*pops in to leave hugs and warm thought for everyone* Just found my grandma's old laptop so have very limited internet access.

I no longer want to be here. I am now cursing my parents for having me and everyone who has ever broken a promise. All I want to do is go on one big huge destruct. I am sick of this stuck crap. I don't want it, I didn't ask for it and as far as I am concerned I have had enough. Hopefully I won't wake up tomorrow, sadly I doubt my luck.

*hugs her RYL mom* yay engagement anniversary!!!

*snuggles Emma* you've been reading my posts haven't you? Sounds like we're saying practically the same thing I'm sorry luv, I wish I could help...

Maybe, sorry for stealing your word, it's just its the perfect word for what I want to say *returns hugs*

Naw, you can use my word any time Emma. I'm just very specific about my word choice and sometimes that lands me smack in the middle of a misunderstanding:pinch:

:crying: I just want to be really done... :crying:

*Wanders in with muffins, hugs and blankets*

I appear to have lost my Wife :-(
Anybody heard from Alexx today?

Nevermind.
It's sorted now

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry we're all feeling so crappy. Well most of us. Is it scary that I'm beginng to feel like how Ally & Emma do =\

Hi everyone - I really am sorry about earlier - hope there is no bad feelings. I want to be here for you all just having a bad day. Here's a bit of my post to expalin a bit - I dont think I realised just how much not getting to say goodbye has upset me - I mean I knew at the time and was angry but now it just hurts...

have asked my mum to ask the workmen when they come back tomorrow - I already knew they had taken loads of my dads other tools and bits and pieces - my mum, in a moment of weakness siad they could - she was really upset afterwards but she just didn't know what to say at the time - and she is not one to go back on her word - so I went hunting in the shed and the pliers were the only thing I could find - yet my dad had so many tools when he was alive that it was ridiculous. These pliers had a red handle and I remember him using them so I just thought I would keep them as a reminder - the shouldn't have taken them without asking. It is silly getting upset about them as I may never use them - but I suppose it has been really difficult seeing all his other stuff go - his clothes, car and computer etc that it really hit home - he's never coming back - ever. I still hurt so much that when I flew home he was already unconsciuos and I didn't get to say goodbye - in my head I still thought he would wake up but 24 hours later he was dead - ***cries*** I had been told he had gallstones and then I got an e-mail on the ship saying he had cancer and it had spread to his brain and I should fly home a.s.a.p as in about a month he wouldn't know who we were - I flew straight home from Mexico via Houston Texas and when I got to Heathrow two of my brothers were there and they said we needed to get home as quick as poss, I asked if he was OK and they just said "he was alive when they left home", I so wanted him to wake up just for a minute so I could say goodbye but he didn't *********** I'm crying and I can't see the screen but my mum will be back in a minute so I have to finish this post********* and pull myslef together. He knew all my family were there except me... and I am so angry and hurt that I didn't get to say goodbye.
Wow - sorry didn't realise that was all going to come out - but it did..


Hells, I'm so sorry you feel like that - I'd love to chat with you and see if I can help you.

*hugs Katch* I wish I had words for you hun, but I'm just so fripping useless at the moment.

The urge to cut is getting harder and harder to resist, and it's scaring me. My friend was threatening to jump off the bridge onto the railway earlier, and how can I deal with that when it makes me consider it too?

Can't check myself into local hospital cause they'll just do what they did last time and tell me to get lost and stop wasting their time as there's nothing physically wrong with me.

I hate this feeling so much, but what can I do?

*snuggles Katch*

I'm so sorry you have to go through this :(

I wish I knew the answer for you but I don't - I have never been to the professionals but the more I read on here the more I think I haven't really missed out - I'm sorry your friend has put that on you but right now I think you need to concentrate on yourself - let her know you care and want her to be safe but that you are in a bad way and need to get yourself right before you can help her further.
If you have no-one that you can call to speak about how you feel, try writing it down and putting it in a drawer - you will feel as though you have told someone - you could even write down the responses that you would like to get back - it may help you understand what you need.
I used to plan my dreams - usually involving telling someone like a caring teacher or a nurse of casualty (the tv program - funny eh) and in my dreams I would tell them everything and they would give me the answers that I needed - it must have helped me coz I'm still here. Hugs xxx

Thanks Hells - please tell me how you are feeling - I'm worried about you xxx

Helen, scary yes, and sad too, I'm sorry. *snuggles* I sometimes wonder if with the support we get from each other we also pick up a little something else... We kind of feed off each other...

*massive huggles* Katch Dear Auntie I am SO sorry sweetheart. I watched (literally, we were all there) my cousin die of a brain tumour this past December. It was horrible losing him and I regret a few things I didn't do even though I was there (I didn't hug him because he hurt so badly, just kissed him). I can't imagine how hard it must be having lost your dad and not getting a proper good bye. *snuggles*. Much love, dear heart.

*retreats to her corner, wraps arms around knees and stares vacantly ahead*

Thanks Alyssa - it's 7 weeks today that he died but it seems more on my mind now than before and I'm not coping with it too well.
How are you today, are you ok in the corner??? xxx

Thanks Katch :) It helps to know there are people reading what I'm writing. Like, I'm not alone, almost. May try the writing everything down idea, actually, see if it helps a little, and if it doesn't, it's a distraction at any rate, no?

Hope you're ok, Hells and forever lost? *hugs for anyone who wants*

Hugs are always welcome. Hope the writing helps - be completley honest with yourself - if you know you are not going to show it to anyone you dont have to hide a thing. xxx

Ally, I do think you're right you know, I think we do feel each others moods at times :( *snuggles*

GOD DAMM. PLEASE MAKE THIS REAL =[

Hana, *hugs* glad you're writing I know I've found it helpful. I've also found drawing to be pretty useful (actually I use it more than writing). Hope it all works luv.

Katch,*snuggles* yeah sometimes it takes a while... Probably because you're just so numb right after the fact.

All y'all, yeah, my corners pretty nice I guess... Two walls to lean against, not bad. I guess I'm hanging in there *shrug*. Whether or not I want to be...

Grrrrrrrrrr!

I just started writing a long post in my thread and was getting to a horrible bit and lost it all *sobs*

I shall start again...*punches wall*

Alyssa - I got to go in a minute- are you ok over there in the corner?

Hells- I hate that when that happens - and it's always at the worst times... hang in there.

*hugs Alyssa, Helen, Katch... and anyone else that needs/wants a hug*