No no, it's fine, I understand what you mean (and have done the same sort of thing once or twice myself). I still keep thinking I should go back to my GP, but I just don't know if I can .__.;;

Aye, understood. Excuse my forgetfulness [sp?] (please), how long have these intense mood swings been going on Dayna ?? Please try and stay safe.

Um...a good few weeks now. I think they started around mid December/couple of weeks before Christmas. Around about that sort of time. Really, since I first started posting in here, I think

Hmmm ... I thought that might be the case. It really doesn't sound good. It's hard enough to cope with the severe emotional rollercoaster for a couple of days let alone a couple of weeks ... Maybe it is time to see your doctor again. It sounds like you need a bit or support irl as well as through us here on RYL.

The thing is, what's stopping me is my housemate. I can't go out alone, unless I'm only going down the road for a minute (that and plus I can never remember how to get to the doctors alone =D), but I haven't been able to talk to her. I know she'd want me to, but it's just...gah. I can't do it. I clam up, mumble, stare at my feet, etc etc. And I don't know why, but the typical 'Oh Däyna...why didn't you tell me?' reaction irks me, too.

And heh, I can agree with you there. I have a different GP now (thank ****!) but the first one I had when I moved up here was a complete dick. I mean, seriously. I told him I was having suicidal thoughts when I went to see him a few years ago, and his attitude was along the lines of 'so what do you want me to do about it?'

OMFG that reaction irks me as well !! And I fully understand what you mean about not being able to tell your housemate ... I get the same way. My gut instinct is that maybe if it's possible you should write something down for your housemate (perhaps with an added caveat of don't you dare ask me why I didn't tell you - just kidding) which would avoid that having to do things personally immediately. Idk if it would help, just a suggestion ... feel free to take it or leave it as you wish.

Heh ... one of the pdocs here is just so full of snide and supercilious comments. He is of the "if they SI then all they can have is BPD which is not a real illness" breed. Sorry to anyone sufferring from BPD, that isn't my opinion on the illness, but a common one shared among the psych community here. He really gets my goat. Mind you, having said that ... I have renamed the pdocs at the hospital here. One of them I will only call by his first name ... which he really hates. I believe that I told him once that calling him "Dr x" would assume that I had some respect for him, and since I didn't I wouldn't waste the energy or breath calling him that. One of the others I call Dr Death. I have been known to call him that when talking to the nursing staff and also to his face. He isn't really all that bad but I'm pretty sure that death is sitting in his office every day waiting for him to carc it.

Seriously though, if you are either going to be a GP or a pdoc you need to have at least a little respect for both the emotions of those you are going to treat and the truthfullness [please excuse my disgusting spelling] of the person sitting across the desk from you.

Would you like me to get off my soapbox now lol.

Wtfs, since when has BPD not been real?! Christ almighty, you've got to wonder how some of these people actually got their jobs ._.;;. So go on then, if it's not a real illness, allegedly, what does he think it is? *Half expecting the reply to be 'a figment of the imagination' or something*

<__<;; We should revolt against the bastardly doctors

That was kind of what my calling him by his first name was the start of. He can't be my pdoc when I'm IP though unless my private pdoc says he can. My pdoc knows the interactions and atmosphere between me and that doctor. I would not be surprised if "a figment of their imagination" was exactly his response ... I think it just means "put the person in the too hard basket so that we don't have to treat them" to them ... could of course be wrong. A long time ago they gave me the BPD dx and then started refusing treatments and refusing to actually take me seriously when I started having hallucinations and so forth because he had put me down as (and I quote) "BPD with a tendency towards compulsive lying and severe attention seeking behaviour". My father cracked the shits because I was getting more and more unwell and none of the public doctors were doing anything about it - some of them went so far as to tell me that I was getting my symptoms out of textbooks - and put in a ministerial injunction. We got a full copy of my hospital records (all 5 volumes) and I got two seperate private assessments. Initially the head of the psych ward (who I do actually respect to some degree even if I don't like him) couldn't give me a dx. He took a half hour to decide that he would have to agree with the previous doctors because he couldn't get deep enough ... [As a side note, I saw him before being given ECT this year and he had definitely changed his mind to a dx of schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type)]. The private pdoc said it was definitely not BPD and my parents decided that I needed a private pdoc because the public system "were too busy greasing each others palms".

Sorry Dayna ... I got a little carried away there. It's been simply ages since I've really allowed myself to even think about that time, let alone have a good old-fashioned rant about it. I'll try and keep that under control from now on however.

Oh, can we burn them at the stake ?? Lol. Idk why but that has always sounded like fun. I do realise that it's a terrible way to die, but maybe that is what makes it so enticing for someone like the pdocs in the hospital here ...

Jesus Christ, that's terrible >__<

But obviously don't feel you have to keep quiet about it. I mean, isn't part of the point of this place to rant n get stuffs off your chest? As for burning at the stake, sounds good to me XD

Yay *dances insanely around ward*. We're going to have a burning. I'll start collecting my kindling, lighters and so forth. LOL.

Thanks for reading my rant by the way Dayna ... I think you are right and RYL is good for getting rants out and stuff off your chest ... I just get a little worried about massively talking down the hospital in case it stops someone else from going in for help. That could just be the way my mind works though.

Wooo! *Dances with*

No need to thank me. And yeah, I can see where you're coming from. Ah crap. I'd write a longer reply, but firstly, my mind's just died on me, and secondly, it's 7am, meaning I've got to get to bed. Anyways, you take care, stay safe and stuffs, and I'll do the same. See you tomorrows, if you're on *waves*

Okay Dayna. Have a good days sleep. :D Stay safe!

*Pokes head out of denial tent "yeah company" jumps out giving hugs*

As Kalia knows we both share the same feelings about that particula individual (sorry can't say it or I migt say something I will regret) and others. Can I join in on the roasting please?:-D

*Hands out chocolate and hugs. Goes back into denial tent*

Hope all are well

I'm literally looking on the megabus website & looking at random places to go just to get out.
& I don't know why or what my plan is or if I intend to go or if I do, cmoe back.
Oh fun, hahahaha.
x

Lucy, I hope you are going okay there. I kinda know that feeling. Please try to hang in there darl.

Mm. 's'fine.

*sends hugs around*

Lucy - what's the megabus [please excuse my ignorance]

Kahlia - I read your rant about the doctors and I agree it's frustrating when those who are expected to treat you have biases that preclude them from properly helping you... ugh! I'm fortunate to have a great GP; but I've known people who haven't [for physical illnesses too] and it's crappy.

Dayna - hope you have a good sleep. I think Kahlia had a good idea about writing stuff down.... let us know how things go.

Emma - how are you doing - did you end up going to A&E?

How is everyone else doing? I was going to list names of recent people in here, but in fear that I'd miss someone, i'm just leaving it general.. hope everyone is well.

--

it's morning again, so that means I'm feeling relatively stable. My first day back at work wasn't as bad as I had feared, though it exhausted me and then ended up watching a movie that triggered me... so that wasn't good. Hoping today will be a good day....

take care everyone

I was an idiot yesterday.
I felt hungry so I had a mini pizza (not meant to have more than one meal a day so there's part one of me being an idiot) with some dip.
I think the dip was out of date because I feel really sick now and my stomach really hurts.

I know I need a bath and I need to change my clothes but gawd why are such simple things so hard? x

*hugs Zowie* it's frustrating when simple things are hard... can you try breaking it into steps... sometimes that works for me.... like maybe getting up, then deciding what to wear, then showering, etc.