Why do you feel like you can't post in here sweetie? Do you wanna talk?

Yay, just found out I don't start college on thursdays til 12.30 now and finish at 1.40 YAAAAAAAAY!

But it means I have no more lessons with Jess =[

I shouldnt post here because am a crap member, **** friend and a bitch in general. I shouldnt have the support you all offer....I am so sorry

I'm sorry you feel this way hunni. I know that I don't think you're a crap member or a **** friend or a bitch in general. I DO think you should have the support we offer.

Has something set this off sweet?

*throws hugs and good thoughts and supporty things around*

i am definitely NOT getting better and possibly getting worse but i refuse to care because i am in the Denial Tent and its not real it isnt really happening so it doesnt matter and its not real and nobody can make me deal with it i dont want to deal with it

things i am afraid of:
talking about my issues
ever having my family find out about my issues
myself

i think those problems are like all related too and lately i am having to like have them thrown at me and i am really really really afraid that i am going to have to face them because either i am getting worse, or i have always been like this and i am just now realising how bad it is, and i dont think i can hide it from people forever because either way i am not getting better.....

why is my cat licking my hand? ew now i smell like cat breath and it's all fishy gross
my cat smells bad

hahahahhahhaaahahaha that was such a prime example of denial right there
hello avoidance

sorry i havent like read up on all your posts people and replied or anything
i care about you all SO MUCH and you are all so lovely
really i think that so many people are alive and kicking right now because of this place and you guys
really i do

*squishes Helen and Emma and other Emma (you need new names) and Alexx and Chloe and Jeremy and Carole and ummmmm everybody else here there are too many i can't remember right now.......*

I just wanted to show you some love Callie *huge hugs*

I'm almost crying. Can't get upset now. I'm going offline soon, to read, and then get some sleep?

((((((((((((((((((((((((Zowie and Jo and Alyssa and raininginmyhead and hunni and the whole world)))))))))))))))))))))))

ps i am not developing a pathetic substance abuse problem with otc cough meds that have a hallucinogeny thing in them
oopsies
and i am not incapable of functioning without it
and i am not losing my mind
and i am not a horrible person
and i am not afraid of having to go to the bridal shower and two weddings this summer in hot places and somehow find acceptable jewelry/coverups to go with teeny summer dresses in hot and humid southern places in the middle of the summer that will cover my scars and marks etc
and i am not afraid of having to talk to my genius overachieving relatives about how pathetic and pointless and useless to society i am right now
looking back on past events... i think they know and that scares me. they are all really smart. i dont think my mom knows but i think they know.....

i love you all and Ally i hope you are okay and Helen i think your new schedule sounds lovely and maybe you can visit Jess and Carole if you want to you can talk to us about anything the Denial Tent rules are that you can talk about anything really! and Alexx i hope you are okay i am thinking of you. Jeremy you are special and i am sorry that you are having a bad time but i send you good thoughts. Zowie i am glad hosp was okay welcome back. Chloe how goes it?

Helen if you want to cry and feel like crying dont stop it
we have to like accept our feelings and let them come
so cry
and let it happen
and get some sleep and relax
you dont have to hide your feelings EVER it's not weak or anything
i hope that whatever has made you upset gets better
and thankies muchly for the love and i give you some love back :)

I can't cry though, they won't come. They're evil like that. I think it's oly really hit me tonight I have to say goodbye soon, and I'm really not ready. I mean, I want to stay in contact and hopefully will but it won't be the same, it really won't. I wish the tears would come when I wanted :(

I'm sooooo tired, but don't feel like sleeping.

*hugs you lots*

*bangs head repeatedly on table* Shouldn't these things be ****ing padded or something?? *runs screaming around tent*

change can be sucky like that
but it also means umm new opportunities?
i stayed in touch with my friends after i finished school
not everybody does, but then again i think those are the people who dont care as much
but you care and these relationships are important to you so i think they can be lifelong
*hugs you lots as well*
i am sorry the tears wont come
that seems sort of funny, telling you that i wish that you would cry lol it sounds mean but it isnt meant to be!

Emma, I got your text but can't reply :(

do you want me to call?

Change is sucky.
I'm sick of it, through and trough.
But it's nearly all done.
*hugs even more*

Emma honey i am sorry you feel upset
you dont need to bang your head
i dont think it actually makes the thoughts stop or go away
when you are ready talk about it to us, or to somebody, and then it will feel better
but run around if you need to for now and scream all you want that is okay

I really want to say yes but can't :( Meh, I don't want to risk waking up my mum :notsure:

thanks Callie *hugs*
It is nothing really. I have drunk best part of a bottle of wine, two v+o and three pints snake bite and am only tipsy. Want to cut, but something is stopping me. Don't think I have the energy, want to curl up and never move, or even better have a sudden heart attack or something and drop dead. I have just had enough, a 'stop the world cos I want to get off' moment I guess. It's just these moments have turned into a lifetime. Enough is enough. I just don't want this anymore. I don't want anything except to be able to cut it away but for some reason I just can't.

Helen, I've pm'd you hun x

I feel like you Emma, I want the world to stop. I can't deal with it anymore. I've tried and tried and tried. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of waiting for the good times to come home to me. I'm tired of cutting every night and not achieving the pain I want. I'm tired of aching for my dad. I'm tired of worrying my mum so much. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of tears never coming. I'm tired of ****ing everything up. I'm tired of being a failure. I just want to die, then everything can stop. It sounds great.

*GROUP HUG*