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Doikers 07-04-2010 11:40 AM

Hey Jonikd.
Today I have a social worker appointment this afternoon . I just got back from a quick walk down by the canal went and bought a mag , has interviews with Lacey Mosley from Flyleaf and Hayley Williams from Paramore so that might pass the time later .
Apart from those things I'm going to try and think nice thoughts , anything not Depression or S.I. related . I think I'll go and do a bunch of stuff in the distractions forum.
I'm not feeling particulary safe right now , fed up with S.I. , it's like 15 years is enough!!! but I still feel I need it * sigh *

How are you ?

Sorry I waffled on a bit there , got a bit self involved didn't it:S

nicole94 07-04-2010 12:22 PM

*hugs everyone* how you all feeling today? im just about to go get my tongue peirced :/ im so scared!! lol

MammaMia 07-04-2010 12:35 PM

That interview went pretty ****. Have come home for a bit but going out to see my friend soon ^_^

*cuddles to all*

Doikers 07-04-2010 01:55 PM

Nicole! Tongue piercing! I'd be petrified . I hope it goes/went well , it sounds cool.

*Hugs Helen* Why do you feel the interview went badly? I hope you have fun with your friend :)

Scarletdreamer 07-04-2010 02:51 PM

*cuddles all*

So ****ing anxious I HATE IT!!!! :crying: I AM pathetic, and I AM whingy and clingy and all sorts of bad things. :crying: I just want to die and get out of everyone's way!!

Sorry, /rant. :(

Hels, what makes you think the interview went badly? *cuddles* Oh, and the last pic you posted looks much better, easier to see what you look like. You're definitely pretty. :D

Nicole, good luck with the tongue piercing!! I'd be excited, I want my tongue pierced but with an internship & job looming I want to be able to talk in my interviews, lol. *hugs*

Mark, that mag sounds fabulous!! I love Flyleaf & Paramore, so reading interviews from the lead singers would be aweeeesome. But right now I'm on a Plumb kick, so reading an interview from her would be amazing as well. :) Good for you for trying to stay away from ruminating over SI/depression stuff... :) How's it going so far??

Crimson, Laura, Kahlia, & Hayley, cuddles to you too. Sorry if I missed anyone!! no offense intended.

I'm at my parents' house right now... anxious as all get out but oh well. I am having lunch with my bestie in about two hours so that will be nice, I hope. It's really lovely weather here, 70'F (21'C) and partly sunny. I'm wearing partly Goth clothes today and baggy guys' pants so I feel kinda cool, I dunno.

*huge sigh* My chest is so tight, it's hard to get a breath. I need to go distract myself somewhere... maybe I'll write in my r/v thread and then go read, I dunno. :-/


nicole94 07-04-2010 04:01 PM

thanks guys, i got it done :D it was painful, but not as bad as i thought it would be!! and april. i can talk ok, just a tiny bit of a lisp :/

MammaMia 07-04-2010 04:48 PM

*cuddles everyone*

It was crap because it was practically like yesterday's but he was telling me conflicting information & I couldn't hear him. He took me to a cafe to 'interview me' but he didn't...not really :S

I never felt so fat in my life. My friend who I saw is on a 'diet' because her family kept telling her she's fat. So if she's fat, then I most definitely am :| Jeez!!

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 05:37 PM

*hugs jonikd* how r u doing?

*cuddles helen* im sry that ur interview didnt go so good. And you are definitely not fat. Dont let your friends diet trigger anything in you. It sounds like your friend has having a hard time with her family.. that does not mean that you are fat in comparison.

*hugs mark* Sry to hear that u SI-ed again. Stay strong. That magazine sounds pretty awesome, im obsessed with music... although most of mine is more.. metal.. i guess the word would be.. not like hardcore screamo (although i listen to that too..) But bands like breaking benjamin, shinedown, godsmack... okay sorry for the random music tangent lol.

*hugs april* I bet that you do look cool. Anxiety is awful, i'm sorry that you have so much problems with it... If it helps, your not alone in pretty much always feeling some sort of anxiety. But you are not pathetic or whiney.

*hugs nicole* wow a tongue piercing! I'd definitely be scared to get it done. Do you like it so far?

I broke last night... as i knew was going to happen.. SI-ed to deal.. Now I want to again. Im supposed to be studying for a quiz i have later today.. maybe study first and SI later. Maybe i'll be able to put it out of my head for a little bit.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 05:40 PM

*hugs Laura lots*

Oh I already have 'issues' with food/eating/weight anyway :( She knows that. She keeps telling me off and was like don't make me feel guilllty by not eating again because I'm not :'( But she doesn't need to lose weight, I do :'(

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 05:52 PM

*hugs* you dont need to lose weight. From the pictures u've posted on here I can tell that you are NOT fat. Try to not let those kind of thoughts consume you. I know it can be hard when u already have issues with it, and i think it kind of sucks that she wanted you to eat while she was sitting there not eating... but dont fall into an ED.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 05:56 PM

To be honest, when she said it the first time, well mentioned the 'diet', we were eating a healthy lunch. Then when she mentioned it again, neither of us were eating as we were walking/drinking hot chocolate.

nicole94 07-04-2010 06:15 PM

*hugs laura* its sore!! but i love it!! please try not to SI. x

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 06:38 PM

Aww Helen. I'm sure it isn't as bad of an interview as it felt. And you aren't fat. *huggles*

Nicole~ Eat ice cream and drink carbonated things. I don't know why the carbonation helps really but it does (or at least did for me and my friend) and the ice cream makes it cold and numbish when it is achy. The lisp thing tends to go away as you get used to the bar in your mouth :) *hugs*

Laura~ not to nag but you cleaned and dressed the wound well right? *Cuddles* Stay safe hun.

*huggles April, Oliver, Mark, anyone I missed (sorry)*

nicole94 07-04-2010 06:43 PM

*hugs* thanks for the advice, i have got ice cream lol. but i found it really hard to eat :/

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 06:47 PM

lol it gets better. have you tried ice chips?

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 06:51 PM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry the interview didn't go so great. your definetly not fat.

*cuddles Crimson* how are you doing?

*cuddles Laura* please try to stay safe and make sure you look after yourself ok, there anything to help distract you?

*cuddles Nicole* I'm glad you like your tongue piercing.

*cuddles April* I hope you managed to distract yourself and that your anxiety is better now.

*cuddles Mark* how are you doing?

*cuddles everyone*

I feel pretty ****, gender stuff has hit me and hit me badly, is seriously getting me down, and my mum keeps moaning because had my hair cut today and got it nice and short, which she isn't impressed over.

nicole94 07-04-2010 06:56 PM

no i havent tried anything apart from soup and ice cream lol.

*cuddles oliver* thanks, its cool :D sorry you're having a hard time. :( *extra hugs*

Doikers 07-04-2010 07:05 PM

* Hugs Helen * Going by the pics you've posted you are NOT fat , you look good. Don't let your friends familys opinions get to you (I hope that made sense).

I'll post later when I've the energy , I just feel flat with a a bunch of triggered urges to go with it *sigh*

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 07:07 PM

GRRRR... My browser crashed right after I typed in my replys....
Ok let's start this again.
*cuddles Oliver* As long as you like your hair that's what counts... At least thats how I see it.
I'm doing ok so far this morning. So far so good :)

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 08:12 PM

*pokes head in*
Anyone around?
*looks around*
Guess not...
*leaves a variety of chocolates and teas on the table and walks back out*

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 08:17 PM

I'm around lol. Just hiding in a corner

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 08:24 PM

*picks up a dark chocolate bar with caramel filling and drizzles it with white chocolate and grabs a chamomile tea with honey*
What're you up to today Laura?

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 08:28 PM

wow that chocolate bar sounds good! *picks one up for myself*

Currently, I am studying for a quiz i have in a few hours... Wednesdays are kinda a boring day for me. O well.
How about u?

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 08:33 PM

lol yeah I'm weird like that... but i like dark and white chocolate best together lol
i'm at work trying to get archiving done but not in a hurry for it to be done. Wednesdays are kinda boring for me too during the work day anyways.

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 08:38 PM

yea.. but Wednesday does mean that it is getting to the weekend! woot woot! lol.

This chocolate bar thing reminded me that i'm going to a dessert party tomorrow night. Kinda wish i could bring some of the ward's virtual goodies to the party and bring some of the real life goodies into the ward :-)

Doikers 07-04-2010 08:43 PM

*Grabs some Camomille tea*
Hi Laura and Crimson *waves*
I had a social worker appoinment today , I never know what to say to him unless I'm in a crisis , I just talked rubbish and touched on the fact that I struggle to get out I bed in the morning because I "don't want to" which just makes me sound and feel lazy but it's so hard ,I've no motivation. No concentration either and my mood is all over the place *sigh*
Now I want to harm ......
I'm 30 this year for crying out loud I should be a better person than this.
Sorry to whinge :S

MammaMia 07-04-2010 08:50 PM

*gives everyone cuddles*

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 08:50 PM

*hugs mark* you are not whinging.. And I dont think you sound lazy.. sleep problems mess with a lot of people, especially those of us that struggle with mental health issues. I think its good that you are seeing a social worker tho, even if you dont know what to say all the time.

*hugs nicole and oliver*

*waves to helen* i see you!

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 08:54 PM

*waves* Hi Mark!
It isn't laziness! ...wow that feels hypocritical since I say it makes me lazy too.... but it isn't laziness. You're just struggling and depression does that to us. And as for the age thing... I'm 28 this year and I'm struggling too... Think of it this way (I know easier said than done) you are getting help so you are being a better person, you aren't just sitting there wallowing and martyring yourself.
*hugs and hopes that makes sense*

LOL Laura... I actually refer to Thursdays as Almost Friday LOL.
I wanna go to a dessert party now... but then I'd probably start getting panicky and have to leave anyways. *pout* Some days I hate being me...

jonikd 07-04-2010 09:16 PM

*pops in to say hi* Would be good to get to know you all a bit better, time zones play a part in that I'm just starting work for the day, and can't really sit on RYL all day ...if I want to keep my job anyway lol.

Hope everyone has a good day/night wherever you are and I'll pop back into the ward tonight and see what's been going on.

*cuddles and leaves*

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 09:24 PM

*waves at JK*
It's noon30 here :)

MammaMia 07-04-2010 10:19 PM

*waves top everyone*

Sorry I'm quiet. Not been the best of days re: certain things && just found out my best friend's in hospital again.

Strawberry.Bananas 07-04-2010 10:19 PM

For God Sake, somebody needs to shoot me quite seriously...or beat some sense into me at least.

Any Takers?

*Walks out of ward sulking and sits in the rain*

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 10:27 PM

Well Vicki I won't shoot or beat you but keep talking like that and you'll get a good swat on the bottom. Wanna talk about it?

It's okay to be quiet Helen... I have days like that all the time. Feel free to PM, yeah?

*cuddles everyone and runs away*

MammaMia 07-04-2010 10:38 PM

Vicki, I'm not shooting or beating you either. What's up darling???

Thanks angelic :)

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 11:09 PM

How irksome... I think smacking my head against a brick wall'd be less painful than dealing with the veteran's administration... Kinda pathetic really.

All I wanna do is get a primary care physician! Well then have him or her refer me to mental health and physical therapy for my respective current problems but still I had to call my local VA get hung up on mid-sentence and transferred to voice mail, then call the main office in Kansas to get my info verified and transferred back to anchorage (at least she made sure someone was on the line before hanging up) then told I need to come in and take time out of work to make an appt so I can take more time out of work to go to the appt! FML

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 11:25 PM

Craptastic! I just looked up the VA's hours... They close a half hour before I get out of work and it's a half drive so all in all I have to leave more than an hour before I get out of work or they'll be closed.

Scarletdreamer 08-04-2010 02:21 AM

Hi everyone...

Sorry to see so many people struggling... :( That really sucks. I wish I could help each & every one of you, as I've said before...

*cuddles all* Sorry no individual replies, it's late here and bedtime for me. I just want to cry... been an emotional night. I'll write about it tomorrow if you want me to...


Just feel like ****...

SoMuchMore 08-04-2010 02:26 AM

*cuddles april* feel free to talk about whatever you want to share. Im sorry that uve had a rough day.

*hugs vicki* as everyone has said, nobody is going to be shooting you here. U alright?

*hugs helen* its okay to be quiet sometimes.. heck i left for 2 weeks awhile ago, we understand that sometimes u just dont want to talk.

*cuddles crimson* That sucks that the VA is being so unhelpful.

I am baking. yum!
*hides in the ward kitchen*

seeking grace 08-04-2010 02:58 AM

any room for a new member of the ward?

frenchhorn 08-04-2010 03:17 AM

hi seeking grace, welcome. *waves* how are you?

seeking grace 08-04-2010 03:19 AM

not doing well.
but i suppose it could be worse.
how about you?

frenchhorn 08-04-2010 03:26 AM

not doing so great either, it 3.30am here and I'm still wide awake.
anything you want to talk about?

SoMuchMore 08-04-2010 03:32 AM

*hugs grace* of course! there is always room. Welcome! *offers snacks*

*hugs oliver* I'm sry that you can't get to sleep. U alright? (i know u said u arent great.. but.. i thought id ask anyway)

frenchhorn 08-04-2010 03:35 AM

*hugs laura* not so great, just stuff, mainly gender stuff.

how are you?

seeking grace 08-04-2010 03:36 AM

i'm just kind of ashamed/disappionted in myself.
about a lot of things.
and it hurts to admit that i'm struggling again.

you okay, oliver, anything you want to talk about?

SoMuchMore 08-04-2010 03:41 AM

*hugs oliver* im sorry its getting you down.. I read about the haircut and whatnot. Just remember that its about what you want/think.. not anyone else. Hang in here.

Grace - its okay to admit that u are struggling. If you are, Its good that you are reaching out and trying to get some support. U can make it through.

As for me... well I'm just me... Always fine. Having trouble concentrating on uni work.. thoughts are kinda everywhere.

frenchhorn 08-04-2010 03:46 AM

*hugs Laura* thanks.

grace, its ok to admit to struggling, and like laura said its good you are reaching out. *hugs*

sorry your having a tough time concentrating with uni work, would taking some breaks help at all?

SoMuchMore 08-04-2010 03:55 AM

Im not used to the ward being so busy at this time lol.

I am taking a lot of breaks... But my thoughts are just kind of racing from one thing to another... It'll be fine. I just may not get much done tonight.. O well i guess.

frenchhorn 08-04-2010 03:57 AM

aww *hugs*
I think i am going to head to bed, just heard my father get up for work, its 4am here so i best try and sleep I suppose.

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