*cuddles everyone tightly*

Finally heard back from the psychiatrist's office today about a referral for an evaluation submitted by my doctor. My appointment is for next Tuesday... and my anxiety level has skyrocketed. I'm super paranoid about him thinking I'm faking all this, or saying there's nothing wrong with me, I'm wasting everybody's time, etc... I'm half tempted to call and cancel ><

*tackles April & hidingme because I spy you both!*

Side note, I'll be online for the rest of the night and I'll do individual replies continuously as well as first thing tomorrow morning :) My apologies for the lack of replies thus far.

**may trigger- SH**

Havent been here is a while but feel like we belong here again. Sadie cut last night.. same place as before. not too bad but still.

sarah is sad and scared, sadie is generally quiet and "hiding"i guess, and I am very depressed and exhausted.

life sucks..

Hi Hiding! Is that what I should call you? :S
What made Sadie cut last night? And care to talk about why life sucks so much right now?

*tackles Laura* I see you too :)

*glomps Taz & Laura, as I spot them!!* :D

I'm... so frustrated. :(

*hides again* :'(

Updated my r/v...

*hides yet again* :'(

yeah calling me Hiding is great..

Sadie cut cause we got super depressed.. we are the only one working and paying bills..hubby has chronic depression and has been out of work a few months now.. we are tired of work..rather stay home for a while but cant. plus sarah was writing in journal and I guess she hit a trigger spot cause she wrote how maybe hubby and daughter dont love us anymore. ..after that sadie took over..
daughter wont help much cleaning house and im just too tired and depressed to be motivated to do it.
then she satarts school soon which brings up a whole new set of worries.
just seems like nothing good ever stays good.
just very sad..
sorry.
Hiding

*cuddles everyone*

I just wanted to explain something, the post I wrote earlier about wanting to give up. The suicide stuff etc isn't how I am now. Well I am slightly suicidal but not to the extent I was a few months ago. But I still meant every word. I don't want to be like all that. I don't want to be low constantly. Uggggh >_<

I've had a better evening actually. I saw my Dad & he gave me lotsa cuddles. We had a good chat, well mostly a rant and he agreed with me about stuff. Then spoke to Jane (his partner) about earlier, she was a star, as always ^_^ So...*gulps* looks like I might be having counselling again or something, not 100% certain with what 'help' she was thinking of getting me :S We shall see. Feel DEAD guilty as she was out drinking and stuff & me sending a depressing texts. But she said I could talk to her...so...yeah. At first I found it hard to start typing it, then pretended I was texting Jade (one of my besties) and it all came out. LOL, magical.

I'm rambliiiiiiiinggggggg. Anyway came home, spent bit time upstairs then been with my sister (well one of them), her boyfriend, mum (til she went to bed) and when my other sister got home for a wee bit til she went bed too. Been giggling too much aha.

Hiding, Im sure Sadie is loved so so much by more people than she could possibly ever know but I understand how difficult it can be to believe it sometimes...its the story of my life! If you need to chat Im here for you as well as everyone else!! *hugs and love*

Helloooooo to everyone else! Sorry I tried to read all the posts but my head is mashed :(
I hope everyone is ok.
I brought magic pizza and chips and chocolate cake!! *puts plates down so everyone can share with me :)*

I feel really affectionate right now...although earlier on the way to work I wanted to break someone or something :(
But theres no one here to hold me....
I just want to be held.

Aleeeeeexxxxxxx, I wrote you a reply darling, it's a couple pages back I think. I looooooove you <3 *cuddles tight and holds you*

i just found it.. it made me cry :'(
Hells..I just want to be wanted
Is that too much to ask?

*cuddles helen, alex, hidingme, april, taz, felicia, mark, crimson and everyone else*

*brings in loads of treats for everyone* (non-cal treats of course)

I think I could take on just about anything right now! hahaha. Dunno why so hyper/goofy. I think i'll just float away now. If anyone needs anything I'll be on and off all night for as long as my concentration will let me. You're all awesome.

You are wanted darling & people will want you in the future Alex. Please believe in that *cuddles* I know what you mean though :(

Laura, float away where missy????

I just looked in the mirror...and now I cant stop crying

Why? :( *sits with you and holds you*

i hate myself so much.
I cant hate ANYONE else....yet I hate myself so much

Why do you hate yourself so much darling?

Because Im ugly. Im fat. Im useless. I feel isolated because I never feel like people want me to spend time with them. Because Im a bitch...because Im scared of myself

You're not ugly or fat darling. Nor a bitch. Those people who don't want to spend time with you (if they really don't) are the ones losing out darling. *cuddles*

i dont know if i can get over this