http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...67&entry=13402

Read at your own risk.
If i'm not around at any point atleast you know why.
Erk.

I cheered up earlier (feel crap now but thats not what this is about).

I was content(?) and working at uni. Getting stuff done and makeing some kind of progress. Why do I keep seeing horrible visions of things?



so having this and similar happen to me I now feel crap.

Sorry to all and you all have my hopes and dreams.

*hugs laura tight*

I'm sorry everyone around you has given up on you.
I havent <3

*captures Laura in a cuddle*

I wish there was more I could do for you. Like Helen I haven't given up on you. *big hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

It's stupid really. I was in a good mood this morning. Now, I... well, to say I wanna cut is a bit of an understatement. I don't understand why though. I'm on MSN to one of my best friends, and we're planning to meet up and have a proper catch up some time soon. Another friend got back from a year in Honduras tonight, and I've spoken to her, and another friend is back tomorrow.... yet, now I feel horrible.

*curls up in a corner*

*hugs Laura* i havent given up on you either!

*hugs Auburn Shadow* sometimes it just hits like that

I've given up on myself.
So you all may as well save you energy for someone who does have hope.


Yep.

*hugs everyone*

I've got a headache. :( Poot.

And besides the headache I just feel like sh*t. Meh. I'm over it.

I dreamt that I cut myself last night and woke up freaking out about it ... again. Mind you, it wouldn't have been the first time I had cut myself in my sleep. Things have certainly been stressful around here. I mean in my home town and head by the way not on this RYL forum.

*leaves big hugs for everyone*

*hugs everyone*

I can't wait to get out of this house again, and I've only been here since Wednesday evening. This was my escape from everything that was making me want to cut when I was in Wycombe, but now.... now I want to cut even worse than I did when I was up there.
My escape makes me feel worse... that's not how it's supposed to work. Can't tell it to anyone that I'd normally talk to though, because they want to section me if I cut again... and I'd have to admit to doing that so... no chance of that.
When did everything get so damned complicated??

*hugs Auburn Shadow* ~ no words of wisdom I'm afraid. All I can offer at the moment is some silent support.

My eldest sister is freaking me out. She wants to see me on my own? But was going to call me last night but didn't want to do it out of the blue or freak anyone out (she obviously realised my other sister is down at ours too). I'm really really really scared.

It's my Mum's birthday today- going to be such a fun today yay :D

*hugs Helen*

I had a sleep today and dreamt that I'd cut. I woke up and had a stanley knife in my hand. No harm done as far as I can tell but it's got me freaked out.

Sorry, I'll stop complaining now.

*hugs everyone*

*cuddles and squishes everybody*

I'm okies..just uni is getting to me a bit hmm

Oh well..i'll survive...and i hope u guys do the same too xxx

*hugs Helen, Kahlia and Jetforce* Kahlia your not complaining your venting your feelings and thats what we're here for!

Jetforce, i hope the uni stuff evens out for you

*hugs everyone*

Jem - you know where I am if you wanna talk about anything.
Kahlia - hugs help, more so perhaps, than words would right now. You're not complaining, just getting things out, and that's what this place is here for.

Anyways, my brother's not changed a bit since I've been away. Still as violent as ever. Though, and I think I need to discuss this with my therapist-type-person, I've been thinking a lot recently, and through talking to various people, mainly people who've had a similar background, I think violence is his way of dealing with the incident, whereas my way of dealing with said incident was to cut, and the depression, and Ruth's way of dealing with her version of the incident was bulimia... No-one can get near enough to him to help him though, and I really just don't know how to help... when he won't admit to it, perhaps because he doesn't realise the connection yet. Even so, the realisation doesn't make it any easier to deal with when he's in a rage. *sigh* we'll survive I guess. Somehow.

*Hugs Auburn Shadow* sounds like your ina tough place right now, have many *hugs* and know we're here listening

*cuddles all*

Stuipd peroid is here. Thank you very much not. It's even later than usual :S

*hugs Hells*

Don't normally get freaked out by fireworks being set off or anything, but tonight... they're scaring me, and I have no idea why... It just doesn't feel safe tonight...

*hugs Helen* stupid female reproductive system!

*cuddles Auburn Shadow* sometimes things are just scary

*cuddles Hana & Becca*

Damm female reproduction systems indeed!!! Awww I saw my pregnant cousin today, cute bump. Can't wait to see her baby :D :D :D :D :D :D :D