Not really, I hate taxis for so many reasons, plus at my parents atm so they would know. I ma have to try and sleep now, god wish my heart would stop pounding

Oh ok, just want you to get there without feeling unsafe. I hope you sleep as well as can be expected. Hope tomorrow's appointment is over and done with quickly.

i is here

i am ok how r u?

*offers hugs*

Hey julie :)

So freaking tired. Had to get up to start my endoscope prep. As soon as my dad goes out I'm so having a nap.

*Hugs Sarah*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs Kelly*
*Hugs Oliver*Ohh What books? and good luck with your appointment :)
*Hugs Michelle if okay* Hello , I'm Mark ,Welcome to the ward.
*Hugs Heather* 15 books!! wowsers. That's some reading :)
*Hugs Willow*
*Hugs Julie*

How is everyone ?

*hugs everyone*

I wish I had overdosed yesterday, i'm wasting time. I can't take any more of this.

How are you, Mark?

*Hugs Lindsay* It's so good that you didn't OD yesterday Lindsay , You fought through the Urges aand you won , it may not feel like much right now but thats an accomplishment :)

Thanks, Mark. How are you doing today?

SO true :-)

*huggles all*

sorry for the lack of individuals and my self-centeredness in my posts at the moment. can't get online too much and it's hard to keep up when there's so many pages between what i last read and where the ward is now.

really struggling right now. don't know why i am reaching out for help here. i don't deserve it. i guess i just don't have anywhere else to turn. i don't know what to do right now. my head is just telling me that everyone would be better off without me ... i can't help thinking it's right. i have everything i need to do the job, and i could make it so that no-one would ever know what had happened. i would just die in my sleep. i don't want to leave anyone in pain, but i can't live like this either ... and i can't stop thinking that after they got over the initial shock and pain they would all be so much better off.

sorry. i'll shut up.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Helen*

*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*

I felt pretty flat this morning , I could barely get out of bed but I feel a little better mentally now . I went for a walk and did a bit of grocery shopping . I got bean burgers , They're new , I think I'm burgering it tonight :) . I feel slightly nauseous , Does anyone know if parcetemol will help that ? or Aspirin? , That all I have and I don't want to go out again righ now.

Oh Kahlia *Hugs* People would NOT be better off without you hun . Please get rid of you stuff you have to do it:( , throw it in the bin , give it to your housemate ? . Oh and you deserve as much support as everyone else , we are here for you .

thanks mark. *hugs* i can't make myself throw it out. i've tried, but i can't do it. i'm terrified of giving it to my housemate because he said that if he found out that if i had these items again he'd send me to hospital and i CAN"T go to hospital. it's not safe for me there. it's a catch-22 situation.

right now i don't know what to do ... i'm hoping that the urge/feeling/thoughts will start to ease :-(

Kahlia, you're allowed to post for support/have a moan/whatever. Regardless of how much you can/can't get allowed. We wouldn't be better off without you. I know I wouldn't be and would be absolutely devastated to find out. You're one of my ryl friends who I've known the longest and has stood by me through everything. The urges will go eventually. I know they're so so so strong but you've done so well to keep fighting them this long and still keep fighting them. Please don't do anything. Could you not wrap items in black bag or something and take them to your bin?? *hugs massively* I'm always here for you Kahlia, no matter what. I'm just sorry I can't do more to help *big cuddles* I don't blame you for wanting to give up, I know things have been really really rough, but you can get past all this. You've done so so so well not to cut for so long, that shows that you can recover from everything.