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Kahlia1981 17-02-2010 05:10 AM

*cuddles everyone who can accept cuddles*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies. I have read all the posts since I last posted but I had to struggle with the simple things (like turning the computer on) and am just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I remember someone - I think it was you April? - asking about the crisis team. Here they are technically called the Community Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT). They are basically the community face of the hospital - they perform home visits and make over-the-phone or face-to-face assessments. Their scope is fairly limited. Mostly they deal with people over the phone and if the condition of the person is bad enough they can arrange an ambulance or whatever. They can also do things like holding medication if there is an OD risk and the like. Oh, and are able to arrange med scripts if the person is allied with either a Case Manager or a public pdoc. Sorry, not sure if that makes sense.

This morning I wrote the job application. It's for a Medical Typist at an Opthalmology Clinic. Starting out at 1 day a week with the possibility to extending to 2 days a week in the next 6 months.

My mother rang me today. I spoke to her on Monday so I wasn't expecting a call until about Friday. I only mention it because she is traveling around Australia, they are currently in Victoria.

The mood still hasn't lifted. Still strong urges and dangerous thoughts. I'm running out of ideas now ... *sigh* But we make it through minute by minute ... right?

*hugs everyone then disappears into a cool, dark corner*

Scarletdreamer 17-02-2010 12:48 PM

*cuddles Oliver* I hope that you managed to make it through without cutting, love. You don't "need" to cut... it feels like that because it's an addiction but you really need to find other ways to cope. But aside from that - well done on three weeks!! - that's awesome. :D How are you doing today?

*cuddles Helen* PM me if you ever want to, 'kay, sweetie? how are you feeling now?

*cuddles Kahlia* Yeh, it was me asking about the crisis team. That makes sense. There's nothing like that in the States, as far as I know... would kind of be nice if there were... IF they were effective. Well done on writing up the job app; that can be difficult especially when you're in a bad place!! Hope you start feeling better soon... *more cuddles*

I really really want to binge right now... have already had a "mini-binge" and really want more more more. STUPID ME!!! I hate myself so much... I'm not a good person at all. :( Make it stop, please please, make it stop... :crying:

MammaMia 17-02-2010 12:50 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I got the best ever post today, am so happy :D :D :D

However I feel pretty ****, almost numb & think I may have made a situation worse :S

Scarletdreamer 17-02-2010 12:52 PM

How can you feel **** and happy at the same time? lol... I guess I understand but still it sounds kind of off. *cuddles* Want to talk about it? or not, that's fine too!! :)


MammaMia 17-02-2010 12:55 PM

Because I am clever like that? I don't feel happy as a general emotion, just happy I got some photos. But my general emotion is feeling ****. That makes sense??

Scarletdreamer 17-02-2010 01:08 PM

Hehe, yus you are clever like that. ;) But yeah, what you said makes sense. *cuddles* Sorry if what I said came off sounding mean or anything... :(

Ugh. Don't want to do uni work. *temper tantrum* :P

MammaMia 17-02-2010 02:07 PM

No it didn't sweetheart, don't worry *squishes*

My foot is giving me hell, should get it looked at really...:|

Scarletdreamer 17-02-2010 03:02 PM

*squishes back* What's wrong with your foot, love?

I'm doing uni work, just taking a break... reading articles on leadership. *gags* Boring as hell - at least the second article is. It's just going over the different types of leadership... the first thing I had to read was a chapter from a book and at least that was kind of interesting. :-/ Gahhh... I HATE SCHOOL. :(

I has a kitty in my lap, snuggly warm & purring. Anyone want kitty snuggles? :D

I think I'll paint my nails. Sometime, anyway. It's been too long since I've pampered myself that way. :)

MammaMia 17-02-2010 03:17 PM


Really painful :( I think I've done something to my right foot, well my toes. You know when you get like pins & needles? It's like that, but when I get those normally, I can still flatten my toes okay, I can't at the moment I can't even walk on my foot properly today. My toes pratically feel numb, but when I scratch my toe next to my big one, it really kills. It's like I've cut the back of my big toe but I haven't Also my big toe keeps itching like something's irrtating it, espically on the side. When I bend my toe, it's really sore like I have a cut in the fold (if that makes sense )...does any of that make sense? I've started having the pins&needles feeling in one/two other toes in my other left foot earlier today. It originally started aroud sat/sun in my right foot.

quiet1 17-02-2010 08:56 PM

i cancelled my appt.
*epic fail*

i'm just not bad enough to need it. i'm fine.

*fist head*

quiet1 18-02-2010 03:14 AM

i am not having a good nite.
this presentation i went to today was really triggering for me. i am having thoughts about suicide and lots of other violent things. i know its the ocd. i just cant make it stop.

why can't my life just be ****ing easy? or over? one or the ****ing other?
i hate it.
and i cancelled this appt because i am not bad enough. ha. wtf was i thinking? is this not bad enough? the nature of my illness is that i don't think i am ill. hahahahahaha.

i am out of my ****ing mind.

SoMuchMore 18-02-2010 06:14 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I have to give an hour long speech tomorrow.. or well technically, "lead a class discussion"

Freaking out.

...Social Anxiety take me away.

Scarletdreamer 18-02-2010 10:42 AM

*cuddles Helen* That sounds downright awful; you really ought to go see someone about it. :( It must hurt so much - & yes, what you said about it makes sense. :) How're you doing this morning?

*cuddles quiet1* Awh love, I'm so sorry that you cancelled the appt. Is it possible for you to make another? You do need the help, you really do... please try & take care of yourself & don't give in to those thoughts. Pamper yourself some. Try to relax a little. I understand about how OCD thoughts just go 'round & 'round & 'round, but please, keep fighting, sweetie. How's the morning going for you?

*cuddles Laura* Eugh I don't blame you for being scared... is this a group project or do you have to do it alone? & how many people are in your class? That's something that would take desensitization to get used to... I'm pretty used to getting up in front of people now but I still get anxious, sweaty-palmed & tight-chested. It sucks. :( How're you doing now?

*cuddles everyone else* How're you all doing today?

Well, I managed to get through the worst day of my week, yesterday... my last class (Women & Spirituality, night class, 3 hours long) seemed like 3 classes as we had another prof speaking about the Berber women for an hour, then one of the two women teaching the class teaching about the Demeter & Persephone myth (as that has to do with the next book we're reading), and then we watched a film on Hildegard von Bingen. So it felt sooo long. :(

Oh well. It's over now... and I have a few hours before I have to go to tutoring!! Woohoo... heh.

I'm not doing great mentally. I mini-binged yesterday & am scared that I will have gained weight even though I haven't weighed myself since the beginning of December. :( Stupid, stupid, STUPID me!!! :(


Jetforce 18-02-2010 11:00 AM

*drops in with smoothies and leaves some on the table*

quiet1 18-02-2010 11:59 AM

I have work today. I don't want to go. I had a really terrible dream last night. Lots of blood. I'm thinking about calling to reschedule my appt with the iop people. I am scared. I'm really scared.

MammaMia 18-02-2010 01:42 PM

*hugs everyone*

Scarletdreamer 18-02-2010 01:55 PM

Quiet1, I think you should call & reschedule. *cuddles* You need the help... it's scary, yes, but I think it would be very very good for you to get more intensive treatment.

Thanks Jet!! *hugs* How you doing today?

*cuddles Helen* What's up this morning, love?

I'm really tired, cranky, anxious, etc., etc. But I'm trying to focus on the positive. *sigh* It's really difficult.

SoMuchMore 18-02-2010 01:59 PM

*hugs april* My speech is with one other person in a class of 20... so i know its not like 200 ppl or anything.. but for me, it doesn't matter how many ppl.. u attach the word "presentation" to an assigment and i freak out.. especially with it being an hour long.

Night classes suck. That one I have is 4 hours so I know what u mean. And you are not stupid. Dont beat yourself up about the mini-binge. Just try to move forward.

*hugs jet* thanks for the smoothie! yum!

*hugs quiet1* Im sorry that you had bad dreams. I think that you should re-schedule if you are feeling up to it.

*hugs helen* your foot doesnt sound good. you should go to the doctor maybe. Hope you are alright.

I also had bad dreams last night... They are probably anxiety related though. This is going to be such a nerve-wrecking day. wish me luck getting thru.

MammaMia 18-02-2010 02:04 PM

My foot is still bad >.> Couldn't get an appointment for today, so going to ask my mum to try get me one for tomorrow. I can't stand it any longer. Had a really bad morning. I went to bed about 2am say, watched some telly and started dozing off, so turned it off to sleep, course I couldn't sleep. It got to half 5 and I was crying :| I was so annoyed and in so much pain by then. Eventually fell asleep and slept for ages :|

Don't know how I feel...****?

Scarletdreamer 18-02-2010 03:43 PM

*cuddles Helen* Glad you're going to get an appt, love.

I'm really tired & feeling kind of **** too. :(

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