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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

frenchhorn 24-04-2010 01:01 AM

*cuddles April* sorry its not more, but my heads not in good place right now.

PoisonedApple 24-04-2010 01:07 AM

*huggles April* That wasn't a mean thing to say it was honest and to the point. And you aren't stupid. Maybe you're focusing so much more on the harder classes that the easier level class got left behind so to speak but that doesn't mean you're stupid.

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 01:08 AM

*cuddles Oliver* What's up? I'm feeling a bit better now, vented to a group I'm a member of on LiveJournal about the whole WoW thing and got a lot of people on my side... so I am feeling better about that at least.


PoisonedApple 24-04-2010 01:09 AM

*huggles everyone and heads home for now*
Maybe I'll clean house and get around to decluttering my closet this weekend... less crap I don't need like or use and less dirt throughout the house may make me feel less stressed about the situation.

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 01:09 AM

*cuddles Crimson* Thanks, love. You're right, I did kind of "leave it behind" but I really shouldn't've done that, blown it off, I knew it wasn't an easy course by the first exam when the average was a 50something%!!! (i.e., a failing grade was the average... bad) So yeah. :-/ But still... I feel oh so stupid... I can't let a C+ remain as that because it will WRECK my transcript... :'(

*hides some more*

frenchhorn 24-04-2010 01:13 AM

WoW talk confuses my brain, lol.

me-bad night, see earlier post for details, but been talking to a friend and feel a little better now, even though I did cut.
plus the guy I was on about a few days ago, staying over at his tomorrow night so we can talk about stuff, which I hope will be good, he updated his fb to say he was in a complicated relationship with me:)
so my head is all over the place at the moment-sorry.

*hugs Crimson*

Kahlia1981 24-04-2010 03:12 AM

*huggles everyone*

I just finished cleaning the bathroom and I positively stink of sweat and cleaning products. For such a small room it takes a damn long time to clean - it took me over an hour. And I almost collapsed in the bath. I'm getting a bit sick of that.

My housemate managed to score a job interview this morning. I just keep getting rejection letters. I guess that's okay because I'm a failure, but still.

My housemate and I both had to come off the Champix (drug we were using to quit smoking) as I was severely suicidal and depressed, and he had some suicidal ideas and was starting to feel depressed as well. I believe I asked him to "Marry me and take me away from all this ..." several times. We have to rethink the strategy. Just too risky ...

So tired, and wishing that I could just crash our. We have a friend coming over this afternoon though so that might be what I need to get out of this depressive episode for an hour or so. Meh, je ne sais pas. [I don't know.]

*walks around the ward and hugs everyone then finds a dark corner to hide in until she just disappears into nothingness*

SoMuchMore 24-04-2010 08:30 AM

*cuddles everyone* im so annoyed. I just typed out this huge long thing responding to everyone and then my computer froze. Im sry. I <3 you all and will reply later.

*curls up and rocks in corner*

PoisonedApple 24-04-2010 08:33 AM

Oliver~that's awesome hun! *huggles*
April~ You can do it. I believe in you :) *hugs*
Kahlia ~ *cuddles and wishes an interview into existence*

*walk through the ward and huggles everyone*

Doikers 24-04-2010 10:14 AM

*Waves at Katnovia* Welcome to the ward .
*Hugs Oliver* please look after your cut , don't let it get infected ok , sorry to preach.
*Hugs April* beleive me you are *NOT* stupid, way smarter than me , I agree with what Crimson said
*Group hugs*

Kahlia1981 24-04-2010 10:57 AM

*huggles everyone*

My housemate upset me twice today without even realising it. He said that people who had danced for years in their youth had absolutely nothing of value to society. And he said that people who did administration for a living were a waste of space. Then he asked me what was wrong. I'm struggling to hold myself together so that I don't do something stupid and try and end my pathetic life or require hospitalisation and I'm not even sure if it's worth the bother.

*screams and smashes her head into the hardest wall she can find*

So damn over this. Can't.take.any.more.../

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 11:21 AM

*cuddles Kahlia gently & rocks* Try not to let what your flatmate said bother you... hard, I know, though. You ARE of worth to society, and people in admin are absolutely NECESSARY or else the whole company/whatever it is falls completely apart. (Sorry for the non-eloquence of my word choices - just got up and brain is frozen.) Please don't do anything stupid... please try to take care of yourself the best you can right now. Maybe going off the Champix will help you feel better, I don't know. *more cuddles*

MammaMia 24-04-2010 12:21 PM

*cuddles everyone* No words..

Doikers 24-04-2010 02:56 PM

The song portion of this video is really quite lovley

try and balance out from the mood of the previous song I posted .

*Hugs Wardies* I could really use lots of hugs so if ayone has some spare........

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 04:25 PM

Awh... what's up, Mark, love? *cuddles lots* And Hels, sweetie, what's going on? *holds you gently and rocks*

I'm meh. At parents' now for awhile - doing laundry, Jarrod's off with my dad target shooting and doing "man stuff" - outdoor work in this case - and I'm also trying (TRYING!!!) to work on my senior sem paper. Total I have 14 pages. I need to have at least - AT LEAST!!!!! - fifteen of writing... which means that I need to add four or so more. :( I have no idea where I'm going to come up with the information I need in the next day... it's due on Monday. I feel like such an ass.

Definitely need to update my dear r/v... :'(

I just feel like ****... hugs/cuddles/snuggles would be welcome... :'(

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 04:36 PM

Updated r/v...

*sighs and hides where no one can find her* :'(

Doikers 24-04-2010 04:59 PM

*Hugs April LOTS* I read your R/v thread , I wish I knew the answers too , If you get any ideas pass them on to me ? Thanx for the Cuddles :) I need them.

I.BADLY.WANT.TO.CUT. :( there is a thread in vets support called "so stupid" and I am actually jealous of the cut in it , I have in the past been able to do them like they described but I can't now , can't even do THAT right :( btw it's a triggering post just in case any of you wander off to look at it.

The suicidal ideations are less intense today but they keep coming back and I'm formulating a plan........thats bad isn't it? I hate this depression and I hate myself , it's ruined me .

nicole94 24-04-2010 06:17 PM

hey guys. i managed to persuade my mum to let me go to the sleepover, it was really fun, there was just one bit ruined for me, i had flashbacks. bad flashbacks. i could feel him touching me again and i couldnt ground myself i was shaking so violently i fell off the bed and was just shaking and crying on the floor :( they passed after a while though and we watched a film and went to sleep.

Doikers 24-04-2010 06:20 PM

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry you had flashbacks :(
But it's good that you had a nice time :)

nicole94 24-04-2010 06:24 PM

*hugs mark* thankyou, yeah it was a good night overall, walking to tescos at 2.30am! lol. and trying to walk through mcdonalds drive through-they wouldnt serve us! lol

MammaMia 24-04-2010 06:50 PM

*cuddles everybody lots and lots*

April, you're not stuipd love.
Mark, hope you're trying to keep safe
Nicole, I'm glad you got to go but I'm sorry you had flashbacks. I had them at a friend's house last summer, was pure awful. It got to the point my friend just wouldn't stop holding me. Was cute. Then a few weeks later, I had them at a best friend's, but she managed to settle me a lot easier lol. *sighs*

*curls up*

nicole94 24-04-2010 06:58 PM

*cuddles helen* aaw, sorry you've had a similar experience, it really was awful! mine were all crowed around me and i was just laid on the floor shaking and moaning and crying so hard i couldnt even tell them what was wrong, and i screamed everytime one touched me so we just had to wait for it to pass. it was so scary, i've never had anything like that before :(

MammaMia 24-04-2010 07:04 PM

*cuddles Nicole* They really are awful darling. I think having them in public, well anywhere that's not home or whatever, it's the worst. Not to say having them at home is fun, because it's still **** but least you can comfort yourself more easier, well usually? *cuddles you again*

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 09:53 PM

*cuddles Mark lots more* :) Yes, formulating a plan is a bad thing... please, love, don't do anything "stupid." Suicide is not worth it... you are worth so much more. Don't let yourself get caught in the trap of thinking that your depression has ruined you. It may have GOTTEN you down for a long time but that doesn't mean that you're going to STAY down. *more cuddles* Everything will be okay in the end... you can make it. Keep fighting, keep moving forward - each baby step is progress, even if it's as small as going an hour or a minute without SI'ing or worse - and we'll all be here to cheer you on!! :)

Nicole *cuddles* I'm sorry that you had such awful flashbacks (and Hels, that you've experienced them too)... that sounds horrific. I had a flashback in church once and I had to leave, went out of the sanctuary and just cried and shook. :( But I am glad that you had a nice time and had supportive friends there, etc. Sounds like fun. How'd you get your mum to let you go?

Hels, Laura, Crimson, Hayley, Kahlia, JK, anyone I've missed - how are you all??

I'm so tired... :( I hate being this exhausted. I tried working on my paper, I really really did, but didn't get very far. I HATE THIS!!!! My brain isn't working, I'm so sick of this term, and I have so much I need to be doing. :'( I just want a ****ing break... only 2 more weeks (and that's counting finals!!)...

Just want to sleep my life away... :'(

*hides in shame*

MammaMia 24-04-2010 10:04 PM

*hugs April* You'll get through this.

*sits and rocks*

Scarletdreamer 24-04-2010 10:17 PM

*cuddles Helen* You didn't answer my question, love, not really... I take it that things aren't going too well? *holds and rocks with*

I don't know if I will make it, or do as well as I want to. I hate uni so much this semester... thank God only a week more of classes then I'll be done... but I don't know about my summer internship, whether I'll get it or not... which could be a bad thing... :-/

****, I'm so sick of life. :'(

SoMuchMore 24-04-2010 10:38 PM

*hugs helen and nicole* im sorry that both of you have had such bad experiences with flashbacks. That sounds really awful.

*hugs april* you can get thru the rest of uni. Your so close!! I'm sorry your so tired. Hopefully after your done with school you'll feel a little better.
I'm having trouble concentrating on uni work right now too. I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now but I am an epic fail at school lately. Very unproductive. I'm just waiting for the semester to be over. Lucky you, you get to graduate!

*hugs mark* please don't act on the suicidal ideation. As april said, things will get better eventually. Depression has not ruined you. You can beat it. It just takes time. Hope you are alright hun.

*cuddles oliver, kahlia, crimson, nicole and JK* How r u guys doing?

I'm so wrapped up in my head lately. It feels ridiculous. But my thoughts are just going around in circles. I started writing letters to ppl last night... Don't worry, i didn't save them. But i'm getting tired of trying to handle things and pretend that i'm okay at the same time. And I know you guys are going to say that its okay to not hide... but I dont really feel like that's an option in my life.

MammaMia 24-04-2010 11:46 PM

*hugs April* I know I din't. Sorta avoiding it. Not doing so well myself. Really struggling & stuff. Was rocking because was nearly crying at the time about Katie. Meh :/ Anyway, enough about me....I believe in you to get through this sweet. You'll get through the internship too.

*hugs Laura* It is awful =(

Scarletdreamer 25-04-2010 12:26 AM

I am so ****ing angry.
Just want to scream.


Scarletdreamer 25-04-2010 12:33 AM

R/v updated... again...


MammaMia 25-04-2010 01:13 AM

*cuddles April*

SoMuchMore 25-04-2010 01:44 AM

*cuddles april* im sry that you are feeling badly again. I know its hard but please try to not act on those types of thoughts. You can make it though this.

*hugs helen* I wish there was something more I could do/say for you other than offer hugs and hope that you are alright. Hang in there.

MammaMia 25-04-2010 01:50 AM

I'll be fine Laura. I'm always fine. :)

SoMuchMore 25-04-2010 02:37 AM

helen- i know thats not true.. i say that im always fine too... it doesnt mean things are okay. *cuddles*

MammaMia 25-04-2010 02:38 AM

*cuddles Laura*

SoMuchMore 25-04-2010 06:41 AM

I freaked out earlier. I was shaking, but i couldnt sit still, so i went outside in the pouring rain, and walked around the block. I probably looked ridiculous. Then i got back to my apartment and felt really angry so i kicked a few things around.. mainly shoes.. (so once again, a ridiculous picture of me beating up my apartment)... Then I opened my window and just stared outside for a few minutes, and then i laid on my bed "playing" with some tools that i didnt even really use. I have no idea what triggered it or anything. It just happened. I guess its good that i wasn't hanging with anyone tonight, it wouldve bee awkward to get like that around other people.

*hugs everyone that is hiding around the ward*

frenchhorn 25-04-2010 10:08 AM


xxjuliexx 25-04-2010 10:11 AM

*shuffles in and curls up in a blanket*
should have done that i shouldnt

jonikd 25-04-2010 10:22 AM

*hugs Oliver*
*tucks Julie up in her blanket* you ok hun?
*hugs April, Laura, Helen, Mark, Kahlia, Nicole, Crimson, Hayley tight*

Waves at everyone and apologises for not being around, I had like a wee holiday from the ward and have had the best weekend in over 7 months. Friends, toddlers, sunshine, good coffee, lots of hugs, being free on my bike,and family. Trying to hold on to this place I'm in as long as I can tbh.

*doesn't move so as not to lose this feeling*

frenchhorn 25-04-2010 10:27 AM

*hugs JK* I'm really pleased for you that you've had such a great weekend.

*sits with Julie* you ok?

jonikd 25-04-2010 10:40 AM

Thanks Oliver, how you doing now hun? Looks like you've had a rough time *cuddles*

xxjuliexx 25-04-2010 10:51 AM

*shakes head and retreats into the blanket*

frenchhorn 25-04-2010 10:53 AM

*cuddles JK* I'm not good, but hoping today will be good, going on a meet with a LGBT website, so see some people I already know and meet some new people, we're going to a museum and then having a picnic, but at the moment it raining, typical English weather!!

jonikd 25-04-2010 10:56 AM

awww, wish I could give you some of our weather today, it was like summer and it does make a difference, at least the museum bit will be good, and it'll be fun to hang out with some peeps that know and accept and love ya. Kind of like us but like in real life. Try have a good time and take an umbrella, or dance in the rain ;)

xxjuliexx 25-04-2010 11:02 AM

*shakes head and retreats into the blanket sniffles*

frenchhorn 25-04-2010 11:10 AM

thanks JK, think we may be stealing some of your weather, blue sky is appearing and the sun is starting to shine, yay.

*hugs Julie* whats up?

I spy a Mark *hugs* how are you doing?

xxjuliexx 25-04-2010 11:11 AM

*taps my head* cant tell u

Doikers 25-04-2010 11:20 AM

Hi Oliver *Hugs* I'm just existing , I really don't know how to feel , does anyone ever get like that . Still Numb and Apathetic . I'm back at my flat tommorow. I have to have bl**d tests because I'm on Lithium and that means showing people new scars :(
I hated being Depressed , it led to suicide attempts .
I hate being so apathetic/numb ,it's led to a half assed suicide atempt earlier this year, it's just constant and my P doc said that it was either numb or depressed basically *Sigh* No "Happy" for me :(

* hugs everyone in the ward and wedges self in a dark corner

*Hugs the rest of the ward*

xxjuliexx 25-04-2010 11:36 AM

i sorry i be quite

jonikd 25-04-2010 12:08 PM

Julie, sweetie, I been trying to log on since your last post, and failing.

If you can't tell us that's fine, but we do care and we are here for you, OK? *cuddles*

*also cuddles Mark* sorry you're stuggling hun, new scars suck, but its just temporary and part of who we are. Which is sensitive and caring and loving and loyal and that's what makes us awesome too, it just sucks for us sometimes.

ha ha ha, Oliver, would you believe its just started to rain here. Unbelievable, we are very powerful here huh, you and me!


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