*hugs everyone if that's ok and then hides*

*Spots Wolfos , Helen and Oliver and group squishes*

I gave in and I cut , but thats just another ****ed up day in Marks little world .

Sorry. I'm such a waste of space....

You're not a waste of space at all, Mark, love. And I'm sorry if what I said came across wrong... it's just that my SI is not that private at all - I mean, I don't do it for attention, but it's just that people know about it and I don't mind. It's obvious, because I cut on my arms (usually) and am very scarred from that... and I refuse to wear long sleeves most of the time. I don't know. Does that make any sense? I hope so... *cuddles tight* Things will be okay. I'm sorry that you cut... did you take care of it properly? and did you manage to get the right kind of dressings? (sorry, am a bit lost when it comes to right and wrong types of dressings, must be a UK thing? I don't know, lol... and I apologize for sounding dense)

*cuddles Jill* Aw sweet, I'm sorry that your shoulder got hurt. :(

*cuddles Hels* What's up, love? I spy you!!

I also spy Mark & Oliver!! *cuddles*

Damnit, I am SO ANXIOUS today... :'( I really don't want to go into work today... :'( I'm going to be busy which will probably be good... but I don't know... arghhhh!!!! Sorry to whinge but I really just want to curl up in bed, got up at 5:30am today and that was dumb of me but I couldn't sleep any longer.

make it go away............ :crying:

*cuddles April & Mark*

My bestie went in this morning...

*hugs Mark* I can understand how you felt mortified by it. It's always really weird having somebody else know, and for your SW to jump right into it without at least mentioning it to you first seems a little harsh. But like April said, it's not a huge deal, per say, anymore. I wouldn't go around telling everyone, but when people find out usually they're not THAT shocked. Especially considering it was a med student, think of it as you did him a favor... no matter where he ends up working, he'll be bound to run into another similar situation. My doctor probably just got out of med school 2 years ago or so, which was (and still is) weird opening up to him about the SI, but it gives them good learning opportunities. Maybe that isn't what you want to hear right now, but I think it was a good thing. And I'm definitely proud of you for telling your SW that you were feeling low. I still can never face the truth and tell people IRL when I'm feeling depressed, so I admire your courage! And you are definitely NOT a waste of space at all <333

*hugs Becca and gives her LOTS of presents* I don't blame you for feeling that way, I always find getting presents is like a sign that people still remember me and care. Well, not so much the presents but at least a card...

*hugs Heather* In regards to the BMI thing, try not to worry about it hun. Easier said than done, I know... but numbers don't reflect your true beauty, and you are GORGEOUS. Don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise :)

*offers Julie lots of fluffy pillows to sleep for a long time* Why'd the cops wake you up?

*hugs Jess* What's bothering you?

*hugs Kahlia and gives big package of motivational cookies* Sounds like you're really motoring through your assessments :) Sorry to hear you feel exhausted though. Doing all that work can really drain your energy!

*hugs Jill* Having a fear of tablets isn't stupid. I used to. Think of it as a blessing in disguise, you won't have to worry about ODing this way :) Sucks that you hurt your shoulder though :(

*hugs April* I need to go and read your r/v thread, I think I missed quite a bit. Waking up that early really sucks, but sometimes it's better than staying in bed? I don't know. Sometimes it feels that way to me. I wish I could make all the troubles go away, for everyone...

*hugs Helen, JK, Louise, Nicole, Kathryn, Lindsay, Oliver, Hayley, Hannah... and anyone else that I might have missed!*

*spies Taz and glomps!!!!* :D

Yeah, I agree with you, Taz, that sometimes getting up is better than staying in bed. Especially since I was getting anxious. :( I hate it when that happens... but oh well. :-/ I just wish that I hadn't woken up so early. But I'm at work now, and am calmed down more than I was at home. Home isn't a "safe place" for me anymore to air out how I'm feeling etc., because of the stuff that's been going on between Jarrod and me. I wrote about it all in my r/v thread... so read it if you want, you don't have to though. *hugs*

*cuddles Hels* Isn't that a good thing though? although I understand why you're still worried about her... but maybe this time will help more than the other times? (there were other times, right, if I'm remembering correctly?) And how are YOU doing??

I just went and got breakfast... stupid of me given that it's 10:15am and I didn't finish the breakfast I prepared for myself this morning... and Jarrod texted me about it asking me in what felt like a very accusatory fashion, "Why didn't you finish your breakfast?" No smiley faces in the text, no nothing. Just that question. No "I love you." Just that question. GRRRR!!! Sorry, but he's been making me really, really upset lately... r/v has more about that, don't wanna get into it here. :(

Anyway. Uhmmm... so I had to dress up today because there are county commissioners and "bigwigs" coming in today to see how the place at which I'm interning operates. Urgh. I have to sit at a meeting that lasts TWO HOURS MINIMUM.......... but hey, maybe it will be informative, maybe it won't, but at least I can leave after that. :-/ I think, anyway. I have to pick up cookies for tomorrow's thing, a senior expo (whatever that may mean)... ahhhh so much to do!! Then on Saturday there's a "Children's Health Fair" that I have to go to and help fit bike helmets. :-S Don't want to be around kids, hate kids. :( Oh well...

Anyway, enough for now... sorry for the rambling and whinging... :-S

i spy a hels... *cuddles*

updated r/v....... if anyone cares. :-S

It is a very good thing :) Just bit sad about it heh. But she's been on msn this afternoon, sounds like she's going to do well, but she accepts there will be hard days. But today's been a good start off for her, so that makes me bit happier :) Just wish my other best friend wasn't so poorly =[

I'm up and down today. I'll be fine?

*hugs Hels* Sounds like you're torn in two, one side of you for each friend. Sucks that they both can't be doing well at the same time :( It would probably make you feel a lot better! HEY! I thought we banned the F word in here? Or did somebody reinstate it in my absence? :S

*glomps April back :D* Oh wow, I definitely need to go and read your r/v thread then. I meant to do that after my last post, but I got sidetracked and forgot =/ AH! I'll do that right after this. And I do read most of the r/vs, well the members that post in here at least, because I care :) Sucks that things have been hard with Jarrod lately. I can see how that text wouldn't have helped at all =/ And I agree with you about hating kids... they annoy me. I'm not planning on having any... if anything, I'll adopt a couple once they're 10ish, and mostly out of the crying stage. Try your best to put on a fake smile for them though, it's not like they can tell the difference anyway (: Here's hoping your meeting goes well!

*Hugs Taz and April*
Thankyou for the kind words. I'm feeling more"Balanced" now . My SW still wants me to call him tomorow.......hmmmm

Taz you're right, the 'fine' word technically has been banned in here =P Naughty me. My best friend who's ill will be okay in a couple days, poor love :(

Going to see Leona Lewis, my last concert for a while, as no more booked!! Can't wait :)

Helen - have fun at the concert!! Glad to hear about your friend. *cuddles*

*hugs everyone else* sorry for lack of individual replies.

*curls up in a dark corner and goes back to sleep*

*Hugs Helen* I hope you have fun at Leona Lewis :-)

*Hugs Laura*

Crawls up into a smallish ball next to laura and tries to sleep even thought it's not yet 7pm :S

hi everyone

*Waves* Hi Louise :)

Ugh I know it's early but I was up early and I don't want to be awake now:(

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...80#post2335180


^^My R/V thread , PM me or e-mail if you feel you like ,
Sorry.

Back to PLAN A , Sleep (I HOPE)

Ok today was a complete mission, wasn't a fun day my
shoulder was killing me allday, wasn't helped my the
boncey bus I was on in the morning, every time it hit a
bump by shoulder would go fly back on the seat and hurt
it more. Kept getting stuiped commets said to me like
iam a robot as I can't fully turn around on my right hand
side. Iam so overthis. =[ taz yeah your right but it's a
pain the ass,when your in pain and you can't take anything
because of that fear.

*Hugs Shadowedsoul* How's your shoulder?

*Tackles April* How are you? :)

Why can't I sleep , I'm so restless , Usually I'm so tired but tonight I keep going over what my SW says and wondering why he said I must call him tomorow........

Huggles mark back. Ermm still hurts, can hardly move it
to the right. Hopfully when I get some food down me, will
ask my mum to rub deepheat into my shoulder to see if
that helps it a little. Sleeping should be a barrel of laughs
to night. How are u tonight?

Having trouble sleeping tonight Shadowedsoul :( I hope you sleep ok

ughhh...

...feel like ****. again. feel like i need need need to cut and it's not going away.

taz and laura, thanks for the PMs. will try to reply soon. *hugs tight*

Huggles mark that sucks Hun, hope you get some sleep
soon,sorry not much help =[

huggles April,try and stay safe Hun, try not to cut, I know
that's easyer said than done. Sorry not being much help.

*cuddles everyone*

updated r/v...

*hides in a hole* :'(

Becca *hugs for everyone and cookies and safe care packages* :)

heh wish could believe that =[
but thankies

grrargh. i fell asleep at 3pm, got waked up by dad at 6:30 telling me to make stupid sample boards... why couldnt he just lemme sleeeeeeep for once *whine* lol
im lonely =\

buuuuut maybe going to pride in ny end of month =D hopefully without my idiot father lol

*gives Mark chamomile tea and super soft pillows* I hope you get some decent sleep, if not a full night. I'm off to read your r/v after this, so you can expect a PM in the morning from me :) And maybe your SW wants you to call him to discuss the SI in relation to the med student? I could be way off, but just a thought.

*hugs Hels* Enjoy your concert!!! I think I missed it - did you post pictures somewhere from the BEP one? =/

*hugs Jill* I hope you get some sleep <33 And hopefully the pain goes down at least a tad!

*hugs Laura & Louise* How are you both doing?

*hugs April and wanders off to read her r/v*

*hugs Becca* How's your day been?

*hugs Heather* You're quite welcome. Hard to believe when it's just words over the internet :( But hang strong <3 Sucks that your dad woke you up...

*wanders off to a desk in the corner to study chemistry* Midterm exam in 21 hours! Eeek. Probably won't be on until after 10 tomorrow night, so everyone take care!!

Day was good till hubby asked outta cuiosity how much i weigh cause my medical issues. I am a fat cow :(

*hugs taz* good luck on your exam!

*hugs becca* you are not a fat cow. Don't let that get you down at all. Try to focus on the good that happened today.

*hugs mark* sorry that you are having sleeping problems. good luck with that call tomorrow. Hope that everything is alright.

*cuddles april* Keep trying to hang in there. I know its hard and easier said than done, but please try.

*hugs helen* How was the concert?

*hugs heather* Taz couldn't have said it any better hun. Sorry that you dad woke you up and hope that you get some sleep tonight.

*hugs oliver, jill, jess, and julie* Hope you are all safe.

Feeling destructive. It's almost 2am here. I wonder where the night will go. My days are starting to blur together. I don't feel like there is any separation between them (that isn't good wording.. i dont know how to explain how it feels). I keep telling myself to go to sleep so that i can get into a better sleeping pattern... but its been weeks since i've fallen asleep before 3am. Not that it matters, its not like i have anything to get up for since i work at night. I'm on a serious ramble now, so before i keep going: *checks out of ward for a few hours* Need do go do somethings... i'll probaby be back later, hopefully feeling less strange.

*Super Hugs* April I read your R/V thread ,Thinking of you :)

*Hugs Taz , Kahlia , Kathryn, Lia , MID, April,Laura , Helen, Hayley,Oliver,anarchistl0ve,Heather,Shadowedsoul , Nicole , Louise,
and those I've missed , sorry!:S*

*cuddles Mark* How are you doing today?? any better than yesterday?

*spies Kahlia and cuddles* :) How are you?

*cuddles everyone else who wants them* Sorry, no epicness of a lot of individual responses right now... am feeling kind of low. :(

I have to help out at a senior (55+ years old, not high school seniors, lol) expo today for work... I have to be there at 9am which is only a few hours away and I have absolutely no idea what I am doing there. I was told that I will be "floating," lol, but I don't know what that means. :-S It's from 10am-2pm and I... oh, I don't even know!!!! I just really do NOT want to go. :'(

WoW-speak time... my night elf hunter on Grizzly Hills just dinged 31... I'm so happy, haha, because she was stuck at level 28 for the longest time!! heh. Level 30 made me happy, but now I want to get her to level 40 so she can 1) get an epic ground mount (100% faster than running on foot, instead of the 60% that the first mount gives), and 2) so she can wear mail instead of leather. More armor the better!!! :) heh.

I'm really tired... *sigh* Oh well... :-/

*hides in the warren somewhere dark, deep, and lonely* :(

*Hugs Apiril* I'm a little better than yesterday , just a little though, I'm numb today, want to cut , but yesterdays Bl*d a bit too much . I could be more graphic but I don't want to trigger anyone.

WoW wise I haven't played since the 6th ,, been too low , I am very closed to level 18 but finding westfall tough.

I haven't played WoW in ages. My game card ran out. *dies from withdrawls* I have an 80 Undead Warlock and my other most notable toon is a 37 Night Elf Hunter. I'm hoping to get back on in a couple of months. It's one of the only things that could actually keep me distracted for long periods of time.

I'm feeling pretty crummy right now. I'll be curled up in a ball if anyone needs me. *huggles to peoples*

*Huggles Wolfos* ,*Sits by Jessica curled up in a ball to keep company*

Thanks Mark. *hugs*

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Taylor*

*Spots Helen and Kat and Hugs*

Argh my shoulder still hurts which sucks was hoping
it would be okay. Going to be a buzy day, as it the day
of rockness, a rock concert by lochness, locks like it's
a wet one again. A wee bit pissed I couldn't go, but they
wernt letting people off for it, then they give them the days
off. So a bit pissed a well

*hugs mark*

morning all

Morning Julie :-) How are you?

*hugs everyone*

Bad bad night.. Wont mention anything in here b/c i dont want to trigger anyone. I'll prolly update my r/v thread about it in a bit if anyone wants to read.. Its okay if not. I know a lot of you are struggling so no worries.

(http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=106265)

*Hugs Laura* I read your R/V thread , sorry it's only hugs . I know the feeling of it all running together and wanting to do it over and over *Hugs*

Thanks for reading it Mark. *hugs back* how r u doing today?

Sorry I didn't reply for ages.

I'm just... Knackered. In every way.

*continues laying on floor*

laura, love, i read your r/v. i'm sorry that you felt that way but i understand how you feel (well, as best as i can, anyway, since i'm not you and in your head!!) with the days running together etc. i'm sorry that you had such a bad night. :( *holds you gently*

mark, how are you, sweet? *cuddles*

kathryn, knackered means tired doesn't it? sorry, am not up on slang like that, heh. :-S i hope you're doing okay... *huggles*

*hugs kat, julie, jill, hels, oliver, kahlia, taz, nicole, and everyone else i've forgotten, sorry!!*

i'm exhausted. it's been such a busy day and now all i want to do is either sleep or cut. or both. i went to bed last night at 8:30pm and got up a little before six this morning... slept well but am still zonked. :( the senior expo went well, i helped at the door prize table and made some new friends. :) it was nice... free lunch and all but now i feel guilty for eating sooo much today & yesterday. :'(

i got a new bow for my cello!! but it's not ready to be used yet, have to put a ton more rosin on it so it catches hold of the strings as i bow instead of slipping over them. it's glorious though... i heard a little bit of the sound it makes and it's so nice. so much better than my old bow (which i'm not going to get rid of yet, of course), it's not even funny, heh.

*hides in the warren* :'(