*cuddles everyone*

No words really...just stay safe there guys xxx

*hugs Jem*

How you doing? You know where I am if you want to talk about anything.

yep....i know hana

but i'm doing well atm..just got stressful exams on mon, wed and friday ekkk :S but i should be okies for them fingers crossed :-)

*shuffles about nervously*
*tries to find a comfy seat*
*fidgets too much, thinks of something else and runs out*

DAMN BRAIN!

Have you got worms Ninja?
hehe.
Don't be nervous, we don't bite (unless asked) =]
Everything OK sweetie?
There's a super comfy seat next to me if you wish to park your bum and have a chat.
*hug*

And massive hugs to everyone.
xx

*leaves hugs for everyone*

I'm scaring myself somewhat now... We drove past a viaduct earlier and.... well, lets just say.... the temptations were there... *sigh* I'm not quite sure what's happening with me at the moment....

Saw my cousins today and I love them.

I try thinking of them, my dad, my sisters, my friends, my boyfriend. But the more I think about them, the more I realise how I've completely ruined every relationship I have and how I'm nothing but a burden.

There's absolutely nothing I want more than to get 'better', whatever that is, and feel like the girl I used to be. But that will never happen. I've lost all hope.

I've never felt so alone and hopeless. Before when I've felt like this, I've done really stupid things and this time it's the strongest it's ever been.

Sorry. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Ignore this.

*hugs everyone*

*walks in, screams and bangs head on wall* Hopefully I will either knock some sense (read normality) into myself or at least knock myself unconcious. I need a break from all this ****. I just want to be ok and to feel hopeful :(

I hate this. I've just met one of the most awesome guys ever, he's been through some stuff, and... well... the things he's been talking about... I'm so, so triggered to do so much more than just cut right now... and... well, I can't and each minute I spend not doing it... just.... I feel worse and worse, and I'm actually considering getting the boything to take me down to A and E so I'm safe from myself.

Still well
 

Hi,

this is a message from me to let you know that all is well and that I am currently in hospital.

I hope to see you all again shortly.

Kahlia

*hugs Khalia* I am glad they got you a place. Hope you feel better soon xxx

i hope u stay safe there hana...xxx

I'll be thinking about u loads :-) take care there!!!

*cuddles Kahlia*

How are you Emma & Jem?

:) xxx

*huggles*

Feel like *****

How are you hells? Good luck jem for your exam!!

*cuddles Katie*

Oppressive behaviours was the topic of church today. And guess what the main topics were? Yep...suicide and self harm, complete with hand actions and everything. It was so awkward. It felt like the whole thing was directed at me, I know logically it wasn't but still.

*cuddles Emma*

oh god, finnally get to sleep
assignments finished woohooooooo

Took the day off college again. I remember someone saying that I can't just do that all the time, sit in my room away from people and miss college so much. I'm seeing the woman from EIP today, it doesn't matter if I tell her how crap I'm feeling, she wont have any useful advice.
Got drunk last night to numb myself. I'm in such a bad place at the moment it's unreal. Can't tell my dad because he'll blame the alcohol which pisses me off.
Voices are still violent towards my sister. Luckily she's not here so I don't have to keep myself as far away from her as possible.
Feeling bad at the moment about my mum's death. It was my fault.

Your Mum's death wasn't your fault and I naughtily have taken the afternoon off aswell from uni. *cuddles*

Good Morning everyone :) i'm not usually up at this time lol but i can't sleep, i've got a job interview at 12pm and i'm not very looking forward to it as i don't like going to job interviews. Lets just hope i get this job *fingers crossed*

How is everyone today?? xx

Good Luck sweetie <3

Hi,

Sorry i've not been around recently..i just feel hella selfish coming here when i'm unable to support anyone.

*Big hugs to everyone* Goodluck Lil - Princess, and Kahlia - i really hope you can get the help you need in there hunny. Thinking of you.

I hope you are..all feeling a bit better soon..*big hugs to all*

I feel like ****.
Need hugs :/
Crappy head. *Bangs head*

Will go to college today. Had a very bad night and feel unsafe but I can't miss anymore college.
Dad is going to a meeting for carers about how to deal with ODs. First aid and that shizzle.
He said 'not that you're going to take another OD' which is ironic, because when he said he was going out the first thing I thought is now I can look for the pills he's hidden.

*huggles laura* hope ur ok...

good luck lil-princess.. hope it/goes well!

*cuddles zowie*

*cuddles Emma, Laura, Zowie & Katie*

I ache so much. emotionally & physically. fun times.

Someone please make the world stop... I want to get off :crying:

I wish I could stop it too.

oh my god
im really worried
someone is made redundant every 24 hours

Told people at college how I was feeling and they called an ambulance which took me to A&E.
They cleaned and steri-stripped my wounds and let me see a psych (someone I've met before and trust) so I told him everything. The fact that the spies are following me to college so I have to carry a knife, the instructions to kill my sister, that the voices have complete control over me.
He asked me if I wanted to go IP and I said no. He gave me a lorazepine and my cpn gave me a lift home. They both told me to stop carrying the knife around with me, but I can't. I don't trust anyone, I need it for protection.
I think they're worried because of the time I threatened a girl with a knife, they dont know if I can be rational. And tbh I dont think I can be.
So I phoned my cpn to tell her my fears, but she's in with someone and will call me back soon. Hopefully she'll actually call back this time.
Couldn't sleep last night. The spies have set up cameras in my room and are waiting for me to fall asleep. Really tired. Might nap on the sofa while my dad's around.

Called the MHL and they told me they'd either get me an ambulance or make me an emergency app with my GP. I went for the GP and got to see them within half an hour. He called my cpn who made me an emergency assesment with one of the psychs, who I am seeing in half an hour.
Wish me luck? x

Good luck Zowie :) *squishes* How are you now? Have you been to the GP's? How did it go?

Saw the psych. He was nice but I don't think he was listening. He said 'Are you feeling suicidal now?' I said yes, he said 'have you got any plans?' and I said yes and told him, then he wrote 'feels suicidal but has no plans.
Then he said 'if I leave you with some PRN meds and let you go home can you promise me you wont try anything?' I shook my head and he said 'thank you' then later on he said 'you have promised me you wont do anything stupid'. So I dunno, maybe he thought shaking my head meant no i wont do anything.
He's prescribed me clonazepan and decided not to make me go IP.

Oh hun! I am sorry you didn't feel he was listening. I hope the meds help, please try and stay safe *hugs* xx

I'm sorry helen, sorry emz, I just... I couldn't tell you how bad I feel. I've wanted to jump off that bridge, in front of that train. I've wanted it for so long. I try to help helen, butl... it ends up me inthe same position. I can't deal with this. I just... I can't

*hugs Hannah* don't worry sweetheart nobody is blaming you or upset with you! Helen is out of hospital now with the all clear and they are looking into a support group for her and also speaking to her GP and things.

Please look after yourself Hannah *squishes* xxx

Please look after yourself Hanna. PLEASE?

Zowie, please go to A&E?

UGH I feel so sick. Damm me. Damm it all. I feel like crying >.<

Might go to A&E. Will phone the MHL and see what they think x

*cuddles everyone, espically Zowie*

I feel bruised and battered this morning which is werid. I think it's slowly hitting me what actually happened...but in an emotional way. Think I might go upto uni (have taken another day off) and see Vicki....

Sorry guys. Honestly, I don't remember posting that last night. Sorry again.

I'm scared about it though. I don't know what I did. I didn't cut. and I didn't do anything else to myself. But, I don't know what I said. I was completely out of it. I told Jamie that I wouldn't have been here if wasn't for him on Saturday. Said the same thing to Tom. And I mean it. I... just... when I feel like that, I don't reach out, I don't ask for help. I don't... I don't think I need it when I'm like that, I don't deserve it.

*cuddles Hana tight*

It's going to be ok. We have to believe it will.

I think that would be a good idea Zowie x

I hope Zowie went to A&E...

How's other people? Not that hardly anyone is actually posting as some dont post/have left/are in hospital....

*hugs Helen*

*hugs Helen and Amanda*

Things never just happen one at a time do they? *sigh* I... just want it to stop.

I went to A&E.
They told me to take a double dose of my benzo tonight and my cpn will phone me first thing in the morning to discuss my options. I think two of the options are admission and Crisis team.
To be honest I hope I get admitted. It's like every now and then I loose all control and do stupid things. This morning I tried to slit my wrists but none of my tools were sharp enough. Yesterday I tried to hang myself.
I'm just so scared that soon I'm going to loose control, stop thinking and either kill myself or really hurt someone else.

I can't do this. I can't do it. I just... everything's going wrong all at the same time. Constantly. I want out.

Hello,

Can I check in for a bit please.
I just really need a place where other people are who understand right now.
Scared about meeting cheating husband tomorrow and worried about how I will feel after seeing him. I feel bad enough right now.
Will check in after I get back tomorrow night.
Never thought I would feel this bad again (when I first found this site years ago).

*hugs all the above tight and lots*

Sorry I can't be more help :/ I just have nothing.

Saw Emma again today, really helped so thanks hun :)

I just need to get away from life or smething for a weekend or whatever and somehow work everything out...or whatever. I just need to deal with here & now....not attempt to deal with the near future :/