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katnovia 01-05-2010 10:46 PM

Hi Julie *cuddles back* that yawn's contagious *yawns and rubs eyes*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:49 PM

i'm going to help these cute little boys with water conferdence is like 10 mins

katnovia 01-05-2010 10:50 PM

i need life confidence.


edit: *sigh* just realised how depressive that sounded, then realised it's because I am depressed, which just depressed me further. I should give up and go to bed now. sorry.

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:54 PM

*cuddles katnovia tight*

katnovia 01-05-2010 10:57 PM

*sinks into julie's cuddle and cries a little*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:58 PM

*rubs ur back and strokes ur hair (only if it's ok to do that i wont if u dont want k hun)*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 11:01 PM

kat hun i have to go eat then get to the pool but i think ur an amazing person
all the people in this thread are amazing *huggles for all that like huggles*

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:02 PM

*cuddles tighter* that's really nice. *sniffles* thank you for the shoulder to cry on and the cuddles.

frenchhorn 01-05-2010 11:04 PM

*cuddles Kat and Julie*

I am watching Dr Who at the moment, so will come back and reply properly when its finished, I'm also trying to warm myself up, its cold outside with only jeans and a shirt on.

*cuddles all, then dashes off to finish watching dr who*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 11:05 PM

my shoulder is always free for u kat and for any one who needs it and i will grow extras if needed lol i'll grow a million shoulders for u guys k ur so nice and everything

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:12 PM

*cuddles julie* you too hun.

*cuddles oliver back* I feel pathetic. All i'm doing with myself is sitting debating wether to go to bed or not. I'm tired, but I know the second my head hits the pillow baby will wake up and i'll have to go and feed her in the lonely dark and then sit by the cotside until goodness knows when. it's not that i resent being with her, its just that I'm tired of never getting any proper sleep when I try and missing the opportunities when I don't try.

me no like when baby hazs gets yp an kat tireded cos kat get upsets an me no get play or talk an get lonly. Rosie

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 11:33 PM

I spy a Hayley, a Kat, and an Oliver!! *cuddles all*

Just ran my hubby through Deadmines, Hayley - 64 unholy death knight (me) and him on his 17-now-18 hunter. :) I was so freaking anxious at the beginning... I hate running dungeons and unholy isn't the best one for running dungeons. Frost is so much better. But anyway... it was in return for the 2 runs I've gotten from him (for my hunter & rogue)... fun. But anyway, how are you doing? did you manage to get some time on WoW last night? *squishes*

Mark, I know you're probably asleep by now - and resting peacefully, I hope - but I wanted to say, before I forgot, that I think you're absolutely incredible for going nearly a week without SI. This is a slip. Try not to let it get you down. Before you know it you'll have gone two weeks, then three without SI'ing. You can make it. :) I have faith in you... in all of us. *cuddles*

Kat *big cuddles if that's okay* I'm sorry that you're not doing too well at the mo... how old is your baby? if you don't mind me asking... I can see why you would be hesitant to go to bed but if you're tired maybe you ought to try and do and see if your baby doesn't wake up... and anyway, at least you might be able to get an hour or so's rest. That might rejuvenate you a bit, I dunno.

Oliver, hope you enjoyed (or are enjoying) Dr. Who. :) I can't wait until uni is officially over... then Jarrod & I can watch more Bones. I love that show but we haven't watched any since, like, January. Heh. I hope they're still up and free online, because I don't want to pay for the DVDs. Lol. Yeah, I'm a cheapskate... How are you feeling? *cuddles* Hope you're doing a bit better than you were last night.

Nicole, love, you'll make it through. I was sexually abused too and while I don't remember when it was, I can understand the meaning behind the date... but it shouldn't be, it's "just another day" - and as Kat said, time will pass and soon it WILL become just another day... and you'll feel vaguely sad... and then realize why, but only after the fact. It's an awful cliché and one that you hear all too often but time DOES heal. *holds you & rocks* How else have you been doing??

Julie *cuddles* I'm glad that you're doing alright - or seem to be alright anyway? - has your day been fun? Hope so... some of us need to be enjoying ourselves to spread the positivity around!! lol. Do enjoy going to the pool. :)

Laura, Kahlia, Crimson, JK, how are you all doing?? JK, sorry it doesn't seem like I'm responding to your post, it's just that I can't remember all that you said!! I would ask your therapist why s/he asked you that question though... because if you're able to hold down a fulltime job etc. without having too many difficulties then I don't see why s/he would ask that question. :-/ Sorry if that didn't make too much sense...

I hope I didn't miss anyone and if I did I really do apologize... my brain is all muzzy from the anxiety right now and typing is helping... so I think I'm just gonna keep typing!! lol. It's a way to get out the jitteriness without me moving physically (other than my fingers, of course).

The Deadmines run was really anxiety-provoking, didn't think that I could do it but I did, with only a minor blooper that was easily fixed. :-/ And I will definitely send you some of that warmth, Kat!! it's too hot over here for me. :-X Especially without a/c.

Umm, I can't think of anything else to type except the fact that I might be going into a mixed episode, I really don't know. (I'm bipolar II or NOS, not sure which, for those who don't know.) I don't WANT to go into a mixed episode because then I'm low enough to want to die and have energy enough to carry it out. :( I can feel the tension building though... if I can only make it through this week... :-S Finals - need to prep for them - and that dumb soc paper, really need to write that. Got a page done but that's not good enough... need at least nine pages. Plus the health psych paper... GRRRR!!!! :'(

*hides in a hole where no one can find her*

frenchhorn 01-05-2010 11:35 PM

*cuddles Kat* it must be tough getting so little sleep because of your baby, what is there name?

*is still chilly, I'm sure there must be a fire in here somewhere, goes in hunt of one*

frenchhorn 01-05-2010 11:40 PM

*cuddles April* yes dr who was good and next weeks looks amazing.
could you send me some of your warmth too, was sat outside having a drink with a friend in Canal Street, and forgot it gets cold in the evening and was only wearing shirt and jeans and am still trying to warm up.

I'm sorry you feel like you might be going into a mixed episode, even though I don't have bipolar I know what you mean with the feeling low enough to die, and having enough energy to do it, it really sucks, keep going hun, you an get through this, we're all here to support you
good luck with your upcoming finals

CrazyHayley 01-05-2010 11:41 PM

I spy Oliver and April! *huggles them tightly*

So sorry guys but I'm not up to doing individual replies tonight, I should have been medicated and in bed long ago, but I was out and not yet taken my meds as I needed to be awake enough to come on here...I needed to be on here so so badly earlier.

Thank you for all your kind words and support, I just find them hard to take at the moment, like you're just saying that to be nice but don't really mean it. But then, the little bit of sane hayley that's still here tries to slap sense into myself and listen to you.

*potentially SI triggerring and I don't know how to hide stuff*
When I was getting ready to go out earlier, I was soooo tempted to burn myself when ironing my clothes....for no real reason....I just had the urge over and over again. So I'm thinking, well where have those thoughts come from?! Oh yes, PMDD, so I have to talk to myself and convince myself that I don't really want to do it, its just my hormones sending me loopy. But, I so do want to do it. In 2days I'll be 10months free, so I'm thinking I'd rather do it before that anniversary and then I've only buggerred up 9months rather than 10months....but then I've got to try and remember that in 2weeks time I'll be on the way to being sane again and I don't want to undo all of my hard work so far. I'm just worried that in a few days the sane part of me that is managing to talk myself out of things at the moment will be to weak and quiet. Eoghan's away on exercise for a week so I was thinking I could get away with being 'naughty' and he wouldn't need to know.....

*banishes self to smoking shelter for the night*

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:47 PM

*cuddles hayley tight before she escapes out to the smoking shelter* i wish i had more than that for you.

Oliver: I have a mink blankie, i'm so cold. I wish hubby was here.*huddles under it* Her name is Hazel-Grace. or baby haz/muppet/fish/hazel-gracie-bumps

*cuddles april back* She's 7 1/2 months old and has hit a no sleep patch since 5 months, she's completely mummy dependant cos I breast-feed and hubby works unpredictable hours (darn police force) so i'm the only constant thing in her life. I'm used to bad nights with nightmares, especially at the moment. but being woken in the middle of them by a crying baby is really screwing me up.

*hugs* I really hope that you arn't going into a mixed episode, but if you are, then I hope that you stay strong and get through it, which I'm sure you will.

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 11:47 PM

Oh Hayley, love, we don't lie to each other in here... I wouldn't say nice things just to be nice. I'm honest, if nothing else good, lol. And you are a sweet, lovely person, and WILL make it through this. Just keep holding on to the fact that it's the PMDD that's making you that way... and you've come so far, 9 months is amazing!!!!, and 10 months is soo close... you can make it, sweetie. Keep fighting, keep coming on here when you can, and remember that we're all rooting for you. *big cuddles*

*cuddles Oliver* Mmm what sort of hot drink did you have? :) And yeh, I bet it still does get cold over there, it's just barely May. I'm sorry that you understand what I'm talking about... although kind of glad that someone does... :( I just texted my NP about it and hopefully she'll get back to me about it. It might be lack of sleep, I don't know, as we've been staying up a lot later than we did before Jarrod was on furlough and getting up only a little later. GRRRR. :( Sorry for whinging...

*hides some more* :crying:

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:56 PM

i've been saying for ages i should hit the sack, im now falling apart with tiredness. the girls are going mad because they're so tired and i have such a headache it's stupid. I need to hit the pillow. I wish someone was here I'm afraid of tonight. *curls up in a ball* i have to sleep. I have to. but i know hazel is going to wake up just as I settle.

katnovia 01-05-2010 11:57 PM

i give in. wish me luck *crawls to bed and cries self to sleep*

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 12:03 AM

well I had a diet coke while I was out with my friend in canal street, and then a hot chocolate at home, yeah it odes get really cold in the evenings, which I forgot about, my friend asked if I wanted to go for a drink on canal street after youth group, so I said yeah ok, and was wearing long sleeve t-shirt and a hoody and was boiling, because it was sunny, so went home and changed into a shirt and cos it was so warm we decided to sit outside, but then it starts getting really windy and suddenly in the evening the temp suddenly drops loads.

*cuddles Hayley* I agree with April, we dont say things we dont mean in here, I think all of you are amazing and its the truth. keep fighting 9months is amazing and your so close to 10, you can do it, yeah like April said, just think its the PMDD making me think like that.

*cuddles Kat* night, I hope you manage to get some sleep, and thats a beautiful name for your baby.

*shivers in a corner*

CrazyHayley 02-05-2010 12:03 AM

*comes in from smoking shelter as there's a thunderstorm - eek!*

Good luck with getting some sleep Kat. Thanks for the cuddles.

Thanks April for the cuddles and honesty too.

I've just tried writing a journal entry to see if that'd help, but not really. I'm starting to twitch aswell (a lovely symptom of M.E) so I should really take my meds now, they make me drowsy, so perhaps sleep would be best for me.

*takes meds and toddles down to the bathroom to get ready for bed*

edit: ooh thanks for the cuddles Oliver. Yeah I do actually have a post it note on my mirror saying "I AM NOT LOOSING THE PLOT OR THE WILL TO LIVE. I AM HOWEVER PMDD'IN" in bright red marker pen....however.....I looked at it earlier and thought "yeah right, whatever!" lol

CrazyHayley 02-05-2010 12:22 AM

*comes out of bathroom, back into common room*

aha! I see Helen and Laura have joined us :-) *huggles them both tightly* Sorry I've not more at the moment.

RightyO my fellow wardies, I'm grabbing my teddy bear and going to snuggle down over there *points* with my earplugs in so that I don't freak out too much in the storm. This ward is amazing with all its time zones and weather systems *mind boggles* :crazy:

Night/morning/afternoon/evening all! :-p*group huggle* I hope I'm a bit more on an even keel after a good nights sleep.

arghh! the thunder is getting louder :cry:

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 12:32 AM

night hayley, hope you have a good sleep.

MammaMia 02-05-2010 12:51 AM

*cuddles everyone and then hides*

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 01:16 AM

*comes find Helen and hugs* how are you?

MammaMia 02-05-2010 01:25 AM

Low. Haha.

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 01:29 AM

*cuddles Helen tight* sorry your feeling low hun, anything I an do to help?

MammaMia 02-05-2010 01:43 AM

Shoot me? :)

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 01:43 AM

hi hows it going

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 01:44 AM

NO Helen, *cuddles tight and stays sat next to*

Hi Julie *hugs*

MammaMia 02-05-2010 01:48 AM

:'( I can't

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 01:52 AM

can't what hun?

MammaMia 02-05-2010 01:53 AM

Do this anymore :'( I'll be fine. Always fine.

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 01:56 AM

*cuddles helen tight and offers to sit next to for a while*
you can do this.

Kahlia1981 02-05-2010 02:42 AM

*cuddles everyone - except those who don't want cuddles*

Sorry I'm not able to do individual replies, there's been about 5 page since I was in here last night. :crying:

We had a scare with our ~60 year old neighbour this morning. He had a friend come over, and we knew he was home, and his friend rang the doorbell and called out continuously for half an hour and there was no response. We thought he might have been in the shower or something so I went into our bathroom (the two back onto each other so we can hear if there's any noise in there) but there was nothing. We managed to raise him about twenty minutes later, thank goodness. He'd fallen asleep and so didn't have his hearing aids in. We're just really glad that he's okay. We didn't want to ring an ambulance, but if there'd been no response after a certain time we would have.

My mood is starting to settle I think. Possibly the monitor incident just kicked up all the emotional wounds because it put us about two fortnights behind on our Brisbane fund - the fund we have for moving to Brisbane to get proper healthcare.

I don't know how the SI urges and suicidal ideation is yet today, things have just been a bit crowded to really work it out. I actually feel semi-okay for a change. I'm hoping that I'm on my way back up. *crosses fingers*

*finds everyone on the ward and offers them hugs*

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 04:12 AM

*wanders around*

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 07:17 AM

*sits and waits for people to wake up*

katnovia 02-05-2010 09:06 AM

*rubs eyes, and reluctantly gets up*
thanks for the messages last night everyone. i got a grand total of one sleep cycle and two broken ones. *yawns* My head just won't stop running all over the place, i'm really sliding and there's sod all i can do about it. I'll do individual replies later, after i've figured out who i am today.
*leaves neatly wrapped parcels of safe love and hugs on the table and wanders outside*

CrazyHayley 02-05-2010 11:13 AM

Morning! Well I didn't sleep too good, had an upset tummy and it wasn't self induced if you get my meaning....though I had been thinking that after two nights out in a row that I might have to, but it seems nature did it for me. Anyhoo, then my best mate was texting me with her relationship dramas (of which I'll be phoning her after I've posted this) so I didn't settle down to sleep until 4.30am, so I overslept for my 9am meds, getting up at 10.30am for them only when my alarm to remind my friend to take her meds went off! So I'm not feeling too great this morning and thats before I've figured out my mood! It seems a few of us are feeling like that at the moment!

Tries to look for the positives...sane Hayley needs to cling on a little bit longer.....

*huggles Oliver* thanks for the goodnight wishes and your a good guy sitting with Helen last night and not shooting her. Hope you have a good sunday, do you give your fingers a rest from playing the horn on a sunday?!

*huggles Helen* we will not shoot you in here, but we will be here to help you and one day when you say you're fine, you really will be fine. As will all of us someday, we just need to hold on....to eachother if nothing else!

*huggles Kahlia* ooh I didn't realise you were saving to move. It makes sense though to get to somewhere where the health system is going to help you, not terrify you and put you at increased harm. So yes, the whole monitor and money situation was going to have a severe reaction to it beyond the initial inconvieniece. I'm so glad that it seems that your mood is starting to settle. *keeps fingers and toes crossed for you that it continues onwards and upwards*

*huggles Julie* How're you doing this morning....well I guess its night time for you now. Sunday night?!

*huggles Kat* well one unbroken sleep cycle is better than none right?! It must be sooo hard, well more than hard, to be sleep deprived but then have to function to look after a baby. I lived with my best friend when she had her 2nd child and I was like the 'dad' to the kids for a year, and boy that was hard going and we were both there all of the time, we could take it in turns. I've no idea how people do it when their partners aren't there. You'll get through it though. She'll start sleeping in longer chunks soon and then eventually through the night. Hang on to us in here until then. *leaves huggles for Kat to pass onto Hazel-gracie-bumps!*

I guess its time to phone my best mate and find out the latest saga.....

Doikers 02-05-2010 11:16 AM

Just about managed to crawl out of bed this morning , It's so hard when I feel so pointless.
*Hugs Hayley* Way to go on almost 10 months !! You should be very proud of yourself :-) AND pay attention to the note on your bathroom mirror , it's right you know , mirror notes always are .....

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm glad your neighbour incident was a false alarm , phew!

*Hugs everyone who needs them*
*Waves to Owen*

Sorry for lack of individual replies , so many posts. I have to go and pay my water and electricity bills now , back in a bit :)

Oh and JK how did you bike ride go? keep you out of trouble?:)

Scarletdreamer 02-05-2010 11:33 AM

Mark, I spy you!! :D *cuddles* How'd you sleep? and good luck paying bills, I hate doing that... :)

Hels, we won't shoot you. You're far too valuable for that. *holds you gently* You'll be okay. Things will be okay. It will just take time, and I know you're sick of hearing that but it's true... ♥

*cuddles Kat* At least you got some sleep!! :) But I'm sorry that it wasn't more... you sound so exhausted... at least, exhausted of not getting enough sleep. I wish we could help you... did you say that you had another daughter? or did I misread? *more cuddles* Any plans for today?

*squishes Oliver* How're you doing, love? You didn't mention that in any of your posts last night... *is a bit worried*

*cuddles Kahlia* So glad that your mood is settling... and that would scare me with the neighbor too!! Wow. I hope that you manage to keep saving up for the move to Brisbane for better healthcare... will keep you in my prayers, if you don't mind/if that doesn't offend. :)

*cuddles Hayley* I'm sorry that your tummy was upset :( that sucks. Hopefully you feel a bit better now? And I hope that the phonecall with your friend goes well... :)

I think I replied to everyone who posted since last night... if I missed you I apologize!!!

I feel like there is something in me emotionally/feelings-wise that needs to come out... but I don't know what. It feels like it's building up inside of me and soon I will explode. :-/ HATE that feeling!!! :( but don't know what to do about it.

*hides where no one can find her* :crying:

frenchhorn 02-05-2010 11:49 AM

*cuddles Hayley* I'm sorry you didn't get a good nights sleep and then that made you sleep past 9am, I really hate it when I end up sleeping in and missing important stuff, I hope the chat with your friend goes ok.
No I can't give my fingers a rest, we're meant to practice everyday, for 3 hours a day, I often don't manage that cos of my mental health, but my teacher said I work hard considering.

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm really glad your neighbour is ok, I hope your on your way back up too.

*cuddles April* I'm sorry your feeling like you have some emotions trapped, I wish I knew what to suggest to try and help, I guess just try doing things to distract your self from them, sorry its a bit iseless advice.

*hugs mark* good luck with the bills

*hugs Kat* I'm sorry you didn't get a great amount of sleep and I'm sorry your head is sliding around, I hope it stops soon and you can get some stuff done.

*cuddles Helen, JK, Laura, Nicole,Julie and anyone he may have missed*
How are you all doing?

I'm feeling crap, but nothing new, got to do a concert review before 12.50, an hours time, then I'm going to my youth groups allotment, which I am hoping will be good, will get me out of my room and into the fresh air I suppose, then tonight I must do more work and more practice.

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 11:59 AM

-sits hugging self tight around nees-

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 12:19 PM

got told off coz not sleep

Doikers 02-05-2010 12:25 PM

Hi Rosie :) it is Rosie right?

CrazyHayley 02-05-2010 12:32 PM

*huggles mark* hope the bill paying went ok. thanks for the encouragement. My mirror is currently covered in post it notes that I can't really see myself, lol! One says our psych ward motto of "it can't rain all the time" and I got Eoghan to write me one telling me he loves me despite my problems and isn't with me out of pity....cos every month I tell him he'd be better off without me etc. But if I wrote the post it note in my handwriting then I wouldn't believe it! hey ho...

*huggles April* I hope that you are able to let some of your feelings out in a safe way without exploding. But its soo hard when your unable to pinpoint whats wrong or where to start *extra squishes* have you made a decison for your new haircut yet?

*huggles Oliver* wow a busy day ahead of you! 3hours a day, well I guess thats what it takes to be superb. When i used to play the clarinet, if I was to play for longer than an hour at a time I'd have to tape up my thumb that the rest would go on when playing. Do you have to take precautions....I'm trying to think about how you hold the frenchhorn....

*waves at Owen/huggles Julie* Are you not sleepy then? Hope you didn't get told off too badly. Just try and be quiet if other people are trying to sleep.

katnovia 02-05-2010 12:38 PM

no me rosie. me get betteer at typng. kat hurt herselv gain this morning. me not like the way it goin. so tired. baby haz so damanddin. nobody no that we here but dyddy jack.

xxjuliexx 02-05-2010 12:40 PM

-hugs slef tight-she grabeded my arn i didnt mean to be bad i trying to type in secret i didnt mean be bad -covers face with hands-

Doikers 02-05-2010 12:41 PM

Oh I'm sorry Rosie :( *Hugs*
And sorry to Owen too *waves to Owen*

katnovia 02-05-2010 12:42 PM

why in screwet, you not lowd?


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