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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Dramatic 24-10-2008 07:11 PM


Read at your own risk.
If i'm not around at any point atleast you know why.

1ofmany 24-10-2008 07:47 PM

I cheered up earlier (feel crap now but thats not what this is about).

I was content(?) and working at uni. Getting stuff done and makeing some kind of progress. Why do I keep seeing horrible visions of things?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Very graphic do not read if be triggered
I keep seeing myself slice my arm open with a scaple and watch the blood squirting out...and loving it

so having this and similar happen to me I now feel crap.

Sorry to all and you all have my hopes and dreams.

MammaMia 24-10-2008 08:33 PM

*hugs laura tight*

I'm sorry everyone around you has given up on you.
I havent <3

Kahlia1981 24-10-2008 11:41 PM

*captures Laura in a cuddle*

I wish there was more I could do for you. Like Helen I haven't given up on you. *big hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

Auburn Shadow 24-10-2008 11:42 PM

It's stupid really. I was in a good mood this morning. Now, I... well, to say I wanna cut is a bit of an understatement. I don't understand why though. I'm on MSN to one of my best friends, and we're planning to meet up and have a proper catch up some time soon. Another friend got back from a year in Honduras tonight, and I've spoken to her, and another friend is back tomorrow.... yet, now I feel horrible.

*curls up in a corner*

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 12:03 AM

*hugs Laura* i havent given up on you either!

*hugs Auburn Shadow* sometimes it just hits like that

Dramatic 25-10-2008 12:42 AM

I've given up on myself.
So you all may as well save you energy for someone who does have hope.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Graphic
I'm planning, at some point when the parents aren't at home, to find the vodka.
Down as much as my stomach will let me (2litre smirnoff vodka unopened), then cut as deep as i can until the pain kicks in.
I've never been tempted to cut deep before. Ever.
But i have this overwhelming desire to self destruct, and bleed to death.
Lets see if i can find a tendon or two.
An artery would be even better.
Infact, i shall go look online at an "arm" diagram.
Just so i know where exactly i'm meant to be aiming.
//End Random ****//


Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 05:25 AM

*hugs everyone*

I've got a headache. :( Poot.

And besides the headache I just feel like sh*t. Meh. I'm over it.

I dreamt that I cut myself last night and woke up freaking out about it ... again. Mind you, it wouldn't have been the first time I had cut myself in my sleep. Things have certainly been stressful around here. I mean in my home town and head by the way not on this RYL forum.

*leaves big hugs for everyone*

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 09:11 AM

*hugs everyone*

I can't wait to get out of this house again, and I've only been here since Wednesday evening. This was my escape from everything that was making me want to cut when I was in Wycombe, but now.... now I want to cut even worse than I did when I was up there.
My escape makes me feel worse... that's not how it's supposed to work. Can't tell it to anyone that I'd normally talk to though, because they want to section me if I cut again... and I'd have to admit to doing that so... no chance of that.
When did everything get so damned complicated??

Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 09:14 AM

*hugs Auburn Shadow* ~ no words of wisdom I'm afraid. All I can offer at the moment is some silent support.

MammaMia 25-10-2008 11:05 AM

My eldest sister is freaking me out. She wants to see me on my own? But was going to call me last night but didn't want to do it out of the blue or freak anyone out (she obviously realised my other sister is down at ours too). I'm really really really scared.

It's my Mum's birthday today- going to be such a fun today yay :D

Kahlia1981 25-10-2008 11:41 AM

*hugs Helen*

I had a sleep today and dreamt that I'd cut. I woke up and had a stanley knife in my hand. No harm done as far as I can tell but it's got me freaked out.

Sorry, I'll stop complaining now.

*hugs everyone*

Jetforce 25-10-2008 12:34 PM

*cuddles and squishes everybody*

I'm okies..just uni is getting to me a bit hmm

Oh well..i'll survive...and i hope u guys do the same too xxx

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 01:15 PM

*hugs Helen, Kahlia and Jetforce* Kahlia your not complaining your venting your feelings and thats what we're here for!

Jetforce, i hope the uni stuff evens out for you

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 01:29 PM

*hugs everyone*

Jem - you know where I am if you wanna talk about anything.
Kahlia - hugs help, more so perhaps, than words would right now. You're not complaining, just getting things out, and that's what this place is here for.

Anyways, my brother's not changed a bit since I've been away. Still as violent as ever. Though, and I think I need to discuss this with my therapist-type-person, I've been thinking a lot recently, and through talking to various people, mainly people who've had a similar background, I think violence is his way of dealing with the incident, whereas my way of dealing with said incident was to cut, and the depression, and Ruth's way of dealing with her version of the incident was bulimia... No-one can get near enough to him to help him though, and I really just don't know how to help... when he won't admit to it, perhaps because he doesn't realise the connection yet. Even so, the realisation doesn't make it any easier to deal with when he's in a rage. *sigh* we'll survive I guess. Somehow.

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 02:39 PM

*Hugs Auburn Shadow* sounds like your ina tough place right now, have many *hugs* and know we're here listening

MammaMia 25-10-2008 05:21 PM

*cuddles all*

Stuipd peroid is here. Thank you very much not. It's even later than usual :S

Auburn Shadow 25-10-2008 07:59 PM

*hugs Hells*

Don't normally get freaked out by fireworks being set off or anything, but tonight... they're scaring me, and I have no idea why... It just doesn't feel safe tonight...

shadowedseraph 25-10-2008 09:15 PM

*hugs Helen* stupid female reproductive system!

*cuddles Auburn Shadow* sometimes things are just scary

MammaMia 25-10-2008 09:34 PM

*cuddles Hana & Becca*

Damm female reproduction systems indeed!!! Awww I saw my pregnant cousin today, cute bump. Can't wait to see her baby :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

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