want to play on the toons on which he wanted to play... so yeah. stupid all around.

i can't keep going. i can't. this is all so damn futile.

sdixon 26-06-2010 04:35 AM

Hi Guys, I do not mind hugs :)

April, I am sorry that you are struggling, please please stay strong.

wolfos3d 26-06-2010 04:55 AM

*big hugs to everyone* Sorry I'm really useless at being supportive for everyone right now. I updated my r/v thread. I thought it might stop me from going (more) insane for a bit. I'm gonna go see if I can get some stuff done. Try and get this 'life' thing to work a little better. Or at least so I'll have clean underpants.

risenfromperdition 26-06-2010 05:56 AM

*hugs april lots*
you CAN do this, you can. i know you can :)
<3

*leaves cuddles for everyone who wants*

mmm cupcakes *takes smiley face looking one*

Doikers 26-06-2010 10:09 AM

Hi all

Those cupcakes look yummy Julie *Hug*

*I'm sorry you argueed and cut April*Hug*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Jessica*

*Hugs Shannon*

*Hugs Hannah*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs all round* :)

Doikers 26-06-2010 12:49 PM

So , I met up with my friend who I haven't spoken to or seen since Christmas day today . He came to my flat and we talked but some was "filler" talk It was little over 1 hour 10 minutes between meeting him and him leaving. It was just hard to know what to say to him at times , just that void of talking ugh . He said in his letter he had tons to say but it didn't turn out that way hmmm deflated

sdixon 26-06-2010 03:30 PM

Sorry that your visit was not what you expected.

risenfromperdition 26-06-2010 07:55 PM

*offers hug to mark*
sooo im not gonna be around til friday, but i'll try and check my fb messages on dads mobile if i can, sooo if you have me on fb feel free to message =]

beach for 3 days... shoot me nowww.
gonna look gross in a bathing suit surrounded by perfect people =[

going to pride tho so yay bout that... cept cant find anything that actually looks cute ><

Doikers 26-06-2010 08:15 PM

*Accepts hugs from Heather*Try and have fun at the beach and pride :)

SoMuchMore 26-06-2010 09:01 PM

*hugs everyone* Sorry its not more.. Its pathetic, but it might be all I can handle right now.

I spy April! Hope you are feeling at least a little better hun.

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:17 PM

i feel... lackluster. no energy at all. numbish. really want to cut... really, really want to cut. but can't. am still so ****ing triggered though... my arms - my own arms!! - trigger me... i just want to curl up someplace and die.

i'm sorry for sounding like a broken record... it's just how i feel right now. :'(

but the young adult worship service is at our church tonight, so hopefully that will help pick me up... :-/

oh, and i got really triggered by one of the girls i'm "mentoring" sending me an email that had numbers in it... she's down to a really low weight... and it's so triggering, but i don't feel like i can say that, because i'm supposed to be "over" this by now... :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :'(

MammaMia 26-06-2010 11:27 PM

So low, it's unreal.
Why does this have to come back to the surface?
I have more than enough to deal with right now.
*curls up tight*

Red Sky 26-06-2010 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2372968)
i feel... lackluster. no energy at all. numbish. really want to cut... really, really want to cut. but can't. am still so ****ing triggered though... my arms - my own arms!! - trigger me... i just want to curl up someplace and die.

i'm sorry for sounding like a broken record... it's just how i feel right now. :'(

but the young adult worship service is at our church tonight, so hopefully that will help pick me up... :-/

oh, and i got really triggered by one of the girls i'm "mentoring" sending me an email that had numbers in it... she's down to a really low weight... and it's so triggering, but i don't feel like i can say that, because i'm supposed to be "over" this by now... :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :'(


hiya honey...sorry you're feeling so down... worship service sounds good though...i love stuff like that...hopefully it'll cheer you up. PM me if you need to talk. x x x x hugs

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:34 PM

thanks red sky (do you have a preferred name over that one? e.g., you can call me april instead of scarlet/scarletdreamer/etc.). i really do hope that the worship service cheers me up some... it's more of a time to get connected with God than anything else, but i really know that i need that time. anyway. yeah. :-/ how are you??

hels, what's wrong, sweetie? *holds you gently*

off to update my r/v thread for the second time today... :( feel like such a pathetic wreck...

Kahlia1981 26-06-2010 11:38 PM

*hugs all*

Feeling .... NQR. My housemate said I didn't smile yesterday. Feeling low, triggered, over it all ... I don't know. Meh.

Hels: Nice to have you back hun. Sorry you aren't feeling so good though.

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:42 PM

updated r/v... just for those of you who want to read. :-/

so anxious. so tired. weird combination.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:09 AM

*cuddles helen* you're back! I'm sorry that you are feeling so low right now.

*hugs april and kahlia* i'm sorry you are both feeling so badly. I wish there was something I could do to help.

My PM box is always open to any of you if you need/want to talk.

jonikd 27-06-2010 12:16 AM

*cuddles April* I read your r/v babe, you need to hold on to your faith and take one day at a time. It sucks, but it is all we have.

*waves at Laura and hugs tight* how you doing now?

There's been a lot going on in here, thanks for the hugs that were left for me, always much appreciated :)

*Hugs Mark & Kahlia*

Special welcome back hugs to you Helen, keep talking to us hun.





SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:22 AM

*hugs JK* Not well... how r u?

... I'm so confused, and its getting worse

MammaMia 27-06-2010 12:23 AM

Sorry I haven't posted til now, did get back in the afternoon but was trying to catch up with lots of things.

*hugs everyone*

Why you confused Laura??


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 06:36 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.