*tackles Alexx and wraps her in a nice warm blanket, and a good, safe snuggle*
Alexx hunni please take care sweetie *snuggles*

I cant stop crying...i dont know what to do....ive tried telling her i dont want to talk..she guilt trips me...i tried being honest..she twists it around to be all about her...

i want to feel safe...but at the same time...i want to fall..i want to give up...

*hugs Alexx*
maybe give her a shade of the truth? It serves the purpose of satisfying her and protecting you. Something along the lines of im struggling at the moment but doing better than before may work?

Alexx you can come live with me... We'll find a place where we can live that will take my kitty and we won't have to answer to eachother about our SI... Pluse, it'll be easier to talk to eachother cause we are coming from similer places...

As for me...6 shots down, still more to go...

Ally I like that idea...I wish I could...
she told me she didnt want me here anymore yesterday...all because I was struggling and was in a bad mood.
Why does she hate me so much? why cant I be perfect? why do I have to me me :pinch:
Im pointless. Useless. ****ed up. Ugly...blah all the rest of it..

Carole...I wish shades of truth worked. :( she locks me in the room and makes me answer question after question and doesnt care when i get worked up and panicky and anxious.

*snuggles Alexx*
Sweetie, you're a wonderful person luv, really.
*hugs you tight*

8 shots... I'm hoping for at least ten... That means two more... FYI whisky burps... Worse than the whisky :pinch:

*hides in the corner under my invisible blankie*

*hugs everyone else on my way in*

*hugs Alexx*
Sorry, I can't offer you more than hugs and knowledge that you are not alone in this. My mum did the same thing a lot. It won't always be like this though.

*curls up and leans so hard against the wall that I think, for a moment, that I might fall through it*

*screams in her own sound proof bubble so she doent wake anyone up*
can I ask you guys something?

do you ever get too old for cuddles?

*hugs everyone that needs them*

Alexx, you are so special hun, don't let your mum tell you otherwise and certainly don't hurt yourself over it.

Ally, be careful there ok? Maybe 8 is enough? *offers hugs and cookies*

I am sorry I had to go offline earlier Carole. Try to ignore the thoughts hun, I am sorry I don't have more for you but I really like the 'girl interrupted' idea Ally said, everyone in here is so lovely, shame people outside aren't always like that.

*hugs hunni and the newcomers* welcome too the psych ward! *offers blankets and teddies*

----------------

I have actually had quite a good day today. I saw my friend (the one who when I was drunk said he was glad to have 'the old me' back) and acted all happy and hyper, I think at one point I may even have stopped acting and been genuinely enjoying myself and comfortable which hasn't happened it a *long* time.

He spoke about how different I have been in the last six months or so and I jokingly said, 'well yeah but I warned you I struggle with change' and he said 'next time you say that I will believe you and just stop talking to you for six months or so until you go back to being normal'. Guess it just made me realise that this is really not something I can discuss with him. He's one of my two best friends. I learnt 4 years ago that the other can't deal with it, and it seems he can't either. Back to lying.

no Alexx, you don't EVER *cuddles you until all the bad feelings are squeezed out* xx

*hugs Hunni* Welcome luv, we are messed up but also free with the hugs.

Alexx, no, you are NEVER too old for cuddles.

Emma, I am SO glad you had a good day. Even more glad to hear that some of your hyper and happy may hane been real *squishes*

Carole, luv, please remember how wonderful you are.

Me? 10 shots and feeling... Nothing. SO not cool :pinch:

*notices Chloe and pokes her* How are you doing hun?

*needs to check out for now my man is home and i have make dinner*
*hugs everyone on my way out*

my mum never gave me any affection..and i wanted a cuddle the other day..but was told to "grow up"...
Im starting to think i dont even want to be around people anymore...
a friend in one of my classes poked me on Friday and I cowered away from him...
I dont understand...I dont want to change....

Emma hun, thankyou for texting me the other day btw...even though i ran out of credit...i did EVENTUALLY come out of the bathroom...

*snuggles Alexx*
Well sweetie... I'm sorry luv, I've got nothing... I'm not feeling all that great... And I'm working my way to s**t faced... 8 shots of whisky, four shots of flavored rum... And I plan on nursing a wine cooler the rest of the night... Oh, and some of that liquore... But that was too sweet :pinch: grossgrossgross.

Take care all

*hugs Hunni, Emma, Ally and Alexx and anyone else who I missed or is in need*

Emma, don't worry about going offline earlier. Sorry to hear about how he reacted. May it not be possible he enjoyed having a laugh with you for the first time in a while and didn't want to risk losing that? I'm sure you can still confide in him, just try to have a good laugh with him as well :)

Alexx, no one is ever too old for a cuddle. Some people are not cuddly people and it seems that your mum, I'm sad to say, is one of these people.

Ally, what is a wine cooler? :notsure:

I am thinking of you all and hoping you are all staying safe (or at least trying) xxx

I feel really sick.
I think im gonna go to bed...
but I really dont want the morning to come...
please?
:crying:

12 f**king shots and I'm hardly feeling anything... At least... I think it's 12... Might be only 11...

Carole, lol, sorry, a wine cooler is basically punch with a bit of alcohol in it... This one has 4% alcohol by volume... Not a lot... As opposed to the 25% and 40% of the rum and whisky I've drank...

Damn alcohol... I must be too fat... Probably need more :pinch:

Ahh ok, thanks - i like punch :) and it is a good idea to move on to something lower in volume *hugs Ally* No, it's probably more to do with you having built your alcohol tolerance level up.

*waves goodnight to Alexx* I hope you sleep well

Mmm... Haven't actually managed to move on... Still on the whisky... Shot 9 or 10... Stupid that I don't know lol

hey emma.
i know how you feel about friends not understanding. one of my best friends found out about 4 years ago, and she took me out to coffee, and asked me in the cafe, why i cut myself. as if she expected a one sentence answer. so yes. back to lying. but you never have to lie to us hun xx

Alexx, you never ever get too old for cuddles. You just have to find the right people to give them.

Ally, don't go too far hun. I don't drink because I know that if i started I would never stop. And i know that wouldn't be good.

Callie - i see you there! haha. how are you?

I am pointless and sad and tired of it. I am trying to get better. it just isn't happening. 6 years down the line and i am still not free from this. and yes, i am still here. i dont know why.

p.s. my internet crapped out which is why i took so long to write this. im now in the kitchen of my hall so very paranoid someone might see i'm on here....argh stupid internet.

*snuggles Cloe* sweetie if anyone looks just tell them to bugger off luv.

As for me, I'll be fine... Almost out of whisky anyway...

hmm. drink lots of water ally.

*hugs Chloe and Ally*
hope you slow down the drinking and move on to something like water soon Ally.
Chloe, you obviously have hope and still want to live life and get better. Otherwise you wouldn't still be here after 6 years.

Wish there was something that could clean the filth off of me...

Wow. You're right about needing to move on y'all. I totally responded wrong to you, Cloe, and unfortunatly am still too drunk to fix it. I hope y'all are safe. Much love y'all, really, and many snuggles

*wakes up and uncurls*
*hugs everyone who needs* Hows everyone today?

Well, couple of hours to work out what I'm going to say to my tutor. Decided last week that he needed to know what was going on with me. Now I'm regretting that decision. Ah well *sigh* wish me luck guys?

Hope you're drinking water now Ally. Take care.

Hey Hana, i think it's great you are reaching out to your tutor. He will probably be able to help or just listen and it will good for you to have someone around who's just aware of how you're feeling.

I'm only here because there are 3 or 4 people who I don't want to hurt that much. I especially can't do it to my friend, whose father has just died. So far I have managed to stay selfless enough to keep me here. But it's so so hard. Especially when none of those people are near me.

thank you all for the welcome, I hope I get to learn all your names soon. How is everyone this afternoon?

It's nite time over here...but yeah, i'm okies

Btw, u can call me jeremy and welcome to the psych ward :-)

*ticks crystalheart's name off* lol


How is everyone else? Ally? Chloe? Emma? Callie? Helen? Carole? Any1 i missed i'm sorry, but how r u?

Hi Jeremy
glad you are doing ok :)
Im Sam btw (female version:) )

How r u doing there Sam?

:O JEREMY!! you missed my name off your list!!! lol :P
but anyway...how are you?

His Sam :)
I'm Alexx...(as it says in my signature hehe :P)
how are you hun?
xx

Im ok Jeremy thanks. Just trying to work my way around the boards. It seems a great place here for support and there seem to be some friendships made. I hope I get to make friends.

Hi Alexx, thought that was your name but thought Id better wait til you said..I have been known to get thigns wrong:hehe: How are you today?

haha I get things wrong all the time so dont worry :P
Erm im ok thanks...bit drowsy hehe :P

I'm in a real psych hospital at the moment. Struggling quite a lot.
Hope everyone's alright. Love you all xxx

*snuggles into my favorite corner* i just need some time right now..i'm having a great day and yet i'm getting the familar shakes and i don't even know why

Hey Zowie *hugs*
I know its difficult but you're doing well to have come this far.
Keep fighting yeh?
Take care of yourself
xxx

Hunni, feel free to stay as long as you want, in fact..some of us dont ever leave (the denial tent has super stretchiness so we can take it with us :-) )
Do you want to talk about what has happened today?
Maybe then you can see what might have caused this? It might be that a series of little things got to you but you didnt notice them, rather than just one big thing
*hugs* if you want someone to talk to...feel free to PM me hun
xxx

Hey guys....quick update,
Helen is fine, recovering well and her internet should be back tomorrow afternoon/evening so she will be back with us very sooon:-D

I know it was a silly thing to do...
but when I got home from college...I double-dosed on my current meds AND my old meds. I feel sooo calm....I want a med that does this WITHOUT my having to effectively OD...If I could JUST get rid of/control the anxiety...I could focus more on my counselling...which would help the depression...why is the doctor focussing on the depression?!?!>.<

*hugs everyone*

sorry i didnt get on the other day after i met with my CPN was a bits tressed out and not in the mood to do anything. she made me an appointment to see my psych this thrusday going to try and get me some meds that should (hmm yeah heard that before) help, especially with the sleep. shes not happy with my weight loss at the minute so no doubt thats going to get reborught up.

just want to hide away from everything and everyone. i freaked out a bit on saturday and ended up speaking to a police offcier on saturday night (i knew then) who spooted and stopped me just to see if i was ok, wich yeah i wasnt.

Yeah, woke up with a MASSIVE headache... thankfully some tylenol and water knocked it right out...

Am feeling rather lousy atm :crying: Gosh damn it, I wish it would just get better and then stay that way, for heaven sake :grr:

Hello Sam, and welcome (though I think I said that earlier too :-D). Yep, we kind of like eachother here... I suppose that's what happens when you put a bunch of nut cases together ;-)

Zowie, I hope you're doing better luv *snuggles* Take care sweetie.

Alexx, dear heart, I think you're wonderful, remember that. And please take care, hun, be careful when you're 'playing' with meds *huggles*

JEREMY!!! *pounces on you* lol I hope you realy are well *blows kiss*

*hugs Anyone else she missed that may need/want it*

oh goshhhhhh!!!
shes moving...we're moving...no i cant cope with that....I want to panic...my head is telling me to panic...but im still drowsy...so im not panicking....
eek

ugh Life has been so easy it makes me think that life is going to end up going down hill. I just want to SCREAM!!!!

awfulawfulawfulawfulawfulawful

I feel absolutly awful :crying:, oh God, please, make it stop :crying:

*sits in her corner, arms wraped around knees and rocks ever so slightly*

*snuggles putridangel*
Come on in and have a seat in the denial tent if you'd like... I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well

Heya everyone, sorry i haven't posted for a few days my stupid internet crashed and wouldn't come back on untill tonight.

I am really struggling and seriously i have had enough of it all :(

*hugs everyone who needs it*

*runs in crying and hides in her corner*

*hugs lil-princess and hunni*
I'm sorry all... I've got nothing to give atm..

Me? I just want to die.... Please? Can't I just die? :crying: