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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

nicole94 06-04-2010 07:10 PM

*hugs helen* well done!! thats really good :D
aaw, i would hate to be allergic to cats :( my mums friend is lol, but she still has one.

MammaMia 06-04-2010 07:45 PM

Thanks Laura & Nicole =)

Ugh I feel so fat & full. Opps :|

CrazyHayley 06-04-2010 07:49 PM

Just finished my dinner, a yummy lentil & root vegetable casserole with dumplings. It was a ready meal that got popped in the oven. Nice and easy for me tonight. I try to avoid ready meals but this one was rather healthy and they help me with portion control which is a good thing. Anyhoo, I burnt the roof of my mouth eating it - I just couldn't wait for it to cool down! Gonna go have a fag to settle my food and then I shall be back and reply properly!

*toddles out to smoking shelter & takes puppy sinclair with her so that he can do his stuff!*

nicole94 06-04-2010 07:49 PM

*cries* i cant do this anymore, i cant i cant i cant. it hurts too much. she was supposed to be my friend! how could she say that?! i need to cut. i said i wasnt going to do it till thursday. but i cant hold it off any longer. :'(

CrazyHayley 06-04-2010 08:09 PM

*huggles Mark* I understand the vicious circle that is to be fuelled by caffiene and then not being able to sleep and then the next day needing caffiene to get going again. Though nowadays due to my M.E I don't have any problem sleeping even with my excessive caffiene consumption. have you tried any herbal remedies to help you sleep? I have a lavender mist spray and temple balm that helps. Rescue Remedy - a bach flower remedy is great for calming your mind and reducing anxiety. Also things like herbal nytol or kalms.

*huggles Crimson* thank you for the huggles! Also for the explanation of asshat. I thought I had an idea but it was amusing to look at the descriptions. I don't think I could get away with saying it in my accent though, I'd have to adapt it to arsehat! lol

*huggles Nicole* congrats on the new kittens - well pass on my congrats to the mummy cat! As for a 'friend' upsetting you to the point of needing to cut. You know that we all understand how that feels in here. Perhaps try some distraction techniques in the hope of calming the urges? Just remember to stay as safe as you can *extra huggles*

*huggles Helen* Well done on finding the place in time and on getting through to the second interview. At least you'll know where you are going tomorrow! What time is it so I can send you extra positive thoughts again?

*huggles Laura* at least you got to have some time on the computer. It must of been one of those moments when all the people have the same thought of "it probably won't be too busy now" but that thought gets picked up on by others somehow, so that everyone turns up and its busier than normal! Probably when it would usually be busy (if you have a peak time) it'll be really quiet as people will be wanting to avoid the peak time!

*huggles April* how has your day progressed? I'm glad that your ceiling is finally being fixed! You amaze me at the times that you go online for WoW, your body clock is just so different to mine. I plan on going on there very shortly, I'm hoping in a few hours to get to level 20.

*Huggles Oliver* is the mountains of soup that we've been feeding you starting to make you feel better? Here have some yummy bread rolls to go with it! *sends Puppy Sinclair your way for some furry therapy*

*huggles anyone else in the ward gently as they may be sleeping in their time zone!*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 08:19 PM

Thanks Hayley :) It's at 11am.

*cuddles Nicole* What's happened?

Am so shattered. Struggling again >.> This is ****ing ****. Soooo tired & can't breathe. Nearly brought huge amount of pills earlier. Still want to. **** **** **** :'(

nicole94 06-04-2010 08:20 PM

*huggles* thanks. i really dont think its possible for me not to cut tonight :(

i have posted on the serious discussions boards helen. *hugs*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 08:37 PM

Will go have a look *cuddles*

nicole94 06-04-2010 08:41 PM

*clings* she is so evil!

MammaMia 06-04-2010 08:45 PM

*holds tight* She sounds it from what I read :(

nicole94 06-04-2010 08:54 PM

uhuh. yet i always go running back :(

MammaMia 06-04-2010 09:13 PM


nicole94 06-04-2010 09:16 PM

*cuddles helen* urgh. i wanna eat so bad. but then i also DONT wanna eat!

MammaMia 06-04-2010 09:19 PM

Eat babe. Try for me? *snuggles*

I'm trying to start something for my mum, yet all I can think about is cutting & crying. LAME.

nicole94 06-04-2010 09:23 PM

*hugs.* urgh. i just ate half a packet of quavers??
you ok hun??

MammaMia 06-04-2010 09:26 PM

That's good. *hugs*

Not really :(

nicole94 06-04-2010 09:32 PM

aaaw. do you wanna talk?? PM me if you want.

MammaMia 06-04-2010 09:33 PM

Just really struggling at the moment :/

frenchhorn 06-04-2010 09:50 PM

thank you for all the soup everyone, I am feeling a bit better.
*cuddles Nicole* well done for eating something.
*cuddles Helen* is there anything that can distract you from your thoughts of harming and crying?
*cuddles everyone else*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 09:51 PM

Yeah, I'm trying to do this thing for my mum, finding it hard../.

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 10:20 PM

*cuddles all*

Too many posts in one afternoon!! lol... but it's good, it's all good. :) I like it when there are a lot of active posters; better than none, says I. :P

Wouldn't it be better if it were asshead? not asshat? because, well... :P ...hard to imagine wearing an ass (unless you mean the donkey kind) as a hat. Hehe.

Anyway. My day has progressed okay. Thankfully my classes went by fast and I wasn't too anxious in any of them. Also went "out to coffee" with a close friend of mine... ended up getting a lemonade. I almost never get caffeinated drinks anymore, make me wayyy too anxious. :( I miss my coffee!!! but at least we have the cappuccino mixes here at the apartment that I can use. And hot chocolate too of course. :)

Congrats, Hels, on getting the 2nd interview. Best of luck with it... I'm sure you'll do fine!! Were you crazy nervous for this one? *cuddles* Try not to harm, for us, please?? It's not worth it... you're worth so much more.

Mark, how're you doing this evening? Never heard of that kind of acupuncture, although have talked about acupuncture in several classes. Bummer it's not working. :(

Hayley, lol, what about my timing on WoW makes you find it curious? :P And yey for getting to level 20... :) I love the quests in Darkshore (Auberdine)... Westfall is also pretty awesome. :D

Nicole, sweetie, I'll read the thread in a bit but please don't harm, it's not worth it, like I told Helen. *hugs* You'll be okay, you'll make it through... play the 15-minute game, or do some of the distractions on here, or read a fun book or something. Sorry, am rubbish with coming up with distractions.

Laura, a room with 200 computers in it?!?! that just sounds crazy... hehe. I'm used to max 30 comps/room... but then I go to a smallish uni. :) How're you doing??

Just had supper, yum, home-baked chicken tenders. :) Healthy, lots of protein... but I'm still hungry. :-/ Guess that's what I get when I don't eat lunch... :-/ Jarrod will be pissed when he finds out, as I'm supposed to be taking care of myself. :(

I need to talk with Vince soon (personal trainer & very close friend). I miss him soo much. Hayley, he's our guild master on WoW, and we went to visit him and his daughters 1200 miles away in January. :D It was a blast... miss him so much though. And his close friend too, assistant GM. Boo hiss. :(

I really ****ing want to cut right now... :crying: And I don't know why.

Anyway. Sending you all hugs...

*hides where no one can find her*

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 10:31 PM

april~ this shirt isn't as awesome as the one i have but i can't open the page with mine on it at work (hehe) so here's this one http://www.zazzle.com/your_problem_i...19436831674986 if you google "your problem is obvious shirt" it'll pull up the one i have in images :)

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 10:32 PM

*huggles everyone and runs away*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 10:43 PM

*cuddles everyone*

*finds April & gives her a big hug* No cutting sweetie :( You can do this. I'm trying not to harm =) Wasn't really that nervous, which surprised me :S

So ****ing anxious :S Think it's something to do with my best friend. Hmm :'(

MammaMia 06-04-2010 10:51 PM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Me again haha

Thought I'd take another photo for you April :P With the lights on & my hair much cleaner :-p However I'm getting my hair cut soon :hop:

frenchhorn 06-04-2010 11:05 PM

*cuddles April* glad your day went ok and you got through lessons without being too anxious and went out witha friend, but please don't cut hun, is there anything making you want to? anything you can do to distract?

*cuddles Helen* nice picture, we met on the last manchester meet didn't me, or am I being stupid? anyway nice pic and congratulations on the second interview. anything you can do to stop yourself being so anxious, some breathing exercises or something?

*cuddles angelic monster* you ok?

I'm feeling less ill, but had some idiots being stupid towards me which has got me down, what is it with people and the whole your not a real man thing because your physically not one and don't have a penis, thanks just make me feel even worse about myself why don't you.

*goes and hides in a corner*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 11:12 PM

We did indeed. Well I was there anyway =) So we must have aha!! I'm trying to not think, see if that helps the anxiety. Still doing something for my Mum. Dead easy really but it's taking me forever. Just pathetic isn't it really??

Forget those pathetic comments & people? They're not worth it..

frenchhorn 06-04-2010 11:20 PM

Cool thought I recognised you, yeah don't worry if you don't remember me I was the guy in all black smart clothes, who didn't really talk and then had to leave early as was in a concert lol.

its not pathetic, sometimes things take time and especially if we want them done well.

yeah I'm trying to forget about them, its just hard, especially when it makes you think about it all again and it makes you feel like **** then you start doubting yourself and then it keeps going round in circles.

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 11:23 PM

Sorry haven't been doing many individual replies today everyone. Just haven't really been with it today and I can never remember if I got everyone lol. And typing is an obstacle today too...

Oliver~ I don't really know how I am so far today. Not bad but not good either... Struggling with some things but mostly holding together. After I realized how much I ate yesterday I felt like a house (made worse by the fact my weight went up) but logically speaking I know that I am in the normal range of weight for my height... the higher end but still in range. So reminding myself of logic is making that not as bad. Depression-wise I think I'm numb right now. I don't know what else to call it. So really I just don't know today.

And as for the asshats and what they were saying, they aren't worth anyone's time till they grow up, especially yours.

MammaMia 06-04-2010 11:41 PM

Ahhh I remember you!! You were the guy with that orchestra bag & I meant to ask you why but totally forgot to haha!!!

Nearly done. Well over half way. I'm in pain >_>

frenchhorn 06-04-2010 11:50 PM

yeah that was me, with my french horn!!
*cuddles* why you in pain?

*cuddles angelic monster* I really want to call you Crimson, is that your name? I'm really sorry for being an idiot and forgetting. I'm sorry your doing well and feeling numb, is there anything you can do to try and lift your mood a little?

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 11:56 PM

Don't feel good.
Just want to cut.
But I can't, 'cause Jarrod's home.

It's going to be really tough if/when he gets his furlough from work - 3 months at home, will have to find a way to SI outside of the apartment. :crying:

Sorry I'm so pathetic. :(

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 12:00 AM

*cuddles April lots* your not pathetic, anything you can do to feel less anxious and distract yourself. any breathing exercises, playing WoW, or others things you like doing. *sends lots of cuddles over*

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 12:06 AM

*cuddles Helen* What's up?
*cuddles Oliver* Yep I'm Crimson. As horrible as this is gonna sound I think I prefer being numb for the moment...
*cuddles April* You are not pathetic.
*huggles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 07-04-2010 12:17 AM

*cuddles Oliver* How're you doing tonight?

*cuddles Crimson* I understand preferring to feel numb... wish I were numb right now. Instead I hurt so ****ing much... but I should shut up and quit whinging, you all must be SO sick of me by now!!!


MammaMia 07-04-2010 12:22 AM


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2225368)
yeah that was me, with my french horn!!
*cuddles* why you in pain?

Ahh cool :) *cuddles back* Don't know. Too much food probably >_>


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2225380)
Don't feel good.
Just want to cut.
But I can't, 'cause Jarrod's home.

It's going to be really tough if/when he gets his furlough from work - 3 months at home, will have to find a way to SI outside of the apartment. :crying:

Sorry I'm so pathetic. :(

You're not pathetic & we're not sick of you. *cuddles* You can get through this babe :(

Finally finished what I was doing for Mum. Took me long enough. Should have took no more than an hour really. It's taken me over 3 hours =/ =/

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 12:28 AM

*cuddles April* we are not sick of you at all, post as much as you like, thats what this place is for. I'm sorry your hurting.

*cuddles Crimson* I can understand wanting to feel numb too.

*cuddles Helen* well done for finishing it.

I'm not so great, dreading friday and the week and a bit that follows it, but know I just have to get through it some how, had everything knocked by some idiots and I know just ignore them, buts its hard to it then makes you think about it all and then you start doubting yourself.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 12:43 AM

TYhank you

Why you dreading Friday?
If it helps, I'm dreading Sunday :/

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 12:48 AM

going on a music course, which have been on before for about 5 years, but now I've come out as trans and have been living as male for a good few months now with male name and pronouns, I am dreading having to go as female, plus I have to wear a stupid skirt and sash in the concerts, also the course same time last year was when I started getting really bad panic attacks and was nearly sent home because I was a danger to myself, wondering around at 2am by the lake in an extremely suicidal mood.

howcome your dreading sunday?

PoisonedApple 07-04-2010 12:55 AM

Sorry if this is a dumb question Oliver, but why can't you go as male?

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 01:01 AM

its not a dumb question, but the director on the course is very very conservative and when my mum rang up to ask if girls could wear trousers when I first joined about 5 years ago, she just gave my mum a massive lecture about how women wear skirts and men trousers, she doesn't like one of my friends hair, because he changes it a lot and dyes it bright colours and so I don't think she could quite deal with it, then there would be the problem of accomadation, we are in blocks, one for girls, one for boys, this is my last year of it, so its 10 days next week and 10 in summer, I would love to go as male but it would cause too many problems.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 01:05 AM

That sounds bit **** really :( *squishes* Soon be over & done with? :)

Dreading Sunday because it'll be six years since I had my miscarriage :( :/

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 01:08 AM

*cuddles* yeah I'll be counting down the days until I can go back to uni and can be male and then need to buy my first DJ for orchestra concert, as I'm now out at uni.

*cuddles* that sounds tough I'm sorry

MammaMia 07-04-2010 01:20 AM


Mmm it is.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 01:24 AM

Going to go bed & try sleep soon.
Got to be up at 9am, am sure I'll do a quick check in.
My interview's at 11am :P (less than10 hours to go)

frenchhorn 07-04-2010 01:26 AM

ok night Helen, hope you get some sleep. Good luck with your interview, wishing you all the best. *hugs*

SoMuchMore 07-04-2010 02:45 AM

Ok, there have been sooo many posts! Imma try to get everyone here but if i missed u please dont hate me lol.

*cuddles april* you can make it thru this hun. Please try not to harm. And like everyone has said, you are not pathetic at all. You are a very kind and loving person. Not in the least bit pathetic.

oh and - yes there is 200 computers in one of the IT centers in the library here... we have like 35,000 ppl that go to my uni so.. lots of computers are necessary lol.

*cuddles helen* Sleep well and good luck with ur 2nd interview! Stay strong, i know its hard right now b/c of this sunday, but u can do this.

*hugs oliver* Im sry about the situation with your music course.. that sounds like it really sucks. Im glad that you are feeling physically better tho. I guess all that virtual soup helped lol.

*cuddles crimson* sorry that you are having a numb day... although sometimes i think numb can be preferable.. its still not a good feeling though.

*hugs nicole* im glad that you ate. Good job. Keep hanging in there hun.

Its a freaking miracle that i am out of class an hour and a half early lol. So that nice... But I am becoming.. different feeling.. i dont know how to describe it really. Like almost giddy and a bit anxious, idk why... but this tends to happen before i crash into really really bad thoughts.. so im kinda worried. Maybe im just extremely tired.. idk. hope that it just passes.

MammaMia 07-04-2010 09:27 AM

Thanks you two :) Wow the ward's been quiet since I left for bed. Managed to get an early night :D Anyway, will check in once I've come back from seeing my friend ^_^ My interview is at 11am & that's less than two hours already :P

Doikers 07-04-2010 10:40 AM

*Hugs to everyone who needs em*
I S.I. last night , I had been obsessing about it for 2 days .
I want it to just stop.
For the scars to go away , they trigger me.
I coulden't sleep , I tryed taking a diaz , drank some camomille tea , eventually got to sleep but I don't know when , SO hard to get out of bed this morning.
Lithium is causing my hands to shake this morning.
My mind is racing , I can't concentrate , ugh sorry .
I have had enough of this depression .....

Oh and Positve thoughts go out to Helen for your interview in 19 minutes :)

jonikd 07-04-2010 10:49 AM

hey everyone, everything crossed for you Helen :0)

Sorry you had a crappy night Mark, today's another day huh, and we start again *hugs* What will you do today?

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