*holds Hels and rocks with her* What's up, sweetheart?

-edited-

Who, sweetie? *holds you and gently rubs your back* Maybe talk to her and tell her what you know about him? and if not, then if you're sure that he's that dangerous, talk to the police about it? Sorry if those are stupid suggestions...

I really need to take a bath and get ready for bed... I'm scared though, don't want any more weird dreams!! :crying:

Oh, and I called my old therapist today, about the $400+ bill that I got... no response yet. GRRRR. :( But at least I called without getting furious... that's a good thing...

:'(

She won't go back :( I can't make her. I respect her reasons why, but wish she'd go back to the police and for them to do something :'( *rocks*

Hope you don't have any weird dreams.

Go you for calling your therapist. Sorry there was no response :(

*waits for everyone to wake up for hugs*

How's your hand Oliver? *hugs*

*huggles JK* Morning! Thanks for the waves earlier - I have spotted you sleeping in the corner a few times, but we've not managed to overlap our time difference before this!

*group huggles all - but gently for those still sleeping!*

Wow it really has been a busy ward, but I'd much prefer not being able to do all the individual replies due to volume of posts than there had only been a few posts and people feeling lonely. I have read through the 4pages though so I do know what's going on - *extra special huggles* and also some party poppers should've been used along with the high fives last night I think for nicole and mark.

Well I went to my development circle last night, determind not to let my PMDD win. Um, well I only cried about 5times and had a few fags and then found out after that they don't approve of smoking or 'blubbing'!! Whoops!! But hey, the majority of them there were really understanding as it was my first time and I'll know for future reference that if I've been chain smoking all day to keep the tears at bay, its probably not a good idea to go to circle! I still feel like I need to sob though to let it all out. I never cried properly due to the fact that as soon as I started I had to try and calm myself and stop. Urgh, I don't know if I want to start sobbing though - it won't change the situation, it'll just exhaust me and make my eyes sore.

*goes out to smoking shelter*

"oh puppy sinclair!! Come and join me!"

*hugs Hayley back*
I'm well pleased to have someone to talk to,its been a lonely few hours here in the ward :(

*contemplates starting up smoking again so she can go with Hayley and puppy sinclair*

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as to not stink of fags*

Oh no JK, don't start smoking again, its nasty. Wish I'd never started, and I really should've known better as I was 25 when I started....though complex reasons for starting...I did know better but I wanted the bad stuff etc....anyhoo, stupid stupid!! You are always welcome in our always lovely garden in the psych ward though so we can still chat whilst I have a fag!

So what time are you on now? Will you be snuggling down for the night soon?

*sighs with relief that someone's around again* Awww thanks, all the cool people at parties are outside smoking these days lol. Yeah I stopped when I was about 30, after 12 years of a pack a day. Every now and again I really miss it, normally when I'm feeling stressed out.

I have a new therapist starting this week, so will also be trying not to cry through the whole session, not allowed to smoke there anyway ;)

I've been really triggered tonight, for a bunch of relatively uninteresting reasons, so have taken my meds and waiting desperately for them to kick in to put me safely to ni nighs.

Its about 9.30pm here so a respectable time to sleep :)

*waves at Mark who has joined us too*

What are you all up to today?
JK
x

Ah yes, I spy a mark! lol

Oh its horrid when you get triggered for reasons that never seem quite 'big' enough, if that makes sense. It's like somehow you don't feel quite justified, but if there are a whole bunch of those uninteresting reasons, then of course you're going to feel triggered. I'm glad that you've taken your meds and are hoping for an early and safe nights sleep.

Believe me, the cool people are not the ones outside freezing their arses off - stupid stupid!! though does it get chilly at all ever in NZ?

I'm planning on going to spiritual healing later - I'll probably cry...ho hum. My partner is still on his leave from the army (til sunday) so I think we'll probably get some lunch in town afterwards. other than that, nothing big planned.

*hugs everyone*

I cooked dinner tonight. I've struggled with cooking, both in relation to my ED thoughts and the movements since the shoulder surgery (and since the impingements started in November). My housemate really liked it. And when I told him I was sorry about all the mess he looked around the kitchen and was perplexed. I'd barely left anything behind.

Anyway feeling majorly triggered right now. Don't know why though. *shrugs*

I spy a Mark and a Hayley! - Hayley, I was typing when you posted your message. JK - I hope you managed to get to sleep.

*big hugs to everyone* && *a big pat for Puppy SinClair*

*Waves at JK* I'm sorry you are feeling so triggered *Hugs* I hope your meds kick in soon and that you sleep well. Today I have auricular accupunture ( Where they put needles in your ears ) this afternoon and I'm about to go shopping and to the post office just waiting for my coffee to kick in lol . Not a hugley busy day but about as busy as I can do right now .:)

*huggles Kahlia* go you on cooking a successful dinner!! Shame that you're feeling so triggerred though.

*huggles mark* ooh accupuncture in ears sounds far better than when I had accupuncture all over - I was like a pin cushion, lol. Are you finding it helpful yet? Someone last night told me I should try accupressure as its more gentle than accupuncture and they feel I need gentleness! That may have something to do with my recurring crying though. And I think you've a nicely planned day and its good that you're managing that level of 'busyness'.

*gives JK some cammomile tea* it always helps me get off to sleep.

Time for me to get my arse in the shower and get ready for the day. I'll check back in later.

*group huggle!!!*

*hugs everyone* Things are so much nicer with a few of you lot around *almost smiles even*

Kahlia, well done with cooking dinner, haven't caught up with how you've been going this last 24 hours. Sorry to hear you're triggered too. *hugs and sits beside you so we both don't do anything*

Mark, that ear stuff sounds painful! Good luck with that, and yes coffee pretty much fixes everything [except insomnia]

Sounds like you've got a nice day ahead Hayley, must be nice to have your man home for a while. It doesn't really get much below about 9 degrees celcius here in Auckland, probably quite tropical compared to your winters..lol

*leaves gentle cuddles for Helen* Hope you're ok hun, sorry I wasn't around for you yesterday

*leaves croissants and preserves and fresh juice for Laura, Nicole, April, Crimson and any of their friends who join them for brekkie*

Will try have a shower and go to bed now, I'm not really tired but if I can just get in and snuggle up,have a cry I should be OK. Man its tough huh, been thinking about SI all freakin day now....

Talk to you all tomorrow
*wanders off a litle aimlessly showering kisses and loves on all her ward buddies*
xx

Good morning, everyone!! *group cuddles*

JK, sleep well, no bad dreams allowed!!! :) I hope that tomorrow goes better than today did (sorry if that's confusing, lol)... being triggered all day is no good. And even uninteresting reasons are "allowed" to be talked about here if you want to. :P *hugs*

Hayley, good to see you about!! :D How're you feeling? and what's development circle? sounds a bit odd. Kind of a therapy group? Sorry if that's a dense question... :-X I hope that today goes well for you also... *huggles* Planning on playing any WoW? (Sorry, I love talking to a fellow gamer!! :P)

Mark, good to hear from you. *cuddles* Sounds like a relatively busy day!! Shopping where? just for essentials I'd guess? :) How are you feeling?

Kahlia *cuddles* I guess I forgot that you struggled with an ED as well... :( that's too bad. How are you doing/feeling? I hope that you sleep well tonight as it's probably near bedtime where you are.

I'm really tired... of course... still in my pjs, with a cuddly cat on my lap (anyone want kitty snuggles?). It's just 6:10am here. Not such a busy day ahead of me, thank God - just 2 classes and they don't start til afternoon. I'm planning on staying home, playing WoW, and doing schoolwork til then. However, the landlord's coming to finish fixing the ceiling sooo... well, let's just say I'd best get dressed before he and his brother (?) come because my pjs are less than modest. Lol. Well, not THAT bad... :P Just flannel pants and a sports bra. But aaanyway... :P

I wish I knew what the weather was going to be like today...

*hides*

Had a successful shower, though no shaving of the legs, lol, a bit of stubble I think is needed today whilst I am feeling so emotional and PMDDing - I don't trust myself.
My man is on his way over, having lunch first now. Will bring doggie bags back with me later - all healthy but oh so yummy and calorie free for us in here!

Edit: Oh hi April! I plan on playing WoW this evening when my partner has his band practise. I've only the one gnome Roseleigh, I think I still need to put all my energies into her for a while before my lil brain can cope with some others, lol. Oh and development circle is to do with my spiritualist faith. I won't go into details as I don't want to break any RYL rules or offend anyone. But no its definately not meant to be therapy and crying, whoops!

Yes it's just shopping for essentials , if it's a luxuary thing that I want ( instead of need ) I tend to get it online mostly from ebay 2nd hand . I got a nice looking (new) Long sleeved T-shirt from ebay last night for less than £6 and if it's ok when it arrives I know where to get more . I Tend to wear a ordinary T-shirt with a shirt over the top but I think layers will be too warm in the summer .
*Signs up for kitty snuggles*

Does anyone else ever have NO concentration ?
It's so frustrating for me.
I can't read a book.
I can't watch a movie without having so pause it 6-10 times to stop and go off somewhere for 5 minutes .
I can't get back into Runescape.
If I watch TV for more than half an hour it just washes over me and I don't take anything in .
Music is about the only thing I can enjoy and focus on.
I'm just so fed up with it :( I've been this way for quite a while.

*huggles mark* yes I understand the lack of concentration. Music is my lifeline. If I didn't have music then I truely would loose the plot!

I'm off out any minute now. Hopefully no crying today, but I can feel it building, just worried that as soon as Eoghan gets here I'll just fall apart.

*waves and grabs croissant and juice* morning all.