|
|
Lia, sweetie, it's fine if you PM me. As I said, my inbox is always open. :) *hugs gently* And I'm doing better now that I typed all of that out.
Kahlia *cuddles* Sorry, don't have any advice or anything, but I do think that it's brave of you to venture out of the flat to do those things. (Sorry if that was a dense thing to say... :-S) *cuddles everyone else* Sorry for no other individual replies... |
April: (cuddles) It's okay. The hospital is a big trigger place for me - especially because of the mistreatment I've received there and the case with the HQCC - so it's hard to go there anyway. Plus there's bustrips, which are bad in this town. And with my anxiety up so high it kind of compounds things.
|
*cuddles all then hides in a corner & cries*
|
*sits next to april and offers hugs*
|
Quote:
*hugs everyone* I did read everything but I'm not up for an epic style reply... but... Oliver, glad things are going okay with Alex's parents. *cuddles to those in need* *calming thoughts to those with anxiety* |
I feel like I shouldn't post right now, cause I'm just so unable to do individual replies.
I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm not resisting my urges anymore. I SI more than I ever have, I'm letting my ED rule my life. And I'm not to the point where I can care. I've debated seeking out someplace I can go once I'm done with my play... 7 more days, just 7. Surely, I can survive. Then maybe I'll let myself seek help. |
It's 5:15am and I'm awake. Up, because of "the dreams." They were bad last night... scary AND weird. :crying: I can't get away from them. I tried praying, but that didn't work. I tried going to bed later than usual, but that didn't work. I tried talking to people about them, but that didn't work. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. And I can't keep having these dreams. They make me terrified to go to bed... :crying:
I don't know what else to say... OH, and Felicia, it's fine if you come here just to let us know how you're doing. If you feel guilty about not doing epic replies, well, toss us a few hugs or something... :) You don't have to do epic replies, I totally understand why you aren't. *gentle hugs* |
Morning /afternoon/Night Wardies :)
I crawled out of bed a little while ago . Such an effort and it really shoulden't be. I am Numb , numb and anxious and I know that doesn't make sense , How can I be Numb AND anxious surly they would cancel each other out but no . I'm not super anxious its just .. there. Still I'm doing .... how am I doing? Not sure *sigh* Thanks for your reply Kahlia and to everyone else who replyed. *Group Hugs* |
*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you're numb & anxious... that sucks. No matter what it "should" do, cancel each other out or whatever... it still is awful feeling that way. Is there anything that I can do??
Still kind of uptight about the dreams. It's Tegretol/Equetro, I swear. I didn't have THIS much of a problem with dreams prior to starting the med about a week & a half ago. :crying: I HATE dreams. Why can't I dream good dreams for once? I HATE THEM!!!! :crying: Anyway. Umm yeah, I've got it all together, totally................... |
*cuddles all*
|
*cuddles all*
My housemate and I just watched Dogma. It was really funny. I have to go to Pain Management Clinic tomorrow morning and I'm anxious about it already - and I've got residual anxiety from today. Also, our neighbour asked us to look after her son for a couple of hours and didn't even so much as thank us. I was standing in my room staring out my window (third floor and no flyscreens or anything) and I think I freaked my housemate out 'cause the next time I was in there he walked in and shut the window. :-( Sorry for the lack of replies. *cuddles Helen* - Glad you got to see Mamma Mia. *cuddles everybody* |
*Cuddles April* I don't think there is much you can do but Thanks for the cuddles :) Very much appreciated :) Can you talk to someone about your Meds/Dreams link ? , A Dr or Text your NP.
*Hugs Helen* |
*Hugs Kahlia* Dogma is funny heh :)
Sometimes people can be really inconsidderate like your neighbour was hmmm. Obviously your flatmate is concerned for your wellfare , It's nice to have people who care but it's not nice to think you are freaking them out . *Hands over Camomille tea to help with your anxiety* |
Hugs Helen and lia, glad you both had a good time in london.
Damn it I feel so stressed out already, getting worked up over stuff. Damn I really want today to go away. =( |
It's awfully quiet in here...
*cuddles Hels & Mark back* Am still feeling low from the dreams. :-/ This bites. It really does. I HATE NIGHTMARES... and WTF is with me having them every night for a week?! :crying: Sorry, the feelings from the dreams are still being acutely felt and I feel so awful right now..... Plans for the day: clean up apartment as a prospective buyer is coming... maybe hang out with my bestie (not sure)... fill my script for Klonopin... maaaybe get my hunter on WoW to hit level 66 (:D)... that's about it really. Gonna be a quiet day in this household. Heh. And I might play my cello - am super excited as I ordered (finally!!) a top-end rosin for the bow as well as a new book for me to play out of. I'm nowhere near done with the books I have now, but just having this book optional... can't wait for it to get here. :) It might be a little above my current playing level, but I will get there. :D *hides in a corner & cries some more* |
*cuddles Mark* - Yeah Dogma was great. Thanks for the tea. My housemate is great, he usually doesn't show when I've unnerved him.
Jill: *offers hugs* Sorry it isn't more. April: *offers gentle hugs* Sorry about the nightmares. I know how bad/disturbing they can be. When I was learning/playing flute I used to love having music that was challenging. When I played in high school the majority of the music I was playing was too easy for me so I would get bored and start to improvise. Sorry, I was going to say that I hope the wait is worthwhile. :-) |
*cries*
|
*Hugs Lindsay*
|
first of all *hugs for everyone*
todays not been great. didnt sleep at all last night, feel very week. had to go into town for "lunch group" with cmht, and thought i would go see if i have been paid. no. another thing to bring me down, having no money. i cant stop shaking, it is really getting to me. i know i should phone my cpn and tell her how i am feeling, but i just cant seem to. i dont see her til thursday, and 3 days seems like an eternity. dont know how much more i can take of it all, im slipping, and its getting faster and faster. there's nothing to hold on to. |
*Hugs Lindsey* What's the matter? Is it the men? Just to let you know from your previous post, I take you seriously. I know how scared you must be, and that they do have the power to control you and do things to you. I know what it's like not to be heard, to be brushed aside when you're desperatly seeking help, but we won't brush you aside here and we will listen to you. :)
*Hugs Steph tightly*- I don't really know what to say right now. At least you told us on here, even if you can't call anyone else. I have a tip for holding on. Just think, what do I have to look forward to? And then wait until after that to kill yourself, and when that's past, think of something esle and so on and so on. Like for me, I am totally staying alive until I get my GCSE results. I didn't do those damn things for nothing. Then I might as well take a year of A-level as otherwise the results are just a bit of paper. Then all that would have been for nothing unless I complete my alevels and go to uni, then I need to finish that and at least teach for a couple of years to make that worthwhile. Then I can kill myself if I still want to. But that gives me about 7 years to get better. *Hugs Mark*- How are you now? I've had the whole 'depressed but numb thing as well and I also have no idea how it works. Strange world we live in. I know how you feel though. It's like you're depressed, but nothing can change your feelings. Nothing makes you feel better or worse, you just stay in the same low. *Hugs Kahlia* How's the anxiety going? Nice to hear you had some good times with your housemate, sometimes it's the small things that make us happy. Today I saw my English teacher and she seemed really pleased to see me, which made me feel as if I am worth somethings. She's the only one who's ever been able to make me feel like that because she can be cold, cutting and saracastic, but she's nice to me and is sarcastic at me, but never really cutting. She is mean, but it's in a jokey way. We like to fight a lot. Anyway, the point is she makes me feel good about myself and has always encouraged me. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. I think the point was it's the little things that make us smile. *Climbs in corner with April hands tissues and holds* Try a dream catcher, they are supposed to capture our nightmares and keep them so we have sweet dreams. I don't know if I believe in it or not, but they can be a comfort anyhow. So can Winnie the Pooh :) Thanks for listening to me last night btw, it felt good to tell someone and put it all in perspective like that insted of a jumbled mess in my head. *Hugs Jill* I'm sorry if you're struggling. What are you getting worked up over? And that man who's texting you, it's not your fault. You may have given him your number, but you certainly didn't ask for the texts and if you've asked him to stop and he hasn't, it's harrasement and you could take it to the police. At least threaten him with that, see if he stops then. Whether you will or not is beside the point, he doesn't know that. Hey Helen *cuddles back* How are you? *Hugs and cups of tea to all others. Also have choclate orange hot chocolate and coffee if you'd prefer.* xx |
*cuddles all, spies Lia, & glomps her* :D
Wishes, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low. I wish that there were something that I/we could do to help... maybe try to get up the energy/focus to call your CPN? because I think that may help... I don't know though, as I don't know her, but it seems like a good idea to me. *gentle hugs* *gently hugs Lindsay* What's up, sweet? Kahlia, I'm with you on challenging music. :D I can't play much yet though until my rosin gets here. I have a new bow that I LOVE but I don't have proper rosin (it's 7 years old and is cracked and just icky...)... blah. I hope I ordered the right type of rosin... GRRRR if I didn't. :( But the music... I can't wait to see what it's like. It has a (dummed down) version of my favorite piece of classical music (it's all classical - this book I mean) - the Pachelbel Canon. :D Anyway... sorry for the ramble... I hope the time you spend at the hospital isn't too awfully triggering for you. :( *gentle cuddles* Mark, thanks for responding to my post about the dreams/meds. I'm going to mention it to my NP when I see her (tomorrow afternoon). Ugh. :( I hate this so much. It truly sucks. I wish I could sleep without nightmares, even just nap, then I'd be happy. I really took peaceful sleep for granted. :-S How are you doing, love? *cuddles* Hels, how are you? Crimson, Hayley, Kat, Laura, Oliver, Kathryn, Taz, Julie, Nicole, Felicia, Luke, everyone I've forgot (sorry!!! :o) - how are you all doing today?? *gentle hugs for all* *goes back to hiding in her hole* :'( |
itsjustme and scarletdreamer, you are helping me, just knowing people are there, it means a lot :,) . and orange hot chocolate for me please!!! i know i will get there at some point, but its just the time in between... i would call my cpn, but i just dont know what to say, she goes home in 45 mins as well, and im all alone again for another night. i dont want to be alone...
*cuddles everyone, and hands out toffee crisps before she eats them all* xx |
Steph, why don't you call her and tell her you don't know what to say, but just needed someone there? I do that to people. As April knows when I started off yesterday with 'I'm not used to this. Erm...' So yeah, just tell her what you're feeling. At least that will be 45 where you're not alone. And you have us for the rest of the night.
*Glomps April back* I'm still with you in that hole of yours. Sorry if I dall asleep though, I am so tired...I don't even know why, I slept ok last night, all I seem to want to do now a days is sleep, but of course at night I can't. Sod's law really isn't it? I've just thought. Am I overly cheerful at times? Cos I know that can be annoying. I don't always feel cheerful, I'm just odd I guess. Perhaps my mask works too well, maybe it'll get stuck to my face like in that Goosebumps book and I'll be forced to smile forever more, wondering the land of the cheerful, doomed to spend my days with the likes of happy people who always insist on looking on the bright side to a point where you want to punch them! Happy land seems like a nice place to be though. Sorry, off on one again. I have an over active imagination, so tend to come up with some sort of weird story for everything. Nothing can ever just be with me. xx |
My name's Lia by the way, and Scarletdreamer is April :)
P.S thanks for the toffee crisp, I'll dunk it in my tea :D |
How is it the last 2 desktop computers I've had I've killed the Harddrive? The first was second hand (my husband had had it for ages before putting it in a comp he built me) and the second we bought new last October... And both of them just one day up and keel over! seriously... WTF?
On the upside my brother in law had just given us a tower he couldn't keep (we got him a laptop for his deployment and he sent us his desktop) so we just used his... But I had hardly put anything on my last harddrive... this one I don't want to put anything on it since I've a feeling I'll lose it all anyway so why bother? And sorry for the itsy bitsy reply last night... I was having trouble getting the comp to read my vid card right so I was stuck at that moment viewing everything in the lowest res possible... :( *huggles everyone* How is everybody today? |
*hugs everybody*
I really have nothing to say, I just wanted to come in and offer love |
Love is always welcome. How are you?
|
Hugs everybody, urgh today was so damn stressful so glad it almost over. Things are falling apart again not sure I care this time would be better to just let it.
|
*cuddles all*
Lia & April, since you both asked how I was, I'm really struggling. Bit suicidal. I'll be fine. How are you both *squishes* |
Lindsay, I'm hanging in... hoping the next week or so goes by kinda fast so I can actually attempt to take care of myself again. How are you?
shadowedsoul, *hugs* I don't really know what to say, but if you need to vent or whatever you can PM me. MammaMia, *hugs* I hope the suicidal feeling passes soon. |
*hugs* Thank you, I'll be okay :)
|
*Hugs Lindsay*
*Hugs Helen* *Hugs Jill* |
*hugs helen* Hope you are alright hun.
*hugs mark, lindsay, jill, april, felicia, lia, kahlia, crimson and everyone else* *waves to Wishes (steph?)* i don't think i've introduced myself. I'm laura. *hands over some no-calorie cookies* |
I am utterly exhausted. Again. No, still, I should say. ARGH. :(
Landlord is supposed to be coming by alllll of the apartments and mobile homes he owns to show to a prospective buyer... for some reason I am nervous, although hopefully we will be moving out of here in a few months. I hate showing myself to people when I feel like I'm all worn down and not dressed for doing much in public (frayed shorts and a cami...). Oh well. Lia, hon, you don't come across as being super happy or anything. Just the right amount of positivity for in here, I think. Also, I'm glad I could help last night (if I did...). *gentle hugs* How is everyone doing? *feels all alone in the great echoing ward* Have no idea what time the landlord will be here... or rather, the sales agent... said they'd start around 5pm but I don't know where they'd start, with the trailer park or the apartment building. Ugh. This is just a great huge bother!!! *hides in a hole* |
Sorry for lack of replies. I'm trying to agony aunt someone else right now whilst falling apart myself and being terrifed. Of both what I just watched and why it freaked me out so much. It shouldn't have done, it's just a TV show, it shouldn't have left me feeling like this. It scares me that it scares me if that makes any sense at all.
*Hugs to all who want them.* Edit. I need to do something calming, something nice becasue I'm freaking quite badly here and have a urge to cut so it will all go away. Another edit. I'll put Mamma Mia on, that's pretty cheery. Oh no, that upsets me. FML. |
Hmmm... quiet in here today. I spent the first half of the day at the front desk and only missed a page.
|
I spy crimson and lia! *cuddles*
it is kind of quiet in here today. hope everyone is alright. |
hmmm lia, have you watched the bounty hunter? it's a pretty funny movie. pretty new though...
|
*Hugs April* I hope your landlord comes by soon
*Hugs Lia* I hope your urges pass and you are ok :) *Hugs Crimson* I'm up late watching a horror movie , CREEPY!! Sorry for my scant replys :S |
hey laura yeah i'm steph, sometimes it shows up and sometimes it doesnt :/.
*big huggles to everyone* i will be on chat soon if anybody wants to talk, most probs in 3 or 4. my left arm cant move, have had the cervical cancer vaccination today, and god, is it sore!!! hope everyone is ok xx |
April: You brought the biggest smile to my face in on of your posts back there. Pachelbels Canon (sorry about the spelling I'm in a rush as I have to leave to catch a bus soon) is one of my favourite songs of all time. I've played it - on pianoforte I believe - and won with it in the Eisteddfodeau before. It's just so darned beautiful. I'm so envious ... but in a good way. *great big hugs*
Crimson: I wish I was there so I could offer you some help with your IT troubles. That harddrive issue sounds complex. - Sorry, I should explain. My housemate and I do a lot of work with IT. We're both studying it extensively and build a lot of computer systems, both on demand (for students and staff at a local university and TAFE) and for businesses. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there to see if there was something we could help. The situation doesn't sound good. :-( *offers big hugs) Hels: *cuddles you tightly* Sweetheart, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with those suicidal urges again. Is there anything I can do to help? Feel free to PM me if you wish. I always try to keep up with what is happening with you, even if I am not always able to respond immediately. *gently covers you in warm hugs* Steph, Felicia, & any other [relatiely] newbies that I have missed entering the ward: I wish to extend to you my welcome, and my introduction. My name is Kahlia - and feel free to use (and misuse) it however you like. I'm sorry for the belated responses to you. *bad me* But I have not been very well mentally for awhile. I hope you find in our lovely Virtual Psych Ward what you need - and what some of us, at least, cannot find in a real psych ward. . . people who understand, can trust and a place where we can open up. I have to run as I have to catch a bus to go to the hospital for a 6 hour lecture on "What is Pain". *yawn* Already had 2mg of Xanax and starting to freak out again. But, it has to be done. Wishing you all well, and once more unto the breach as they say. *leaves cuddles and safe love and care packages on the table for all* |
Hmm need to vent sorry not towards anyone here.
I have got not idea what's going on with you, how the hell did it get so messed up. You used to be so bright so full of life, now your Idk I'm worried but at the same time angry at you. Just want you back the same person you used to be , but I know I can't have you back and it kills me as I miss you.So come on B show us u can pull this back around because we all know were this is heading, so for your own sake please pull the back. =( |
Sorry double post stuiped laptop. =(
|
Quote:
We got the video card working properly but I just don't see how I manage to keep killing the hard drives so fast... *shrugs* oh well. that fact along with the fact that D will never let me hear the end of it are simply the facts of life. my netbook though so far is a stand up machine. I've written 3 essays on it and am working on a book or two on it plus all the internet playing I do on it and it's up to the challenge so far... :) *extra hugs for your lecture* *huggles everyone* How's everyone's day going? |
Sales agent still not shown up yet and it's nearly 2 hours after she said they would. Jarrod's gone to do something else and it's such a ****ing WASTE OF TIME since we've spent nearly the whole day cleaning up the apartment a bit to look good. But, that being said, we did go out to lunch & bought Jarrod a (very nice starting) bass guitar. :D I'm so stoked for him, because he's always wanted a bass guitar & now he has one!! :) Not quite my style and a little too big for my hand (almost too big for Jarrod's!!), but at least it's music. :D
Kahlia, glad I could bring a smile to your face. I LOVE Pachelbel's Canon, have played it on violin at numerous weddings, etc. Just LOVE IT. :D It's so pretty. Of course, the cello part is really the boring part (probably the left hand bit on your version of it for piano, at least, that's what it is for mine), but with the cello carrying the melody, it shouldn't be so bad. :) I'm so glad that someone else appreciates it as well. :D *cuddles* Stay strong for the hospital bit, I'm sure you can do it. I know, rubbish advice but... I'll be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. :) Hels, I'm worried about you... *gentle cuddles* How are you feeling now? Mark, maybe don't watch the horror movie if it's very creepy?? *cuddles* How are you doing otherwise? Lia, how are you doing now, sweet? Hopefully a bit better... As far as comforting things go, how about a children's book? like Winnie the Pooh or Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle (if you've not heard of her & like children's books, you MUST MUST MUST look her up!!!!)... or maybe play some music that calms you down, or drink some chamomile tea with honey whilst reading a fun (NOT creepy :P) book. *gentle hugs* If you need to talk, I'm here. I think I know what upset you and I'm sorry about that - maybe stop watching that show for awhile?? just a thought... Anyway. I'm trying to eat supper but it's not working too well... guhhh. :( So warm. It's freaking hot outside today... glad when we went for lunch/guitar purchasing we took my car (J's car doesn't have functioning a/c but mine does!! :P)... although I drove at first then started feeling like I wasn't connected to parts of my body. Like my head was floating. Not lightheaded like dizzy-lightheaded, just... I don't know. It was REALLY weird. So I pulled over and let Jarrod drive the rest of the way... am such a wuss. :-/ *huggles and cuddles to all she's not mentioned* |
*hugs everyone before hiding away*
|
*cuddles Laura* What's up, sweetie?
*spies Steph and gently glomps her* :) How are you doing now? any better than earlier? |
shadowed soul - hope you feel a bit better after getting that off your chest, obviously i dont know whats gone on, but it is hard when someone leaves, i know that one.
scarlet dreamer - hope they turn up at some point, really annoying when they say a time and its hours later. i dont feel as if i a really here atm, dont know what is happening... just feel... weird... need to eat something proper, but feel so sick. sometimes i wonder, would anyone notice if i wasnt here? i know thats not good, but that is the way i am feeling. i am so alone, everyone that means something are so may miles away. i know i sound pathetic, im sorry. think i just need a brain transplant, and maybe a heart, so that i wouldnt love the people i shouldnt. well i've moaned enough, apologies, steph xxx xx x ps *gives ot plenty of love to those who want it* |
I keep sitting here trying to type out what is going on... I tried in my r/v too, thinking that I would be able to feel less restrained.... but my internal censor that is always on won't let me. Sorry if I am worried anyone. I'll be okay. I always am.
|
fallinstar0317 - its ok, we all get like that from time to time. just remember we are here when you are ready to talk. *snuggles*
steph xxx xx x |
| All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:54 AM. |
|
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.