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Steel Maiden 13-04-2009 06:56 PM


Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1529731)
Lol Sorry. I get a lot of people say to me "oh you are interested in IT that means you play a lot of computer games". It's become a bit of a ... whatever the right word is ... annoyance because there is a lot more to IT than just gaming. Oh and half the people at my old university were really only into gaming. Sorry for running screaming. *hangs head in shame*

Its ok. I just try to say nice things and I hate when I get blasted. You're definitely forgiven.

Steel Maiden 13-04-2009 06:59 PM

Sorry internet has been f*cked and I only recently got it back. The cables on the street were not working so they disconnected them. The good thing is that they have fixed the excess noise on the upstream link so my internet has been speeded up by 2Mbps to 6Mbps =] so now my internet is much faster.

But They are being horrible....the Voices...I'll update in Serious because I don't want to moan too much here. Let's just say that tonight is either bleed night or drink-a-bottle-of-Smirnoff-triple-distilled-vodka night.

Damnation. 13-04-2009 06:59 PM


I quit his Goddamn guild and I can't stop ****ing thinking. Blaming myself for his stupid ****ing selfish actions. Asking why.

Why, why, why, ****ing why?!

He knows I would've given my life for him, he knows that I loved him with all of my being, he used to be so ****ing nice - why the hell wasn't I enough for him?! Why wasn't the ****ing life we used to talk about having together enough?! What, am I not smart enough? Pretty enough? Skinny enough? WHAT?! ****ING WHAT?!

And now we hardly talk.

We used to be so close...even before the romantic aspect of our friendship was added in, we trusted each other so much. I trusted him more than anyone else, and he trusted me more than anyone else. And then he shattered it, I feel dead inside, and want to die physically

~*Rainbow*~ 13-04-2009 07:24 PM

Hey guys

*hugs* to all sorry its not more
but me and my ex other half are in reconcilliation talks just now but i am in mortal agony with my shoulder

think i have done soemthing reallt bad to it and the co codemal os making me soooo tired and spaced out i dont like this anymore!!!!!!!!!

zowie 13-04-2009 08:20 PM

Helen - I was seeing a nurse at my GP surgery, but she wasn't doing anything helpful. She just read my carbon monoxide levels and gave me leaflets. I saw her a couple of times and that's all she did, even when I said I was really finding it hard. My dad is trying to help me (he's an ex smoker and hates smoking now) but sometimes I get annoyed at how high and mighty he is about having quit cold-turkey that I don't want to listen to him. I'm being a bit fececious (sp?) I know. But hey, quitting smoking is bloody hard!!!

*Hugs Steel* I replied to your thread in serious hun.

*Hugs Dayna* (At least I think Damnation is Dayna - I got confused with the username change :P) I know how you feel sweets. I was so close and in love with my boyfriend, and he just suddenly snubbed me. It does leave you blaming yourself, but you absolutely musn't! He wasn't good enough for YOU. Not the other way around.

Awww Gil. Sorry your shoulder still hurts :( *Gives you a teddy to cheer you up*

*Shares out easter treats for everyone who pops by*

Long*Past 13-04-2009 08:39 PM


I want everything to be over!

I don't want to stress so much!

I have so many things going for me right now, so why do I not feel good enough? Why am I not pretty enough? Not thin enough? Not smart enough? Not quick enough? Why am I not ENOUGH!?!?!?!?!
Why do I want to die so much?
There is so much good stuff too!
But I dunno... maybe it's just the constant feeling of bad, bad, bad that's driving me to the edge.

I hate myself so much.

ksdfjhlksajf 13-04-2009 08:46 PM


Originally Posted by Jetforce (Post 1548864)
*hugs amy*

i'm ok..urself? u keeping well?

I'm glad that you're okay.... I'm not sure how I'm doing :-(

Damnation. 13-04-2009 09:35 PM


Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1549963)
*Hugs Dayna* (At least I think Damnation is Dayna - I got confused with the username change :P) I know how you feel sweets. I was so close and in love with my boyfriend, and he just suddenly snubbed me. It does leave you blaming yourself, but you absolutely musn't! He wasn't good enough for YOU. Not the other way around.

Yeah, is me. I try not to blame myself, but it's so difficult. I know really that I've done nothing wrong, that he was the manipulative, deceptive womanising piece of ****, but still...gah

(And I changed my avatar, signature etc to lose all reminders of him. The symbol in my old avatar, LabTechs...they're all related. LabTech035 was me, and because I've left the ****'s guild, LabTech035 is now retired)

Michaella 13-04-2009 10:12 PM

im checking in again today, how i wish it where this easy for me where i am, *curled up and closed her eyes* its been over a month for me but i think im losing it.

Steel Maiden 13-04-2009 10:42 PM

Thank you so much Zowie.

Excuse me nurse can I have some PRN? I want to lie in bed in a sea of sedation and loss of reality.

Damnation. 13-04-2009 10:44 PM

*Huggles Steel*

Strawberry.Bananas 13-04-2009 10:48 PM

I've had enough. I can't handle this anymore. Why the hell am I even bothering? Nobody can give me a real answer, because there isn't one. So tell me this, maybe? What the hell is the point?

wildly insane 13-04-2009 11:30 PM

*hugs everyone" sorry can't be more right now will make an effort tomorrow night, just have to get up in way too few number of hours, sending everybody lots of feel better vibes, hugs, Hannah

Damnation. 13-04-2009 11:51 PM

I ihnk someone pressed the self destruct button

MammaMia 14-04-2009 12:09 AM

Arwen, glad you're getting help with the quitting of smoking :)

Hope eveyone is feeling better soon *cuddles all*

*curls up into a ball and rocks*

MammaMia 14-04-2009 12:09 AM


Originally Posted by Damnation. (Post 1550590)
I ihnk someone pressed the self destruct button

So did I, majorly!

[Fog] 14-04-2009 12:53 AM


*Paces up and down* **** off **** off **** off leave me alone please :-( I can only deal with one person in my head, the rest of you need to go away now :-(

Hugs to everyone, sorry I've missed quite a bit today, but I hope you are all doing better now than earlier xxx

MammaMia 14-04-2009 03:50 AM


Long*Past 14-04-2009 04:01 AM

*sits in a window and looks out singing*

"Now I can't go on, I can't even start. I got nothing left, just and empty heart... I'm a soldier, wounded, so I must give up the fight... There's nothin more for me, lead me away... or leave me lyin here..."

[Fog] 14-04-2009 10:25 AM

*Clutches head and paces*

Snuffles 14-04-2009 12:56 PM


Tabilock 14-04-2009 01:14 PM

Is there any spare beds?

MammaMia 14-04-2009 02:57 PM

*rocks and cries*

Steel Maiden 14-04-2009 03:09 PM

Thanks Damnation.

I have to get myself to the peak of physical and mental performace because They are going to give me the Test; that's what They keep saying to me. It involves fighting someone for a very long time indeed. So today I went to the gym. 10km on the treadmill, 10 mins on the bike, weightlifting and then stretching/weights machines. When I came home I wanted to drink and eat the whole kitchen but my body felt better. I have to keep practising for the Test.

Last night/early this morning I f*cked up. I did what They told me to. I will now update in Serious.

*hugs everyone and leaves something that everyone likes lying around*

~*Rainbow*~ 14-04-2009 03:11 PM

Hey guys!!!

Meh Hospitals are not fun!!!
Got taken in cause of my shoulder and they kept me in to 5am
and its still not fixed im at work jsut now and it hurts sooooooo much!!! :(

*One Armed Hugs To Everyone*

MammaMia 14-04-2009 03:23 PM

*gentle hugs to Gil*
*hugs Steel*

Wow. I told my mum everything. Well, wrote it. But...it's a start right?

Snuffles 14-04-2009 03:26 PM

Yes it's a start Hells :)

MammaMia 14-04-2009 03:48 PM

Thank you Katie <3

~*Rainbow*~ 14-04-2009 04:02 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1551765)
*gentle hugs to Gil*
*hugs Steel*

Wow. I told my mum everything. Well, wrote it. But...it's a start right?

Yeah Hells that is a start a good start


ksdfjhlksajf 14-04-2009 04:55 PM

*cries* Can I please have a hug?

wildly insane 14-04-2009 05:14 PM

*hugs Amy, loads of them* :)
*hugs Gil* how are the talks going? How's the arm? hope you are okay
*hugs Helen* it is definitely a good start, hope she understands
*hugs Snuffles* How are you?
*hugs SteelMaiden* Hope you are okay.
*hugs Tazzy2Hotty* plenty of spares, make yourself comfortable, offers big comfy blanket and a cuppa tea
*hugs Hannah* you okay?
*hugs Ashley* I love that film and the lyrics, but you can go on, hope you're feeling better today and you are so good enough you just need to believe it
*hugs Dayna* I hope the self-destruct button failed
*hugs Vicki* how are you? hope you can take your own advice, it's good :)
"I know it's hard to keep fighting when you feel like you're not getting anywhere and hopeless it can all feel but you can pull through...and we're all here to help."
*hugs Arwen* how's quitting going? How's everything else going?
*hugs Michaella* a month is great, hope you are ok.
*hugs Jem* hope you're okay
*hugs Kahlia* has anyone heard from her?
This week is gonna be hard, too much to do and too little time to do it in and far too much socialising among people I hardly know, not good *shrugs* will just have to grin and bear it.

Auburn Shadow 14-04-2009 06:06 PM

Don't have much time right now, just stopped by to leave hugs for everyone.


Damnation. 14-04-2009 06:17 PM

I hope he rots in hell

Steel Maiden 14-04-2009 06:25 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1551765)
*gentle hugs to Gil*
*hugs Steel*

Wow. I told my mum everything. Well, wrote it. But...it's a start right?

Thanks for the hug. Yes it is a good start.

Steel Maiden 14-04-2009 06:26 PM


Originally Posted by wildly insane (Post 1551941)
*hugs SteelMaiden* Hope you are okay.

Thanks. I'm not okay but never mind. I hope that you can get through things.

Damnation. 14-04-2009 06:37 PM

*Hugs Steel* I replied to your thread, btw

~*Rainbow*~ 14-04-2009 08:17 PM

*hugs Widly* - The Talks are going ok, think theres a chance we could get back together, shoulders really bad was in hospital with it last night have to go back to the doc tomorrow! Im doing ok i think geting my hair cut and died tomorrow so its gonna be a changes going from dark black brown to light brown blonde so im really scared (my balck hair is the last thing to link me to my old friends and my old ways)

How is everyone doing??

*Hugs for everyone*

*Leaves Speacial Teddies for everyone* The teddies have chocolate, crisps sweeties, tissues and glitter in them for everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

MammaMia 14-04-2009 08:45 PM


Originally Posted by ~*Rainbow*~ (Post 1551814)
Yeah Hells that is a start a good start


Thanks sweetheart <3


Originally Posted by Fairytales Tell Tales (Post 1551920)
*cries* Can I please have a hug?

*hugs lots*


Originally Posted by wildly insane (Post 1551941)
*hugs Helen* it is definitely a good start, hope she understands

Thanks aswell :)


Originally Posted by Steel Maiden (Post 1552088)
Thanks for the hug. Yes it is a good start.

Thanks hun, more hugs if you want it

Okay, so me & mum had a chat. Looks like she gets to see my gp (possibly or another one) with me...and sort things out there :wow: Plus we chatted about everything else, and she wants to help me get back on the right track. Am awaiting a phone call from my sister now, I feel so bad, I was really horrible to her at 1am this morning :/

Damnation. 14-04-2009 09:34 PM

Hope it all goes well, Helen <3.

The manicness from slagging the shithead off is beginning to dull ._.

MammaMia 14-04-2009 09:36 PM

Thanks Dayna...

Damnation. 14-04-2009 09:50 PM


wildly insane 15-04-2009 12:02 AM

*hugs Gil* go for it :) and good luck

*hugs Helen* hope it all goes well

*hugs Hana back*

*hugs Dayna* glad the manicness is going

*hugs SteelMaiden* sorry to hear things aren't so good, if you wanna chat just send me a PM :) I'm okay, I''m coping or at least doing a good job of convincing myself that I'm okay :)

[Fog] 15-04-2009 12:07 AM

*Hugs to everyone and cream eggs all round*

Everything's getting too much. It's so great that I've told my parents. I'm going to see the mental health people at hospital tomorrow. It's just too much though all at once. I don't want everyone seeing how sh*t my life has got, how badly I've messed up, I don't want anyone taking over or telling me what is going to help me. Above all, Anouk seriously does not like it, I wish she'd quieten down a bit. Sigh.

Snuffles 15-04-2009 12:07 AM

Helen, hope it goes well! You know I'm always here! *cuddles*

Dayna- hope your ok *huggles*

How are you Wildly?

Damnation. 15-04-2009 12:08 AM


*hugs all*

Snuffles 15-04-2009 12:08 AM

Banana, good luck with the mental health people... Hope you can get some help (Y) *huggles*

[Fog] 15-04-2009 12:19 AM

Thanks Snuffles. Just feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I want it to go back to being a secret :-(

Hope everyone is ok xxx

wildly insane 15-04-2009 12:19 AM

Hey Katie, am okay thanks, how are you?

wildly insane 15-04-2009 12:20 AM

hey Dayna you okay?

wildly insane 15-04-2009 12:21 AM

*hugs Hannah* it's for the best, sometimes we need help and we can't do it alone even if we want to, good luck :)

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