*cuddles everyone* I'm so drained right now. I'll try to catch up with individuals later. Oh and poem I wrote is in my r/v if anyone is interested... Its not very good... but at least its something.
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=106265

Laura I like your Poem , it's good , I'm no expert but I do think it's good *Hugs*

Thanks Mark *hugs* I'm sorry the acupuncture place didn't call you before canceling... that is really annoying. Hope that things go okay with the psych appointment tomorrow.

Hugs everyone. Not a great night tonight, it's crazy and sad when you see how bad things have got. and you know it's not going to get any bettter as there is no know cure, sorry just want to curl up and cry.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now:( we are always here if you want to talk :)

I feel like giving up.

Since I spy you, Hels, & you posted... what's up, love? *cuddles gently*

Laura, I'll try to read it in a bit... just woke up from a nap & am a bit muzzy-brained at the moment, lol. *hugs*

*cuddles helen* don't give up hun. Whats wrong?

*hugs april* thats okay, you dont have to read or anything. Its just there if you want to. Hope you had a good nap.

*hugs jill* im sorry things arent going so well right now. Try to do something nice for yourself, maybe that will help distract/relax you.

Thanks ladies *cuddles you both* Just really low, so fed up with everything to be honest. Plus to top of it off been really rough all day - so shattered && keep going hot/cold really quick & got a sore wisdom tooth as the pointy bits are through (or coming through). Just sooo low. Even nearly crying now & I don't know why.

*curls up*

*hugs helen* im sorry your day has been so bad. Here if you need.

*curls up in an invisible corner and breaks down*

*trigger warning- language*

Sometimes I really hate our life. everything is always ****ed up it seems..
looks like we are gonna have to drive ourselves to the ER saturday morning. friend cant take us..her husband is having massive problems and she cant leave him alone.. not safe for him.

so we have to drive ourselves to somewhere we arent fimiliar (hiding has horrible driving/traffic triggers for anxiety)
then we have to be seen and try to get help and psych eval .. and have no support with us. *sigh*
I am pissed because husband wont take us.. but hiding says to leave it be ..hospitals are like a trigger for his chronic depression or some such BS.
just typing this is making our shoulders tense and hurt alot..ugh..

GRRR
SADIE

a little victory is still a victory *throws confetti*

*hugs Luke* yeah good idea thanks, I don't want to bother her though, she got really stressed when I told her about the AD's, she thinks I'm happy now cos I've come out, doesn't quite work like that.
I'm really sorry to hear how bad the MH team have been with you, what they said to you was disgraceful, have you considered making a complaint?
I think it would be really good if you could be honest in your appt tomorrow, I know its hard though. Well done for throwing the tablets away, it definetly is a big thing.

*hugs Sadie* I'm sorry its going to be tough going to the hospital, I hope Hiding is ok with the driving and you get there safely and that the appt goes ok.

*hugs Laura* whats up?

*hugs Mark* thats bad about the acupunture appt, I'm sorry you walked there and then found out it was cancelled, that really sucks.hope your appt goes/went ok, confused as to when it was, sorry

*hugs Helen* I hope your tooth stops hurting soon, can you take some pain killers for it, sorry your feeling so low, sorry I don't know what to say to be more helpful.

*glomps April just because I spy her* how are you doing?

*hugs everyone*

Imanaged to force myself to do stuff earlier, went for a 45 min cycle, did some weights and exercise when I got back, did a bit of tidying of my room and played the piano a bit, even if it was the wrong instrument to practice.
But I'm just feeling so depressed, not really suicidal, want to sh a lot, but just feeling really dead inside, like nothing there and I hate it. Going ot the dr's tomorrow to hopefully get my AD's again, as I forgeot to get enough begore coming home, I just hope this dr's have changed my name and gender on the system otherwise it will get awkward.
Alex is going much better now, he went to an FTM group and had a great time, found out one of the older guys who runs it works with his dad, who is having a problem with Alex being trans, and said he will speak to his dad if need be.
I'm getting very trangsty though, music course next week where I have to pretend to be a girl.

Random question. does anyone start watching a tv show, like a soap, just because they have a character or storyline that they can relate to, or is similar to them in some way.
I've just started watching Hollyoaks because they are introducing a young ftm trans guy next week, he arrives as a girl and it comes out he suffers from GID, so I wanted to watch it to see how they did the story etc.
Just wondering if its just me that dies that, because I would never watch Hollyoaks otherwise

Sadie says thanks, but for future .. she isnt big on mushy ,love stuff lol

Hubby said he doesnt wanna go if he doesnt have to cause he hates hospitals but Sarah told him we really dont wanna go alone.. he said he may go with us afterall.

I hope so.

I'm being made to give up my blades. I have to hand them to my doctor on Saturday morning. I so do not want to do this. :(

How do you know when there is nothing left to hold onto?

sorry everyone. Im a bad wardmate.. no replies right now.

*hugs Laura* It's alright. We understand the no replies.
*hugs everyone*

I get to see my T tomorrow and tell her about my breakup, and how it's thrown me into the binge/purge cycle again, and how I'm actively SIing... geez. Oh. and the nightmares. I get to tell her about the nightmares of my mother setting me on fire. gah. I'm a mess.

And on top of that, I'm talking to a cast member of mine (the one in my profile pic) on facebook and he makes me feel all giddy... hell. I'm such a mess. And the giddyness is the last thing I should be thinking of.

* hugs Luke * Way to go on throwing away the pills , thats really positive :)
*Hugs Jessica*I'm sorry they are making you throw away your blades when you don't want to, that must be really tough on you :S

*Hugs everyone else* I'm up early (for me) Psych Dr appoinment today (Argg!) and befriending apointment in an hour (:S) thankyou to everyone who has wished me luck and sorry I didn't do many replies.

Oh and Oliver *Hugs* I was watching a movie a little while ago and the woman had depression which made me empathise with her more.

*cuddles all*

My tooth seems to be a little better today :D More my cheek that's hurting at the moment. We shall see how it goes. Still feeling low. I'm pissed off actually, I have a stupid meeting today instead of signing on, so thought it was 12.30 so got up late enough to still leave early but do stuff. Good job I checked, it's at 12!!! Argh STRESSING now >.> Really don't want to go at all.

*Hugs Helen* I 'm glad your tooth is feeling a little better . Whats this meeting you've got ?try not to stress about it ( I'm one to talk I know).

*Hugs Luke* Don't feel ashamed , try and be as honest as possible (I'm one to talk again!)

I feel hypocritical offfering this advice when I struggle to take it myself , *Resumes Freaking out about my Psych Dr appointment at 2pm , just under 3 hours to go......*