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katnovia 18-05-2010 01:58 PM

i spy a helen. *hugs*

julie, i think you need to sleep. *cuddles* do try.

*cuddles self* hmph

Doikers 18-05-2010 01:59 PM

Ugh all my motivational Text that people sent me over the last few years and I saved must be not on the SIM because they are not on the new phone , bit bummed out about that :(

MammaMia 18-05-2010 02:00 PM

So many posts since earlier :O *offers cuddles to all, if not waves*

*curls up tight* :'(

MammaMia 18-05-2010 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2303109)
Ugh all my motivational Text that people sent me over the last few years and I saved must be not on the SIM because they are not on the new phone , bit bummed out about that :(

You could always put your sim back into your old phone, move them to sim card and put it into your new phone & there they shall be? :D

katnovia 18-05-2010 02:02 PM

mark: aww, that sucks *hugs* I really feel sorry for you. I'd hate that.

helen: I know, i can barely keep up, what with dealing with hazel-gracie-bumps too. *cuddles* how are you hunny?

katnovia 18-05-2010 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2303112)
You could always put your sim back into your old phone, move them to sim card and put it into your new phone & there they shall be? :D

Brilliant idea!

MammaMia 18-05-2010 02:06 PM

*cuddles Kat* If that's okay? What bumps sweeetie? I'm really really struggling. My best friends are. Is it selfish that I fear being all on my own tonight?? Hopefully won't be. I can't cope lol :'(

katnovia 18-05-2010 02:17 PM

*Cuddles helen back* lol sorry, that's my daughter's nickname, hazel-gracie-bumps. lol. I'm sorry that you're really struggling, *cuddles* I dont think it's selfish of you to fear being alone tonight, I think that's a reasonable fear, and one you are entitled to have. But i hope you wont be alone too. Is it being alone that you can't cope with?

one_step_closer 18-05-2010 02:22 PM

Hi everyone.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303133)
*Cuddles helen back* lol sorry, that's my daughter's nickname, hazel-gracie-bumps. lol. I'm sorry that you're really struggling, *cuddles* I dont think it's selfish of you to fear being alone tonight, I think that's a reasonable fear, and one you are entitled to have. But i hope you wont be alone too. Is it being alone that you can't cope with?

*cuddles Kat* Aww that's a cute nickname :) It's looking like I will be alone. But one of my best friends has come on now, so can't complain too much I suposse. I hate being on my own, think it relates to things that have happened in my past. I hate it when I'm more stable, let alone in this state :'(

Quote:

Originally Posted by one_step_closer (Post 2303139)
Hi everyone.

Hi Lindsay. How you doing sweetie?

katnovia 18-05-2010 03:14 PM

Hello Lindsay. *huggles*

*snuggles down onto a pile of duvets*

Hels: I'm glad one of your best friends has come on. It's good to have someone to talk to. Do you know what it is about being alone that gets you? I'm not much good at being alone either, i'm not too confident about doing it. but now jack is working shifts full time i don't get much choice in the matter, and i need to rely less on my mother, before i find i'm under her thumb again.

katnovia 18-05-2010 03:44 PM

i spy a taz *hugs* how are you?

taz35 18-05-2010 03:45 PM

*hugs Helen* No rush for a response - focus on yourself first :) I know what you mean about being alone... although whenever I’m around other people, I always wish they were gone. Weird...

*hugs Kahlia* Aw hun, I’m sorry your DID resurfaced :( Fingers crossed your psych helps you out <3

*hugs Laura* How have things been with you?

*hugs Vikki* Not a problem. Welcome to our safe place :)

*offers hugs to Julie and Owen* combat fitness sounds pretty cool :) Glad you’re enjoying it

*hugs Heather* How’re you doing?

*hugs Mark* I always hate getting new phones just because it’s a pain in the ass to try and figure them out :( Sorry to hear your motivational texts disappeared.

*hugs Kat and Rosie and Sarah* I hate when that happens :( Put so much effort into a reply to see it disappear. Sorry to hear about your operation. It’s probably for the best though <3 *waves hi to Sarah* I’m Taz :)

*hugs Oliver* Maybe you should speak to your horn teacher about it? It must suck to be in that position, but maybe he/she doesn’t know how to address you? =/

*hugs April & Nicole & Lindsay and any other wardies who want them*

*waves to Kat* I'm alright. In an oddly good mood... almost seems like it's too good to be true, and I'm just waiting for the crash. But for now, I'm trying to get tons of stuff done because I know if my mood drops, I won't want to do anything. How're you?

MammaMia 18-05-2010 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303184)
Hels: I'm glad one of your best friends has come on. It's good to have someone to talk to. Do you know what it is about being alone that gets you? I'm not much good at being alone either, i'm not too confident about doing it. but now jack is working shifts full time i don't get much choice in the matter, and i need to rely less on my mother, before i find i'm under her thumb again.

She's gone, but it was good to talk to her. Even though it was really sad lol :( I think being alone makes me feel like I am alone, if that makes sense?? I'm so scared of everyone just walking out on me forever. Plus I felt at school particularly if you're alone, makes you an easier target for bullying & stuff :( Being alone sucks. *cuddles tight*

Quote:

Originally Posted by taz35 (Post 2303213)
*hugs Helen* No rush for a response - focus on yourself first :) I know what you mean about being alone... although whenever Iím around other people, I always wish they were gone. Weird...

Is it bad that I forgot I need to reply to your PM :/ Oh deary me. Being alone sucks. Oh I've felt like that at times aswell. It's deffo weird..

*curls up and cries* I actually keep crying a lot in real life too. Lame :crying:

katnovia 18-05-2010 03:55 PM

yeah, after the gallstone pain attack i had last night i think it is the bes

hi taz. *hugs* i have to go. kat's in charge. bitch.







taz35 18-05-2010 03:57 PM

*squishy hugs Hels* Not at all hun, don't worry about it. I'd rather you focus on trying to help yourself. If PMing me isn't in that plan, it's fine :) *offers plenty of extra soft tissues* sometimes crying is a good thing. Why you crying though? :( I don't like to see people cry.

*hugs Kat*

*hugs ward* I've got a to-do list today with 10 things on it, so I probably won't be on until later tonight. Really want to challenge myself to see if I can keep my focus & motivation going all day. I'll be thinking of you all, and hope you're taking care of yourselves <333

katnovia 18-05-2010 03:59 PM

oi, shove off sarah, dont call kat a bitch, that's nasty, 'specially as she's letting you out instead of locking you up like shadow.

Helen, Taz and everyone: sorry.

lynx 18-05-2010 04:11 PM

April: I'm not OK. At all. I feel weak, harmed, hurt, tired, drained.

Check r/v thread. It's about Tom's response to a SH question. I feel like just plain killing myself. But not really.

katnovia 18-05-2010 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2303227)
She's gone, but it was good to talk to her. Even though it was really sad lol :( I think being alone makes me feel like I am alone, if that makes sense?? I'm so scared of everyone just walking out on me forever. Plus I felt at school particularly if you're alone, makes you an easier target for bullying & stuff :( Being alone sucks. *cuddles tight*

*curls up and cries* I actually keep crying a lot in real life too. Lame :crying:

Yeah, that makes sense. I find it makes me feel isolated. like there's nobody out there and if there is, they just dont care. my phone keeps ringing, but it's nobody but credit companies after money i just dont have right now. *snuggles into your cuddle* mind if i stay here a while? I just dont want to be alone at the moment, and this is the closest I can get to company right now. It's not lame to cry *squeezes* it's natural. I'm crying too, well at least I am inside, my icewall stops me from physically (spelling?) crying in certain situations, and being alone with hazel is one of them.

I seriously apologise about their little outburst back there. Sarah is running a bit out of control at the moment, and baring in mind i've only just 'met' her (worked out her name and age etc), I'm a bit 'loose' at the moment and not good at holding all of them back. I'm struggling to keep 'shadow' locked up, and i'm struggling to cope with having opened the floor to everyone so to speak. i'm so scared i want to block everything from happening, i just want to refuse to let the come through, but i can't stop them anymore, i can't hold them back all the time. Rosie and Amy are really good because I communicate with them all the time, (don't ask me how because I dont know either), but sarah i just dont know, she just added herself to my list down there v v v and voila she's letting herself out. *cries* i'm lost and confused and now i'm rambling, but it's the first time i've let these feelings out. i'm frightened.


Edit: Lynx, i'm sorry you're not doing great *hugs*. wish i had better words.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by taz35 (Post 2303232)
*squishy hugs Hels* Not at all hun, don't worry about it. I'd rather you focus on trying to help yourself. If PMing me isn't in that plan, it's fine :) *offers plenty of extra soft tissues* sometimes crying is a good thing. Why you crying though? :( I don't like to see people cry.

*squishy hugs back* I will PM you back in a little while, right now I'm struggling just writing posts. But I need to...don't want to be on my own :crying: *accepts tissues* Crying is a good thing sometimes indeed. I just keep crying about everything, it's tooooooooo much. I don't like seeing people cry either...heh :( Hate when my best friends cry, though I never see them cry (well have seen one cry a little in person) but it still breaks my heart :( Good luck with your to-do list :) <3

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303249)
Yeah, that makes sense. I find it makes me feel isolated. like there's nobody out there and if there is, they just dont care. my phone keeps ringing, but it's nobody but credit companies after money i just dont have right now. *snuggles into your cuddle* mind if i stay here a while? I just dont want to be alone at the moment, and this is the closest I can get to company right now. It's not lame to cry *squeezes* it's natural. I'm crying too, well at least I am inside, my icewall stops me from physically (spelling?) crying in certain situations, and being alone with hazel is one of them.

I seriously apologise about their little outburst back there. Sarah is running a bit out of control at the moment, and baring in mind i've only just 'met' her (worked out her name and age etc), I'm a bit 'loose' at the moment and not good at holding all of them back. I'm struggling to keep 'shadow' locked up, and i'm struggling to cope with having opened the floor to everyone so to speak. i'm so scared i want to block everything from happening, i just want to refuse to let the come through, but i can't stop them anymore, i can't hold them back all the time. Rosie and Amy are really good because I communicate with them all the time, (don't ask me how because I dont know either), but sarah i just dont know, she just added herself to my list down there v v v and voila she's letting herself out. *cries* i'm lost and confused and now i'm rambling, but it's the first time i've let these feelings out. i'm frightened.

I'm glad it makes sense. Loneliness does make you feel isolated, it's annoying :( I keep getting phone calls too, but not from my best friends or my sister (well one of them, although she does keep calling too) and it scares me as it comes up with private calls so I dare not answer :( You may stay as long as you like, there's no rush. *holds you* I don't want to be alone either right now. It sucks. *squishes* Yeah crying is natural. I know what you mean about not being able to physically cry.

You don't need to apologise about the outburst, is it a good idea to hold them back? Sorry if that's a stupid question, I don't know much about alters & stuff so don't really have any useful advice :( I can understand wanting to block everything from happening, we all feel like that at times. I do right now :( Am glad Rosie & Amy are good & communicate with you somehow :) Sarah might turn out to be nice but just needs to let her emotions out or something right now? *cuddles you gently* I'm not surprised you feel lost & confused. You're not rambling but I'm glad you're letting it out. *cuddles again*

Kitkat :) 18-05-2010 04:40 PM

I haven't seen my therapist in over 3 weeks!
She called me once but I couldn't talk because I was busy, so she said she'd call me the next day.
And she didn't.
Does she not care?? For all she knows I could be dead or in hospital or something because she knows how unstable I am...
I'm not very happy with her.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 04:43 PM

Maybe you should ring her back sweetheart & see what's going on?

katnovia 18-05-2010 04:45 PM

your cuddles are so nice helen *sinks into them* i feel like such a wreck, i can barely keep tabs on what's going on, i have to read back over this all the time just to know who i am and what i'm saying (if that makes sense?) I don't know anything much about altars either, i've never had any help, i'm just kind of muddling along with what i've learnt from seeking help online. pretty pathetic really. thing is, when i'm me, like now, i feel like i'm making them up, that they dont exist, but if they dont exist, and i'm not ill then i must be seriously ill..right? you know what my trouble is? all my life i've never known what truth is. what reality is. everything I think i know, i second guess and destroy my knowledge. I analyze and over analyze until i just dont know who i am anymore, and i don't want to do it anymore. I just want to be ignorant for once and go back to wondering why my life was ****, instead of having found answers.

*huggles kitkat* that's not good, maybe she's just really busy and not had a moment. I don't know. I think you should follow hel's advice.

Kitkat :) 18-05-2010 04:46 PM

*fiddles nervously*
I hate calling people. I just... It makes my heart beat really fast and my breathing go all funny.
And I'm nervous about seeing her and stuff, last time I saw her she looked at me like she'd given up on me.

Kitkat :) 18-05-2010 04:48 PM

She's busy all this week but she offered me the 25th of May but I have an exam that day... God knows when I'll see her.

katnovia 18-05-2010 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat :) (Post 2303306)
*fiddles nervously*
I hate calling people. I just... It makes my heart beat really fast and my breathing go all funny.
And I'm nervous about seeing her and stuff, last time I saw her she looked at me like she'd given up on me.

i get like that too hun. *cuddles* i'm sure she hasn't given up on you sweetheart, she just might be having a hard time finding the right answer for you, or at least one that might be productive.

Doikers 18-05-2010 04:53 PM

Hmmm , I'm sorry to hear that KitKat, Could you ask to be seen earlier? *HUG*

Helen , It's good that you got to speak to one of your best mates for a bit :) ? I hate feeling alone too *HUG*

*HUGS Kat* I'm sorry , it must be so confusing for you with all your alters , I wish I knew the right words of advice :S it's good Rosie and Amy are playing nice though .

lynx 18-05-2010 04:59 PM

*Hugs Hels, both Kats & Mark*

I want to let it all out, I want to write it out, play it out on the piano but all I can see is death, violence and rape. The only thing shutting up my mind is work but afterwards it comes back twice as bad.

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2303313)

*HUGS Kat* I'm sorry , it must be so confusing for you with all your alters , I wish I knew the right words of advice :S it's good Rosie and Amy are playing nice though .

:S thats the thing though, do they exist? i'm so confused. cos right now, it feels like i made them all up. which is just wrong. why would i? but i feel like i have and i do.

i just dont deserve to be on here. i just dont deserve all your kind support.

edit: *cuddles lynx* i feel your feelings hun. i wish i could help. but i dont know where i am right now

Doikers 18-05-2010 05:14 PM

*HUGS KAT* You totally deserve our support as much as everyone else , don't tell your self anything different :-) < * Thought a smile might cheer you up a little*

Oh Tineke I'm sorry you're having such a hard time too *Hugs* could you try just writing how you are feeling down , just to get it out of your mind onto paper then rip up the paper , throw it away ? Just an Idea , maybe it would help :-)Smile for Tineke too .

MammaMia 18-05-2010 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303305)
your cuddles are so nice helen *sinks into them* i feel like such a wreck, i can barely keep tabs on what's going on, i have to read back over this all the time just to know who i am and what i'm saying (if that makes sense?) I don't know anything much about altars either, i've never had any help, i'm just kind of muddling along with what i've learnt from seeking help online. pretty pathetic really. thing is, when i'm me, like now, i feel like i'm making them up, that they dont exist, but if they dont exist, and i'm not ill then i must be seriously ill..right? you know what my trouble is? all my life i've never known what truth is. what reality is. everything I think i know, i second guess and destroy my knowledge. I analyze and over analyze until i just dont know who i am anymore, and i don't want to do it anymore. I just want to be ignorant for once and go back to wondering why my life was ****, instead of having found answers.

Thanks, I've been told that quite often, so it must be true. I'm not surprised you feel like a wreck. What you said about having to keep checking back does make perfect sense. Could you ask for any help with them?? Just you shouldn't really be struggling with them alone I feel :( You're not making them up, but I can understand why you feel that you do. Sorry, I know this reply isn't very useful heh :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat :) (Post 2303306)
*fiddles nervously*
I hate calling people. I just... It makes my heart beat really fast and my breathing go all funny.
And I'm nervous about seeing her and stuff, last time I saw her she looked at me like she'd given up on me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat :) (Post 2303308)
She's busy all this week but she offered me the 25th of May but I have an exam that day... God knows when I'll see her.

I'm the same with phone calls & could you not ask to see her earlier than that or at a different time that day??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2303313)
Helen , It's good that you got to speak to one of your best mates for a bit :) ? I hate feeling alone too *HUG*

I'm glad I got to. Speaking to the other one right now as it so happens. LOL :( But whether I'll be alone tonight still remains to be seen, oh well, lots of good TV tonight to keep me going if am alone :( *hugs tight* How you doing today??

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynx (Post 2303324)
*Hugs Hels, both Kats & Mark*

I want to let it all out, I want to write it out, play it out on the piano but all I can see is death, violence and rape. The only thing shutting up my mind is work but afterwards it comes back twice as bad.

*cuddles tight* I'm sorry, I have no useful words, but wanted to hug you tight.

Still really want to OD :( For ****'s sake >.> I promised I'd be 'good' lol :( But yeah, doesn't make the urges/screaming any better =[ Sorry, you don't need this. I know everyone's struggling :'(

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:19 PM

mark: i dont know what i'm telling myself, am i telling myself i'm not worthy of help and support? or am i just trying to convince myself of the truth? i'm so confused i can only be certain of things that are physical, you know?

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2303348)
Thanks, I've been told that quite often, so it must be true. I'm not surprised you feel like a wreck. What you said about having to keep checking back does make perfect sense. Could you ask for any help with them?? Just you shouldn't really be struggling with them alone I feel :( You're not making them up, but I can understand why you feel that you do. Sorry, I know this reply isn't very useful heh :(

it is useful. you're listening. most people run away from trying to help. I want help i really do. I just dont know where to turn, or if i can. I can't afford private, and the nhs here is horrendous as i've said before. I feel so alone, trapped with all this going on in my head, and a smile on my face for everyone else. i want to OD too. i know i shouldn't but i do. I dont want to admit i feel like that though. *cuddles helen tight* stay strong. you're beautiful. everyone here is beautiful.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303358)
it is useful. you're listening. most people run away from trying to help. I want help i really do. I just dont know where to turn, or if i can. I can't afford private, and the nhs here is horrendous as i've said before. I feel so alone, trapped with all this going on in my head, and a smile on my face for everyone else. i want to OD too. i know i shouldn't but i do. I dont want to admit i feel like that though. *cuddles helen tight* stay strong. you're beautiful. everyone here is beautiful.

I'm glad I'm being useful. I'll always listen, just can't always offer anything useful other than that :( NHS is horrendous indeed. >.> I'm not surprised you feel so alone & trapped right now :( Anyone would. I don't blame you for wanting to OD :( *cuddles tight* I'm trying to stay strong..

Doikers 18-05-2010 05:34 PM

*Hugs Kat and Helen* Please don't OD either of you guys , you could really do some damage and no-one here wants any harm to come to you .

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:37 PM

i do mark, i want harm to come to me, because i want the people around me to see what is going on in my head. i want them to see the pain and confusion. but i cant.

*cuddles helen back tightly* we'll make it. right?

Doikers 18-05-2010 05:39 PM

*HUGS Kat*

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:40 PM

*hugs mark* i could do with a real one of those. but jacks at work and my parents, well they just dont know. and they're ignoring me any way.

Doikers 18-05-2010 05:50 PM

Sorry in my delay in posting back to you Kat, I'm cooking and the P.C. isn't in the kitchen but there's an idea ! Why do you say your parents are ignoreing you? I'm sorry if that is the case :( Here have another virtual *HUG* it's the best type of hug I can offer .

katnovia 18-05-2010 05:54 PM

it's alright, delays are allowed. its just they seem to pick and choose when it is convienent to 'not know' i needed them. my mother is very controlling and manipulative. she plays mind games. always has. which is why im so messed up. *huggles*

edit: right, i just rang her and told her i had the ambulance out here last night again cos of gallstone pain and that i'm still in a lot of discomfort and struggling with hazel. she claims as it's tuesday she thought i had company, now i've not had companyon a tuesday for about a year and a half and she knows that. but apparently it's my fault im alone and struggling because i should have rung her at 1am this morning when the amublance was called....? and i wonder why nothing makes sense.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2303367)
*Hugs Kat and Helen* Please don't OD either of you guys , you could really do some damage and no-one here wants any harm to come to you .

*hugs Mark & Kat* I'm trying not to :crying:

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2303374)
i do mark, i want harm to come to me, because i want the people around me to see what is going on in my head. i want them to see the pain and confusion. but i cant.

*cuddles helen back tightly* we'll make it. right?

I kinda feel the same way as you Kat :( *cuddles back tightly* We will ALL make it through.

Sorry for delay in posting, keep getting distracted.

katnovia 18-05-2010 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2303416)
*hugs Mark & Kat* I'm trying not to :crying:

I kinda feel the same way as you Kat :( *cuddles back tightly* We will ALL make it through.

Sorry for delay in posting, keep getting distracted.

it's alright hun, patience is something i have a ton of. comes with being a policewife. *pulls mark over for a group hug because it's easier* I've emailed the samaritans recently, and a group called lifeline..but it's the best effort i've made and i know it's pathetic.

MammaMia 18-05-2010 06:24 PM

*GROUP HUGS*

Lucky you having patience, I don't have a lot sometimes. LOL. I'm glad you've contacted people for help, hope they don't take too long to reply :) It's not pathetic, it's great!!!

Hahaha soooooo dizzy >_> Can't do anything about it though until I get those stupid pills.

Doikers 18-05-2010 06:25 PM

Kat , It's not your fault , It really isn't. I've e-mailed the Samaritens before now , I don't know if yo've e-mailed them before but give them 24 hours to get back to you ok, don't be upset if you don't get an instant reply ok:) and it's NOT a pathetic effort , It shows you are trying really hard to get help .*Hugs*

Helen , what pills are you getting ? Sorry did I miss a page , sorry . Are you good dizzy or bad dizzy ?

wildly insane 18-05-2010 06:25 PM

wow that's a lot of posts, would love to help make everyone feel better but I'm afraid I can't *sits down with a bump* bloody useless sorry

Doikers 18-05-2010 06:35 PM

*Hugs Hannah* I'm sure you're not useless . The posts here do fly by a LOT of the time , it's hard to keep up .Oh and try not to *Bump* too hard , especially whilst sitting down , you could bang yourself unpleasent :)

katnovia 18-05-2010 06:36 PM

*cuddles mark* yeah, i've mailed them before, so i know how it goes, it kinda takes the edge off, but i know it's not going to actually solve anything.

*huggles wildly insane* what's your name hunny?

Edit: ok, hannah :P *cuddles helen* i can't remember what you posted..*cries* damn head *bangs head on ward table*. But i remember something about pills.. and dizzyness, so if it's bad dizzy i hope it gets better soon.

katnovia 18-05-2010 06:41 PM

i spy an oliver and an angelic_monster (name gone, sorry love. damn head again)

wildly insane 18-05-2010 06:48 PM

hello Kat, I'm Hannah :) I've never actually managed to get up the courage to email the Samaritans, so good on you.

thanks Mark, I "bumped" okay, nothing hurt

I'm in a pickle, I've been offered another job interview a week on Friday, still recovering from the last one which I haven't heard from yet and I have to write a 10 minute presentation, that and apply for a PhD by Monday and go to Copenhagen for a weeks worth of meetings next week and I don't feel capable of putting myself through it again and yet I can't stay here, I'm holding myself together with a thread and all I want to do is cry and yet I have to pull myself together and try and make things better. I don't have any strength left.

katnovia 18-05-2010 06:52 PM

*huggles hannah* that does sound like a predicament. have a good safe cry on someone's shoulder. let it all out of you and you might find it easier to face. *shrugs* i dunno, my advice is probably a bit out at the mo.

Parents are now here. luckily. and i have a date for my operation, so now i've got to prepare hazel for being without me for a day and myself for the recovery time afterwards. i just dont want anything else to deal with right now. i dont think i can take much more.

i spy an april


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