*snuggles everyone*

I wish this ward was real :(

Thanx for hugs x

i wish it was real too, i'd stay here all the time and not have to be in the real psych ward and deal with this ***** thing called life :(
I am so in need of the denial tent right now

*snuggles* me too Helen... Me too...

*sniff* you mean the Denial Tent isn't real? there goes my concept of life.

so can it bereal and i can stay in it? forever?

well that was my plan so i don't see why not! i don't care what people say it's real and i am not coming out.

makes me feel better

oopsies Alyssa i am sorry if i used one of your words wrong earlier
i am sorry you feel stuck *hugs*

i'm in there with you callie! denial is definately the way to go
can't face anything today

I have my just after lunch nap attack. And my fifth diet burpsie of the day beside me on the desk. I'm making progress on the sailboat thingies. I only have two or three steps of the construction left. Self stick industrial velcro sticks to my utility scissors. I ended up cleaning them with nail polish remover. The next step is to actually sew the above mentioned self stick velcro into place cause it does not stick well on fabric. Should be interesting to see what it does to my sewing machine needle. And since it is velcro and basically plastic, as soon as that sewing is done, the needle is history. I don't know that I'll have time to do my sun shirt today. I think I need rest more than I need a new shirt. But the fabric sure is nice.

Sorry if I talk too much about my job. I like it.

Today is the 19th anniversary of the day my husband officially proposed marriage!

I'm sorry that everyone feels so icky! Hugs all around.

Heya everyone :)

I hope your all ok :) i've been thinking about you all today, *hugs all round*

I am now home and relaxing, today has been a very special day as i done the race for life in memory of my uncle who passed away due to cancer and i am sooo glad i made it, i pushed myself to the very limits and i am now actually really proud of myself :)

*pops in to leave hugs and warm thought for everyone* Just found my grandma's old laptop so have very limited internet access.

I no longer want to be here. I am now cursing my parents for having me and everyone who has ever broken a promise. All I want to do is go on one big huge destruct. I am sick of this stuck crap. I don't want it, I didn't ask for it and as far as I am concerned I have had enough. Hopefully I won't wake up tomorrow, sadly I doubt my luck.

*hugs her RYL mom* yay engagement anniversary!!!

*snuggles Emma* you've been reading my posts haven't you? Sounds like we're saying practically the same thing I'm sorry luv, I wish I could help...

Maybe, sorry for stealing your word, it's just its the perfect word for what I want to say *returns hugs*

Naw, you can use my word any time Emma. I'm just very specific about my word choice and sometimes that lands me smack in the middle of a misunderstanding:pinch:

:crying: I just want to be really done... :crying:

*Wanders in with muffins, hugs and blankets*

I appear to have lost my Wife :-(
Anybody heard from Alexx today?

Nevermind.
It's sorted now

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry we're all feeling so crappy. Well most of us. Is it scary that I'm beginng to feel like how Ally & Emma do =\

Hi everyone - I really am sorry about earlier - hope there is no bad feelings. I want to be here for you all just having a bad day. Here's a bit of my post to expalin a bit - I dont think I realised just how much not getting to say goodbye has upset me - I mean I knew at the time and was angry but now it just hurts...

have asked my mum to ask the workmen when they come back tomorrow - I already knew they had taken loads of my dads other tools and bits and pieces - my mum, in a moment of weakness siad they could - she was really upset afterwards but she just didn't know what to say at the time - and she is not one to go back on her word - so I went hunting in the shed and the pliers were the only thing I could find - yet my dad had so many tools when he was alive that it was ridiculous. These pliers had a red handle and I remember him using them so I just thought I would keep them as a reminder - the shouldn't have taken them without asking. It is silly getting upset about them as I may never use them - but I suppose it has been really difficult seeing all his other stuff go - his clothes, car and computer etc that it really hit home - he's never coming back - ever. I still hurt so much that when I flew home he was already unconsciuos and I didn't get to say goodbye - in my head I still thought he would wake up but 24 hours later he was dead - ***cries*** I had been told he had gallstones and then I got an e-mail on the ship saying he had cancer and it had spread to his brain and I should fly home a.s.a.p as in about a month he wouldn't know who we were - I flew straight home from Mexico via Houston Texas and when I got to Heathrow two of my brothers were there and they said we needed to get home as quick as poss, I asked if he was OK and they just said "he was alive when they left home", I so wanted him to wake up just for a minute so I could say goodbye but he didn't *********** I'm crying and I can't see the screen but my mum will be back in a minute so I have to finish this post********* and pull myslef together. He knew all my family were there except me... and I am so angry and hurt that I didn't get to say goodbye.
Wow - sorry didn't realise that was all going to come out - but it did..


Hells, I'm so sorry you feel like that - I'd love to chat with you and see if I can help you.

*hugs Katch* I wish I had words for you hun, but I'm just so fripping useless at the moment.

The urge to cut is getting harder and harder to resist, and it's scaring me. My friend was threatening to jump off the bridge onto the railway earlier, and how can I deal with that when it makes me consider it too?

Can't check myself into local hospital cause they'll just do what they did last time and tell me to get lost and stop wasting their time as there's nothing physically wrong with me.

I hate this feeling so much, but what can I do?

*snuggles Katch*

I'm so sorry you have to go through this :(

I wish I knew the answer for you but I don't - I have never been to the professionals but the more I read on here the more I think I haven't really missed out - I'm sorry your friend has put that on you but right now I think you need to concentrate on yourself - let her know you care and want her to be safe but that you are in a bad way and need to get yourself right before you can help her further.
If you have no-one that you can call to speak about how you feel, try writing it down and putting it in a drawer - you will feel as though you have told someone - you could even write down the responses that you would like to get back - it may help you understand what you need.
I used to plan my dreams - usually involving telling someone like a caring teacher or a nurse of casualty (the tv program - funny eh) and in my dreams I would tell them everything and they would give me the answers that I needed - it must have helped me coz I'm still here. Hugs xxx

Thanks Hells - please tell me how you are feeling - I'm worried about you xxx

Helen, scary yes, and sad too, I'm sorry. *snuggles* I sometimes wonder if with the support we get from each other we also pick up a little something else... We kind of feed off each other...

*massive huggles* Katch Dear Auntie I am SO sorry sweetheart. I watched (literally, we were all there) my cousin die of a brain tumour this past December. It was horrible losing him and I regret a few things I didn't do even though I was there (I didn't hug him because he hurt so badly, just kissed him). I can't imagine how hard it must be having lost your dad and not getting a proper good bye. *snuggles*. Much love, dear heart.

*retreats to her corner, wraps arms around knees and stares vacantly ahead*

Thanks Alyssa - it's 7 weeks today that he died but it seems more on my mind now than before and I'm not coping with it too well.
How are you today, are you ok in the corner??? xxx

Thanks Katch :) It helps to know there are people reading what I'm writing. Like, I'm not alone, almost. May try the writing everything down idea, actually, see if it helps a little, and if it doesn't, it's a distraction at any rate, no?

Hope you're ok, Hells and forever lost? *hugs for anyone who wants*

Hugs are always welcome. Hope the writing helps - be completley honest with yourself - if you know you are not going to show it to anyone you dont have to hide a thing. xxx

Ally, I do think you're right you know, I think we do feel each others moods at times :( *snuggles*

GOD DAMM. PLEASE MAKE THIS REAL =[

Hana, *hugs* glad you're writing I know I've found it helpful. I've also found drawing to be pretty useful (actually I use it more than writing). Hope it all works luv.

Katch,*snuggles* yeah sometimes it takes a while... Probably because you're just so numb right after the fact.

All y'all, yeah, my corners pretty nice I guess... Two walls to lean against, not bad. I guess I'm hanging in there *shrug*. Whether or not I want to be...

Grrrrrrrrrr!

I just started writing a long post in my thread and was getting to a horrible bit and lost it all *sobs*

I shall start again...*punches wall*

Alyssa - I got to go in a minute- are you ok over there in the corner?

Hells- I hate that when that happens - and it's always at the worst times... hang in there.

*hugs Alyssa, Helen, Katch... and anyone else that needs/wants a hug*

Thanks Amanda - I've got to go now - but I don't want to. hugs to everyone xxx

good girl callie.
ally, i agree with wat callie said.
its chloe but i'll take either one. just not cleo, and not chole, cos they REALLY piss me off.

*sits in corner and wraps arms around knees*
Owwwwww my tummy... it is so hungry it hurts :-(

hahaha chole? cleo i understand, that's a name at least, but chole?

off to bed now *snuggles all*
be safe people

Amanda honey maybe you should eat a little something? if you are hungry eat something, maybe a snack of something simple like toast or an apple?

Ugh!!! Just ran an American Sign Language Club meeting... I got there and the club adviser asked me what was up? As is a cultural thing I skipped the pleasantries and told him I was grumpy. He asked why and I told him I was depressed. He told me that at least I didn't have a broken leg (one of the gals there did). Made me even grumpier. At the end of the meeting I asked him not to tease me about it. He asked me what. I said 'I told you I was grumpy because I was depressed'. And he just blew it off! I said 'F**k you' He said 'You'll be fine, you have a resilient personality'. Maybe if I showed him my arms, the new cut on my hand, told him how often I've ODed, wanted to kill myself... Maybe then he would think twice before being so flip:angry:

Uh oh, am I going to be in trouble cause I'm actually in a decent mood? Today has been pretty and mild. The Marine layer burned off before noon but it didn't get so hot as to need air conditioning.

I got the sailboat thingies done. My friend may be surprised when she sees the bill. She can be surprised. That sail fabric is more tightly woven then denim and just as thick. The thingies aren't pretty but they are serviceable.

Haven't touched the shirt. Oh well, spent the afternoon talking to a dear friend, time well spent too!

My husband will be amazed that I've done the dishes before starting to eat breakfast cereal out of mixing bowls.

Oh yeah, summer is on the way so the way I like to do I've been growing my hair long enough to put it up in a twist, practiced that today too. Kind have to re learn it every summer.

*bounces around humming Route 66 and offering grilled cheese on whole wheat sandwiches.*
*gives hugs all around*
*gives extra hugs as needed or wanted*
*bounces off singing the verse in Route 66 with all of the place names in it "Goes through Saint Louie, Joplin Missouri, Oklahoma City lookin mighty pretty"*

*hugs her RYL mom* no, I'm glad you're in a good mood, it's nice and I'm happy for you. Sounds like you've been really productive.

*retreats to her corner, lays down with her blanket and stuffed lamb and stares vacantly forward*

Oh, sorry Katch, I was at work. I'm alright in my corner I guess, thanks for asking... Well, actually I'm pretty **** atm but *shrug* c'est la vie...
Really... I just want to die :crying:

ally, please be strong. i don't think i could handle it if anything happened to you.
yes today i am willing to use guilt tripping.
people are flippant cos they don't get it, or they don't want to have to think about it. i guess we can't really blame them for that.

7 more days till therapy.
i think i really need it now.
i can't think, cant study, cant do anything, and my finals for this semester are in 2 weeks. thats 14 days. **** **** ****.
i want to cut. why can't i? please let me. please just make it all go away

*snuggles Chloe* sweetie, please don't cut, it won't really help. I wish I had some good advice for you but... Please don't hun.

As for me... I just don't want to do this any more, I'm sorry...
*curls up in her corner and sobs*

*cuddles chloe and ally*

stay safe hon...both of u

*throws mashmellows at ur mouth* catch!:-)

*sits in corner and rocks*

*offers snuggles for everyone*

Chloe hun, cutting won't make it go away (check out the hypocrite) but it's true. Thinking of you sweetie xx

How are you doing Ally? x

Whats up Amanda hun? *hugs*

Ahhhhhhh I'm tired and my eye stings.

Damm me for staying awake til 4am and then before that crying at a book LOL!

haha. hypocrite :-p
yeah i know. but you know.

(how articulate am i tonight?!)

I wasn't lost....I was drowning in the bottem of a pint glass...or 5...or maybe 6....I dunno...but yeh....being the **** friend I am...
sure you dont wanna take up the offer of finding someone who's better for you?...then I wont feel so bad...

Part of me doesnt want to feel better...going out makes me feel lots better...and happier...but part of me doesnt want it...because then I wont fit in or be welcome here :blink: blah

*squishes and cuddles alex*

I haven't heard from u for a while.....maybe it's the time difference

but yeah do look after urself there xx
If u need me..PM or email me :P i'm happy to listen to ur rants...

thanks Jeremy....I'm just finding it hard to keep up at the moment.
One minute I'm sad...then I feel great...then I'm just plain p!ssed off...

*hugs Emma*
I'm exhausted, pissed, and feeling slightly ignored(not why I'm pissed mind you). Kind of long post about some **** that went down last night and pretty sure no one has addressed it(though Jeremy and I did talk about it via email). Not mad mind you cause I totally know it's hard to keep up here and we're all feeling rather **** atm... Just being silly and unreasonable, I'm sorry...
How goes it with you, Emma luv?*massive snuggles*

Alexx hunni, TOTALLY understand what you mean about being one way one minute and then totally opposite the next. Drives me nuts when it happens to me*hugs*

How's everyone else? Susan? Helen? Chloe? Callie? Katch? Hana? Jo? Jess? Anyone I've missed?
-------------
Me? I'm feeling totally crap :-(... Just... Crap:crying:
*sits in her corner, arms wrapped around knees, head on knees, rocking slightly*
F**k me. Just... F**k...

U missed me lol :-P

*squishes ally* u dont' sound too flash :-( i'm sorry...hang in there ok?

Oh and for u alexx *cuddles u* i'm sorry u feel up and down and over the place :-( anything i can do to make it better?