I can't do this anymore.

:crying:

*huggles/waves at all*

Feeling a bit over it at the moment.

Just thought I'd share something interesting. A surgeon in the "fair" country of Australia is planning a legal class action aimed at banning cigarettes in Australia along the lines of action taken by victims of asbestos against James Hardie. If it was achieved - which would set an interesting precedent, the government would be forced to pay out billions in damages/compensation to smokers and help them to quit and so forth. They'd also lose trillions of dollars a year in revenue from cigarette sales. So it could be extremely interesting.

*hugs to everyone* i wish i could take all your hurts. I would be sad if i heard any of you passed on.

hey becca =]
how is you?

*sniffles* hi all

*hugs everyone*

I'm starting my first day as assistant team leader with the Prince's Trust. I don't feel like I can do this. My social skills and leadership skills are rubbish.

*Hugs Sarah* That sounds like a super cool kitty placement , Congratulations :)

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs April after finding her in her corner of the warren* You CAN do this , it's hard but you will get through it .

*Hugs Lia*You are not covered in dirt , You are a kind caring person and help out tons here .

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Lindsay* Good luck with the princes trust !!

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Becca*

*Hugs everybody else*

How are you, Mark?

*Hey Lindsay*
Well today I rang up for my repeat perscription which I hate doing as I feel I'm on so many meds it's embarrasing, so I've already accomplished as many chores today as I did in all of yesterday :) I just have to stay out of bed all day like I ended up doing yesterday, We'll find out how it goes , I want cheese roll for lunch I think so I have to go to the shops for a roll . and some cheese heh, I'm just trying to get the motivation to go out hmmm

Hey there my fellow wardies, sorry for disappearing on you all for a week, not really sure what happened....am now waiting in for people to come and connect me to the communial digital ariel in the block of flats, exciting times at the prospect of TV to watch again, not quite so exciting waiting in for strangers to come and mess up my flat. But it could be worse, gotta focus on the positives, right?

*Hugs Hayley* I don't like having strangers in my flat either , but enjoy a toilet that flushes , well enjoy might be the wrong word lol .Engineers are coming on Wednesday for insulate my walls , I guess they're doing all 4 flats in the building , I hope it can be done from the outside as I've appointments out on Wednesday .
How have you been Hayley ?

*huggles Mark* Ah hope insulation goes ok, at least you'll be nice and toasty in the winter for the inconvienience they cause. I've been keeping my brave face on, just. I started a blog at my friends reccomendation, thinking it would be better for me than my RYL journal, but I've not written in either in a week, cos if I type the words out, then it makes it more real. DENIAL is where I'm at right now and its working, kind of....

On a random note, Reggie bit my bottom this morning, it bloomin hurt! LOL!

Lol , sorry but did you almost sit on him ? how else did you make him bitey and give him access to your bottom? :P

Hmm in Denial , I understand about not likeing to write things out , I have a R/V thread and a blog but rarly update either :S

I spy Kahlia *huggles!*

No Mark, I didn't nearly sit on him, I was already sitting on the floor, giving him quality bunny time and it was going well, he was licking my face and hands as he usually does, but then hopped round the back and just decided to bite me! Cheeky bugger. He was in a nibble anything and everything mood this morning, a few of my books and DVD cases have teeth marks in from this mornings antics.

My M.E symptoms haven't been good over past week, my tolerance of laptop screen isn't holding up at the mo, so I'm going to go for a fag break and then a rest in the denial tent. I may be back out later, though I've my 4year old godson's birthday meal to go to later, so I may not get the chance.

Thinking of all my fellow wardies and wishing them well *huggles/waves depending on what you're comfortable with*

*hugs everyone* The devil is telling me to hurt myself dont know what with my husband is with me so am safe

*Hugs RYUU* I'm glad your husband is there to keep you safe :)

*hugs everyone*
I swear, one day individuals won't feel so daunting. I just can't get the concentration to do them right now.

So... this week will be busy, in addition to class and work, I have to go to the bank, call my credit card company to find out why they rejected my online payment and didn't tell me. I really have the money to pay my bill, I promise, so it's not that. I have a meeting today, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I *may* go on a campout this weekend. Haven't decided. I have to write at least 3 pages of my Brit Lit paper (I still don't have a concrete topic though...), read my history chapter, read 2 chapters in Marketing and do a company case, read a Journalism chapter and keep up with my newpaper logs, go to counseling, and get my meds straightened out... Oh! and my Witchcraft minicourse starts Friday.

Whew... so... good news, I won't have time/energy to deal with the cleanup of harming...
Bad news: I may not sleep... at all.

And on another good note, we finally made it to the Renaissance in my Brit Lit class! I finally understand/like the literature! =)

*Hugs Felicia*Busy busy bee :) Good luck

That sounds like fun!!!^^^^

Mark, yeah, I think Witchcraft may end up being my favorite course this semester.
The professor who's teaching it is also trying to do a Revenge Tragedy minicourse in the spring and his facebook status the other day was "needs to focus on his Witchcraft, but can only think of Revenge."
Only from an English professor is that status not scary. haha.

*waves at everyone and curls up in corner sleepily*

*waves at Heather and gives her a blanket*

*waves at Heather and hands over a pillow* Are you comfy ?:)

yahuh. except not for real cuz silly library chairs not comfy >.<
and gotta has lunch at some point =\

*Hugs all*

I know this is gonna sound insane since she doesn't even exist and all that jazz, but Sam and I are still fighting. I feel betrayed by her I guess. She's the only person who I can really relate to and feel she really understands me, but I don't understand what she did. I see why she did it, but I don't agree at all and it's as if I don't even know her anymore. No matter how well you think you know someone, they will always come out with surprises that leaves you questioning everything you thought you knew. I don't know what to do about it, I can't change it and she's not even sorry.

*hugs ward*

So upset, it's unreal =[

*Hugs Lia* You don't sound insane Lia,not at all

*Hugs Helen* Whats happened?

*hugs Hels* what's going on, darlin?

*hugs both* One of my hearing aids broke this morning at college =[

Can't you get a new on on the NHS or something?

xx

Oh that bites Helen , Can you hear sort of okay with just the one? How long do you think it will take to repair it , have they broken before on you?

Some people are so strange. Someone begged me not to leave them and I promised I never would unless they wanted me to go. Now they've gone and left me, although they promised they would always be there. I can't even summon the energy to be that upset. I expected it all along. No one ever stays.

Hopefully =/ Mum's phoning for me tomorrow, to see if I can just walk in/or get an appointment. I can't go til Thursday.

No, I really struggle. :crying: I cannot explain how distressing it is. I don't want to, I'll cry again lol. Hoping to have a new one when I go on Thursday or have one before I go away gaaaah >_< I rely on them so much.

self injury and self poisoning
 

Well yesterday I cut, and today I self poisoned.:pinch:

I'm scaring myself with my compulsion to hurt me. Today I wanted to carry out my plan to commit suicide even though I didn't want to die. That's just weird. Before when I've felt suicidal I've wanted to die.This is way more confusing and personally I also find it more upsetting.

I phoned the duty worker, I don't know why. What did I want from them exactly? I suppose I was scared and needed reassuring, but after chatting to them the compulsion to self poison got the better of me. :cry:

Anyway I'm seeing my CPN on Wednesday. Its a shame I don't trust her so don't think it will help too much:-(

My GP is away for the next two weeks, so all I know is I've got to keep busy and be careful.

I'm glad this forum exists, hopefully checking in on the ward will help me keep safe sometimes.
I hope you can be patient with me at the moment:crying:

Hugs to all that can accept them

Hannah

*hugs Hels* I hope you can get it replaced soon.
*hugs Lia* I'll stay around. =)

So... I'm okay, just tired and hungry, but I have a meeting soon so I have to wait to eat. Also, I miss my brother. I'm listening to tons of rap music since he likes a lot of it, and giggling cause of our craziness whilst listening to the music. I'm slightly pathetic, I know.

*Hugs Hannah* I sorry You S.I.'ed , please try and stay safe until you can see somebody useful .We don't need to be patient with you , this thread exists just so we can talk and get empathy and advice from the other wardies :)

*Hugs the ward goodnight* I'm not really tired but I don't want to be tired tomorrow morning and I don't want to harm (again) tonight so off to bed I'm going .

*Hugs Hannah* I'm sorry you're so low. I wish there was something I could do.

*Hugs Felicia.* Thanks. People say that though and then they do. It's not that I don't trust you, more than I don't trust myself.

*Hugs Mark* Night night.

*Hugs Helen* I hope you get it sorted soon.

Oh. Dear. Life. "I feel sorry for you" Someone actually just said that to me. I think horrified is just about the word to cover how I'm feeling right now. I don't want people's pity, not now, not ever. It's part of the reason I am shut off like I am, I DO NOT want people to see me as a victim. I'm not. Urgh. I just hate that so much. People's pity is the last thing I ever want. Lucky she lives 5 hours away, I don't think I could ever look her in the eye again...

*hugs everyone who wants of needs them*

My good mood has disappeared. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Had a rough day today :(

Just want to curl up in a ball and disappear now.

*hugs Lia* I understand that, so many people have left me. I know it's hard to believe.

*hugs Claire and Sarah* I hope you guys feel better soon.

I just want to sleep... forever. (And no, I mean nothing bad by it. I just want to go to sleep... seriously)

Ever just wanted to dissolve into tears and then disappear? *sigh*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs everyone else*

*Spots and hugs Julie* :) How are you Julie ?

*cuddles marky then scratches my arms* i am very itchy

*Hugs Julie* Hmm why are you itchy? allergy maybe?

mhmm i think so just so itchy *scratches lots*

I need a hug :(

*HUGS Claire* Do you need to talk ?

I honestly don't know. It's just like life has it in for me, I just never get a break from anything. I just want things to be okay, just for once. *hugs*

It was my Sisters 28th yesterday , I can't beleive I have a 28 year old little sister . Thats the last family occaision before my 30th , up until now I've been focusing on my grannys birthday then my Grandma's then my sister's but now it's all focused on mine , I've been asked for my gift wish lish . I am SO freaked out about turning 30 , I don't want to , It's coming close to the date I set myself to kill myself, although my Dr put me on more Lithium when I mentioned this and I'm not so suicidal now I STILL have that date in my mind :S unhappy.........

*hugs Mark* That does sound hard. I really don't have any words, I'm afraid.