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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

BoundNoMore 01-11-2008 10:30 PM

*cuddles Alexx*
What's wrong hun?

MammaMia 01-11-2008 11:08 PM

I make everything harder for myself at the best of times. Why? >.<

just-another-gurl 01-11-2008 11:11 PM

*cuddles u then hides*

Detour. Derail 01-11-2008 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bound by Thoughts (Post 1189481)
*cuddles Alexx*
What's wrong hun?

I hate how theres something there...and my heart goes "take it....Take it!...TAKE THIS CHANCE!!!!" and I dont and I let him walk right on by and I convince myself at the time its better...and I have a plan and its all part of the plan...but it ISNT....thats why Im sat crying my eyes out because Im so ANGRY at myself....


IM ****ING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!

MammaMia 02-11-2008 01:29 AM

Anyone want any good news?

BoundNoMore 02-11-2008 01:51 AM

I'll take some good news...

MammaMia 02-11-2008 02:14 AM

5 months sh free :]

Auburn Shadow 02-11-2008 03:49 AM

Said it on MSN already, but awesome sweetie! :D loves you.

*runs away and hides in a corner* Someone make me feel less ill?

MammaMia 02-11-2008 04:00 AM

Thanks sweetie

*cuddles*

Dramatic 02-11-2008 06:03 AM

Really..really..shouldn't have watched suicide videos.
****.

Erm.
Hope you are all ok.
x

Kahlia1981 02-11-2008 06:38 AM

Hi all.

Laura - I agree with you hun. *hugs you*

Sorry I've been quiet. I ran away for a weekend with a friend of mine. I was actually okay. I ate what most people would call normally, I had no urge to purge, the only times I felt like SI or suicide were when there were far too many people around .

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Adult content
Mind you, last night I got so manic that I wanted to **** my friend even though he was asleep. Full on blow job, the works. Took me 20 5mg diazepam to settle down and then another 4 to get me to sleep. And now I'm still horny.


I hope that everyone is dong okay. I love you all and wish nothing but the best for you.

*hugs everyone*

lozza 02-11-2008 08:21 AM

*hugs to all who needs or wants them right now*

I wish my head would stop, so loud right now. I'm so tired but yet my head is alert and so crazy with not so very good thoughts :crying:

shadowedseraph 02-11-2008 11:39 AM

*hugs and chocolate to everyone*

MammaMia 02-11-2008 02:23 PM

*hugs to all*

Kahlia, how you feeling now sweetie?

Laura, suidice videos are very bad yes, hope you're ok hun *squeeses*

Ah I just had a very interesting message off my sister, which really proves the point of depression can run in families. Grr. It's shook me up like but helps me feel less alone? :)

Dramatic 02-11-2008 02:48 PM

Meh.
All this OD'ing on sedatives has really ****ed my senses up.
I don't think i've ever felt like i do now.
It's difficult to explain, maybe someday.

I plan on curling into a ball in my bed, and watching Girl Interrupted, and crying non stop until the pain dulls a bit, although i'm not holding out much hope.

Erm. Yes.
-hugs to all-
Laura x

BoundNoMore 02-11-2008 03:19 PM

*cuddles Laura*
Hope you feel better soon!!!!!

Congrats Helen!!!
I am so proud of you!!!! :)
(when did you change your screeen name? I like it)

just-another-gurl 02-11-2008 03:49 PM

*grabs a blanket and hides under it crying till everything goes away*

MammaMia 02-11-2008 04:01 PM

*cuddles wifey lots*

Amanda, thank you sweetie <3 I changed it a few weeks ago but it only got approved during the night :] So I loves it!!!

Kahlia1981 02-11-2008 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1190667)
Meh.
All this OD'ing on sedatives has really ****ed my senses up.
I don't think i've ever felt like i do now.
It's difficult to explain, maybe someday.

I plan on curling into a ball in my bed, and watching Girl Interrupted, and crying non stop until the pain dulls a bit, although i'm not holding out much hope.

Erm. Yes.
-hugs to all-
Laura x

Yeah I know what you mean about the sedatives Laura ..... mind you, give me temazepam and mix it with diazepam and my sex drive goes into overdrive.

Oh and I love the movie "Girl Interrupted". Now I feel like watching it .....

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1189870)
5 months sh free :]

I don't think I've said it yet Helen, but congratulations. Very proud of you. :woot:

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowedseraph (Post 1190280)
*hugs and chocolate to everyone*

Thanks for the hugs .... but is it okay if I skip on the chocolate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1190621)
Kahlia, how you feeling now sweetie?

How I'm feeling now: (Warning this could turn into an essay that I have to hide part of)
I feel like ****. My friend won't let me take any diazepam to help me stay in control because I see hotel Allen this afternoon and he wants that pathetic excuse for a doctor to see me at my worst. He took the remaining diazepam off me last night so I got about 2 hours sleep and dreamt about suicide and cutting and ..... I think you get the point.
Now I just want to cut really bad but he (my friend) won't give me back my stanley knives. If I make it through until 4pm this afternoon I will have made 70 days SI free but the way I'm feeling right now I don't think I'm going to get that far.
I want to sit down and cry and throw things and bash my hands into the wall. I want the voices to stop.
I don't want to put my friend through the absolute hell that he must be going through both in watching me like this and in not knowing from one minute to the next how I'm going to be. It's got to be hurting him, and everyone else like hell. And I think that the best thing I can do is get myself so far away from everyone that there is no chance of me hurting them.

I<just<want<OUT.

MammaMia 02-11-2008 10:12 PM

Kahila, thank you.

Oh gosh honey I'm so sorry you're struggling. *hugs* I wish I had more for you. But I don't want you to get out, you're such an amazing person, honestly. You have come through so much and you're nearly at 70 days free which is better than some people!!! (That sounds so nasty)

Grrrr I'm pissed off with my Dad. I HATE HIM.

Plus I'm stressed out. Too much uni work to do. >.<

just-another-gurl 02-11-2008 11:14 PM

*feels stupid* can i have a hug please *cries*

MammaMia 03-11-2008 12:13 AM

*cuddles you*

Still studying ARRRRRRRRRGH

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by just-another-gurl (Post 1192175)
*feels stupid* can i have a hug please *cries*

*hugs you*

Helen, thanks. Sorry I'm not good with words right now.

I'm getting worse minute by minute. I have to see this f*cked up pdoc with a god complex in order to get categorised and prioritised for admission. I think he'll take one look at me and try and send me home .... at which point I think my friend is going to blow a fuse.

I just want it all to stop.

Pomegranate 03-11-2008 02:43 AM

When are you seeing him Khalia? *hugs*

*hugs for everyone else who needs them*

How's the work going Hells? xx

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 02:54 AM

Emma - I'm seeing him at 1515 hours UTC +10. Or 3:15 this afternoon if you prefer. It's now coming up to 1300 hours (1:00 pm).

I don't want to deal with this anymore. :(

Pomegranate 03-11-2008 02:57 AM

I know it's hard but please hang on! He may have positive news for you. And your friend sounds like he is lovely and genuinely cares about you. Thinking of you x

Kahlia1981 03-11-2008 08:18 AM

Well I saw the doc. He saw me for a whole hour. The outcome ..... I'm restarting ECT even though I don't really want to, but he doesn't think that I'll need it for long. He is going to admit me to hospital and has moved me up the waiting list because I agreed to the ECT and restarting an anti-psychotic. Mind you, in regards to the ECT it was a case of agree or go under an ITO.

I just want to go cry.

*hugs everyone then hides under the bed crying*

shadowedseraph 03-11-2008 12:11 PM

*Hugs Kahlia* oh sweetie, perhaps the ECT will help, getting you into hospital right now is the important thing

Jetforce 03-11-2008 01:16 PM

*squishes Kahlia*

I hope ECT Helps u....u should have to be pressured to accept the treatment, as that is not "informed consent". What is an ITO btw? Anyway, hope u get well soon xxx

BoundNoMore 03-11-2008 04:54 PM

*stops by and leaves a bag full of cuddles a plate of chocolate chip cookies*

Auburn Shadow 03-11-2008 05:32 PM

*hides away in a corner*

I'd quite like to just give up now...

MammaMia 03-11-2008 05:45 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Feel crap right now. Ha >.<

Snuffles 03-11-2008 08:09 PM

*huggles hells*

MammaMia 03-11-2008 08:37 PM

*cuddles Katie*

*curls up into a ball and rocks* Counselling tomorrow thank god =\

Snuffles 03-11-2008 08:46 PM

Oh yay for counselling =) hope it goes well tomorrow xx

blah... *sits in corner*

MammaMia 03-11-2008 08:49 PM

Thanks sweetie, I'm sure it'll be fine, just hope she's kept my appointment for me.

*runs over and squishes Katie lots*

Snuffles 03-11-2008 08:51 PM

I hope so too =)

*squishes*

MammaMia 03-11-2008 09:24 PM

*squishes*

I'm off to bed xxxxx

Snuffles 03-11-2008 09:29 PM

Night!!!! *cuddles*
take care <3 love you xx

YodaBearInterrupted 03-11-2008 10:42 PM

*gives hugs to all in here and then sits in the corner and rocks back and forth*

I'm scared...

zowie 04-11-2008 09:26 AM

*Triggering*


Things are really bad at the moment. Beth keeps telling me to get a knife and go out into the street and tear people open. The Man keeps telling me he's poisoned my drinks because I deserve to die. I'm so thirsty, but part of me wants to drink the poison and die because I do deserve it.
Saw my boyfriend yesterday. Beth says he hates me and he's never going to end this 'break' because I'm a horrible person.
Going to cut. House is empty. Maybe it'll stop them screaming at me.

Kahlia1981 04-11-2008 11:38 AM

I want to cut ... really bad. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep winning this fight. I know that some of it is there because I'm starting ECT again in the morning and really don't want to.

Or maybe it's because I'm such a f*ck up.

What's the point anymore?

*hugs everyone then crawls under a bed*

MammaMia 04-11-2008 02:35 PM

Damm thing made me lose my post :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

zowie 04-11-2008 03:08 PM

Does anyone actually care that I'm really struggling?? :-(
I told my dad I was feeling really **** and he just said 'I'm busy love' and walked off.
I called my CPN and she said she'd ring back. That was four hours ago.

I don't think I can control myself anymore. Someone is going to die today. If I don't kill myself I'm going to really hurt someone.

Pomegranate 04-11-2008 03:11 PM

I care Zowie, I'm sorry your Dad is being like that and your CPN should be ashamed of themself!! I can only imagine how hard this is on you right now but I have seen you get through some really tough **** before and I believe you can get through this too. Has your CPN suggested any ways to drown out the voices?

shadowedseraph 04-11-2008 03:13 PM

i give a sh*t zowie, can you block the voices? try giving your CPN a ring back, its disgraceful that you should have to but sometimes things like that happen

zowie 04-11-2008 04:53 PM

Thank you guys. My CPN still hasn't called back and they shut at 5 (It's quater to). The woman from EIP was meant to ring me at the beginning of last week and she still hasn't called.
My dad let me walk with him to pick up my little sister so I didn't have to be in the house alone, so he obviously cares.
But the so called professionals obviously don't care and I feel like I'm not worth ****.
Have managed to keep myself safe throughout today (except for an excessive ammount of SI), and will get through tonight by taking my meds and going to bed.
Don't know how I'll get through tomorrow. Or the night if I wake up. Sometimes I can't get to sleep because the voices wont leave me alone.

shadowedseraph 04-11-2008 05:13 PM

Have you got an out of hours number you can call?

Kahlia1981 04-11-2008 07:21 PM

Zowie - I feel with you on this one. I hate when the voices wake me up when I'm asleep. I care, and I'm sorry I'm no good at showing it.

Today I re-start the ECT. I'd much rather run away. I had f*ck all sleep last night. This day is going to be horrendous.

Meh.

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 04-11-2008 07:45 PM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry it's not more :(


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