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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 10:10 PM

*hugs Alexx, Ally, Callie, hiceskater, crystalheart, hunni and squiggles (sorry I don't know all your names!)*

I'm ok now I am alone with my cider :)

I hope you are ok and all keeping safe x

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 10:50 PM

God, he is lying through his front two teeth. There is no way he would be on here for a little over an hour and not have read my posts! Grrr, I feel soo angry with him right now. I'm actually shaking with overwhelming emotions (not just related to this).
He says it was to judge whether I had blocked him on msn. I don't believe it. You do not spend nearly an hour on one website to establish whether someone's blocked you or not?!

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 11:09 PM

OMG! This is pushing me over the edge. If I collapse and give in whose fault will it be? Mine. I shouldn't be so godamn weak.

Auburn Shadow 20-04-2008 11:12 PM

*hugs carole*
Sorry I have no words right now, I'm pretty useless like that.

*curls up*

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 11:17 PM

*hugs hiceskater*
It's ok, you don't have to apologise so much. The hugs are much appreciated :)
*offers you a blanket*
How are you doing?

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 11:29 PM

Ohhhh I don't think I can hold on anymore....
What can I do now? Nothing will be an alternative this time...

Sorry for taking up so much space, I'm not sure I'm even worth it.

effervescence 20-04-2008 11:47 PM

hey carole. don't be sorry. what will be an alternative to what? please be safe

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 11:51 PM

Nothing will be an alternative to harming.
I can't do it anymore.

Sugar and Spice 20-04-2008 11:51 PM

How are you doing Chloe?

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 12:07 AM

*hugs Carole and Cloe*

Carole you're not taking up too much space and of course you're worth it *snuggles*

Hey Cloe, how goes it? *huge hugs*

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 12:10 AM

How are you doing Ally?

I hope everyone is keeping safe :) xxx

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 12:43 AM

Drinking some gross liquor and planning on cutting...
Please stay safe Carole

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 12:48 AM

Ally, I would be telling you to stop these plans but it would be hyppocritical (sp?) Please be careful my lovely xxx

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 01:30 AM

Oh dear God, I've done it. Not enough though as I still feel the need to be cleansed and punished. Oh dear God, I am a **** up

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 02:23 AM

Carole hun, what did you do? *hugs* Sweetie, please be careful. And you're not a f**k up...

I, on the other hand can't even manage to get drunk... I feel so lousy I don't even have the motivation to get drunk for crying out loud!!! Did manage to cut... My wrist hurts... I did manage to not cut the vein(I can see it though)... It wasn't enough.

Pomegranate 21-04-2008 02:24 AM

Not a **** up Carole hun, just be careful ok?

Ally how are you doing now?

*hugs everyone who needs them*

I want to cut, see the flesh split wide open but I am so tired. Equally I know if I cut tonight I will end up in a+e for stitches tomorrow and I am not sure I have the energy to sort it. Already emailed in sick tomorrow. Guess I know what will happen.

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 02:29 AM

*hugs Ally and Emma*

I am glad you have not cut your vein Ally. You are such a sweetheart and we would all hate to lose you. Please stay safe.

Emma, I am sorry that you feel (to a certain extent) that the events of tonight are already determined. Try and keep yourself distracted.

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 02:39 AM

Emma nothing is a certainty
nothing is set in stone
just because you can see it doesnt mean it has to happen
i fight with that all the time, i see it in my head, what i want to do, and i feel like it has to happen
but it doesnt
it really doesnt
you can stop it and it is up to YOU not the pictures and the urges
be safe please

*hugs for all*

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 02:40 AM

*hugs Emma*
Sweetie just because you've emailed in sick doesn't mean you have to cut... And if you do it doesn't have to be so bad that you need to go to A&E. Pleas be careful hun.

Same for you Carole... To quote the commercials 'Please drink responsibly' ;-)

*sigh* I wish I could cry... And my wrist hurts. And I still want to bleed... He's not going to lock me up just because I cut my wrist is he? I stopped before I 'finished' after all...

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 02:43 AM

Carole you dont need to be punnished you arent bad
please see how good and nice and kind you are
just because bad things happen to you, or even just because maybe once in a while you do a bad thing, you are not a bad person
NOBODY is perfect and we all do bad things once in a while but it doesnt make us bad
in general i think if you are good enough to be concerned about being bad or be worried about being bad, you arent bad
you are very very good

Alexx and Chloe i hope you guys are okay i think you have been having a bit of a time of it lately and i hope you are good

Liz and Kit and hiceskater and Roby and Jeremy *hugs for you you all rock*

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 02:46 AM

Alyssa honey you dont get locked up just for SIing
if you did, the wards would all be really really overfull and none of us would be free right now!!!
you do get locked up however sometimes if you have made a real direct attempt, it's all about intention
nothing good comes of that
and none of us really want that anyway
that is why we are on here supporting one another and reaching out because we are fighting back against this horrible thing and we are strong and we want to beat it
so please be brave and keep fighting and have a good next appt but please be honest and tell him all about what you have done so he can help you and so you can get better and def never have to be locked up!

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 02:49 AM

Ally, I don't think he will. I'mpretty sure he wont. But Ican't make any promises.

How are you though, Callie?
You haven't given us an update on yourself :-P

Did you know that according to the adverts and the experts, us females can't have more than one can of cider in one night?

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 02:59 AM

yes i know
argh but thank you for asking, Carole dear
i love you and want to throw a lovely chocolate cake at you all at once
*gives you cake instead*
oooh cake i so have the munchies right now can you tell? haha
yeahhhhh i'm okaaaay'
except not
to be perfectly honest i'm a bit out of it atm took too many pills ooopsies
and kind of didnt stay completely 100% safe earlier
my bad

i really really really am not totally comfortable with this whole therapy thing and i feel like my life is completely out of control and i am just messing up my whole career and/or grad school thing and just like floundering around because i feel completely crazy
and i dont even care anymore i just want to be thin and throw up all the time and cut and burn myself
to be totally honest that is all i care about
that and my hair
i really need to get my hair done i just went brunette but i think i either need to go back to being blonde or maybe go more brunette and get lowlights? but maybe i just need to face facts that i am a natural blonde and let go of the fantasy of having beautiful dark lovely hair

wow i took way too many of those pills i just sat here for like two minutes not moving and just imagining dark hair

HEY you didnt update on yourself either!!!!!!!
*considers smearing frosting on your nose*
i cant believe it took me so long to realise that

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:00 AM

maybe i should actually upload all of my recent pics from my camera and look at my blonde pictures from the last few years and compare them to my brunette pictures from this spring and do an analysis or something....

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:01 AM

there is something wrong with me isnt there my priorities are completely skewed

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:02 AM

it's 10pm?
it was just 9:30
where did that half hour go? it was a whole30 minutes and i lost it

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 03:02 AM

Yeah, they always ask if I drink when I go into the health center and when I do they ask if I ever have more than four drinks at a time... Uh, yeah, like, most of the time:eyeroll:

Callie, hun, how goes it?

And Carole, how's the boozing coming? What is it you did hun?

Emma, you alright there?

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 03:09 AM

I am grateful that you refrained from throwing the cake at me as it is yummy :D

Did you take enough to do some serious damage? I don't want you to be damaged, dear Callie *squishes*
Ah you should set up a thread and poll with pics to see whether people reckon you should go darker/lighter/stay the same!!! Funess alert! lol

I didn't? Well, not much to report really. Harmed a bit more (...ok, quite a bit more) but nothing that will need stitching - not that I would know how deep something would have to be for stitches to be needed. And of course I have drunk a bit more. No way am I going to uni tomorrow...

Pomegranate 21-04-2008 03:11 AM

nothing wrong with you Callie hun, you are just struggling a bit. When we are unsure about bigger things it is natural to focus on smaller more normal things like hair colour etc. please stay safe xx

Ally he wont lock you up for SI, only if you are a danger to your own life, and even then it would only be if you couldn't reason sort of thing.

?*hugs carole* be careful hun x


I have cut top side of wrist but reckon will only need steristripping. Should probably be pleased that I prob don't need a+e but instead I am upset that i cant even SI as I want to.

Last term:
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering graphic SI
I had 22 stitches and deep stitches on one cut, yet 2 months later cant even cut to need any stitches. I am ****ing retarded! :crying::crying:

Need to open it....properly....need to see bone. was progressing so well and then five weeks without much practice and lose it all. Have new focus and aim for this term. Must get better, must be good at it.

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:12 AM

i have no hot water
we have no hot water
and my mother and brother are in peru
i dont know what to do
where are the numbers for the people who run things that you call when the pipes are broken? i am going to have to take a cold shower i dont want to take a cold shower it'll be really cold and unpleasant :( :'(
i dont know who i am supposed to call or what to do
how am i going to do laundry?
this is so confusing and overwhelming
maybe if i go to bed when i wake up the thing that is broken will have fixed itself
maybe its temporary
i think i am going to go to bed
i dont know why i wrote this here hahaha

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 03:15 AM

Callie hun, debating about your hair doesn't mean your priorities are wrong. You're sounding like I often do... I can't describe it and maybe it does mean there's something wrong with us but then we already knew that didn't we ;-) Sweetie, please give therapy more of a chance, it could turn out to be very helpful.

*hugs everyone here* I see y'all, everyone safe?

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:15 AM

nononononononononononnonono emma honey that is wrong thinking i am so sorry you think that you are getting better not worse you dont have to do deeper and see bones the 5 weeks were good weeks the stronger thing and the harder thing and the better thing is stopping it and being safer it is actually easier to slip back and just let it all get worse but that is taking the easy way out and you are a strong person and a fighter and you can have another great safe 5 weeks and not do more bad damage and then you can get better and beat this and then we can all get better and be better together and it will be lovely

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:18 AM

oh crap our water really is broken or something this is so depressing i'm sorry i think i am going to go cry and destroy myself or something this is awful i can't even be independent and on my own anymore when i am things like this disaster happen and our water is broken and all cold and i cant even fix it
I NEED HOT WATER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOWER my hair will be a disaster tomorrow and what will my skin be like i have to wash my face
crap crap crap crap

chocostashchick 21-04-2008 03:21 AM

okay i am actually crying now
this is officially pathetic now
i dont know if i am pitiable and a loser or just stoned or something
probably a pathetic loser if i am going to be honest with myself
no hot water is probably not actually a complete disaster but i feel like it is
i am going to bed now and i am just going to be in the Denial Tent and does the Denial Tent have hot water? i want the Denial Tent to have hot water now

Pomegranate 21-04-2008 03:24 AM

Denial tent has hot water hun and you are not a loser sweetheart, just a little stressed. Getting some sleep sounds like a good idea in my opinion. Maybe in the morning the water will be working again or something and even if not you will just have to stretch the denial tent to the phone and call someone to get it sorted. I am sure it will be alright hun just keep safe, relax and stay strong xx

Sugar and Spice 21-04-2008 03:28 AM

*hugs Callie, Emma and Ally*

I hope you are all ok and safe.

Callie, I am really sorry about your water pipes breaking. Maybe one of your neighbours will be kind enough to offer you the use of their shower...

*snuggles Emma* Sweetie, please be safe. Please look after yourself.

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 03:50 AM

Emma, hun, please be careful. Not harming so severely is a GOOD thing luv. Please stay safe.

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 04:48 AM

... My wrist aches:crying: ... And I am an idiot. Like I've got any room to complain I did it myself:pinch: stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

Jetforce 21-04-2008 06:45 AM

*squishes everyone*

No words, just actions :-P

youngatheart 21-04-2008 06:50 AM

Im off out for the day but wanted to come in and send everyone hugs for the day, see oyu tonight and stay safex

Dramatic 21-04-2008 07:59 AM

I'm "checking" myself in.
Looks like i'm in for the long haul..heh.
Usual complaint.
Suicidal, Self Injuring, vulnerable mental state.
Feel very much alone. If it wasn't for my boyfriend i really would be alone.
I'm rambling.
I'll scuttle off into the corner now and watch the world go by.
Hugs to the rest of you.
Laura x

Slip 21-04-2008 08:13 AM

Checking in for the first time in years....Just going to sit a while & think. x

effervescence 21-04-2008 10:18 AM

i don't think i'll ever see bone. there's too much ****ing FAT in the way. fat fat fat all over me.

effervescence 21-04-2008 10:20 AM

sorry. that was unhelpful. i am feeling too disgusting to be of much help right now. :(

effervescence 21-04-2008 10:25 AM

hi laura and decayed elegance. hope you are ok. it's safe in here with us :)

Dramatic 21-04-2008 10:35 AM

I like safe.
Safe is good.
Has anyone been in an NHS psychiatric ward before?
Just curious to what its like. Experiences would be good.
Slightly concerned i'm being discussed behind closed doors about being admitted.
So yes. What are the routines like?

And hi effervescence. Keep your chin up.

Katey-lou 21-04-2008 11:50 AM

need to hide, its not happening. nop no problems at all. i'm fine!!!!!!!!! (just going to dissapear into a corner of the denial tent for a long time!)

hiya Neverbethesame, i've been on an NHS psych ward a number of times, that many i lost count. i think different places vary from place to place, so the hospitals here are probably different to where you are. i think theres a way you can find out about your local hospital just for basic information. my experiences have varied though sometimes its been ok, other times i've hated it. i think it depends on how much you open up to things while your in there, if you push against it, it wont be a good expereince (i tried it and got kept there longer so yeah not the best way. ) sorry this is a bit vague my brins not working properly today. x

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 03:17 PM

Ugh, I woke up feeling anxious:crying: if all goes as usual it'll give way to awful pretty soon:crying:. I think that's why I want to die... To make it all stop:crying:
*hugs to all*
Hope you're all staying safe... Sorry I'm too useless to help... But you're probably used to that by now so...

MammaMia 21-04-2008 03:44 PM

*hugs everyone lots and lots*

How is everyone?

Ally I see you in here *waves*

Me....pah. I feel ok. Feels fake. Doesn't feel normal. I have to feel down which I do a bit. I want to cut, which I will have to wait til I get home to do so. Dammit. I want to die but apprantly as part of my contract between me & my counsellor, I can't attempt suidice....cus of that =\ SINCE WHEN? Um whatever. Let's hope I don't get suidicial again between now and 7th July =\ which is my last ever session with her. Gutted, gonna miss her a lot. She's help me come a long way and recently I've appericated having her more than ever. I don't want to say goodbye :(

*cries at having to leave everything in just weeks*



*searches trains for Emma to come with me to my appointment*

~*forever_broken*~ 21-04-2008 05:13 PM

*hugs Helen*
Hi! I miss you!!
Sorry to hear about you losing your counselor, that's rough. I understand. My last session is the first week in June just before I finish uni...
Hi Hunni, I see you *hugs* how goes it hun?

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