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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 17-08-2009 10:58 PM

*leaves cuddles and hugs for everyone*

*crawls and hides in the corner for a nap*

zowie 17-08-2009 11:04 PM

Have a good time Helen :) xxx

MammaMia 17-08-2009 11:34 PM

Thanks Arwen.

Not in the best of moods atm :(

Kahlia1981 18-08-2009 01:50 AM

*leaves hugs for everyone*

I'm hopefully going to get some telephone couselling regarding my sexual abuse. Bit scared about it though. I don't really want to delve into my past, but at the same time I want to get through it and move on.

MammaMia 18-08-2009 01:57 AM

*squishes Kahlia*

It might help. It's hard. But like I told Jade (she used to post in here) that you wouldn't tell a complete stranger everything in the first few conversartions. They'll build it up with you and stuff and if you couldn't do it when planned, I imagine they'd wait until you were able to begin talking about it and stuff.

*squishes*

Long*Past 18-08-2009 05:26 AM

*crawls onto her window sill*
I saw Mikey today, because he came out to the heritage town to hang out with me. I knew he was going to bring Craig, but I didn't realize he'd bring Kendra and Alex as well... Courteny ended up having to work, as well as Amanda... so I ended up basically by myself. It was like I wasn't his girlfriend most of the time...
He payed attention to me when he had to... but I was basically forgotten...
This was supposed to be a really cool day, but it turned out awfully...
My stepdad was supposed to pick me up at Brittany's house, but he wasn't there when he said he was going to be, which was when I checked for him... but apparently he was there for like 30 seconds when I wasn't checking, and I ended up there for over an hour more than I was supposed to be...
Then when Mom picked me up finally, she lectured me in the car about how I was the one responsible for it and that I should have been sitting out there waiting for him... and then she goes off about how the housework I did wasn't good enough...
I realize that she's uptight about picking up Chase from the psych unit, knowing he didn't get the help he was supposed to get, and he's just going to come home and terrorize us more, but that isn't my fault, and I shouldn't have to have that taken out on me.
And on top of all this... I think I might be pregnant...

I feel incredibly alone right now... and I want my Mikey to cuddle me and tell me that he loves me, like he does when we're alone...
I sometimes wonder if he really does, or if he is just humoring me... because I really love him and I don't want to think about losing him. It would break my heart... and potentially my will to live...

I almost cut again today, but I was able to stop at poking myself lightly with a safety pin... it didn't break the skin... it didn't help much, but at least I didn't cut.

*hits forehead against window and cries*

Kahlia1981 18-08-2009 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1817719)
*squishes Kahlia*

It might help. It's hard. But like I told Jade (she used to post in here) that you wouldn't tell a complete stranger everything in the first few conversartions. They'll build it up with you and stuff and if you couldn't do it when planned, I imagine they'd wait until you were able to begin talking about it and stuff.

*squishes*

Thanks Helen. They are trying telephone counselling because I have panic attacks when I try and walk through the door to their office. I've been in there twice with a friend and even though its supposed to be a safe place for women I felt threatened and unsafe.

I ordered parts for my new computer today. It's going to cost a little more than I'd wanted to pay because some of the components had to be replaced as the ones I wanted were on back order and I want that computer NOW. I'm going stir-crazy without access to a computer.

I've had a really down day today so I slept for a good part of the afternoon to try and keep myself from doing something silly.

*hugs everyone in the ward and apologises for being so narcissistic (sp?) and only talking about myself*

zowie 18-08-2009 12:27 PM

I haven't had a drink since Monday.
I would act like this is some sort of achievement, but it's mostly because my tummy's been feeling weird - I haven't felt up to drinking as I constantly feel like I'm going to throw up.

Kahlia1981 18-08-2009 12:35 PM

Arwen that would be enough to stop most people from drinking. Right now I want to drink but I know that it would end with me hurting myself.

Labyrinth 18-08-2009 04:46 PM

Stupid bodily infection hurting me. I feel **** cause of it.

Long*Past 18-08-2009 06:07 PM

*hugs Labyrinth* Hope you get feeling better soon.

*hugs Zowie* At least you're not drinking. I do hope that this sickness will pass, but that you'll be able to keep strong afterward.

*hugs Kahlia* It's okay, you don't have to feel bad about talking about yourself all the time (I mean, I kinda do, but do as I say, not as I do...) we're here to help and support one another. If you need support, you can't be expected to give it all the time. If you can, that's awesome, but you don't have to.


As for myself... still feeling like cutting, but I won't. I've made it three months, and I know that it would disappoint Mikey when he found out. That would just make me feel awful, because I know he'd think it was his fault. I need to clean my room, but I'm just not feeling up to it... Still I have to or I'll be stuck at my Gran's all week, and want to shoot myself more than ever... so I will... eventually... before 4 o'clock today...

zowie 18-08-2009 09:00 PM

I'm going out with the family tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it, but I'd rather have something to do rather than sleeping all day.

SoMuchMore 18-08-2009 09:02 PM

*hugs to everyone*

Feeling horrible.. stupid... yeah, and people are starting to notice that I am wearing bracelets. I'm just not used to wearing them, i havent done anything there in a such a loong time, so i keep playing with them. Which is just bringing attention to them rather than keeping it away. I hate that i act like this.. sorry I'm ranting for no reason i guess.

Kahlia1981 18-08-2009 11:47 PM

*hugs everyone*

I feel so guilty for something completely irrational. I feel guilty because my housemate went to hospital and got admitted. I feel like I should have stopped it before it got that far. Even though there is no way I could have. And the guilt makes me want to OD.

Also my weight has leaped up a few kilos and I can't get it back down no matter what I try and I'm scared I'm going to start getting back into ED behaviours which I promised my housemate I would not do.

I fear life is not worth living.

Damnation. 19-08-2009 03:55 AM

I give up

PapaBear 19-08-2009 10:54 AM

I'm HOME!!! I got brought home late yesterday afternoon, my tackroom (aka bedroom) was rearranged and a proper bed was set up in the corner, as well as a cupboard of medical supplies and such.

The rules are that i'm not allowed to ride without supervision (there will be a therapeutic instructor coming every mon/wed/fri to work with me, and my friends have offered to come supervise on the other days), i have to wear a mask when feeding or mucking stalls, i have to wear coveralls for feeding/mucking out, all wounds must be dressed properly (bandaids will not suffice), and i have to have a minimum of 3 hours' rest between when i wake up and when i go to bed.

ugh, i hate the rules, but i know they're for the best. i suppose i shan't complain, at least i'm home where i am happy and comfortable.

yay for sitting in the big communal shelter in the pasture (they have individual shelters in their own paddocks, but there's a big shared one in the pasture) with the laptop and wireless internet, surrounded by my four-legger family. i missed them so much, i finally feel whole.

Kahlia1981 19-08-2009 11:00 AM

*hugs Shayne* I'm glad your home.

*leaves giant hugs for everyone else*

Kahlia1981 19-08-2009 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Damnation. (Post 1819608)
I give up

*hugs Dayna/Todlich* Don't give up honey there may be something good just around the corner

Katey-lou 19-08-2009 12:25 PM

*pops head in to say hello*

Ive not been here for ages, not been on site at all,so thought id come back in and say hello. ive been in hospital for a while, well seems like forever :(

*hugs* to everyone

Labyrinth 19-08-2009 02:07 PM

I felt suicidal while in bed last night. Was that bit random. Just went into deep detail about it, physical and feelings wise, before, during and after.

Bodily infection is hurting.

Good news is that I can't stand the thought of cutting myself. Bad news, still, is that i'll still OD, burn and bruise etc.

Feel terrible still after coming off the prozac. So far this new **** isn't working one bit.


The following content has been hidden - Reason : ...
Still addicted and ODing on my psychosis medi. But mum has hidden it recently... My plan is to save it up when I go away so I can use it later on. A few nights of going to sleep drunk can replace the knock out effects of the medi so...

zowie 19-08-2009 06:11 PM

I'm nine months free today.
I love you all :)
xxx

Detour. Derail 19-08-2009 06:18 PM

WELL DONEEE!!!
Thats WONDERFUL news!!! *big hugs*
Lets have a party :D

youonlyliveonce 19-08-2009 07:06 PM

they are talking about going to a theraputic community argh

Fani 19-08-2009 08:29 PM

Feel like i am completely alone after the end of a two year relationship at the begining of july. Doesn't matter whether im surrounded by people or not, it all feels wank. And I do not want to go back to Uni because he was the only thing that got me through, knowing when I could get away from it and visit him for the weekend. And now thats all ****ing gone and all the horrible depressed thoughts that faded when we were together have come back with avengence.

Breifly_Tragic </3 19-08-2009 08:34 PM

Well done Zowie!!!

*Leaves big hugs for everyone*

I need to just, give this all up.

zowie 19-08-2009 08:42 PM

Thanks Alexx and Miss Angelus :)
*Joins in the party*

PapaBear 19-08-2009 10:25 PM

Looks like some of us are doing great, so i say we have a great big party!!! no booze, just lots of fluffy pillows, sweets (and these ones won't go to your hips, so eat up!), cozy snuggly blankets, and lots of loving friends. any ideas for party games?

*opens the door of the new SAFE party room*

CONGRATS Zowie!!! *bakes a special cake for you* you should be proud, i know i am! =)

man, i have sooo much energy. being home, in the fresh air, with my four-legged family, it makes me feel so alive =D

Kahlia1981 19-08-2009 10:25 PM

Well done Arwen

*leaves hugs for everyone*

SoMuchMore 19-08-2009 11:10 PM

*hugs Shayne* Glad your home and sounding happy

*hugs Kahlia*

*hugs zowie* Great job!!!!! :-)

*leaves hugs for everyone else*

Kahlia1981 20-08-2009 12:03 AM

Thanks for the hugs Laura

*hugs everyone with gentle bear hugs*

zowie 20-08-2009 01:34 AM

Awww, I love all of you guys :) xxx

Kahlia1981 20-08-2009 10:41 AM

*hugs everyone*

My mood is slipping down and I don't think there's any way to top it. I'm just going to curl up in a corner and cry.

~Kaytee~ 20-08-2009 11:01 AM

*hugs kahlia* Can I join you? =[

SoMuchMore 20-08-2009 08:16 PM

*hugs Kahlia and BigBear* Hope you guys are feeling better.

How am I ever supposed to function in the real world if I can't even make phone calls or go ask people questions or answer questions in class? I hate that I'm like this... I HATE IT... Yet I still talk to people like I have all these plans for myself and part of me does believe I could do these things.. but... Oh nevermind... sorry for the rant.

Kahlia1981 21-08-2009 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBear (Post 1821797)
*hugs kahlia* Can I join you? =[

*hugs Katie* ~ You can join me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 1822727)
*hugs Kahlia and BigBear* Hope you guys are feeling better..

Actually I'm slightly manic at the moment after a really down night and day.

I HATE RAPID CYCLING

zowie 21-08-2009 12:41 PM

I should feel hungover after all that booze.
But I'm just tired.

~Kaytee~ 21-08-2009 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 1822727)
*hugs Kahlia and BigBear* Hope you guys are feeling better.

How am I ever supposed to function in the real world if I can't even make phone calls or go ask people questions or answer questions in class? I hate that I'm like this... I HATE IT... Yet I still talk to people like I have all these plans for myself and part of me does believe I could do these things.. but... Oh nevermind... sorry for the rant.

Thanks.. but not really. Not sure how I am. Trying to pretend I'm okay because, lets face it, who wants to deal with my crap? So you know, paint on a smile and forget whats wrong and I'll be fine :)

Don't be sorry for ranting, let it all out *hugs* I know how you feel.. PM me anytime you want xx

*hugs Kahlia*

Arwen- so should I LOL. Oh well..hope you had a good night :)

Breifly_Tragic </3 21-08-2009 11:22 PM

You know you've got issues when you've downed a full bottle of archers and some pills and you still don't feel numb enough.

*Curls up in corner and crys*

Detour. Derail 21-08-2009 11:32 PM

*tight hugs for everyone*
Stay strong guys.
I love you all

Katey-lou 21-08-2009 11:35 PM

not feeling too great so going to hide in the corner :(

Things are a bit mad at the minute and not sure how to handle it all. i thought i was ok after coming out of hospital but now im not soo sure :'(


*cris and hides in the corner*

MammaMia 22-08-2009 12:06 AM

KATEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been thinking about you so much recently *squishes*



(Oh and I'm back everyone ;))

Katey-lou 22-08-2009 12:14 AM

*squishes back* HEY!!!!!!!!!! how you x

Kahlia1981 22-08-2009 01:47 AM

*hugs everyone*

youonlyliveonce 22-08-2009 07:50 AM

giving hugs to everyone. signed up for glastonbury.

goes hides in the bathroom ill be safe there

Kahlia1981 22-08-2009 11:08 AM

*leaves hugs for everyone*

I'm just going to cry in the corner since I can't cry in real life. I need to OD to make it all alright again. What would it matter.... no-one cares anyway.

MammaMia 22-08-2009 11:26 AM

Kahlia, if you overdosed, it would matter, just as it matters that you're even thinking about it. Is there anyone professional you could seek support from at the moment???

*leaves hugs for all*

zowie 22-08-2009 12:05 PM

Kahlia, I agree with Helen. We care, and I really hope you manage to get through this. Keep posting in here if you think that will help xxx

MammaMia 22-08-2009 12:23 PM

Arwen's right aswell, we all care for you sweetie, I know I do immensly *cuddles*

Katey-lou 22-08-2009 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1825890)
Kahlia, if you overdosed, it would matter, just as it matters that you're even thinking about it.

i agree, i know ive not been back long and dont know people on here that well, but it does matter that your thinking about it, and it would matter loads if you did it. hope your able to talk to someone about it. you deserve not to feel like that xxxx *hugs*

SoMuchMore 22-08-2009 05:36 PM

*hugs kahlia* It does matter. Please talk to someone.


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