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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 09:18 PM

How is today going for you Mark?

nicole94 02-04-2010 09:19 PM

right, *hugs mark*
*waves wildly at katherine* HEEEEY! :D

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 10:28 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Mark, how're you?

Nicole, sorry you're feeling uptight about your mum's boyfriend coming over... thought you said he was a nice guy? but I do understand that not really mattering even if so. Being alone with guys I don't know too well is a little scary for me too. *hugs*

Hi Marina (Katherine?) *waves* Welcome to RYL. :) I'm April.

Am feeling right anxious at the moment... don't want to do anything, eat anything, or go anywhere. Class got out early - thank God, dunno how much more of a debate of the "sociological definition of marriage" I could stand - and Jarrod (husband) came up with drinks for us, a mocha for him and a chai smoothie for me. :) Yum.

I started a new book... well, a few, actually, although I really should be reading for my senior sem paper as the rough draft is due on Monday and I have next to nothing written. :( Gonna be working on that overtime this weekend methinks.

Just need to reeeelaxxxx... :(


nicole94 02-04-2010 10:31 PM

hey. sorry you're feeling uptight *hugs* he is a nice guy, and ive known him for 5 years :/ but i still feel uncomfortable :/

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 10:41 PM

Awh, well, I'm glad that you've known him for that long & that he's a nice guy.

How're you doing today, other than that?? *hugs back*

Just updated my r/v thread... I am so emo. :(

nicole94 02-04-2010 10:46 PM

im good actually :D makes a change for me. but ive had a good day. its ok to be a bit emo sometimes, dw. x

MammaMia 02-04-2010 11:03 PM

*cuddles everyone lots & lots*

Really struggling :/

nicole94 02-04-2010 11:11 PM

*hugs helen tight* whats up hun? you wanna talk? you can PM me if you like xx

MammaMia 03-04-2010 12:01 AM

*hugs Nicole tight*

Just really struggling. In a really bad place. Think I'm sinking down to my worst point. Don't want to go there. Don't want to be here. I just want to be happy & over all this.

Please :'(

Hurt .... 03-04-2010 12:25 AM

checking in if you will have me !!!!
Decided to check in for a while ....
Thinks not going well had to stop all 37 tablets a day cos im pregnant n i havent slept in days n aching like mad

i hate to say this but i really need my tablets back :(

wish i was safe ... need to be safe so much n cant stand this horrible feeling arggggg :(

Kahlia1981 03-04-2010 12:25 AM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies but there's been about 2.5 pages since I was in here last night.

I was reading some of the posts above about animals and it made me realise something ...

I can not escape the past, creeping up inside, reminding me that I, can never bring you back ....

my little baby girl (miniature schnauzer) has been gone for almost a year now ... and I really miss her. I'm sitting at my poor excuse for a computer desk and her collar is sitting infront of me, tag and all. I want to put it on my ankle and wear it everywhere I go. *sigh*

Sometimes I just wish that all of this was just over.

*finds Puppy SinClair and gives him a big hug and a pat and then disappears into a dark corner*

PoisonedApple 03-04-2010 12:34 AM

*huggles hurt and kahlia*

Kahlia1981 03-04-2010 06:42 AM

*hugs Crimson* How are you doing hun?

*hugs Linda* Hun I can't even imagine how horrible that must feel. I just want to offer you some hugs and a listening ear.

*hugs Helen, April, Mark, Laura, everyone I've missed ... I know there are more of you, I just can't think of your names*

Kahlia1981 03-04-2010 10:07 AM

*huggles everyone*

Just found out tonight that my parents are apparently back in town tomorrow night after their 'round Australia trip. They left in June last year so it's been quite a while. I've lost a lot of weight since they left and my mother has jokingly been saying that she won't recognise me ... that kinda hurts, but I know she only means well. It will be nice to have "the parental units" home, but kind of weird as well ... I don't know if you get what I mean. I don't think it's really sunk in that they'll be home soon. :S

*huggles everyone then sits down to think*

Doikers 03-04-2010 11:20 AM

*hugs fellow inmates*
I'm still at my Parents , 2 more days.
I've put on a half a stone in like 2 weeks * sigh * I'm dieting when I get back to my flat I feel gross and disgusting , ugh.
I don't think I can put off S.I. until Monday , I'm gonna have to sneak off and lock myself in the bathroom and be quick and secretive , I'll be as safe as I can.
I feel really triggered , THAT ball of tension in my stomach plus flat, these feelings that contradict each other yet I feel them at the same time , confusing.

We can all be Emo sometimes April , My CD Collection is proof of that , although I'll listen to most types of music emo has it's place

MammaMia 03-04-2010 12:48 PM

*cuddles everyone lots & lots*

nicole94 03-04-2010 03:09 PM

*cuddles everyone.* sorry helen, my laptop froze last night and i couldnt get back on, hope you're feeling better today *hugs* hope everyone else is feeling ok too.

MammaMia 03-04-2010 05:48 PM

Not really Nicole. Got paranoia to add to the mix of everything. ****ING JOY!! Just snapped at my mum after having a really good day with her and now I'm crying. Oh hell :( :/

SoMuchMore 03-04-2010 05:50 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Im tired of being everyone's back up choice... What I thought were ppl banding around me was really just selfish acts... so i guess that means i am completely replaceable.

MammaMia 03-04-2010 06:15 PM

*cuddles Laura lots*

one_step_closer 03-04-2010 06:58 PM

I took an overdose today but I can't go to hospital becausemy manager always finds out and she won't let me come back to work.

MammaMia 03-04-2010 07:06 PM

You really should go to hospital sweetie & get checked out. Sounds like you're possibly not well enough to cope with work right now? *squishes*

Scarletdreamer 03-04-2010 08:23 PM

*cuddles all*

Welcome to the ward, Hurt (Linda?)... once again, nice to see a new face. :) How're you doing today? That must be awful, to have to go off your pills when you're so used to them... I know I'd have to were I to get pregnant (God forbid :-X) and that would be a disaster... :(

Kahlia, I'm sorry that you miss your "baby" so much - we can get so close to our pets... I would miss my cat so much if anything happened to him. Have you thought about getting another pet or are you just not ready yet? (sorry if that was a dense question) And I'm also sorry that you want it all to be over, although that's completely understandable... you've been through so much. *cuddles*

Hels, how are you doing now? *hugs tightly* Things will be okay. I promise... it will just take time. Do you have anyone IRL that you can talk with??

One_step, I agree with Helen, maybe you're not stable enough for working? Definitely go get checked out... your health is more important than your job even if it doesn't seem that way (which I totally get, although uni replaces job in my case). *hugs*

LauraStar, I'm sorry that you feel like you're replaceable. :( To me, you're not. You're YOU. A very special, loveable, sweet person. Please try and take care of yourself, okay? ♥ *squishes*

Mark, how are you doing now? I hope that if/when you SI, you do manage to stay safe and all... :( I hate thinking of you feeling as desperate as you do, I hate thinking of ANYONE feeling that desperate, including myself... but I understand it. Sadly. I wish that I'd never started SI'ing... It will be 6 years soon since I started. :( And yeh, I suppose it is okay to be emo once in awhile...

Nicole, how are you doing?? *hugs* And anyone else I've missed? (sorry... :-S)

I am trying to write my senior sem paper... at least 10-15 pages by Monday and so far I have the introduction (about a third of a page) done. DAMN IT ALL. :( I hate this paper and wish it would just go off and write itself. :crying: I'm scared that I won't be able to get it done on time... shouldn't have put it off this long I know but it's so hard to concentrate. :( :( :(

Today has been an okay day until now, though. Slept in until 6:30, cuddled with my husband for awhile then got up and played WoW for awhile. Had breakfast then went to a state park near us for a hike. :D It was a lot of fun - the weather is lovely here now. We're going to try and do that hike each Saturday, if the weather is good. It's a steep one but very gorgeous. I'll try to upload some photos at some point of some of the waterfalls etc. that we saw on the hike. :)

Okay, I'd best get back to my stupid-ass paper... damnit I am so sick of it already, and I have to present on it on the 26th. :crying:


MammaMia 03-04-2010 08:27 PM

*hugs tightly* I feel worse to be honest April. I really do :( Least not paranoid anymore about something. So that helps. Going to be a very very lonely night & hopefully a good cry. Seriously doubt it. I need my best friends. But they need me so so so much more, just hope I'm helping :'( Not really got anyone IRL to talk to. I emailed my sisters the other day but I don't think any of them have got round to reading yet. They're busy busy busy ladies. My mum has enough on her plate to deal without me adding to it.

Doikers 03-04-2010 08:53 PM

*Hugs April* I'd love to see photos of your state park , it sounds lovely . I live in a national park and used to hike all the time until my Depression kicked in about 5-6 years ago ( WOW 5-6 WHOLE years , I didn't realise , my life has been pointless for that long , ugh thats a downer )
*Hugs Helen*

MammaMia 03-04-2010 08:56 PM

*hugs Doikers*

nicole94 03-04-2010 11:29 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry, too many to do individually, had a good evening, went out with my friend and just wanderd around aimlessley talking, but then got home and my sister started :( now i wanna cut.

Scarletdreamer 03-04-2010 11:46 PM

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry you're not feeling any better... :( I'm feeling worse too, tbh... just want it all to end like never before. Are you sure that your mum "has enough on her plate without [you] adding to it"? She's your mum, she's supposed to help take care of you when you're struggling. I realize that all mums aren't capable of this, but I am just checking to make sure that you're not underestimating her. Of course, I don't know her... so sorry if that offended. :-S I hope that you manage to get a good cry in, too, since they do seem to help. I wish I could cry... :(

*cuddles Mark* I've been depressed for 6 years now too. Almost exactly. Actually, my last "good" year was 2003, and that was only marginally good. That's just sad. :( I wish I could be happy again... doubt that will ever happen. I feel like I'm doomed to misery, heh, even though Jarrod thinks differently. How are you feeling?

*cuddles Nicole* What did your sister start? Did she and you start arguing over summat? Sorry, got a bit confused by what you wrote. :-S Sorry if I'm really dense, 'cause I feel that way right now...

Well, I have a page and a half of my senior sem paper done, and more research done as well. But that's it. I feel like such a ****ing loser, slacker, idiot. Tomorrow's Easter and it's supposed to be a day off, but I can't take a day off. I need to get that ****ing paper DONE. And then I see my SW on Monday and I'm scared of that appt... last time I wore long sleeves so she couldn't see my arms but this time I'm not going to, I don't think...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : slightly graphic si trig
my arms are awfully icky looking because of all of the scars, and now I have wounds on my hands too, that are open enough to still hurt when I touch them.

I feel so stupid. I need to just... I don't know, die. I'm such a failure.


Scarletdreamer 03-04-2010 11:54 PM

Just updated my r/v thread... if anyone wants to read it...

Sorry if I spam the thread with that... I understand if no one wants to.

MammaMia 03-04-2010 11:57 PM

*cuddles April* I'm sorry too. I just feel worse and worse as tonight goes on. Don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm sorry you're feeling worse too. :( I know my Mum would rather I talked to her and stuff, but I really don't want to add to her list of problems. I can't. It breaks her everytime she finds out I've overdosed or been to a&e or whatever :'( I can't see her like that again. I can't can't can't can't. Shouldn't have sent that email either. Wish I could cry but it won't happen sadly.

Scarletdreamer 04-04-2010 01:19 AM

I feel like ****. Tonight's just getting worse and worse. :crying: I'm sorry that you don't feel very well either, Helen... I wish I could sprinkle magical fairydust on us to make us all feel better... :(

I'm going to go post - AGAIN - in my r/v thread. :(

Kahlia1981 04-04-2010 01:30 AM

*huggles everybody with extra special huggles for everyone who is struggling - which on balance seems to be everyone ... so works out to just be heaps of huggles for all*

Sometimes I wish there was some sort of magical cure for both psychiatric and psychological struggles - some sort of magickal faerie dust or something - that could just be applied and then *poof* all worries disappear. *sigh*

MammaMia 04-04-2010 01:38 AM

*cuddles you both*

Wish I could make it all go away for eveyrone too :(

SoMuchMore 04-04-2010 05:49 AM

i really dont know how long i can keep doing this... Im not sure I want to stick around anymore..

Doikers 04-04-2010 11:24 AM

I know a lot of us are feeling **** right now but I just wanted to wish everyone a
I hope we all can get through these times safley.

April whenever you post that your update you R/V thread I read it , I just don't always know what to say but I don't mind reading it at all

* Hugs ward folk *

Kahlia1981 04-04-2010 11:38 AM

*hugs Helen, Laura & Mark*
*hugs everyone else*

We leave for our Road Trip in the morning!!!
Oh, and my parents got home today from their round Australia trip!!!

*hugs everyone again and tries to calm down*

MammaMia 04-04-2010 12:45 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I really can't do this :(

one_step_closer 04-04-2010 12:53 PM

What's happening? *hugs*

MammaMia 04-04-2010 12:58 PM

*cuddles Lindsay*

So much **** is happening. I just can't cope with it and these thoughts/feelings. My head's not helping the situation. Really worried about both of my best friends, they're struggling. I don't want to see this happen again but I have to..

nicole94 04-04-2010 01:44 PM

*cuddles everyone* hope you're all holding up.

yeah, my sister started arguments, sorry if i wasnt clear :/ she does that a lot. she basically a big bully :(

MammaMia 04-04-2010 01:46 PM

*cuddles Nicole lots*

So sick of this. Now I have to go out soon. I can't :(

nicole94 04-04-2010 01:56 PM

*cuddles helen tight* whats up hun? why do you feel like you cant go out? is there any way you can avoid it?

MammaMia 04-04-2010 02:01 PM

*cuddles Nicole tight* No I can't avoid it. I want to try haha stuipd. Really struggling.

nicole94 04-04-2010 02:07 PM

*hugs* aaw. where you gotta go if you dont mind me asking? maybe you can just try and pretend you're still at home?

Scarletdreamer 04-04-2010 02:59 PM

Urgh hello everyone... *waves & cuddles*

Am feeling like proper **** right now... can't focus worth anything. Just want to die. Am so sick of this. I don't know, am so over it. And I just found out that a friend of mine is doing something that REALLY is a pet peeve of mine (won't mention it here) and it goes against our morals and... it's just upsetting. :( I hope that makes sense. I really don't think it's the right thing for her to be doing right now but she thinks it is and I'm not going to start up an argument over it. :(

How I ****ing HATE life. :crying:

nicole94 04-04-2010 03:07 PM

*hugs april* aaw hun. sorry you're feeling so crap! life wont always be like this xx

Scarletdreamer 04-04-2010 03:09 PM

*hugs Nicole back* I don't know. I honestly don't. I don't have hope for the future, not really.

Updated my r/v thread... :(

nicole94 04-04-2010 03:12 PM

i know hun, i know its hard, i have days where i cant see myself ever having a future or a job or a family, but they pass hun, really they do. *holds tightly*

Scarletdreamer 04-04-2010 04:09 PM

*cuddles* It may be true for others but I still don't have any hope... :(

I just want to escape out of this life... get away... am so sick of living.

Going to my parents' in a bit for Easter lunch... should be nice but at the same time it's like... food? I'm not hungry!! :(


nicole94 04-04-2010 04:24 PM

*hugs* i dont know what to say :( sorry

going offline now hun. stay safe. *hugs*

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