*cuddles Oliver* I love Scheherezade by Rimsky Korsakov!! :D Will there be a recording of the concert? I've never heard of any of the others (I mean, I've heard of the West Side Story but never seen it or heard a soundtrack, etc.)... hope it goes well. Just remember that everyone else is focused on other things other than you, most of the time - which can be a good/bad thing to think about - but it can help when you are doing solos or whatever. They're probably not paying 100% attention to you and if they are, they probably care enough about you that they wouldn't judge you or criticize you for making a mistake. :) Does that make sense? Hope so... *more cuddles*

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry that you haven't heard more from your friend, but hopefully that means that nothing more bad has happened. Will keep you both in my prayers... Hehe, I hate bananas too... never mind how good they are for me, my mum made me eat them when I was little and now I HATE them. :P

Oh, and when/if you send me paragraphs, please include whether or not you are receiving any sort of treatment (therapy, medicine, etc.).

(I hope I'm not breaking the rules... I will change names etc. and anyway, I don't know who you all are IRL and neither will my prof.)

*cuddles all*

Poor April *cuddles* I feel **** naturally. Mum's going to be mad at me probably :(

April~ You aren't stupid just stressed. *cuddles* and I'm feeling better than I was... It wasn't too hard to find the loophole I just had to leave the paperwork and calm down a bit to think about it.

Oliver~I'm sure you'll do fine in your solo. Might want to try imagining you're playing only in front of the people you rehearsed with... Depends on the lighting but when I was in concert choir the lights were so bright I couldn't see the audience so I pretended they weren't there (stage fright issue... kinda funny for someone in concert anything, huh?).
As for your mom making a joke... It's probably her way of coming to terms with your transition until she can fully accept it. She probably doesn't understand how it makes you feel.

*cuddles Hels* Awh, wish you didn't feel ****. :( *more cuddles and a cuppa*

*cuddles Crimson* Yeah, sometimes it just takes a step back from stuff to see a clear solution. Gahh, I have to do that with my senior sem paper... heh. Take a step back to see where it's not tied tightly and neatly together. But anyway... :)

I'm so exhausted. Seriously exhausted. Getting up 2 days in a row at 5am is draining. And I updated my r/v thread with the recentest "drama" (not really)... gahhh... :'(

*cuddles up with April*

Just been out for a walk, was alright. I guess. Just want to know what's going on..

*cuddles April* I'm sorry your exhausted, I really hate feeling like that, will you bebale to get up later tomorrow? Yeah there will be a recording of the concert, its a wind band so its slightly different from the original with flute doing most of the violin cadenza's, but a very good arrangement. You should watch west side story its amazing and the music is just genius.
Yeah that makes sense, I just stress and think everyone will think I'm rubbish if I mess it up

*cuddles Helen* fair enough, if you dont like them you dont like them I suppose. I'm sorry your feeling **** and havnt heard about your friend, nbut as you said no news can be good news.

*cuddles Crimson* yeah, I get really bad performance anxiety, but still love performing and have to do it, I should be ok, I hope

*spies a Laura, a Jill, and an Oliver!!*

Awh Hels... I wish I could give you some good news. :( You've had a rough time of it. IS there anything I can do? *holds you and rubs your back gently*

I just wrote a poem about St. Brid of Ireland. It's pretty rubbish at the moment... but it will get looked at by my poetry prof/friend/mentor and she'll help me revise it. That's my final project for Women & Spirituality - writing poems about some saints - namely Julian of Norwich, Brid, Hildegard of Bingen, Catherine of Sienna, and Therese of Liseiux (I don't know French so I am totally going to butcher pronouncing that name when I read these in front of the class!!). The poem about Brid is actually a prayer - I'm not Catholic and do not really believe in intercession etc., but, well, it just came out the way it came out. :)

Ugh, just heard that it's raining. :(

*cuddles everyone* sorry there have been a lot of posts... i'll try to do individual replies later. Hope everyone is alright.

I have relay for life tonight.. For anyone that doesn't know, its a walk to raise money for cancer treatment and just to celebrate life. We stay up all night (it goes from 7pm to 7am), listen to talks from survivors, and play silly games. I would be looking forward to it but that girl my ex cheated with is probably going to be there, and I havent seen her since i found out and i just feel like the whole thing is going to be weird/upsetting. I mean i think we will just ignore each other but.. *sigh* i just dont want to deal with it i guess.

Laura, sounds fun honey, don't let other people ruin it for you darling *snuggles*

April, I don't think there's anything you can do to help except keep being here? I really do appreciate your & everyone else's support right now. Seriously. *snuggles*

I think I may have a ghost or something in my room...My desk just tipped itself forward (and back) again & yet again...it wasn't because of me :O :|

I agree with Helen, Laura. Don't let other people ruin it for you. I let people ruin Light the Night (A walk for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society) for me last year and I regretted it. This year I am going no matter who does or doesn't support my decision and no matter what is said... If you want to do it, Do it!

*huggles everyone*

*sighs* Just ate lunch, so full, now I want to purge. :'( And it doesn't help at all that I've eaten a lot today already... or so it feels. GAHHH I make myself so angry!!! :'(

*curls up next to lurking Mark* How are you doing? :)

*cuddles Hels* Heh, that's odd about your desk. :-/ I don't believe in ghosts... not really, anyway - I could get into a religious discussion on my beliefs but here's not the place, lol. Have you heard anything yet about your friend? And what are you doing to try & take your mind off of feeling shitty?

*cuddles Crimson and Laura* Laura, hon, don't let your ex's *cough cough* ruin the Relay. It should be a fun time... :)

This afternoon I left Morrisons and I ran into Hannah P , we met last year on the pych ward and have been in touch ever since . WE were both admitted on the same day , both ( at that time ) lived in the same village but had never met , both origionally *Spelling?* from the same English county , Both the same age. The coincidences are freaky , outside of our respective family's we are the only people we both know in this area . SO today we went for coffees , 2 coffees each as usual and we went and walked by the river and sat on a bench and talked . On the ward we were an unoficial "couple" but over the past 9-10 months we've just been meeting up for coffee , we went hiking once and I got us lost :) , the thing is we don't do couple type stuff, we don't kiss or hold hands or exchange valentines gifts ( well I made her a mix CD but she didn't give me a card or anything ) but the way I feel about her is just unbeleivable , I totally love her , I'm IN love with her and I think she just wants to be friends and I don't know how to declare my feelings for her without it ending up with me being humiliated . Wow this may be the longest post I've ever written but I'd like some advice if anyone has any . sorry

Seeing her today has bought all my emotions to the suface , I was THRILLED to run into her :)

Aww Mark, I'm glad you're happy & ran into her ^_^

April, I'm not really attempting to take my mind off things. Well I'm online obviously & watching tv =) Going to make dinner soon :P Still no news hmmm :(

Awh Mark, I wish I had advice for you. I'm glad that you ran into her though... you deserve to be happy like that. :) *hugs* Those coincedences are so weird/cool... but coincedences like that don't mean that you're necessarily "meant" to be a couple. Not saying that you're not going to be or anything though. :) You're good-looking, sweet, kind, and a lovely person - I think that any girl would be lucky to have you as her significant other. :) I do hope that things work out somehow. Sorry, don't have much advice though... :-/

*cuddles Hels* Awh, wish I could play WoW with you and introduce you to it. :D It's such a good distraction!! hehe. Maybe try and distract yourself so you don't get worried into a frenzy? or triggered, etc. I'm here if you need to talk... *more cuddles*

Freaking exhausted... :'( Yeh Oliver, I can sleep in tomorrow, although I really oughtn't as I have homework I need to do. It's going to be awful with Jarrod home for 3 months (he's taking furlough from work, 3 months no pay but still health insurance)... going to be getting up early every day, lol, unless I get used to him leaving the bed without me. :-/

I don't want to go to soc today... it's so effing BORING... :'( And I have to tell him that I have to miss Monday's class as I have a thing I have to go to (got outstanding 4th year psych major, it's an academic honors reception). Blah. And I have to miss again on the 28th as I have another dinner thing then!! this time for scholarships, since I got one and have to acknowledge that I appreciate it, etc. Anyway...

*hides* :(

Hmmmm... let me think on it Mark.

Hmm would anyone mind if I curl up
in one of the corners iam so tried,and
need somewere peacefull and safe.so
frigging tried

Awwww bless you April *snuggles* I ate some dinner, yummy <3

Hi Shadowedsoul ,
*Makes Shadowedsoul some tea*
You'll be safe in here :)

*jumps up & down but remembers she's in pain*

Talking to my best friend. Still in hospital etc. :D Can worry less now.

I am so so so anxious... :crying: ...and I don't know why. Just want to curl up in the corner and never come out. :( I hate being anxious... it's like... WHY ME?!?! WHY NOW?!?! WHY ALL THE ****ING TIME?!?!?

Sorry for the caps... I am really just overwhelmed right now... :'(