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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 01:52 AM

*holds Laura* whats wrong hunny

MammaMia 07-05-2010 01:54 AM

*holds Laura*

What's wrong?

frenchhorn 07-05-2010 01:57 AM

*holds Laura* its not pathetic to ask. you ok?

*hugs Helen* I'm glad you feel a little better and I'm glad your friend isn't upset.

*waves to Owen* we dont mind you being here

*hugs Crimson* hope you feel better soon

*hugs April* sorry your feeling so anxious, yeah maybe talking to your NP about coming off the meds at a safe time scale would be good.

*hugs Kahlia* I dont have a name for my laptop, but I do for my french horn, he is called Fred, although I am very sad as he is going soon, because I am getting a new one.

I'm lying in bed, relaxing and watching the results come in.

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 02:01 AM

*holds Laura* I'll echo the "What's wrong?" but I'll add: Is there anything you want to talk about, or that we can do?

*hugs Helen* How are you doing sweetheart?

*waves at Owen*
Hello Amy. I don't think I've said hello to you before. Are you okay if I offer you a hug?

To everyone else (sorry I just don't want to miss anyone): *big hugs*

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 02:04 AM

*hugs Oliver* Sorry, I missed you there. I always got attached to my musical instruments. My flute (the last one) never got a name, but any music student could pick it. It was a professional one - with the holes in the keys - in gold and silver - and is still alive some 12 years on! Music can be a real solace for the soul.

SoMuchMore 07-05-2010 02:30 AM

**LONG... RANTING... PROBABLY ANNOYING** I wont be mad if you don't feel like reading it.

i just... most of the time in real life i try so hard to be the person that people want/need me to be... but it gets hard. And I dont want to sound stupid but i just want someone to care about me for once. Everything always has to be about other people... including that situation awhile ago with my ex. Nobody ever asked me about my side of any of the story. It was always about how other people were affected. Not that i would even be able to tell my side... i suck at talking.. and i suck as a human being apparently because while i always try to listen to people in real life, its not like i make any difference. My friend told me today that people take advantage of me and that i let them, even encourage them. But idk how to be any different. None of my life has ever been about me, and normally that is fine... but tonight i wish i had someone to help. But who the hell would want to help me, nobody even knows me... i dont know if i know me. My friend then said that i actually have a lot going for me b/c im smart. But im not sure that being good in school is enough. I dont want school to be all that i have. And a few weeks ago My ex said that i have friends especially because of the whole situation with him... but i dont think i really do... i have sympathizers maybe or maybe friends by default, which isn't what i want either. Right now, i just want to disappear.
I'm such an idiot. You are probably all going to think this is no reason to be so upset. Its just getting to me tonight. And my head keeps going over and over all the little details in my life that i am unhappy about... I'm sorry. Im unsafe right now.. but i wont do anything b/c my mother is going to be here tomorrow so i cant.

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 02:44 AM

*cuddles and holds Laura* Hun, you have every reason to be upset. If you are always trying to be the person that other people want/need you to be, when are you being the person you want/need to be? If everything in your life has been about someone else or everyone else there's going to be a part of you screaming "what about me". I can understand not knowing how to be any different too. I can't suggest what to do, but I really wish I could. Sometimes you just need to find a place where you can be yourself - the person you are right deep inside - the "true" you. All I can really do is offer you *great big hugs* and the reminder that we are always here to listen if you need us.

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 03:07 AM

*flops on the floor after hugging everyone*

MammaMia 07-05-2010 03:17 AM

*hugs everyone and hugs Laura tight*

I'm sorry. I have no words, but I did read it :(

Kahlia, I'm not doing so well. Only still awake because watching the election.

SoMuchMore 07-05-2010 03:18 AM

*hugs kahlia* thanks hun. i really appreciate your response. I dont know when i get to be the person i want/need to be. I'm not even sure i know what i want... which is frustrating in itself. But i wish i could figure it out. I wish i could be someone different than i am... which is half the reason i want so badly to get into graduate schools far far away from where i am now.. which may be running away from a problem, but it feels like maybe its at least a chance.
Anyway, i'll stop ranting now. How r u?

*hugs julie*

*cuddles helen* thanks for reading. I appreciate it. Im sry that you arent doing well. Hope you manage to get some sleep.

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 06:15 AM

*cuddles Laura* Sometimes a fresh start is good hun. Maybe that's what you can look at graduate school as? A chance to find out what you want, and what you need, maybe even who you are (not defined by other people), somewhere that the "past" isn't always right behind you? Honey, you aren't ranting. It sounds from here like this needed to come out, and I personally would rather you got it out in the open in a nice, safe place then kept it inside to fester. Sorry, those were just thoughts.

*hugs Julie*

*cuddles Helen* Sorry you aren't doing so well. I'm hoping that you are asleep by now though. I hope you had a good experience voting for the first time.

As for me, I'm still surviving. My mood is very low. My SI urges are sort of medium-level. They are there but I can deflect them about nine times of out ten. My suicidal thoughts and urges aren't that easy. I've been cementing a plan over the last few days. I can't even decide if it would be a good thing to go ahead with it. Part of me thinks it would be ... that everyone would be better off. *sigh* Sometimes my head is my worst enemy.

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 07:13 AM

*sighs* i ate so much crap today and i'm feeling really ****

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 08:20 AM

hey anyone about?

Doikers 07-05-2010 09:33 AM

*Hugs Laura* I read your posts , I just wanted you to know .

*Waves at Owen* I don't think you are annoying in here , we like you .

*Hugs April* Well , the WoW patch has finally downloaded in 7 hours 30 minutes and 32 seconds :) Also I have that Lacuna Coil Album too!! our great taste in music together lives on :)

*hugs Oliver* How are you today?

*hugs Helen* How are you feeling this morning?

*Goes around the ward offering hugs*

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 09:37 AM

-sighs- have to go shower

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 10:37 AM

anyone about?

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 10:47 AM

guess not -sighs-

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 11:11 AM

Kahlia1981 i see u

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 11:19 AM

I see you too Owen. How are you going?

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 11:34 AM

yay a person

Kahlia1981 07-05-2010 11:35 AM

It is a bit quiet on here, isn't it Owen.

Doikers 07-05-2010 11:36 AM

I am so pissed off .
I went to pick up my monthly meds this morning and got home and they have not given me my Diazepam:(
I NEED it and not having it freaks me out. I am prescribed it my my GP who I never have met just won't give it to me:(
They gave it to me last month so why not this one , nothing has changed.
I'm triggered by it all , why does it have to be such a big mess.
It might not be significant to them, I might not matter to them , why would I ? Sorry this has Royally freaked me out:(
I really don't need this stress on top of the energy company fiasco , the benefits medical and my depression generally :( Sorry to rant

Doikers 07-05-2010 11:37 AM

*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Oliver*
*Waves at Owen*

frenchhorn 07-05-2010 11:41 AM

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry they forgot one of your meds, I can understand how annoying that must be and I'm sorry its made you stressed on top of everything else, I hope you can get things sorted.

*waves at owen* how are you?

*hugs Kahlia* how are you?

I spy April *waves*

I woke up this morning to a hang parliament, so no idea who is in chanrge of the country at the moment and very confused.
I'm feeling physically a lot better this morning which is good and must be off now to hand in some work and go to a lecture.

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 11:47 AM

i would like hugs tonight but only if they nice hugs safe ones

Doikers 07-05-2010 11:50 AM

*Offers Owen Safe Hugs*
:)

Scarletdreamer 07-05-2010 11:52 AM

I spy a Mark, a Kahlia, and an Oliver!! *cuddles*

*cuddles Laura and holds her gently* Hon, I read and I understand... I used to be that way too I think, perhaps not to quite such an extreme, but then I realized that I'm not being who I want to be... and then there came a time of change in my life. I know that sounds more dramatic than it really was, but I changed from being the "good little preppy girl" into being a Goth/punk girl, listening to more Goth rock instead of groups like S Clubk 7, which I adored in high school (nothing wrong with them - just not my taste right now!! hehe), dressing more in black and baggy clothes, wearing wristbands, etc. That was my second year of college. I don't know. I don't recommend changing so much, but maybe letting yourself have more of an identity or something? I'm sorry, I'm rubbish at giving advice about this, and I know it's more about letting people walk all over you but when you do what YOU want to do, even in just your private life (like me listening to Nightwish & Within Temptation, etc.), you might feel more empowered. Does that make sense??

*cuddles Mark* That's awesome that you love Lacuna Coil too!! (and Laura too!! :D) It's so weird how well our music likes mesh!! *bounces* lol... it's just that I've never found anyone who likes so many the same bands that I do. :) Way to go!! *high fives* And I'm so sorry that you're already triggered, & that you didn't get your diazepam. :( That really, really is horrid. Maybe you can go back & get it? I don't know, sorry if that's a stupid suggestion. :(

*cuddles Hels* How're you doing, sweetie?

*cuddles Kahlia* I haven't named my comp but my car is named Anneli. ("Ana-lee") Hehe. I love naming inanimate objects. :) I'm glad that you're able to deflect the SI thoughts 90% of the time, but I'm worried about the suicidal thoughts... please please don't act on any of them, sweetie. *more cuddles*

*sends cuddles out for Kat, Hayley, Nicole, Crimson, Julie, MID, A&S, Lindsay, Little Laura, and anyone else I've missed*

Doikers 07-05-2010 11:52 AM

Quote:

I'm sorry they forgot one of your meds
I don't think they "Forgot" my meds Oliver as much as they are just refusing to give me them :(.
I;ve had to take a diaz , I only have a few left, not good , not good at all :(

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 11:54 AM

-nods-

Scarletdreamer 07-05-2010 11:55 AM

Oliver!! Whoops, didn't mean to "forget" you!! I was just going to edit you into my post (lol) but I decided to do a post just for you... :) I'm so sorry about the OD... *cuddles* Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, and I hope that you don't turn to OD'ing again, because it's very bad for your liver etc., as I'm sure you're aware. Of course, I also hope that you don't feel that desperate again!! *cuddles more*

*sets out some pineapple orange juice for anyone who wants some and then goes to read on the deck for awhile*

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 12:03 PM

we have to be am work at 7 am tomorrow

Doikers 07-05-2010 12:13 PM

Wow Owen thats early! Perhaps you should sleep a little ?

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 12:16 PM

sleep? wat is this sleep u speak of

CrazyHayley 07-05-2010 12:16 PM

ooh I've 3pages to catch up on! Gonna make myself something to eat whilst I catch up with you all

*goes round ward tucking people in if its their sleep time and giving morning or afternoon huggles for the rest or just waving if you'd prefer!*

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 12:46 PM

where did the people go

CrazyHayley 07-05-2010 12:52 PM

Hmm I can't reply to you all and as soon as I've read a post and thought of a response, then I read another post and new thoughts push out the old thoughts. OOh I wonder if I open the ward in another window thingy I could then go back and forth looking at posts whilst typing?! I shall try that later, but I have to do a quick post now, as Eoghan is on his way back from exercise and so will be home in a few hours :-D So I need to get showered and dressed and tidy the flat etc, as he's going to stay at mine over the weekend rather than his army accomodation as he's got a nasy cold so I said I'd look after him. Though I won't be cooking him bacon for breakfast, he can do that himself.:mad: He should count himself lucky I allow him to put dead animal flesh on my kitchen things. That's how much I love him!

Argh my motivation and normality seems to be lacking this morning, though my disturbed sleep to keep checking on the election results probably didn't help....and now we still have to wait to find out what the hell is going on. Our voting system truely showed how to bugger up yesterday. The whole system should change and then we should redo it. RAAAA!! hmmmm.....not sure I'm allowed to rant about politics. So I'll shut up, have a fag and then get in the shower and then perhaps I'll be able to be more supportive to you all as there were some important things going on that I read and I don't want people thinking I don't care.

Gosh, I'm **** at doing a short post. Must learn when to shut up and get on with things. Can't be festering in my pj's when Eoghan gets back......

*would stomp if she had the motivation - so toddles - off to the smoking shelter*

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 12:57 PM

Hayley u is vegetriatane?

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 01:00 PM

i trying go sleep now

Doikers 07-05-2010 01:01 PM

Sleep tight Owen *Waves*

xxjuliexx 07-05-2010 01:02 PM

-hugs mark-

MammaMia 07-05-2010 02:13 PM

*hugs everybody*

As Oliver & Hayley rightfully have said, I also woke up (I fell asleep watching the election results) our country is well & truly in a mess. I was worried SICK that our local MP wouldn't get in again. But thankfully she did, was very very very close. Am *SO* glad I helped :D

I don't know how I'm feeling. Still waking up. Felt pretty low earlier, still do I expect...

CrazyHayley 07-05-2010 02:54 PM

ooh I spy a lynx (sorry I can't remember how to spell your name) we've not properly met yet, so "hello" *shakes hand*

I also spy an April *huggle* how's you mood now? I missed out on the happy dance earlier - shall I dance around you if you're all danced out? *dances round april*

I'm munching again, but healthy stuff. And I think Owen asked if I was vegetarian. I used to be, but I've been Vegan over 6months now, so that means I have nothing that is traced back to living animals of any sort. So no wool in my clothes and no honey etc. Its very strict but I'm much happier and its much easier to do than I thought it would be.

My mood is crashing. I feel like I'm fighting back tears and I don't even know why....well PMDD I guess. I had things to do today but now they just don't seem important, I can hear a distant voice trying to encourage me, but PMDD is winning...I just want to hibernate. I spoke to Eoghan (he's not even left yet, so few more hours til he's back) and I was thinking I can't even be arsed, I hope he decides to stay at his after all. How awful is that? I know I should hate myself for thinking that. I probably will later. But right now Hayley-Rose just wants to put things on pause.

*pauses*

MammaMia 07-05-2010 03:05 PM

*big cuddles for Hayley*

Doikers 07-05-2010 03:09 PM

*Hugs Hayley*
I spot a Helen !*Hugs*

I don't know why I bother.
Whats the point in it all.
Why even try ? I'd only **** it up .
I'm useless, pointless ,worthless,nothing .

Sorry I'm just low.

MammaMia 07-05-2010 03:12 PM

*cuddles Mark tight* Things will get better sweet :( xx

Doikers 07-05-2010 03:17 PM

Thanx Helen :)I just feel ..ugh I dunno how to describe it ,it's horrible.

Doikers 07-05-2010 03:18 PM

I'm gonna try . You be ok if I go Helen?

MammaMia 07-05-2010 05:01 PM

Just been crying down the phone to my best friend. Just need a few hours/days from all this worrying, stress && lowness. Going out tonight, so going to try my best to forget it all.....

frenchhorn 07-05-2010 05:05 PM

*hugs helen close* sorry to hear that, I hope you have a good time tonight, I'm also going out tonight for a drink with a friend, hoping I will beable to forget stuff for a few hours.

*hugs mark* your not useless or worthless, helen is right it will get better, keep fighting.

Doikers 07-05-2010 05:57 PM

I've had to take one of my few remaining Diaz because I'm so stressed out about them not being included in my persciption , vicious circle anyone? . They ( the Dr's ) don't care about me . WoW I played for the first time today, it's a good distraction method . I played a bit with Hayley.But it's seem like .............arrgg I can't find the right words ,I HATE that . WoW aside I don't know how I'll cope without my Diaz . I'm not abusing it , I take it very sensibly but I am under what feels like a lot a stress and I need it to help calm me .RANT Sorry


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