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Scarletdreamer 26-04-2010 01:10 AM

Mmm that sounds kind of tasty, but what's a lychee? (you guys have such weird fruits down there!! lol... :P) Do you have apples and oranges too? or do those have to be shipped down there like bananas have to be shipped up here? sorry if that's a dense question... :-S
But anyway, how are you doing, Kahlia? *cuddles* Not so great, I take it?

I just finished eating supper... am so sick of eating. I do it too much. And I am so sick of life. But what's new?! :'( I'm so worried about tomorrow... am not prepared at all and am hoping that with the free hours that cancelling tutoring gave me, I'll be able to feel at least mostly prepared. :-S

ARGH!!! :'(

Kahlia1981 26-04-2010 01:34 AM

April: A lychee is: a tropical fruit that looks like this. They grow in the state I live in, as do mango's (which I can't eat as I am allergic to them). We do get and grow apples, oranges, bananas, pears and so forth, but also import fruit as the seasons dictate. Lychees unfortunately have a really short season ... otherwise me and my housemate would constantly be attacking them. They are really refreshing - very juicy usually.

SoMuchMore 26-04-2010 01:48 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Helen - im so sorry that you feel ignored today. I wish life was fair too.. I've been thinking about that an awful lot lately. *hugs*

Kahlia - WHOA! that lychee thing looks so strange! lol

April - Good luck getting prepared for tomorrow. I'm sorry if i sound like a broken record to you, but just remember that you are almost done! *hugs*

*hugs oliver, julie, JK, mark, hayley, crimson, nicole and anyone i'm forgetting* i know there is more.. sorry, i just cant think right now

Finished one paper... onto another. But my brain is started to turn on me. Bad thoughts... *sigh* I wish i wasn't like this.

Kahlia1981 26-04-2010 02:00 AM

Laura - lol. Yeah it does look strange. It tastes a little bit like a grape ... a bit more acidic though I guess. They're really nice but they look weird. I should have showed you guys a rambutan! lol They look even weirder. Both very nice though. If you ever get the chance - seriously - try one (of either).

Oh and I forgot before: I'm not really doing all that crash hot. I ended up having to take some Xanax last night, and I'm pretty sure that's the only reason that I managed to get any sleep. And I'm just having one of those "I'd really rather not be alive anymore" moments .. and my head is planning all kinds of nasty stuff. *sigh*

There are days when I would so much rather be dead. I'd just like to have an "easy run" for once. Is that so much to ask? Just one good day even? Can't I even just have one damn good day? Why do I have to always be feeling like dog poo?

*cuddles everyone*
*walks outside to the garden, finds a nice shady tree, sits underneath it and starts crying*

frenchhorn 26-04-2010 02:18 AM

Kahlia- yeah that Lychee does look weird, I remember once me and my mum were looking at all the strange fruit on sale in Waitrose, there was a dragon fruit and I think those lychee things, I just stick with strawberries and bananas. *cuddles* no that isn't so much to ask to have even just one good day, I wish we could all have many good days now in here, but I guess we have to be strong and fight through the bad days, keep fighting.

Laura- well done on finishing one paper, good luck with the other. *cuddles* well we in here like having you here, so please look after yourself and make sure you stay around.

April- loads of good luck for tomorrow, your'll be great. *cuddles*

Helen- congrats on 2 months, you should be proud of yourself. *cuddles*

*hugs mark, crimson, jk, nicole, julie and others he has forgotten-sorry*

thought I would post a pic of me, as some of you posted pics.
taken today at the station where we met for the meet.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : pic

MammaMia 26-04-2010 02:51 AM

Oliver, you look different since we last met? But good =)

Kahlia, April, sorry you two are struggling so much. You're not alone in it. I am too :( *cuddles lots*

Just so fed up of being low.

frenchhorn 26-04-2010 03:00 AM

*hugs Helen* probs the haircut maybe? it was quite a bit longer and not gelled so much more curly.
sorry your not doing good, I'm starting to crash now after my fun day.
*cuddles all*

MammaMia 26-04-2010 03:09 AM

Ah yes, I think it's the hair =) Sorry you're starting to crash but glad you had a fun day :D

Doikers 26-04-2010 10:06 AM

*Hugs April* Best of luck with your talk today ( Not that you need luck )
*Hugs all other ward mates*
I've had lychees in Indian Retaurants in the past but not for a long time , I'll keep an eye out for them in the shops.

10.20am today I have to have Lithium bl**d tests , I am so self concious about having new scars :S . On Lithium you HAVE to have tests every 3 months and I've had to organise it as the mental health team and the G.P. don't seem to be in contact , I even have to tell the nurse to send my P Doc a copy of the results , Ho hum.

Kahlia1981 26-04-2010 10:19 AM

Mark: Wow, they are seriously anal about your lithium serum level tests! I've been on lithium since 2008 and regularly gone for up to about 6 months without getting my levels done unless there was a specific reason to. Mind you, they sometimes then want to get them done several times in a week! Doctors and MH professionals just DO NOT know how to collaborate in my experience.

*hugs everyone*

So over everything and just wish that someone would stop the world so I could just get off - hopefully never to get back on again. I just wish it was all over once and for all. All done. No instant replays ... nothing.


*disappears into the darkness*

Doikers 26-04-2010 10:30 AM


Doctors and MH professionals just DO NOT know how to collaborate in my experience.
Nope , thats so true Kahlia. I've been on Lithium since about this time last year , they put me on it when I was admitted to hospital , I can't beleive that was a year ago . Sometimes I wish I was still there , but I HATED it . although I met my only friends I have in there . Sorry. Tangent.

CrazyHayley 26-04-2010 10:31 AM

I spy a mark! *hands over some reheated choc porridge for breakfast!* I was vegeatrian for 20years, from my 8th birthday, but then information became available to me and overnight I promptly turned to veganism, been vegan for just over 6months now.Anyhoo... How did your evening watching saw 5 go? Hope it was distracting for you. I can't watch films like that, too much gore! *huggles*

*huggles Nicole* I really hope that school isn't too traumatising for you today. As for going onto 6th form, perhaps you'd be better off doing further education as a home study option? I think its something you should look into. Or like April said, take a year out before you re-enroll for A levels or whatever. Don't push yourself. *extra huggles*

*huggles Helen* I wish I had the answers too as to why life is so **** and unfair. I wish that I could share my beliefs that have gotten me through the recent tough times, though even those as times haven't been enough. But please remember that life isn't against you personally, there are so many of us here that stink of ****! LOL sorry, not funny really, but I was thinking that as we've all been dragged through so much ****...then we must be pretty stinky... *hands out shower gel and scrubbing brushes*

Anyhoo Helen - I also don't know why people are ignoring your messages, perhaps they aren't ignoring you, but that something has come up that was unavoidable and they've got delayed in responding? Just a thought. We won't ignore you in here, you are far too valuable, though sometimes it does seem that you have an invisability cloak! Are you ever logged on as a 'guest'?!

*huggles April* I hope that today goes ok for you. I'm sure it will. As for my toon, she's level 23, I'm levelling the slow way for a bit as I think I'll leave dungeons for when I'm on a laptop with the correct graphics requirements and therefore less chance of being left behind! Eoghan assured me that my laptop had the requirements for the game, but on starting the game it soon became apparent that I don't. So the general stuff is fine, but I don't have maps (well blank screens!) and no icons on the mini map or icons in my backback, action bars etc. The words that come up for quests etc don't have a background to them, so its really hard to read depending on the current area I'm in, oh all fun and games! But the game is just too good to not play. But I wasn't well enough last night. Maybe later today though.

*huggles Oliver* Ooh you look happy in the picture - that's so good to see. Sorry that you were starting to crash after your fun day though. Hope you're not too bad today. And that's good to hear about your mum being supportive about your next step to becoming the real you! As for telling your grandma's, I don't think there will be any easy way, and older generations seem to be less tolerant as its kind of unheard of to them, BUT they are your family and I would hope that they love you as a person and want you to be happy. Just enjoy being yourself and if they can see how much more comfortable you now are then they shouldn't have a problem...if they do, send them to me!!!

*huggles Kahlia* oh its horrid that you're struggling too and having those types of thoughs. I wish I could make them stop for you. As for the fruit talk I'm allergic to apples which is annoying as I rather like them. I'm glad I'm not allergic to Mango though, they're lovely. It must be lovely to have so many fruits that grow naturally in your country. I always feel bad about 'airmiles' on my fruit, but the typical english fruits just aren't as appealing to me and lack variety!

*huggles Laura* Sorry the bad thoughts are troubling you too, but well done on finishing the first paper. I hope that you feel up to making a start on the second paper...maybe it'll keep your mind off of the bad thoughts?! But don't push yourself if its too much.

*goes around the ward Huggling others who appear to be asleep or hiding at the moment* (I won't name individually as we've had some new arrivals recently and I'm worried I'll forget someones name and don't want them feeling unloved)

Well I'm pleased to say that I've improved greatly upon yesterday. I'm still not what I'd call my version of 'normal' but only being out of bed for 8hours yesterday (in 3 seperate chunks!) was definatley what my body needed to try and recover from my shenanigans! I need to take it easy still today though as I've got development circle tonight - hopefully it'll be more successful than a fortnight ago! But if my brain will let me, between now and then I'll hopefully get some WoW time in and finally update my journal, though I've forgotten most of what I've wanted to say - hey ho...

"puppy sinclair! its quality time with hayley-rose in the garden time!"

*pops out to the....* not saying it as people are trying to give up....

jonikd 26-04-2010 10:37 AM

*boggles at how much can happen in the ward when off at work*

Oliver awesome that you had a good day too, try hold on to that feeling for as long as you can, and always remember it is possible to achieve that elusive happiness - evcen for a short time it gives us hope. *hugs and admires photo*

Julie, how you today hun? Didn't hear back from you last night, hope all is well *cuddles*

*hugs April* you're doing so well honey, its a big week for you. I believe in you, just hold your head high and do what you have to do. Glad to see you were feeling a bit better further into the posts

Hey Laura, thanks for the hugs, I am still holding as tight as I can to this "normal" feeling, its slipping in and out a little now, had my stitches out tonight that started to trigger me but got the drugs in me quick enough and I'm still "OK" so fingers crossed *hugs* how you doing now hun?

Helen, 2 months is awesome, I've just done 10 days I realised tonight, which will be 2 weeks if I can eek out another few days. That's a fantastic effort you should be proud of *picks Helen up in the air and tells her how proud we all are of her* Little steps babe, keep taking them *pops down and hugs again *

Mark,hope the blood tests go ok. Its great that you're taking charge of your health, though I can imagine that sometimes it'd be really nice for someone else to wrap you up and look after you. *wraps mark up and looks after him*

*smiles hello at Kat & Jet*

Kahlia 20 months is phenomenal , that must feel so empowering to know you can go that long without. *hugs tightly*

*holds Nicole's other hand* School can be tough sweetie, look after yourself and make sure you report in to us when you come back to the ward k? *cuddles*

*Looks around for Crimson and hugs a coupla times*

* squishes Hayley....gently* Sorry to hear your ME is playing up, you seem so so brave, and you're an absolute joy to have around . Oooh, and there you are, just like a genie :)

* hugs Helen again*

*leave hugs for anyone who wanders in or needs another*

*makes a big pot of tea and continues to sit still and hold on to the remaining 'OKness'*

Doikers 26-04-2010 10:42 AM

*Hugs Hayley* SAW 5 was VERY gory , I was consious of it as I was watching it with my Gambian Bro in law who did'nt even have electricity back in Africa and has only been in this country since December 1st last year , I was trying to explain what was going on and trying to explain roman numerals to him (Which I think he got !!)
Also he is a very devout Muslim and I wasn't sure how that would gell with the gore but my sister sais he likes horror movies :).
Also is your middle name Rose ? my new niece ( just over 4 months Y.O. has Rose as a middle name )

CrazyHayley 26-04-2010 10:45 AM

*huggles JK* awww...I'm a blushing genie now.... whoohoo on getting through getting your stitches out and going 10days SI free. Hold on tight to that Okness, well be here to support you and just take these next few days hour by hour if need be and then it'll be popping confetti at the 2week mark before you know it!

*huggles Mark* I'll be thinking of you and sending positive comforting thoughts your way for the bl**d tests. Just remember that they are health care workers, what ever we think they'll be shocked at seeing, they've probably all seen dozens of times before, maybe more. They are there to help you, not to judge you.

CrazyHayley 26-04-2010 10:48 AM

Mark, my name should be Hayley-Rose (no middle) Moran, but my father buggerred up the birth certificate by missing out the hyphon, so I'm legally Hayley Rose Moran, but depending on the situation and who I'm with, I still get called Hayley-Rose. I often introdue myself as Hayley-Rose, but the Rose gets dropped quickly as I start to turn my head on the "hay" part, so it seems an unneseccary mouthful, lol. But obviously if I'm not paying attention I get my full name.

Doikers 26-04-2010 10:51 AM

Thanx for the positive thoughts Hayley :)
LOL I just read your last post :)

CrazyHayley 26-04-2010 11:05 AM

Yeah and my father buggered up the spelling of one of my sisters middle names, she was meant to be Rebecca Jayne, but He put Rebecca Jane. Idiot! Well he had 6 kids and only messed up on 2, so I guess it could have been worse. Gotta look at the bright side right?! I mean its not like he got it really wrong and called me 'Dustbin' or something!!!

Doikers 26-04-2010 12:03 PM

Phew . Bl**d tests over for another 3 months hopefully.The nurse got it out of me first time , I am known for for being difficult to get it out of .
Thanx for all the positive thoughts :)

Ooh I tried to get Lychees but I coulden't get them , not even tinned :(

CrazyHayley 26-04-2010 12:29 PM

*huggles Mark* ooh I'm glad it went ok for you and the nurse was able to get it first time.
I've been keeping myself busy on internet so that I could check back in on you. I've been downloading some music by the dubliners, it takes me back to happier childhood times. Anyhoo, time for some more caffiene and to get up for the day....

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