*Hugs Mrs Pan*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Felicia *

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs ian* how r u doing?

Hey all. How is everyone? *Hugz all who want and brings assorted cookies* I am feeling really freaked out by my thoughts again....

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Felicia* <3

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Laura* You're not a bad wardie hun :)

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Megz*

*hugs all*

*hugs everyone*

I spoke to my OT this morning and she said that there is nothing that she or anyone else can do for me. I might try phoning the police if I can figure out how to explain this to my brother without terrifying him.

*cuddles into felicia* <3 loveyouu

*Hugs Laura* Hows things

*Hugs Lindsay hard*

*Hugs Heather* How're you hun?

*hugs Lindsay massively*
*hugs Heather*
*hugs Mark* how are you?

I've lost control, or at least that's what it feels like.

Hello all. *waves*

Sorry I have been away so long from the VPW, but time and life have gotten in my way. I'm not doing so crash hot to be honest. It looks like I'll have to go back to the clinic and have ECT. My psychiatrist and I are trying to work on keeping the hospital trip until the christmas break so that uni isn't affected. We are also counting on uni to lift my mood, but it's difficult to know the outcome of that inference.

If anyone is interested in what's been going on since I last entered the VPW, please feel free to visit my support thread. I really don't like repeating myself.

*hugs to all* and my apologies for not doing individual replies at this time.

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*hugs Kahlia*
*hugs Mark*

I'm so, so scared. I have to take action tonight because I don't know how much longer I will be in control. The crisis team phoned earlier but just told me to stay distracted online and call them back later. I don't know if i'll be able to explain to them just how close to the edge I am because they don't listen.

*hugs Lindsay*
You don't have to take action, not in a negative way, please PM me if you would like to talk.
I'm angry at the crisis team for doing that, you need help. Is there anything I can do?

*huge hugs Lindsay* I'm only a PM away if you want to talk. the crisis team shouldn't have been that way with you (although in a way I'm not surprised cos they are crap with me and don't listen) but please try to reach out to someone. *extra hugs*

*hugs everyone*

everyone keeps asking if I'm going back to uni in sept and I keep saying yes even though I know deep inside me it might not be the right decision.

*cuddles kahlia* I responded in your thread, but just wanted to give you hugs here too :)

*hugs mark* Thanks for saying im not a bad wardie... but I really do feel like I am being on right now... or just useless in general. Anyway, how r u doing?

*hugs lindsay* I'm sorry the crisis team is not being helpful. Here if you want to talk hun. Please don't do anything. Nobody here wants that at all.

*hugs laura* why are you feeling out of control? If you want/need to talk feel free to PM me.

*hugs megz* Hope that your thoughts have calmed down some.

*hugs heather* how are u hun? Feel like its been quite a while since I've talked to you.

*hugs mrs pan* how r u doing?

*hugs oliver* Can you talk to someone close to you about the possibility of not returning? You don't have to say for sure yes or no yet, but just discuss your concerns to get some reaction/support from someone you trust. (sorry.. I wish i had better advice... I know how difficult it must be to have a conversation like that)

*hugs Laura* your not useless or a bad wardie at all.

the only person I've spoken to about it is my GP, I cant talk to my family or friends cos they all think I'm definetly going back. This is such a hard decision to make, but I feel its already been made for me by people expecting me to go back so I'm just doing that.

Oliver, you have to do what you think is best for you. It's your life after all but I do understand the pressure that other people can put on you.

I'm going to call the crisis team in a couple of minutes, as they have requested. I hope that I get to speak to someone different because the person I spoke to before is so focused on what she thinks will help that she doesn't listen to me. If they can't help i'm going to try and phone Breathing Space.

*hugs Lindsay* I hope the crisis team are more helpful this time.

I want to go back to uni, but I'm not sure if I'm well enough to go back this sept, but everyone else thinks I am.

*hugs everyone*
*crosses fingers for someone helpful for Lindsay*
*squeezer Oliver* You know if you are well enough better than others do, hun. Do what you feel is right not what you are pushed into.
*squishes Laura* Not a bad wardie. Everyone lurks and withdraws sometimes.

sorry everybody that's the best indiv I can do atm...

so.... I decided to post a thing on fiverr... we'll see if anyone wants a sketch. I could use both the money and the distraction. i'm drawing a blank so just drawing on my own is not gonna be all that distracting... maybe the directed drawing will be helpful.