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happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 07:29 PM

Thanks louise

why was yesterday bad mute?

Since i told him i lost the urge to cut but im scared that he may think im damaged goods or look at me different because of what happened (my bro touched me inappropriately when we were kids)

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 07:52 PM

*hugs happiness* I think it is really good that you lost the urge to cut, why do you think might your bf think otherwise? Did he know about your brother before or did you tell him that, too?

Yesterday was really bad, cause I had 2 attack thingies and didn't know what to do so I asked a friend to drive me to the psych hospital where I talked with my former psych doc from there for a while. Then I went hope and straight to bed, because I was tired from all the emergency medication.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:12 PM

*hugs* im sorry you had those attacks, did your friend help at all? could you talk to them? im glad you got help that was really brave well done. Take it easy for a couple of days til you feel brighter :)

He didnt know what my brother did to me, he just knows i struggle at times with my brother and this made him annoyed. He cant express to me how he feels i asked to see him and he said he needed to process it but im thinking maybe he cant look at me? i dont know if im just being paranoid.

Laura2.0 06-05-2012 08:19 PM

*hugs happiness* I hope he doesn't think badly of you now.

I lied to my dr. Told her that I didn't cut but I did. I was scared that she'd want to keep me there. She even suggested to send an ambulance to get me but I told her that a friend could drive me.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 08:33 PM

still well done for going, its not easy to tell everything. How are you feeling now? if you still want to cut maybe you should go back but if your calm and in control just keep talking to us and friends etc xx

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 09:55 PM

Mute- why would they keep you at the hospital for cutting? Can they do that for self harm? How are you feeling now- any better?

Happiness- I'm sorry I wasn't online when you were down. How did it go? Is your bf talking to you yet about it?

Thanks for the hug mute :)
*hugs mute and happiness *

How is everyone now?

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:15 PM

Hi tinkles

How are you today?

Well in total we've spoken for about 4 hours today!! longer than ever we've rowed, cried, shouted and tried to get a solution.

I spoke to my boyfriend tonight. He didnt bring it up he talked as if nothing had happened so i brought it up with him, i asked him if he had any questions to which he said he didnt. Then asked why i didnt tell him sooner? i said because i was embarrassed and tried to just move on and forget it etc and he was ok. Things arent sorted between us, but they are better. Im different though, i dont feel like i want to cut the thoughts are infrequent now. Ive put my blades and pills away.

We've also agreed hes off on thursday so we're going to the doctors to talk about increasing my medication. We are going to try and sort me out together.

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 10:29 PM

Woah. That's made me happy. That things are working out and although they could be better they could also be ALOT worse. It's great that your bf understands and wants to help you and the fact he is taking you to the doctor on Thursday is fantastic. It shows he cares. :)

I'm okay thanks. I'm on new medication which I strted on Thursday and although it's given me tons of side effects I think the worse one is that it's increased my anxiety levels. I think I almost had an anxiety attack on the tube today with the amount of people. Which is unlike me normally.

happiness...its all a lie 06-05-2012 10:34 PM

Thanks, i just hope this burst of optimism and hope lasts i really do. They could be worse it sounds silly but the best thing for me is that ive stopped crying and im not desperate to cut right now and havent been since about 4pm. I know he cares and i want to get better it was my suggestion but he knows i need him to come so i can hold his hand-sounds pathetic but i need support when asking for help.

Oh no that sucks, maybe you could use a bus until the side effects wear off? what medication are you on if you dont mind me asking?

Fire Fly 06-05-2012 10:47 PM

I couldn't get the bus. I was travelling from London to Milton Keynes. So I had to take two tubes and 1 train. It was bad. Well I stopped all Medication in november without even asking my pdoc and I do that regularly. So I think he's trying to punish me as he's put me on Venlafaxine XL which if u even miss one dose you get really bad withdrawal symptoms. He hasn't decided about any other pills yet. He wanted to see how I operated without medication. Which was not good.

How about you?

nomophobia 06-05-2012 11:43 PM

*hugs to everyone*

Hope you are feeling a bit better now Laura x

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:18 AM

Oh right, i was on venlafaxine but only for a week i found it horrendous. Is it getting any better? could you ask for something different? What makes you stop the medication? I know it was a bad experience but well done for getting where you wanted on the train *hugs*

Im ok, i actually slept well last night. I still dont have any strong urges. I feel quite calm at the moment.

Doikers 07-05-2012 12:27 PM

*Glomps My Wardies*

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 12:59 PM

hey hows u?

Fire Fly 07-05-2012 05:13 PM

*hug Georgia*
*hug happiness*

Happiness- i dont know, when i feel well enough i just stop or if i think its not working i jsut stop. Im not very good also at remembering to take it.

So happy your feeling alot better now :) and that the urges arnt as strong. Are you still feeling calm?

I have a question, if i go voluntarily to hospital as they said that if i dont they will section me as 'im a danger to myself' do they have to tell my dad? Im 19 so technically an adult.

Im just scared I dont want him to know the reason why im in hospital just want him to knwo its because of my illness? Thanks.

How is everyone?

Laura2.0 07-05-2012 06:07 PM

*hugs all*

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 08:39 PM


Im not sure about the hospital thing tbh so i cant answer im afraid. I know the feeling of forgetting to take tablets but i now check to see how manys left and ill know if ive taken it or not.


Im still calm but having some bad urges tonight-dont know why think im being a bit paranoid. My bf went to his friends and now i think he doesnt want to talk to me and im scared he wont see me tomorrow. Its silly and irrational i know but its really set me off and my mum made a comment so grr to all of this.

nomophobia 07-05-2012 09:04 PM

I wasn't sure how I was feeling earlier..but now I know I'm deff low >.<

happiness...its all a lie 07-05-2012 09:10 PM

oh no whats up? im here if u want to chat x

nomophobia 07-05-2012 09:12 PM

Thanks, just feeling low and thinking too much :(

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