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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Revival 11-06-2009 03:00 PM

I know what you mean about not being able to talk I have the same problem. Wish I knew the answer to that question. Have you ever tried writing down what you want to say to them?

wildly insane 11-06-2009 03:04 PM

drops by with some hugs and ice-cream, my application is nearly ready to go :) then my fingers are crossed. Does anyone ever get the feeling that they actually really don't have a clue how they are feeling? take care guys.

Hayley hope the therapy goes okay, it is a good thing, honest
*hugs ShadowedSeraph*talking is difficult, but hopefully it'll get easier
Hiya Melancholia *waves* I think being normal would be dull and probably drive me crazy LOL
*cuddles Secrets* we're here if you want to tlak about it
Hey Arwen, hope you're having a good day
*hugs Kahlia* doesn't sound like much fun *squidges*
*cuddles Katie* how'd the essay go? have you finished your chapter?
*hugs Kat*
*hugs Dayna* hope you managed to fight off the spaceyness and the void
*hugs Helen* hope last night wasn't too horrible
*hugs Hayley* I think cleaning the house is a huge achievement and I think you'd be surprised at how few people keep their house spic and span without a cleaner :) but I do know what you mean *squidges*
*hugs HannahBanana* how's things today?

[Fog] 11-06-2009 03:12 PM

*Hugs and cuddles to everyone*

Hayley hope that therapy wasn't too triggering for you today, I hate having therapy for the same reason but it's just try and focus on the benefits in the long run.

I had a completely sh*t night last night. Anouk (the bad one) decided it was Punishment Night and so there was the usual various forms of SH and she beat me up (now I realise it was me...) so I have bruises all over my face. I look like I've used ash as blusher or something. Feeling really down today, I've spent most of the day in bed or on my bed except for eating some lettuce for lunch. Urgh.

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 03:17 PM

*snuggles to all that want them* I haven't tried writing down what i want to say to the crisis team, i think i'll give it a try, afterall what can they do to me (please dont ask me that im suffering the BIG paranoia at the moment)

~*Rainbow*~ 11-06-2009 03:42 PM

Sorry I havent been about much my job is keeping me working for ever and a day!!!

Well its official I will not be moving back down to B'ham as there is nothing for me down there bar the friends i have like Hells and the ones in Cannock!!!! Me and The Other half split last night this time for good as he refused to put me before his job!! He was asking me to give up everything i had and all i asked him to do in return was tell people at work we were together he wouldnt do it so its ended!! i havent heard from him and i doubt i will ever hear from him again!!! i dont know how to feel! at this moment in time! i am just trying to get through the day today and its seems to be easy!! does this mean i never really loved him or does it mean that because i have felt the devide and split between us growing bigger everyday that i prepared myself for the worst and have just accepted it!!!

I dont know the answers to my own questions!! i just feel like im drowning in a sea of questions that no one can answer!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs to all*

CrazyHayley 11-06-2009 04:50 PM

*snuggles rainbow* oh no, I don't have the answers either, but whislt you're trying to figure out how you're feeling and finding those answers, coming in here and focusing on your day are really positive steps.

*snuggles all others in ward* Gosh guys, thanks for your support on therapy. I think it went ok..... I didn't cry this time, which just seems really bizarre..... like maybe I didn't really 'let go' and be honest as I was so anxious of being triggered. I did feel tense and aggitated a lot through it though and am now feeling rather drained. So I dunno..... but no urges so far which is fab.

I'll be back in later when hopefully I'll be able to offer a bit more general and individual support to those of you who need/want it. Or else just leave random things for us in the ward.....

such as.....

.....a Wallace & Gromit themed modelling clay kit!!

*gets hands onto modelling clay to start making a Shaun-the-sheep*

zowie 11-06-2009 06:26 PM

Hello Malancholia *waves* Welcome to the ward. Don't worry about being normal, I don't think any of us fit that catagory :P

Hey Shadowed, I've had different experiences with the crisis team, but I always found that writing down what I felt and what I needed did help. So, yeah, good idea :)

*Keeps fingers crossed for Hannah's application*

*Hugs HannahBanana* Hope you're feeling a bit better now

*Hugs Gil* I'm so sorry this has happened to you sweets. I don't know the answers either, but maybe you're getting through the day easily because you were prepared for this? Or maybe because you haven't fully accepted what's happened? I dunno. Hope you're okay.

*Hugs Hayley* Well done for getting through therapy; I'm glad to hear you have no urges at the moment, that's great. Try to stay positive!


I've spent the day doing **** all really (as usual). Did some washing up and made a healthy lunch, went to the doctors too. So I guess I've done more than I usually do. But as always, I ended up asleep on the sofa. I wish I would stop doing that, especially since I'm always asleep when my little sister gets home from school. It's not a good example to set.
Ah well. She's a little cow anyway. It's not like I could make her any worse.
I've gone all day without a cigarette. Not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is saying I would have smoked if I had the money, part of me is saying I'm doing really well. It's bloody hard and The Man isn't helping. For some reason he likes it when I smoke.

realflifefaerie 11-06-2009 06:38 PM

I'm really sorry I don't have the energy or concentration to reply.

There isn't alot to talk about, 2 deaths and a family member with a stroke since monday and my birthday in there. I'm not sure how I'm meant to feel.

youonlyliveonce 11-06-2009 06:41 PM

secrets hugs well happy bday. is there nething we can do to help. my thoughts are with u xx

[Fog] 11-06-2009 08:27 PM

ShadowedSeraph - yeah, I always write down what I want to say when I see my psych. At the ward in team meetings there were always 5-10 people there and it was so intimidating, so I used to just read off my piece of paper so that I didn't get all my words mixed up or forgotten. Whatever works for you though :-)

Rainbow - really sorry to hear about the split. Hope you're doing ok. Don't worry about not knowing the answers to the questions, just try and look after yourself *Hugs*

Hayley - well done for getting through therapy, try not to dwell on it too much, it sounds like you did really well, especially as you aren't really feeling any urges. Stay safe :-) *Starts modelling a little stick man*

zowie - well done for not smoking! That's really good, I'm very impressed. Keep fighting it, but if you do slip up then don't worry about it too much. And sounds like you had a more productive day than me!

Secrets - I'm so sorry to hear that. I really hope you're ok *Comforting hugs* And happy birthday too, look after yourself sweetie. If you ever want to talk my PM box is open :-)

I've had an ok day. Ate barely anything at lunch so I had two sausages at dinner! Feel really fat but I checked and my calorie intake for today is acceptable. Feeling really stressed out and anxious at the moment and I'm not sure why. *Cuddles a teddy bear and rocks in the corner*... *Changes mind and goes to the smoking shelter*

Hope you are all ok xxx

zowie 11-06-2009 09:27 PM

*Hugs Secrets* I'm so sorry to hear that you've had so much bad news over the last week. I'm here if you need to talk.

HannahBanana - Thank you :) I could have easily bummed a cigarette off someone in the street while walking to the doctors, but I didn't. I've also got my dad to hide my filters, rizlas and tin. Well done for eating some sausages, are you feeling any better now?


I ate two big meals today. No breakfast, chicken breast in pitta bread for lunch and half a quiche with potato salad for dinner. I feel like I've eaten way too much, but my dad keeps reminding me that they were both healthy meals.
I went swimming yesterday. Couldn't do more than a couple of lengths as I haven't been swimming in years (always had cuts everywhere), and got breathless because of smoking. But it felt like an achievement. I'm going again on Monday. Oh, and I'm not drinking as much beer as I used to...Which is stopping me from feeling bloated and getting a beer belly.
And I'm hoping for a meds review soon to come off most of the meds. All these things ought to help me lose weight.

Sorry for chatting so much. Just in a good mood :)

Damnation. 11-06-2009 09:34 PM

I want to go void. Anything to protect me from these feelings. I'm not even sure what the matter is

[Fog] 11-06-2009 10:19 PM

zowie - sounds like a really positive day, well done! Well done for eating too, I don't know if you have an ED or anything but personally (I'm anorexic) it is hard. Your body needs the food though to keep going, especially for going swimming. I really want to go swimming too, bless my mum she's bought me these swimming shorts that go down to just above my knee to cover up all my scars. It might look a bit weird but I'd rather I look like I'm wearing guy's swimming stuff than have people see my scars. I kept the sausages down and I'm feeling ok, got a kind of nagging feeling of anxiety and fear but I'm hoping for an early night and then hopefully I'll avoid any more punishment. Glad to hear you happy :-) Hope you have a good night.

Dayna - I hope you're ok, thinking of you. Is there anyone you can talk to? Or maybe distract yourself with a book or something?

Night all xxx

Damnation. 11-06-2009 10:27 PM

My housemate's come back from her rehearsal now

wildly insane 12-06-2009 12:08 AM

*hugs Dayna* sounds like poo, if you need a hand feel free to pm me :)

*hugs HannahBanana* glad you managed the two sausages, sorry to hear you're feeling stressed and anxious, don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself credit for what you did get out of the day :)

*hugs Arwen* yay for healthy meals and swimming and for not smoking, sounds like you've achieved a helluva lot today. I love swimming, need to go again, don't really care about strangers seeing my scars, as long as nobody I know sees them.

*hugs Secrets* sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time, happy birthday for whenever it was, we're here if you want to talk and we're here to support you.

*hugs Hayley* am so glad therapy went okay. Are you still feeling okay?

*hugs Gil* I'm so sorry hun, I think Arwen's right, you've either already accepted it or you're in denial, please use us if you need us. It sounds like the job is good though, busy is good, but I hope it's not too stressfull. we don't have to know the answers to all our questions, they'll answer themselves eventually

*hugs shadowedseraph* hope you're doing okay

I'm a bundle of pent up emotion, good and bad, but I did get my job application sent off so fingers crossed :)

~Kaytee~ 12-06-2009 02:37 AM

Essay never got done, poo. Spending the weekend to finish it and I'll hand it in late. Better late then never right? I'm hoping for 500 words today, 500 tomorrow then sunday will be editing etc.

Chapter 1, haven't finished it yet, been trying to finish the essay but hopefully I'll do more today :D Keep a look out ;)

I gave in last night too =[

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 09:40 AM

*hugs to all on the ward that want them* Thank you guys for your generaous replies, sorry i couldnt post last night but my mum was hovering over my shoulder, got the crisis team coming in again today so im going to write down what i want to say, now i've just got to get it straight in my head! *cuddles teddy*

CrazyHayley 12-06-2009 11:57 AM

Sorry I've not got the chance to do personal responses and I feel that I really need to, I want to support you all, but I'm running late and I'm going on holiday, but wanted to pop in and leave a message so you all know that I'm thinking of you all and you won't wonder where I've gone.

*mad dashes round ward to give all huggles*

*escapes the ward to go to Kos!!!*

zowie 12-06-2009 03:18 PM

My dad said it gets easier to go without cigarettes as time goes by. Well it's the second day and it feels harder than yesterday.

Damnation. 12-06-2009 07:47 PM

Well if it's only the second day, then it's bound to be difficult. Just keep at it, and I'm sure it will lessen as time goes on *hugs*

Eclectica 12-06-2009 07:50 PM

You can do it.

I quit on the 8th. I sometimes crave them. But I've had none so far. If I can do you, you can.

I feel dirty.

zowie 12-06-2009 08:00 PM

Thanks guys :) xx

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 08:07 PM

*curls up in a corner and cries* why however bad i feel do i have to keep this smiling happy mask in place, im such a fraud

zowie 12-06-2009 08:09 PM

*Hugs Shadow* You're not a fraud, you're just finding it hard to reveal how you really feel. And that is something that is difficult for lots of people.

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 08:23 PM

*hugs zowie* thanks i just feel so awful and cant seem to get it across, they ask how are you and i say fine instead of f*ing awful thanks for asking :)

[Fog] 12-06-2009 09:13 PM

Wildly Insane - hope you get the job! How was your day?

BB - don't beat yourself up about last night. Or about the essay. Just go for it tomorrow! It's really hard doing work and essays when you're not feeling great, I tried to start an essay yesterday and it just didn't happen. I could smell food and that was it really. Hope you're doing ok.

Shadowed - how did it go with the crisis team today? Hope it went well. We all are guilty of putting a mask on, with so much going on it's hard not to just bottle things up and pretend. Don't feel bad about it though - everyone does it.

Hayley - have a great holiday!!

Lucy May - hey, haven't met you before, I'm Hannah :) How are you doing?

zowie - keep going with the no smoking, you're doing really well. It must be really hard, but after the first few days it should get a lot easier. How many were you smoking a day before?

Eclectic*a - you ok dear?

I've had an ok day. Felt really stressed out and dissociated for most of the day but I got through it. And tomorrow I'm seeing by boyfriend I'm soooo excited!! :-D Am now on hair dye number three of the day. The first was high lightener, the second was supposed to be dark blonde but turned out more light ginger, so am now doing a medium/ dark brown, let's hope this one works out... I will go and find out now!!

Love and hugs to all xxx

rockaroni 12-06-2009 11:33 PM

*pokes nose in*

I'm so all over the place. I've just moved in with my boything for the summer, and I just have a really bad feeling about it. I just keep pushing him away and picking fights, telling him we'll be broken up within a couple of weeks and just being an evil bitch.

And on top of this, me and my dad fought before I left, and I got a massive email from him explaining why he's been so knackered and rubbish. Turns out what they thought was a bit of asthma and bronchitis is far more sinister than they thought, and he's been having tests every couple of weeks since Easter, and in and out of hospital. They found scarring on his lung, and it's "rattling". So he's going in for a CT scan and is telling me the only news he'll get will be bad. I can't have my daddy be ill, I can't have him die, none of that. He's strong, he's my protector... I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to call him or even email him back. I'm such a ****ing ****, he deserves to have a daughter that is so much better than me.

*hugs for all* I'm really crap and just can't say anything productive to anyone, I'm really sorry to come in, pour out my pointless **** and not contribute anything.

~Kaytee~ 13-06-2009 01:55 AM

Thanks Banana.. I feel not as stressed about it because I have 2 extra days to do it.. but here's hoping I actually do it. I need to study heaps as well. grr.

*cuddles all*

wildly insane 13-06-2009 07:48 AM

*hugs Rockaroni* rant away, no worries :) sounds hard though. I'm sure you can just email him back, you don't have to say anything except I love you dad or something along those lines, which is what I'm sure is all he needs to hear. we push away the people we are closest too because we are scared, knowing that you are doing it is a good first step, saying sorry is the next. you are not evil or wicked, you are just sad and scared.

*hugs HannahBanana* thanks, my day was okay, I seem to have driven a constant triggeredness into the dark corners of my brain, am just slightly worried when they find there way out again. How did your hair turn out? I hope you have a lovely day with your boyfriend.

*hugs Shadowedseraph* I know what you mean, weren't you going to write down how you were feeling and show them that?

*hugs Kat* hope you are doing okay

*hugs Dayna* how's things hun?

*hugs Arwen* apparently it's only 10% substance addiction and 90% habit addiction, good luck, you can do it :)

*hugs LucyMay* why are you worried about today? I hope it went okay, and am glad you're feeling okay.

*hugs Hayley* have a lovely holiday

*hugs Katie* don't worry about the work, give it another go tomorrow, and my eyes are peeled for your first chapter. There is a famous saying "there is no failure except in no longer trying" you haven't failed hun, you're still fighting.

*hugs Cheryl* *hugs Kahlia* * hugs Gil* *hugs Vicki* *hugs Jem* *hugs Helen* *hugs Secrets* and *hugs to anyone else skulking around*

Am off to Ireland tomorrow, so limited internet access plus am with my mum and so probably wont manage to say hi for a week so I leave a good supply of hugs and chocolate and positive vibes, wish me luck, I so hope I have a good time, take care and I'll be back soon :)

~Kaytee~ 13-06-2009 08:20 AM

Thanks Hannah. Going to do some tonight. Chapter one is posted in CC! So look away :D

Have a good week away!! Will miss you *cuddles* take care xxxxx

[Fog] 13-06-2009 09:39 AM

Rockaroni - *Big safe cuddles* Feel free to vant away in here, we're all here for you. Sounds really hard for you and scary about your dad. Maybe you could write him a letter if you don't feel up to ringing him? Hope you're ok sweetie.

BB - hope it all gets done ok and try not to stress too much about it (easier said than done I know) :-)

WildlyInsane - have a good week away! :laugh: In the end my hair is now a brown colour which I really like. It'll be f**ked for the next time I decide to dye it (always a completely different colour lol) but for the time being I like it anyway lol! I know what you mean about the constant triggered-ness, I always feel like there's a bad bit lurking in my brain ready to come out at any minute. Just try and keep as distracted as you can so the triggered-ness doesn't have an opportunity to come out. Take care.

Slept ok last night and I'm super excited cos I'm seeing my boyfriend today woop woop!!!

Hope you all have a good day xxx

zowie 13-06-2009 10:41 AM

*Hugs Katie (rockaroni)* Don't beat yourself up about being a bit off with your boy, you've got a lot on your mind. Speaking of which, I'm really sorry to hear your dad's so ill - Like HannahBanana said, maybe all you need to do is tell him you love him rather than getting involved at a level which upsets you. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.

Katie (bigbear) - Good luck with your work. Not sure what you've got left to do? An assignment? Anyway, good luck.

Have a great time Hannah! *Goodbye hugs*

HannahBanana - Hope you have a nice time with your boyfriend :)


I'm feeling a bit better today, just wish I had something to do with my time.

~Kaytee~ 13-06-2009 10:59 AM

Thanks Zowie! I have one essay and 2 exams left.. >.< Glad your feeling better, even just a bit =] Hope you can find something to do, I'm going to start to write notes on Plato >.<

Woohoo banana! Have fun today!

youonlyliveonce 13-06-2009 11:31 AM

i had a four hour session with my OT yesterday it was my first one really sice leaving inpatient. we spoke quite in depth really. i was ok well i was there i cut once. i felt numb. i saw my friend in the afternoon and just broke down i cried like a baby i was so embarrassed even though she doesn't care if i do i felt really bad i cut when she went inside 2.:( and then i told her i was gonna die and that she cudnt help i hurt her so much. when i got back to the house i started to od. feel awful 2day. feel so drained. my OT wants me to write a letter trying to get all my emotions out. its 2 hard oi cant write it. it hurts 2 much. now im on my own till weds. she said if i need her to leave a message at her office but i dont want to ask 2 much off her. i don't wanna phone the crisis team cus i wud have to explain and i havent got the energy. i dont know what to do plus i hate talking on phones. but i cant cope. its 2 hard sorry to go on.

hides in the corner.

shadowedseraph 13-06-2009 01:12 PM

*hugs rockaroni* rant away we;re here to listen *hugs wildly insane* I wanted too but i didnt incase my mum saw, and i couldnt bear it if she knew how bad i am actually feeling it would upset her so much, *hugs to zowie* you could just do what i do and drift around the internet looking up interesting stuff :) *hugs big bear* good luck with your studying *hugs banana* have fun today! *hugs cheryl* do you think if you wrote down how you are feeling you could read it to the crisis team, or go to a and e *more genlte hugs* sweetie we want you to look after yourself

Strawberry.Bananas 13-06-2009 02:03 PM

Hi all, I bear birthday cake!
*places magic cake on the table. Suitable for all!*
I know I've not been very supportive the last few weeks but hope you're all ok!
*Hugs* for all that need them. :)

zowie 13-06-2009 02:50 PM

Katie - To be honest I'm so bored that I'd rather be doing an essay than sitting around wishing I could smoke!! :P

Cheryl - Writing a letter can be really helpful. It really is a good way of expressing yourself in exactly the right words. Even if you don't show the letter to anyone, just reading back over it sometimes helps.

Vicki - Is it your birthday per chance?


Just went and did a little bit of shopping just to keep myself busy. I actually did my hair and make up just to go to the shops - I suppose it's a good thing that I had the energy to do that.

shadowedseraph 13-06-2009 04:20 PM

*hugs Vicki* nom nom nom birthday cake, happy birthday to you!

Zowie - Congratulations on getting out, let alone doing your hair and makeup! its more than i can manage at the moment :)

rockaroni 13-06-2009 07:59 PM

Thanks so much everyone. I texted him yesterday, but got no reply. Today's been a much better day. Handed in a bunch of CVs at a load of pubs, hopefully something will come of it.

Arwen, are you trying to stop smoking again, or just not doing it due to lack of funds? Either way, I'm glad you got out yesterday :)

*noms cake* if it's your birthday Vicki, have a good one :)

Damnation. 13-06-2009 09:38 PM




[Fog] 13-06-2009 09:48 PM

zowie - glad to hear you had a good day and got out, well done! How's the no smoking going today?

BB - hope the essay's going away, I don't envy you there!

Cheryl - as has already been said it might be useful to write things down. Or even just print off your post on here. If things are getting too much it might be an idea to call the crisis team, I don't know about your team but I can ask mine to come to my house because I don't really like talking about things on the phone. In any case I hope you are ok and we are all here for you. Take care sweetie. *Big safe cuddles*

Vicki - happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Vickiiiiiiiiiiiiii, happy birthday to you! Hope you've had a good day :-)

Rockaroni - well done with the CVs, it's hard work applying for jobs. Hope something comes up for you. Hope you're feeling better today?


I've had a good day today. I threw up my lunch which isn't good. But the afternoon has been wonderful, my boyfriend bought me flowers and we wandered around and chatted and got a drink and then I started getting all paranoid and anxious so we went back to his house and chilled out there and it was just such a nice day :laugh: Bit scared that Anouk's gonna be pissed off as I'm happy but I'm just trying to stay distracted!

Night all xxx

youonlyliveonce 13-06-2009 10:00 PM

thanks for all your support. everything has just got too much. it hurts so much. i might try phoning 2morrow i just dont want my mum to find out. they said i cud go to them. its were i usually have my appointments with my cpn and psych.

shadowedseraph 13-06-2009 10:23 PM

*gentle hugs cheryl* i think phoning them would be a good idea, arranging to go and see them sounds even better, especially if (like me) your no good on the phone!

Damnation. 13-06-2009 11:11 PM

Totally mnot drunk.

Compeltely sover. Yes <.<;

Eclectica 13-06-2009 11:25 PM

im attempting to get drunk lol not been merry in a while.


realflifefaerie 13-06-2009 11:28 PM

*curls up in the corner*

Sorry guys am rubbish tonight.

~Kaytee~ 14-06-2009 02:25 AM

Pmsl.. I'm such an idiot.. I've just realised BB is ME! LOL.

I think I can do this. I slept in this morning so I'm a bit grr at myself for wasting some of the morning but I shall be off soon to finish this and do some revising. So behind >.<

*cuddles secrets* hope your ok xxxx dont be sorry take care of yourself x

Damnation. 14-06-2009 03:51 AM


Originally Posted by Eclectic*a (Post 1684434)
im attempting to get drunk lol not been merry in a while.


*Sees your status* >__< Pleaaase try and stay safe. I just wish I knew what to say, I'm sorry I can't be more help. I love you and I don't want to lose you

shadowedseraph 14-06-2009 10:29 AM

Morning all on the ward *hugs to all that want them* anyone for orange juice? freshly squeezed of course! :)

~Kaytee~ 14-06-2009 11:08 AM

OJ! Nom nom.

*hugs shadowed* how are you?

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